[pertikuss]

Sister, I know what you're going through. I think the problem is a number of things.

Firstly, surround yourself with good Muslim friends. I know sisters dont always stick together like that like guys do, but try it, it'll help. Take part in other activities because too much "thinking" or "doing nothing" invites evil thoughts. Know that the best minds of history, majority of them believed in God. The wisest of men throughout history have believed in God, forget some gay Pakistani apostate English teacher of England in 2008.

Secondly, realize that this Earth is huge and there are many different types of people. Regarding who gets guided and gets misguided, WE DON'T KNOW who is doing what for what reason. You don't know the history behind your English teacher's apostasy -- so leave it be. Its a tragid decision for him, one that he'll regret after he dies, but let him be, because each individual is responsible for himself.

Secondly, I heard this in a Shaykh Hamza Yusuf talk (this is someone who is very familiar with the atheist arguments) where he quotes the hadith qudsi, "I am in the opinion of My servant". So if Allah's servant thinks nothing of him or looks at the world through an 'atheistic' lens, then he will find no God wherever he looks. The smallest things will be proofs to himself there is no God because he already has this opinion in his heart. However, if you, a believer, hold Allah in a high opinion, then you will see the proofs of God. So you know Allah is there, but your problem is you're getting bothered by the Shaytan. You must be strong in this test because in the end that's what it is and you'll come out stronger.

We've all doubted -- we're human beings. And Iman goes up on some days and down on others -- thats all natural! Really. Just stay on the straight path, make dua (that worked for me the best) where you sincerely ask Allah to save you from doubtful thoughts.

I'm not recommending you get involved in religion vs. atheist debates because its a headache and really pretty fruitless, neither side budges. Just know that in the end, we're going to find out really soon. In that Shaykh Hamza talk I mentioned he stated the difference between the atheists and Muslims. They (atheists) say "We've looked at the Earth, at life and we're pretty sure there's no God, so who cares about the hereafter" (not direct quote). Whereas we say, "No, We're willing to wait and see THE PROOF of God on the Day of Judgement, and then you'll see who was right.." See, they've prejudged (they're prejudiced) -- they've made up their minds.So the difference is in the patience that believers generally have. Being an atheist is a terrible thing - you live a fruitless, purposeless life (in the sense that this whole life is just one chemical reaction, why even live?) and you wither away. As a believer, you hope, you pray for a beautiful hereafter. In the end, both people live and die on this Earth and we'll all see the Truth with our own eyes shortly. As a Muslim, I advise you to pray, practice your faith, do good deeds, get involved with the community and one day inshallah, you will look back at this time in your life and be grateful to Allah that you never went astray.