[lidya-sggf]

after digging into scott mandelker's writings recently (universal vision, and from elsewhere), i feel i can safely say that i am an et.

sometime before adolescence i had a dream in which a ball of light flew up to me and hovered in front of me, telepathically asking me if i wanted to merge with it. in the brief instant in which i made my decision, i registered the consequences of passing up on this opportunity, then saying with my whole being, "yes". i floated into the glowing sphere and dissolved into its warmth of love and light with a great sense of well-being. from then on, my life increasingly took on the shape and form of a difficult anddeeply transformative spiritual adventure.

at 22, while studying existential philosophy and deep in the grip of my spiritual search, i discovered the ra material through a coworker at a cafe, who loaned me her copy after i expressed genuine curiosity in what she was reading. i was highly skeptical of anything smacking of new age material, but kept this to myself: i wanted to understand this person i was working with better. playfully challenging my own highbrow standards, i took her copy home and gave it a read. i soon found myself transported into a different quality of experience altogether.

reading the book alone and out of the way of my housemates and girlfriend, i would feel a living presence of energy emerge above my head, showering me gently with some kind of essential, nonverbal information. this shocked me. had i not found the experience to be pleasant, i would have given my co-worker back her book immediately.

at that time my dreams became heightened and alive in a completely different way than normal. in one dream, i was taken on a tour through an underground city deep beneath the earth somewhere, one populated by a network of benign planetary human servants working together with great urgency in preparation for the future. in the dream, people were walking swiftly through tunnels carved underground, tunnels that were embedded with giant computer screens that had maps of the earth on them, which were being monitored around the clock with a great sense of urgency. a soothing electronic wash of sound permeated this environment, synchronizing and soothing the intense activities engaged by this network of unusual human beings. only last year upon re-reading the ra material did i come across a reference by ra to the presence of such benign confederation workers under the planet, complete with computers!

i had other unusual dreams as well, one in which i was gathered with representatives from every spiritual tradition on earth, all of us sitting before an empty chair in a room. a woman to my side approached me and asked me point blank, "what are you?" as with the ball of light many years before, i felt a great intensity in the instant following her question, as if something depended upon my answer. spontaneously i said, "a lover of god." end of dream.

most recently, i had a dream vision in which i beheld millions of benign et ships hovering around the planet. in the dream, as i turn around to walk "home", i feel a convergence of benign violet light beams from many of these ships focused on my heart, resulting in a upwelling of indescribable love in my body. i understand in that moment that i am here to release this influx into the planet itself, and share it with others as moved.

mandelker's books have been extremely useful in helping me recognize how and why the above experiences denote my own et status as a wanderer. far from being an ego-glamorizing self-image, this recognition is one that makes a quantum difference in my ability to stand in self-acceptance in a way i've not been able to do before, despite years of therapy and a rich spiritual practice.

recognition of being "from elsewhere" helps me appreciate things that have never made much sense to me before, such as being born into a family circumstance packed to the gills with entrenched emotional tragedy (multiple suicides, addictions, abuse, etc.), yet emerging from all of that relatively whole, while actively participating today in the ongoing healing among many of my family members, with wonderful results over time. yet, all the while, i now know that this family is not my true family. it is one of my family's along the way, but it is not my true family of origin.

more poignantly, recognition of being an et allows me to now appreciate how my life to date has been an exercise in actively and systematically hiding from this aspect of my own nature, partly out of an instinct for self-preservation, and partly because i have always wanted to simply be an ordinary human being. the most painful part of this lifelong self-rejection of my own wanderer nature is the self-hatred that has developed in relation to feeling just how weird a being i really am: a true planetary misfit. scott mandelker discusses the rage that can inform such buried self-rejection in this regard, which has long been true of me.

in coming to terms with what it means to be a wanderer, really for the first time now (even after 20 years of meditation stabilizing into a realization of the felt unity of being), i am finally able to really let myself be this weird being i am, and consciously value that weirdness for what it is: an ontological fact.

coming out of the cosmic closet is proving to be a powerful experience this way. by standing in my own open identity as a wanderer, i can actively communicate deep self-acceptance to others in the same way i am doing in myself. this just never made any sense to me before, therapy and meditation be damned! it has been my own version of "the missing piece" falling into place, resulting in a newfound peace.

i don't think i would have come to this kind of conscious clarity had i not read the ra material directly; nor do i think i would have really done so without the work of david wilcock and scott mandelker helping to translate ra's archane lingo into a vernacular i can relate to in an everyday way. now i do not underestimate the real empowerment that is available through sharing our experiences with each other -- of this kind of self-validation and self-acceptance -- at such an otherwordly level. it can make a big difference in what it means to be here as a human being.

objectively speaking, it's worth noting that being et (a wanderer or a walk-in) is no big thing. it's not a status symbol of any kind. it's simply a category of identity that, when it is identified as real for yourself, can allow for a quality of self-acceptance that can simply allow us to be here and do what we're here to do that much more. it's deeply freeing that way.

thanks for the question! i hope to meet and interface with other's for whom being et is a felt reality -- alongside anyone else around here who cares about aiding the planet in this critical moment of its -- and our -- emerging and unprecedented transformation.

peace.

chris