[seatlyled]

Hello friend

In the dhamma talk session he called me a 'time waster' and repeated this criticism at the following session. At the interview session he was very angry and told me I 'was a long way from dhamma' and that no matter if I renounced my home for 50 days...years..I would never get anywhere. At the time I felt a flood of shame and stayed with the sensations...then that feeling passed rapidly and I went on with the moment by moment noting. I do not know the teacher but such words seem to harsh. However it can be a time for reflection. Reflect on the Dukkha that these remarks caused you. What is the cause of this dukkha? Investigate letting go. Use the four noble truths and you will be close to nibbana

However, as the weeks have gone on I find I have a very tender heart. I feel confused. I have lots of thoughts coming up about being unworthy, failing, and of sadness and loss. My practice is not so full of joy. I am not sure of wanting to be with this teacher again. This is a chance to contemplate impermanence. Sometimes we are full of joy and enthusiasim for the path and then snap, we are confused and sad and maybe even disenchanted

As far as I know the path isnt about constant joy, neither is it constant pain. It is about wisdom and peace found in that wisdom. Joy comes and goes and so does pain, however dukkha does not need to arise and accompany them


My final advice would be to remember that, as Ajahn Chah said, everything teaches us Dhamma. Pain can teach of the nature of aversion, of how much patience and metta we have towards and object or person. Joy can teach us to see impermanence more clearly and the drawbacks of reveling in it


Use wisdom friend, walk the noble eight fold pathnin every experience then dukkha shall never arise and all will be cooled


metta friend