[ProomoSam]

i would like to share an experience with you folks.

about 9 years ago, when my mother passed away, i was requested by elders in my family to do the first anniversary of mother's death at kasi (along with the ceremonies for dad who had passed away 12 years earlier). as i live outside of india, it was felt that doing these final karmas at kasi/gaya was a good way to pay homage to my parents and incidentally all my ancestors.

a year passed. i came to madras and went to kasi. my sister who has lived in the north, accompanied me. also tagged along a local vaathiar, with specific instructions from my uncle to keep us company all along and provide succour.

we were lodged in a ganapaadigal house in varanasi. the ceremonies went for 5 days or so. i was asked to provide a lumpsum 50, 000 ruppees and was told that amount covered all expenses. i had no problem with this.

now as we are all aware, at the critical junctions of the ceremonies, the dhaanam part is the most important (atleast for me). poor brahmins trooped in amidst the homam fire, received the saris, veshtis and what not from me, and then turned around went to the next room, and handed it back to the ganapaadigal's wife.

this was a regular practice not only for me, but for other mourners conducting similar ceremonies at different times of the day with the same ganapaadigal. on further enquiry, i found out, that this was the practice among all the ganapaadigals there, and the poor did not see the light of any of the money which was meant to be dhaanam.

in gaya, under the proverbial bodhi maram, i found consolation at the loss of my parents. but definitely not at the household of the ganapaadigal who enriched himself without sharing the fees that he charged me.

re the vaathiyar who was supposed to be with us all the time, he disappeared as the train entered varanasi, and came back on our departure, with the sheepish smile for tips. this was the last straw for my ever soft spoken sister who gave him a piece of her mind on her behalf and mine.

my issue is not with the money. the ganapaadigal can charge whatever he feels is fair for his service. i have some discomfort at the thought that i was given to understand that a fair portion of this would be dhaanams, and in front of my eyes, none of that happened.