[Theorsell]

may i suggest, that perhaps your main sin was being too hard on yourself. i can't honestly say i know what it's like to be in the money, so i can't say i know what it's like to lose it. but it's tough out there for everyone, regardless of how much they push themselves. it's the whole dark night of the soul thing, like someone else said here. and it's always darkest before the dawn. (i really don't like using cliches, but it seemed appropriate here)

let me give you an example. i had recently moved from a very tough family situation, the details i won't go into here. my family basically saw me as a convenient source of revenue, and i wasn't making much, just flipping burgers, and i was lucky to even have that job. i wanted so desperately for the longest time to move with my dearest friend in arizona, whom seemed more like family to me than my relatives did. because living in the situation i was in was wearing down on my psychological health.

well, all that time manifesting finally paid off. i got myself my tax refund, and dedicated it to getting myself to arizona, much to the dismay of my family. my friends here made a deal with me, i had three months to get a job so i could either help pay them rent or move out on my own.

well, the three months was just about up, and i had a job, but the hours were horrible, and no one else seemed interested in hiring me. my next check was due in two weeks, i had no money for food, my food stamp money wasn't coming in until the 7th of next month, and my roomates had given me an ultimatum, get the money or get out. it wasn't really their fault either, they did what they had to do because they aren't exactly the richest folks on the block either.

up to this point i had did my best to maintain a positive attitude, and it was tough, because i'm sitting here, not having eaten anything in about three days, despite finally having a job, about to be homeless, with no real contact with any of my folks back home because i have a prepaid cell phone and i had no money to put more minutes on it, and that wasn't even the worst of it. i could put up with the hunger, maybe even learn to survive on the streets if i had to. but what ate at me the most was that i was about to let my closest friends, whom i consider family, down. that's what really hurt the most.

(i'm not looking for pity, there's a point to this, just bear with me lol)

i was at a crisis point, i really considered suicide because i had felt i let my friends down. i just couldn't keep the positive attitude up anymore, i felt like total trash. so i lay in my bed, feeling ready to just give up, in tears, and i just vented to my guardian angels. i said, i don't know what to do anymore. i can't keep this up, help me out, guys!

then, i posted about my situation on another website i frequent. mind you, i barely ever ask for any kind of help from anyone, but i was at the end of my rope. soon after, someone sent me some soup packets in the mail, others started sending me money, little bits and peices of what they could. it was just enough to get me enough food to last till i got my next paycheck, and to pay some of the rent money my roomates had asked for, and i managed to get by. people who i work with, who are also struggling to get by, also gave me tips on food pantries, places to go for assistance or emergency shelter.

granted, it wasn't a windfall, it's not like the universe sent me a million dollars and said "go hog wild!" but it was enough. it got me by. and i am still living with my best friends in tucson, instead of the streets. i thank the universe every single day for this.

so i guess my advice is to hang in there, you will be taken care of. and i am also sending positive intentions your way.