[Beerinkol]

Today I see a growing number of people in this community chosing this route and especially women (many eloping sadly). I recently had an oppurtuniy to meet one and since I knew her well I asked her about her life post marriage ( she eloped ).

Tears rolled her eyes immediately. She told me , that she only saw the person NOT his family and it was indeed a big mistake. She also poured down the misery that she is suffering owing to the differences in the way of life in her husband's home. She has a daughter today, and she told me that , she realizes how her parent's would have felt when she had taken an important decision in life without their consent.

This is only a superficial and an atomistic case but a deeper delving into this phenomenon of loving and eloping puts in certain shocking things in perspective.

Today I know close to 8 women eloping ( 2 from my 'in-laws' family) in the last 3 years, all belonging to this community. In so far as men are considered there are 2. Today but for 1 all other women are suffering , in the case of men it has indeed been normal( no conclusions be drawn).

Why women eloped , was my basic question seeing their post marital situation?

1) FATHER

Fathers play a very important role in the life of their daughters, but often they don't realise this, I think, in the midst of their pre-occupations.Of the 8 women , one was fatherless and had a brother in US.

In all other cases I saw the father's playing a "Manmohan Singh role" in their families or being "Circus ring masters". When such extreme roles are played the daughter's either gets down to 'negetive influences' soon or when they find a male outside friendly , they elope.

2)MOTHER

In families wherein the mother have a 'negetive' dominance the daughters have eloped. Mothers play a very important role in the morality of the family esp the sons. Their influence on the daughter however is primarily indirect (it is not thought delibrately it is through their living )and depends upon their relationship with the father.

In all almost all cases I saw mothers divorcing themselves of their bonding role and behaving totally careless.

3)MATRIMONY

Of the 8 women 3 had indeed gone through the processes of a formal matrimony. After the process breaking down 2-3 times for each in the middle they got fed up and eloped. One even told me that the " rejection" got her to think rebelliously. I frankly don't know as to what can be done in this front, may be 'process break downs' be looked UPON more objectively and for good. Even my sister had her way only after 3 break downs.

I conclude saying that this "Social Problem" should be talked about and an intense awareness be created. I wish many share their views and incidents.
Individual rights to chose a partner must be respected, but this must not be born of as an negetive thought flow due to economic independence or arrogance or reactionary tendencies or carelessness.

LET A TRANSCENDING BROTHERHOOD PREVAIL

[Lillie_Steins]

I have noticed that eloping is pretty common in India.When I was a student in India I had seen 2 cases of eloping.
A friend of mine helped 2 people from Bihar get married in a temple in Karnataka.
This couple were simple village Bihari Brahmins.Both boy and girl were Brahmins but some different subcaste so parents opposed the marriage.

I remember seeing the couple.Both shy and timid.

Another case was a Rajput girl and a Kerala boy who parents opposed the marriage cos the girl was from some royal family and the father didn't want a non Rajput.
But the Rajput's girl mum helped the daughter elope and marry the Kerala boy.


Frankly speaking eloping is a serious thing never to be considered.

We will always be at the mercy of the husband's side cos we ran away from our family.
At the beginning of any marriage love or arranged things look rosy and as time goes on true colors of people show up.

I just has a case today where a lady tried to hang herself when she found out her husband was having an affair.
She had grown up children and both husband and wife are in the late 50's.

So a marriage can break down anytime even at ripe old age.

So at any time never be at the mercy of anyone.

Feelings change over time.Most important for a girl is parental support.

Parents also should try to listen to their kids and understand their feelings and love.
Falling in love is NOT a crime so both girls and parents should take the initiative to discuss freely their expectations and desires.

I have noticed that most of those who elope actually are well behaved girls with almost spotless character.
They come from homes where they are not allowed to voice their feelings and when faced with problems they sometimes make the mistake of eloping.

Most of girls who come from homes where they are allowed to voice their opinions weigh the pros and cons of any relationship with their parents.
Parents even meet the boyfriends and then advise the daughter if she is making the right choice or not.
So in these families eloping is hardly seen and girl might even break off with a guy if her parents do not like her boyfriend.

Being too strict or too liberal with children always has unpleasant consequences.
Parents should take time to share feelings of their kids too.

[softy54534]

@Renuka
I agree without you ma'am on many counts. But what is disheartening is that many girls (overwhelming of them) are short termed in their assessment of marriage and don't look for the next 25-30 years. In the previous decade I saw girls suffer such decisions today due to economic independence they divorce ( I feel sad for these parents for all want their daughter live happily with kids and hub).I have visited many registration offices where I hear girls telling their dads "poda" and other noxious things-- let god give them strength.

