[Brewpralgar]

one of my strangest experiences with depression. (and i have been battling it my whole life) was when i had been driving to a party and it suddenly dawned on me that thier was no guiding hand helping humanity and that we were just in a wave of peace before eventual war and possibly the end of society as we know it. for the next day until i got home i thought i was giong to die i couldnt even fake having fun at the party. when i got home i felt like i could not connect to anyone and i feared that they would understand what i was thinking just by looking at my face which in my mind must have shown the horror that was reeling through my mind. i was sitting downstairs with the horror of my new realization about life and all of a sudden it was like my brain reset itself and i had a huge relief/wave of euphoria set in. after this my thought processes seemed to change and i started thinking more in gestalts and how we are all sort of trapped in the prison of society and our chemical machine bodies. my fear of bodily death for myself and others fell away and it seems know my body works best and i feel refreshed. i am also keenely aware that i have a sort of power over how i feel by letting thoughts and energy find a balance of sorts. i was also made aware of the huge negative rush of energy that i had been putting my body through in college through, parties, porn and bad relationships. with this knowledge i try to make my state of mind and body independent of others energy inlux into my energy body and try to balance the body. this seems to work but i still get the overwhelming feeling that all is hopeless sometimes but i just remember infinity and let my body do its job of fueling experience. hope this helps.