[Vulkanevsel]

I have not heard of this social custom so I can not say whether it is true or not.
However, the Thais' respect their parents more than they do in the west so just accept your boyfriends' mothers' decision.
Does it make that big of a difference whether you're introduced as a friend or girlfriend ? Mai pen rai.

Thai people are very friendly and accepting, it won't matter to them which way you're introduced they will welcome you with open arms.
Don't go there all upset about a minor detail.
Dry your eyes and be happy that you're going to Thailand with the boyfriend and his family. After all, you're going to the "Land of Smiles", don't be the only one without one.

[Dilangos]

Ok, i think you all got a bit confused...'sorry'. His parents live in Holland they know about me I see them almost everyday. He does live in Holland too, and we meet a school.
Its everyone else in Thailand that can't know I'm his girlfriend...which i'm trying to understand. I fully understand that we can't hold hands, kiss etc in public and i fully respect that but it just seems that to lie is a lot worse. It's his mums saying that i am to be introduced as a friend especially to her friends...which is what i dont understand?

[BenBoobmers]

Two years ago I had a chat girlfriend on the net, about 3 months after I first chatted with her, I went to meet her in Thailand. After 2 day's staying in a resort with her at Jomtien Beach I went back to Samut Prakan where she lives with her family, she introduced me as her boyfriend, that was cool. But one thing did upset me, there was one incident thought, when I met her at her office in Samrong, I put my hand on her waist and brushed me aside, making out I was not her boyfriend, then one of her female work colleagues asked me to come out to dinner with members of her company, my girlfriend quickly wished me away and said we have to go. What upset me, is she worked with these people everyday and failed to tell any one at her work, that she had a boyfriend coming to see her from Australia. she never even mentioned she had a friend coming from Australia, the people in her company were very surprised to meet me, I never let on at the time, that I was her boyfriend, and just let incident blow over with out making any comment. Looking back I should have made an issue to my girlfriend at the time, and tell her, that was very disrespectful to our relationship.
Message to "Blonde18" don't let the issue blow over like I did, you deserve the respect of not just your boyfriend, but your boyfriends family Were now living in the 21st century and Thailand needs to move on with the times. The Thai family needs to respect your culture and relationship, as lying to them about your relationship is also being disrespectful to them. Your boyfriend needs to show you respect as well, by presenting you as his girlfriend, and if he not do that, it's just a 9 hour flight from Bangkok to Sydney and you can come visit me.

[EscaCsamas]

Ok, then read more carefully.

Quote[/b] ]Were now living in the 21st century and Thailand needs to move on with the times. The Thai family needs to respect your culture and relationship, as lying to them about your relationship is also being disrespectful to them. Your boyfriend needs to show you respect as well, by presenting you as his girlfriend, and if he not do that, it's just a 9 hour flight from Bangkok to Sydney and you can come visit me.

Not all countries live according to the moral code of the Ricki Lake Show.

[Dilangos]

Ok thank u once again

[Dilangos]

Thank you for all your replies but I dont think they are ashamed of me why would they be taking me?? Also my boyfriends mum is married to a white man, as is a couple of his cousins etc...so it seems normal in their family.
Why is there a stimga against white people and sex? I think 2yrs shows its more than just sex!!!

[Gometesstem]

Very fine points djaidee, but even if they live together in Holland, you well know the reasoning behind not introducing her as his gf on the first meeting with parents. But really who cares how it works, she asked a question and even the one's who sympathize with her the most(Mateo), understand that when she is in Thailand she will just have to deal with it. If she does not, it will likely begin the downfall if the relationship, for the reasons of the culture.

Mateo, this is a family oriented board, students of an elementary school are here daily to learn English as well as teach farang Thai. I have warned you, I do enjoy your company. It is not meant in a personal way. But please refrain from foul language. It is in the rules. I modified your word
Though I completely I understand the frustation in people not reading a post 100% prior to replying. Look forward to your next post

Blonde18 Djaidee asked some questions that may explain a bit more as to his choice, and maybe why after two years he is in the year one phase yet.

