[Soulofpostar]

newborn -
thank you for being open about your past! when i first began my spiritual journey, i was led by a wiccan friend and as such i began to look into wicca. however that too is a religion which i was adamantly against at the time (now i have come to a point where i dont hold disdain for them, i see the positive instead of the negative) because to me it was other "men" telling you how to connect to god or the creator.
instead, in my research i found that a witch, and a wiccan, are not exactly the same thing. i therefore am a witch - being such, there are no 'rules'. you dont need any tools to connect with spirit. to me, in the most basest form, a witch is one who is tied to the elements and to nature, and the elements are their strength of power in focusing energy. i know most people get their strength from the sun or the moon, the stars, and even other people... but this is more related to the earth and specifically its elements.
we can be many and one at the same time, and not be a contradiction. indeed because i do believe in what jesus came here to say and teach, i still hold christian values as well, so i do consider myself a christian witch. ontop of this i have since discovered in my journey that i am also an indigo adult (i do not believe i am a wanderer, i dont feel a connection with ets or feel like im not 'home'). some people might feel like this is 'labeling' but i do not believe so. not in the connotation with which it is used. although it is the act of adding a label to something - it is merely used as a descriptive term, and not as a form of separation.
all this being said - regardless of religion or magic, spirituality or likewise, they are all a mirrored reflection of how we connect to the one.
forsooth, the only true white and black magic is not in what you do, but in how you come closer to spirit and oneness, or disassociate from it. for example, the positive side is the service to others, in which you use what gifts you have to heal and better the situation for all life around you. the negative, is service to self, and takes and destroys. in that sense, that is black magic.

and you know, "god" is love, and there is no judgment, not even of the negatives. as they choose their path, they invoke the natural laws of karma against them. so to practice the negative magic, it is not anyones place to say it is wrong, except for the person doing it, as it is again not in what they are doing, but their intent. for example, it is not the magic that harms or heals, it is but a tool - it is the person wielding it that is doing the harm or healing.

i should note that there is also a misconception out there that witchcraft in general is considered black magic, and that being said i do not know what form you were using so im just responding to both.

the mere fact that you could commune with demons, doesnt mean you were negative, if thats what you mean. the greatest gift we will ever learn is to love - and the greatest beings we need to love are those that need it the most. you cannot love a demon and be love and of the light, if you pick and choose who you give love to. in order to love a demon, it is to issue it peace. i am not in the belief that a demon or negative entity cannot - for lack of a better word here - 'repent'. they can. so to send them love and peace, is not wasted, as long as it is pure with no agendas.

also, another form to communicate with them, is when you are battling them. even before i ever started my spiritual journey, i have had a few experiences, and after during a meditation i had an astral experience in which i saw one attacking a mother and her young son in their home. "i" watched as my astral self walked up to this shadow mist form and literally hugged it, then took it in me. i then left the house and went to a location in which i watched as a portal opened and i expelled it into 'space' then sealed the portal.

not everyone meditates in the same way. we all are unique just as we are all one. we are many facets of the same crystal and yet every facet shines just a little bit differently. for some people, they can meditate better during the day, in the sunlight. i cant, for me it is the moon. i have always felt more alive and energetic in the dark. so its really something only you can answer for yourself as to where and when you are most comfortable.

this also applies in how we receive information. for example - i am a visual person, i learn most by seeing rather then hearing. some people its the opposite. i do believe this is the same in meditation. the irony here for me is it is rare i do actually see something... its really rare. most of the time i feel like nothing is happening, and then that makes my mind start working and there goes the meditation lol
but i found actually what my niche is i get what i call a 'knowing'. its not knowledge i get from being told, as you stated above. i had maybe a few experiences in which the goddess came to me, but if you put that in a percentage against how many times ive meditated, me being visited by another is maybe 3%. the other 97% i am always alone unless i start to project people in there on my own (this usually occurs when i fall asleep lol).
so ive never really had a being come up to me and tell me things. even when i saw the goddess she didnt even tell me, she made me answer my own questions to an extent.
an example of the knowing is like a mother who knows her child is in danger. she just knows. or someone driving down the street suddenly just knows to take a left. its like that. i have become so attuned to how i receive these answers that most of the time i can search within for the answers without meditation. when an answer is false, i feel a negative energy (for example the doomsday scenario) which always precedes any physical sensation. its not generated from my own fear because i seldom feel fear towards these things. and when i do, it is very different. the same happens with a yes or confirmed answer... i receive an energy - but this answer is so full of light and peace and love that i almost have to stop what i am doing to let it flow.
i describe all that because im wondering if maybe you might be like me - you dont actually 'hear' or 'see' something. you are not told so much as in this case you find you have access to collective consciousness and can find the answer through the energy sent to you. like, perhaps it is more there then just the content you said you get.
and yes i have the same thing, where those times that i did have another there, like the goddess, i have to say - i didnt see her because i visualized her. when i tried to visualize, i hit barriers. i realized i had to stop trying to visualize, and then i could see on those times. i also began to realize that some of us are not meant to see all the time, and even when we are allowed to - its just that, someone can come to us and choose to communicate with us not visually, and its their free will. i used to think something was wrong with me, and it added to my skepticism and doubt about what "powers" i did have to access my higher self and knowledge, but over time i have learned that thats not the case at all. i just connect differently. granted i would love to 'see', but perhaps im not meant to - perhaps because im a visual learner in the physical, if i were allowed to 'see' i would end up distorting the meaning behind the message.
whatever your niche is, you will find it.