[robinthesearchmasterh]

How to REALLY handle an abuser:

The title of this vignette would more appropriately be, "How to stick it to an abuser". As Ishtar knows, I have had problems dealing with one of my business partners who is an abuser and set up an abusive relationship with me (as well as our other business partners). This situation came to a head over the weekend as I became completely frustrated with this individual's creatively avoiding me, delaying my requests to honour his financial commitments, and his being condescending during the process. Yes, by last weekend I had hit my personal abuse limit. However:

Current situation: "I was maintaining the peace for the sake of our business partners since rocking the boat would be disruptive."

Prior post: "Continuing to live with her for the sake of the children did not work since the divorce splattered all over them eventually anyway."

Anyone see a connection? Regardless, by giving in to abusers' demands and living with manipulations, the outcome is always the same. We lose and those around us that we try to 'protect' also lose. All we do by delaying the inevitable confrontation is delay our lives and development. If successful in 'protecting' others with our behaviour, we delay them also.

To continue, the abuser owed me a considerable amount of money and, at the same time, I was wondering where I would be getting my next meals when September arrived. Having had enough I put together a demand letter with a copy of his written promise to pay and my threat to sue if he didn't pay me by Friday. Then, I attempted to deliver it to him. That's right, he couldn't get together on Monday or Tuesday (abusers' radar know when the brown stuff is about to hit the fan). He was now in full-blown avoidance behaviour, another manipulation technique.

By late Tuesday the abuser text me, "Can't see you today. Tomorrow is better" to which I replied, "Too late" and fired off my fecal gram with copies to his wife and our attorney. Within a minute he called me to ask me to show up at the bank to collect all of my money. However, he hadn't yet read my demand. I showed up, collected my money while keeping quiet about the letter but telling him he was an A**HOLE. We can have a Come-to-Jesus meeting about the content of the letter later. Gimme my money!

Once my intent was clear, and once I took action, the Universe responded quickly. It took me three days (Rule of 3) to get this straightened out, but it took the Universe less than one minute to respond.

Those around me, including my immediate family as well as the attorney, are now in awe at what was accomplished since they are intimidated by this abuser also. It is a lesson to them to stand up for themselves and what can happen when you do so.

Conclusion: there is now a new Sheriff in town and the abuser has been sat in the corner and told to STFU or go away. Everyone can breathe easier today, and life promises to be more productive from here on out ... as long as ... I disallow the abuser from continuing his routine of intimidation which, of course, he will attempt. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance, right?