Parent too just wash off their hands immediately. They don't realise their importance in the social security of their daughters and importantly they don't think beyond , in the sense ensuring that the off sping is brought up in our culture and ways of life. Consequence of these mistakes are high.

Moreover I am also hearing today too much domestic torture in these marriages esp property related. Since these marriages are not conducted in a regular manner post marriage the husbands do insist on property. Torture by in laws and relatives are also high in eloping, I heard one women say the she was time and again insulted by all owing to her eloping and many even doubted her character.

SEEING ALL THESE THINGS I ALWAYS THINK "WHY THESE GIRLS INVITE TROUBLE AND PAIN UPON THEM".... HORMONES NEED TO BE CONTROLLED AND WHEN ONE FAILS THINGS GET BAD... (ALSO FOR BOYS-- BUT HOWEVER DUE TO SOCIAL REASONS PAIN IS LESS )THOUGH)

[Raj_Copi_Jin]

Frankly speaking eloping is a serious thing never to be considered .

You don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to be in love.--Hornby, a Novelist.

[Big A]

.

You don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to be in love.--Hornby, a Novelist.[/COLOR]

I somewhat disagree with this..cos Love does not really make us all that extremist in behaviour.
Mind will always over rule the heart eventually.
That's why its better to keep falling in love many times..so once we get used to the feeling of love we do not get carried away by it!!LOL

[Big A]

Dear Renuka,

That's why its better to keep falling in love many times. If I may make a small correction-"it is better to keep falling in and out of love many times"
Cheers.

[LottiFurmann]

It is just an observation and not a judgement.

Elope for marriage happens when there is some expectation of family support, but disagreement on the spouse selection.
In the west the girl & boy (man & Women) marry the person of their choice, they do want the family to accept and support them, but it is not mandatory. Marriages do go bad sometimes in all circumstances. The boys are man enough to stand on their feet and have some backbone. Asian boys are mama's boys and can not stand up for their wife financially or emotionally.

The parents have not accepted that their kids can make adult decisions (ever).

[radikal]

Love is a most abused word in today's life. What with Cinemas, Serials reeling out cock and bull stories about love. The subject has been discussed many times over. In these days boys do not have to elope. Getting a girl is like horse's horn. If he has the "kombu", the parents are also happy. But in case of girls it is different. It looks like they think they can put off life trail by their ingenuity. It also looks like that they will take ages to become equal to man. A few love marriages have succeeded and a few arranged marriages have failed. It is part of the game of life. But to think the parents are fools and the way and process they have come through in life is "shit" it is a corrupted or spoiled thinking of today's youth. In love marriage you are alone or maybe with your pick. In arranged marriage you have people perhaps from both sides to back you morally. It is for you to decide whether the people are giving you moral support in your suffering and whether that is helpful. But that does not liquidate your suffering which is your fate. If one thinks that this is not so, I think that person has no sense of humanity.

[Paul Bunyan]

Love is a most abused word in today's life. What with Cinemas, Serials reeling out cock and bull stories about love. The subject has been discussed many times over. In these days boys do not have to elope. Getting a girl is like horse's horn. If he has the "kombu", the parents are also happy. But in case of girls it is different. It looks like they think they can put off life trail by their ingenuity. It also looks like that they will take ages to become equal to man. A few love marriages have succeeded and a few arranged marriages have failed. It is part of the game of life. But to think the parents are fools and the way and process they have come through in life is "shit" it is a corrupted or spoiled thinking of today's youth. In love marriage you are alone or maybe with your pick. In arranged marriage you have people perhaps from both sides to back you morally. It is for you to decide whether the people are giving you moral support in your suffering and whether that is helpful. But that does not liquidate your suffering which is your fate. If one thinks that this is not so, I think that person has no sense of humanity.

[Ifroham4]

Dear Renuka,



If I may make a small correction-"it is better to keep falling in and out of love many times"
Cheers.

If i may add with the SAME PERSON if possible. LOL

[tgs]

Elopement outside of Asian context has new meaning.
Please see the following offer
Elopement Wedding Package - Virginia Is For Lovers

Getting married is about you and your soon-to-be spouse. So why would you spend thousands of dollars to entertain the in-laws? Eloping can be impetuous and special without the traditional trappings of a wedding. Elope if you are looking to get away from it all, or save yourself from extra expenses and stress (you'll have enough of that when you have kids!).





