[Mappaindy]

since a was a kid i've been always concerned about the reality and those big questions we all ask knowing theres still no answer for us. i developed some kind of "places anxiety", i got nerveuss in very specific places without reason, even in my grandma's garden. reality, for me, has been always that i am not really seeing, i always felt that reality is a concession.
and yes, im also an alienated person, but i try to open myself, i make my self listen to others because i know they are also me, this is a struggle im proud of (i still have bad days too), and i have felt most of things you guys describe here, but i began to pay attention to this, lets say, signs on me just a couple of years ago. my problem is that i dont feel like saying im a wonderer or anything, i have difficulties supporting any given idea about anything, some things vibrate with me, but i would never call my self a wanderer, or pantheonist or catholic or communist. but im with all of you always, because it doesnt matter if at the end we are all returning to the source.

p.d
some time ago i started noticing things with my eyes closed. im pretty aware of the closed eye hallucinations, i've always seen that magenta/blue/green noise with my eyes closed before sleeping. but now its like i can get a focus sight of it, i can see figures, the best way i can describe it is lika a caleidoscope made of cells or somekind of micro organism. they move fast and disolve again into the darkness. now, in this closed eye "darkness" i also started to notice a source of light that comes from up or down from me. also, all my life i have dreamed with a lot of magenta/purple/violet colors, like the atmosphere turning these colors and starting to vibrate and with that vibrations buildings came down and people dessapeared. any ideas or insights about this guys?,
anyways, sorry if my english is not that good, but i tried my best!, peace, love and light for everyone.