[shenacatro]

Hi Heartbeat, You have already received a lot of supportive and heartfelt feedback from sister and brother Buddhists, and taken it to heart. I think it is not the pain issues as such that some of us are concerned about, but probably more the way they are communicated. You should not feel rejected, that points to a lack of rapport in the relationship with your teacher. You have done a number of retreats now with various teachers, I understand, so is it possible for you to choose one that feels right? Perhaps not an unengaged approach, but one where you feel that honesty and openness, and care are valued?
Best wishes, Jan Thank you for this.

I am very grateful for the warmth and wisdom in the many supportive replies I have received.
[The many and varied comments expressing many ways to review and stay with - or to avoid the discomfort, echo the multiple opinions that my mind is also throwing out]

Through expressing my discomfort openly on this forum and by reflecting on the different views, the situation does not seem to be so 'solid' and daunting.

Amazing how much I am learning through this.
Even though it has been uncomfortable and I certainly felt I had been 'whacked' by a piece of 2x4. [an Australian expression?]
I know how much of the 'wanting mind' has been present for me.
So, much clinging.

So now there is a bit more room for calm, insight, wisdom and mindfulness.
The problem is not out there...it is going on in here right now.

There is need for me to make peace with an imperfect world.

I will keep open to fact that I don't always protect myself from harshness. I have a tendency to choose aloof, unapproachable teachers and then want them to be communicative.

Certainly - I will listen to your advice, contemplate, meditate and will wait and see....

Nothing can shake my trust in the Dharma.

Thank you all.
Metta