Read more: How to Elope | eHow.com How to Elope | eHow.com


The word elopement need not have the negative connotation. It could be elopement with consent.
It is called destination wedding. LOL

[Slonopotam845]

Dear Renuka,



If I may make a small correction-"it is better to keep falling in and out of love many times"
Cheers.

Dear Sri. Raju, Greetings.

With due respect to your comment, I think it is like 'falling in love many times'. I don't believe once we fell in love with something, we fall out of love; Once loved is always loved. Love doesn't have to associate with lust. Personally I restricted my love & lust combination to my wife only. But I love good food, my children, nice places, nice provocative pictures, hot porno, good stories, my own profession.... the list goes on. There is always an addition every now and again. We have unlimited 'love' in stock anyway! I don't hesitate to distribute it around.....

Cheers!

[S.T.D.]

If i may add with the SAME PERSON if possible. LOL

Ha Ha Ha..same person? then where is the "Kickku"?

You can't be having Thayir Sadam(curd rice) for all meals everyday for the rest of your life isn't it?
Variety is the spice of life and we Indians DO NOT lack any spice!!LOL


Disclaimer: This post is meant to be a light hearted post.It is not meant as an advise to be followed.The poster will not be responsible if anyone is tempted to taste the forbidden fruit after reading this.!!LOL

[9mm_fan]

Dear Sri. Raju, Greetings.

With due respect to your comment, I think it is like 'falling in love many times'. I don't believe once we fell in love with something, we fall out of love; Once loved is always loved. Love doesn't have to associate with lust. Personally I restricted my love & lust combination to my wife only. But I love good food, my children, nice places, nice provocative pictures, hot porno, good stories, my own profession.... the list goes on. There is always an addition every now and again. We have unlimited 'love' in stock anyway! I don't hesitate to distribute it around.....

Cheers!

Dear Raghy ji,

In who comes out on top thread I wrote this describing the test needed for the perfect individual becos many people think IQ alone is sufficient.

Ok here goes this is what I wrote:

Well may be we should have endurance test too like extreme sports,wrestling with lions gladiator style,horse ridding,Rig Veda Riddles test,
Kama Sutra MCQ's,Master Chef for culinary skills,EQ tests, Mr Hot Body contest to see who looks like a Greek God.

We need the perfect individual and just conducting IQ test purely based on academics is not enough.
So the crown officially goes to you after reading your post and your versatility.
When you are done getting a 6 pack ribbed rectus abdominis please kindly upload your pic in forum.

[S.T.D.]

Love doesn't have to associate with lust. Personally I restricted my love & lust combination to my wife only. But I love good food, my children, nice places, nice provocative pictures, hot porno, good stories, my own profession.... the list goes on. There is always an addition every now and again. We have unlimited 'love' in stock anyway! I don't hesitate to distribute it around.....
Cheers!

Wait, I am utterly confused. Provocative pictures and hot porno are love and not lust? I think I have to take out my dictionary again!

[LottiFurmann]

One thing is not clear to me. How come after eloping, only the boy's parents are mentioned as causing trouble? The couple is not obligated to live with the boy's parents, right? Otherwise, where is the elopement?

[HedgeYourBets]

Girls parents always gives in. The boy still lives with mother. Like I said Indian boys are sissies, do not have the financial or emotional means to live on his own.

[radikal]

Wait, I am utterly confused. Provocative pictures and hot porno are love and not lust? I think I have to take out my dictionary again!

Dear Biswa ji,

It's LOVE.You know why?

You see we LOVE something that's why we take the trouble to watch it an enjoy it even if it's porn.

In this world..everything is LOVE which forms an ATTACHMENT.
So even to have LUST we need to have LOVE with ATTACHMENT first.!!LOL

BTW many a times I see married people thinking marriage is without lust.
I was just wondering what do these people do at home?
I am sure no one is doing Pooja,Abhishek and Sahasranamam to their respective partners.

Many wouldn't want to admit that lust is needed in a healthy marriage.

So that way Raghy Ji is always direct to the point and 100% right.

Raghy Ji Ki Jai!!

[tgs]

discussion deviating... :-(

[brraverishhh]

discussion deviating... :-(

Don't be sad dear..welcome to TB forum.
We keep getting derailed from time to time and then get back to track.
You need all these fun too otherwise too much heavy duty stuff will cloud our intellect.

So you see how many people responded to you?Every post here is indirectly related to the original post.
You put in next question and we will all answer you.

Just treat the derailment as commercial breaks or item numbers when you are seeing a movie.

Keep up your questions dear..

regards
renu