[Zwnkkvle]

hi strider 44

i was just answering a thread about the double digitsynchronicityphenomenon: seeing 11,22,33,44 etc... (is that longer than "unemploymentcompensationblues that i translated to swedish? no..)

i'm a singer/songwriter...i lost my caréer due to a brainwash by a false meditationguru that took 6 years of my productive life, i had just left my "co-musiscians" had started to write songs with this kind of content, astrological, ecological etc...

now i'm 58, look like 45 also "good-looking" even if i would prefer that should not have any significance in this matter, i'm better than ever, i have studied metaphysics, psychlogy, astrology etc... and now i'm stuck with the idea that i'm too old...sweden is extremely occupied with youth, no recordcompany is willing to sign up a woman of my age, when i was in my 20:ies there were no problems, they were chasing me literally....

i hope for pluto reentering capricorn...then perhaps older age and experience will be evaluated........

at the same time i'm thinking that this long pause in my caréer has been necessary for my spiritual development.i'll have to wrestle with my inner demons like jealousy, bitterness, depression for not getting my energy and creativity out, i'm also living alone after several destructive relationships......

this website has helped a lot since i have only one friend i can really talk freely with about this and she lives far away and has a lot of personal problems so i must beware of not developing a codependencypattern with her......

i'm also prone to think that my destiny is to not fulfill my dreamssun square pluto, mars conj saturn in the 12.th, saturn con as square mc, mars square kiron) which is living a healthy ecological life with a supporting spiritually aware partner, finally doing what you described mr "44" which is teaching what we're discussing here, singing my songs toghether with supportive and spiritually inclined musiscians......

now i feel i have to excuse myself for nagging about this again, i feel egoistic and immature despite my age and knowledge...and at the same time i have this optimistic, humorous and romantic side....and want to defend my "inner child" who just want to come out and play and be happy without being stopped by jealous mothers and others, something i've "internalized, stopping myself.

it also feels embarrassing to admit that you're not successful; it somehow sticks to you like a "bad characteristic"...someone who is successful just is successful right???
like someone said in another thread:
it's all about "walking the line" encompassing and balancing the paradoxes within oneself, not projecting one's shadow onto others...being able to "contain it"...

even if i'm not a wanderer from sirius i am a dog-lover and sirius is also called "the dog-star" i think...by the way, the other day i was interviewed on the central station..."what are the most important things that happened to you this week?"...hmmmm i said, i don't know if i dare to tell...i'm on this website www.divinecosmos.com and....then i told them that i heared a radioprogram the day before here in sweden, where they finally start to talk about the global warming in our whole solarsystem....

they asked for my profession and took a picture...this will be the 1:st time in 20 years that i will be in the newspaper even if it's just a tiny pic....i've been performing and working but mostly in the background with children, elder pple, some demonstrations against the war in iraq and even if it has been on a greater stage it never "led" to anything compared to when i made a living out of it, touring, recording, radio, tv well you know...

so now i wonder if this is a "sign"? i dare tell about this website, i'm not completely unknown here, i told my profession and all the synchronicities...or if it's just another "side-track" where i'm being deluded or am deluding myself once more about getting another chance to come forward to tell my truth.....

...and of course my injured collie pajazzo...something happened to his foot when we were camping on paradisland and to my foot also and the syncs have been heavy with feet ever since...david also sprayed his ankle....

preceeding the interview i felt i was soon going to meet someone i know...there was this man...he is a famous singer..hmm i don't "know" him even if he is "wellknown",10 seconds later a womanneighbour from my allotment showed up (i never met her anywhere else before) and it turned out she had heared the program also and often read scientific magazins about these topics:d she is a nurse and to be true i had this prejudice she would never have an interest like that

this is a looooong prayer to the universe that i want to contribute, i want to "come out" with my music, socialize with kindred spirits...i'm not able or willing to live the life of a nun for the rest of my life..

thankyou strider44 for your short comment here, i don't want to leave sweden, but if that's the only possibility.... seems like pple in other countries and cities but gothenburg (i have the most difficult astrocartographic aspects possible here) appreciate me more.......or perhaps have i worked out my karma finally so i can stay???

liliane the transit