it was a struggle to get out of bed this morning; i was just going to stay there. at least when i'm asleep, i feel peaceful. it is taking an effort even to type this. god, i feel so utterly miserable this morning. i feel so used, like i've been used by someone and discarded. if he cared he might try and get in touch or something, or just offer some kindness. he knows what i'm going through. he doesn't seem bothered by it in the slightest. i really, really wish my life would end right now!