[Smabeabumjess]

hi everyone,

oy, do i ever have questions right now........i don't know where to start, i guess i'd better start and see what happens.

okay, on meditation. i've been doing it for as long as i can remember even before i even knew what it was. my parents always complained about my "daydreaming". i have to add that i had a severe accident at age 5 when i was hospitalized for two weeks and the first 2 days the docs kept me in a sort of artificial coma to speed up the healing-process. i still remember where i was at that time. when they brought me back to the living so to speak, i realized that i took that "vibe" with me. (later i found out the vibe was actually given to me).
now, reading all the "warnings" here-along with the do's and don'ts, i cannot relate to anyone of them. in other words it seems to not apply to me personally.
it gets even more extreme when i tell ya that i have been into black magic etcetera for over two decades and i never, ever received a warning or anything of the kind.
it's absolutely not that i'm boasting or anything but in those two decades i could literally toy with the "demons" and toss 'em hip and thigh if i really wanted. i never did cuz i alwas kinda felt it might disrupt some kind of balance in my personal place on the astral plane.
all this negative energy never cut me off from the higher vibe that was "installed" into me when i was 5 years old and in the hospital.
question: is there anybody on these boards that can help me understand what this means?

after my black magic and black metal period (at age 22/23) i went "neutral" for a while. i started to live a bit more healthy and started to read a lot about esp and the like. from 24 yo to 36 yo (approximatly) i've had two near death experiences due to 2 identical accidents that involve venomous insects.
and again my vibrations where put in a higher frequency.
i definetly have some kind of communication with "whatever" lies beyond. it communicates through me in "waves of emotions".(there is no better way to describe it). i understand these emotions (i.e. content) perfectly when they come to me in a meditative state. when i snap out of that state i need some time to translate them to my 3rd density self. that's not the problem, but the following is:
question: why is it so unpersonal. i mean, i've asked for answers during meditations and inner reflection sessions with my higher self. but untill this very moment i never got one.the vibration within me always stays exactly the same no matter what i do.
never ever did i have someone coming up to me saying:"hi jan i am (name) from (place) and your purpuse or the reason that we communicate with you is (reason)". does anyone know what i'm talking about?

so many people can tell names and places when meditating. they can even describe the person that is with them, etcetera.
it's not a lack of imagtination on my part, cuz even when i try to visualize who is communicating with me i fail.(though it doesn't feel like failing)
i fully "awoke" since january 2007 at age 38 and i'm turning 40 this september.

another thing that might interest the reader. while communicating with these dimension i never hear words, see people, et's or anything. only (on rare occasions) the sounds of a monestery in the far east like tibet.

i'm not worried about all of this it's what and who i am as a whole being but i'll appreciate anyones opinion/thoughts on this.

light and balance for all,
jan