Ex Husband's wife
 

I was wondering if for Thai culture, do Thai people get along with their wife or husband's ex? or is it difficult to be even be friends?

Its just that I was asking questions about my ex husband's passing and his wife was not friendly at all! Is this part of Thai culture that you can never talk or be friends with your husband's or wife's ex? Just wondering!

Nothing related to cultures, you will never something about their past might be too difficult to be friends again. Some of westerners are the same.

Westerners seem to cope with the divorce better than Thais. Many of them are still friends after the divorce.

I would say it has nothing to do with the culture. Once the Thai couple has a divorce, they don’t want to have anything to do with each other.

Bad experiences before the divorce are difficult to put behind them.

I have had no contact with my ex-wife since the divorce. What's the point? The reason we split in the first place is that she nearly drove me to the point of wanting to strangle her. Who wants a second helping of that?

I'm with you on that one! Have not seen mine since 1978 http://www.thailandqa.com/forum/images/smilies/clap.gif -even though she threatened future friendship! http://www.thailandqa.com/forum/imag...es/shocked.gif

I am still friendly with most of my Xwives and their husbands.
We never had that much trouble and split before any hate started, and my first wife and I got along fine, even made trips to visit each others homes up until she died, could see no need for a war as we were the parents of children so why fight.
Just because we no longer wanted to be married to each other didn't mean that we were, either of us, bad people..

Oh No,my ex husband and I before he died were really good friends because we have a daughter together. He came in the States at least twice and always make sure to see me and his daughter, I even took him to Vegas (Not to worry, no strings attached for sure) It's his current wife that don't like to talk to me! She was upset when she found out that we know he died recently in Thailand. She told her own daughter that maybe his husband (my ex husband) stills communicates with us. Of course he does calls us once in a while. But don't get me wrong, my ex husband and I were separated because based on my experienced, long distance relationships does not work at all. It's not because we hated each other.

I am happily married now, but remember this guy has always been part of my life no matter what. We have a daughter together. He was my first boyfriend and supposedly my last but, did not work!

This is just part of the story of my life and I am talking about it with strangers. Anyway, I am really happy to talked about it.

Of course it depends on the individuals concerned...but most Thai women are very jealous indeed,so when they divorce,they don't want anything more to do with the other guy!!!!

I take it you're talking about your relationship with the wife of your (late) ex-husband. Like in the Philippines where you come from, and in some other countries (as Lak_hilltribe said), more often than not, the wives of the same man do not become the best of friends. They will likely view themselves as competitors, locking horns over a wide range of issues. That is human nature at work, I guess.

Dear Marieke,

I guessed I am more open minded. The only reason I want to have a relationship with the wife of my (late) ex- husband is they have two children together. That means that these two kids are my daughter's sisters. All I wanted is for them to get to know each other and maybe who knows one day, they can be really close because they are sisters. This has nothing to do with me. I am hapilly married now and all I wanted to do is for everybody to have PEACE AND LOVE. We all love this person AT ONE POINT so why fight?

Got it! Should I just stop communicating with them? Her own daughter (my late ex-husband's step daughter) talks to me and my daughter but she said that her Mom is upset if she know that she still talks to us. Again should we just stop talking to them? My daughter would love to go to Thailand and meet her two half sisters. What do you guys think?

I don't think you should stop trying to establish rapport with the other lady, for the sake of the two half-sisters. But you must realize that that is going to be very challenging, especially if the other wife is not as open-minded as you are or if you have had history of conflicts.

Perhaps you can try to demonstrate your good intentions by sending gifts to her and her daughter, or by consistently sending messages accross to her of her (the wife's) good qualities. You just have to work hard on gaining her trust!

By the way, don't commit the mistake of appearing like you're trying to become a second mother to her daugther. At least not at this point.

I really don't mind sending gifts to them but how? I don't even have an address. I am in Real Estate business here in United States and iIm able to get that information here but how can I do that in Thailand? Do I have to contact a Realtor in Thailand to get their address or maybe they don't even want us to know where they live! I am just trying to be nice. I have been trying my best to demonstrate my good intentions but I don't think she will ever understand! Plus, there's no way I will commit myself to look like I'm the second Mom. I have a lot of my own.

But you said:
...her own daughter talks to me and my own daughter... Can't her daughter provide you that info?

I am just trying to be nice. I have been trying my best to demonstrate my good intentions but I don't think she will ever understand! How did you demonstrate your good intentions before? Think back and find out why it failed. Then you can improve on your approach in the future. Remember that it is not very easy to convince someone that you're her ally if in the past you're in adversarial mode with her.

Having said that, it is still up to you as to how far you will go to try to win her.

Plus, there's no way I will commit myself to look like I'm the second Mom. I have a lot of my own. Good! That was just an admonition. There's no suggestion that there's the remotest possibility that you'd do such. Haha. Good luck!

Does that mean that we will just stop communicating with them? My late ex-husband's step-daughter told us that she has been trying to get a hold of us when he was in the hospital before he died but she was not able to reach us. Now that we found them, my late ex husband's wife now questions why we know that he died. All I wanted is for my daughter to get to know her two sisters. This is actually for my daughter and her kids sake. It has nothing to do with me! He is gone!!!We all LOVE this person at one point, why can't we all just get along for our kids sake. I have not met or talk to her before so I don't know why she is angry! This is according to her own daughter. If she is still jealous, she is crazy must ex is dead!!!!!

Oh well,I hope one day they will realized that our intentions are GENUINE!!! I felt bad for them because he was the only one working to support his family. I'm not sure if the family some kind of pension plan from the gov't just to support them since he was a goverment employee for 27 years. Here in the US, I know that when your kids are minor and you pass away, I think there's this aid, through Social Security that supports the minor children. I'm not sure in Thailand if there's such a thing!

But one thing you might not know is that Thai women arer very jealous of anyone that has any connection to their husband, dead or alive,
My wife is even jealous of my younger teen age daughter in the states that I have not seen for 7 years and write to or talk on the phone seldom.

No.

I was actually recommending that you exhaust your means and do it more systematically before you say die.

I suggested that you reflect on your previous efforts and improve on what aspects you think had failed.

I am not saying she had the following doubts in mind, but what if she did?

" Why would I trust the intentions of this other wife of my late husband? What is she after? Is she going to disturb our life now in one way or another? Is there any money angle in this? Is she going to make my daughters love her also? What is her real agenda?"

The above issues may sound very absurd--remote from truth-- seeing how well-meaning you are and how noble your intentions are to make the half-sisters get united. But the point is you need to address all the areas that might possibly be creating suspicions in her mind about your objective. AND TRY TO DISPEL HER DOUBTS.

If you were in her shoes and having these doubts, how would you like her to assure you of her noble intentions?

Think hard, Marla. Your answers will be what you will do to her.

As to how to link up with them, you can resort to the same way her daughter has been contacting you or your daughter.

And I repeat now--I, personally, am convinced that you are not doing this for YOU. It is for the children. So, the best of luck!http://www.thailandqa.com/forum/imag...lies/hello.gif