[Vulkanevsel]

Quote[/b] (Mateo @ Oct. 19 2004,12:14)] Originally Posted by [b Quote[/b] (mangomike @ Oct. 19 2004,04:04)]I have not heard of this social custom so I can not say whether it is true or not.
However, the Thais' respect their parents more than they do in the west so just accept your boyfriends' mothers' decision.
Does it make that big of a difference whether you're introduced as a friend or girlfriend ? Mai pen rai.

Thai people are very friendly and accepting, it won't matter to them which way you're introduced they will welcome you with open arms.
Don't go there all upset about a minor detail.
Dry your eyes and be happy that you're going to Thailand with the boyfriend and his family. After all, you're going to the "Land of Smiles", don't be the only one without one.

Man, I don't even know how to respond to your post. To me, that was kind of heartless. It is like you are telling her to suck it up. To be truthful, that's exactly what i was telling her. It was an unbiased, unemotional opinion based on my knowledge of Thai customs.
Dating, b/f-g/f relationships are far different in Thailand as they are in the west.
I suggest you read khun stackers post as he goes into a little more detail about Thai relationships than I did.
Perhaps that's why there is a misunderstanding.
In western society, it's all about the individual. In Thai society, parents, elders, and people of higher social standing are respected.
To help you gain a little more understanding of Thai culture I suggest you go to http://www.1stopchiangmai.com
Scroll down to "CULTURE VULTURE" on the right and click on Thai etiquette.

The purpose of forums is to discuss and share opinions, not to flame people or belittle their views.
I would hope that we all can participate in a mature and responsible manner.

jai yen yen = cool heart

[Gometesstem]

Quote[/b] (Makiy0 @ Oct. 21 2004,05:21)]
I will be PISSED/IRATE/FURIOUS/UPSET....(you get the picture Pissed to the point where I would just call off the trip. If he wants to do something like that, he better have an A* reason.

I agree not being familiar with the expected dating process she would be feeling like this. Even if she was a Thai girl raised in Thailand and courting the Thai way, jealousy would surely find her there as well.

Quote[/b] (Makiy0 @ Oct. 21 2004,05:21)]Blonde18, I classify her as being in Step 3. You may say that dating is serious business in Thailand.

I think it works in different stages depending on cultures, I do consider their relationship serious though.

Quote[/b] (Makiy0 @ Oct. 21 2004,05:21)]Why would anyone want to introduce/meet parents when they are not even serious about each other.

I think we need to take a step back and consider. Most people in Thailand do not date for entertainment. It as mentioned is very serious, to say this is my girlfriend many times the other person will immediately give you their address to mail the invitation. Girlfriend and Fiance are pretty undistinguishable in Thailand. Prior to that phase, there is not much 1 on 1 dating at all. Much dating is done wth chaperones or groups, and that is how you get to know your 'friend'. During the time you are friends yes meeting the parents would come naturally before you say girlfriend.

Quote[/b] (Makiy0 @ Oct. 21 2004,05:21)]Moreover, Blonde18 is coming all the way from a foreign land to meet his parents, I think this itself speaks volumes for their seriousness.

I think so too. I really think that his mother will know immediately what is going on, likely it would be accepted, but prior to it being a public admission give the space, do what is asked.

Quote[/b] (Makiy0 @ Oct. 21 2004,05:21)]Next, it is not just Thai culture or American culture or any culture for that matter. Claiming to be something while actually being something else amounts to LYING.

I agree here too and blame this on him. But consider I am American and I would be just furious if my son or daughter come home from overseas and said this is my fiance, if I had no idea he was involved with anybody. I would appreciate the respect of my morals being shown, at least until the two of them were ready to announce it. It is his fault, and she should tear into him for it. Especially if they have been together for two years. She should be very familiar with their voices from the telephone at least by now. You really need to talk to your boyfriend much the way Makiy0 said. He was/is wrong for doing this to his parents and you. The conversation should end before you get off the plane though, choice made before landing. But regarding his parents, do what you like Blonde18. Myself and Mango warned you what that will do to the relationship though. We are both married to a Thai woman, courting is more than what one bargains for, I just don't know how to be any clearer.

Makiy0 looking at your last paragraph you will make a fine lawyer... but a wife to dread. lol

[Mappaindy]

This thread lacks female perspective and I shall provide one after much deliberation on quite a touchy issue.

I have been thinking and placing myself in Blonde18's shoes to decipher how I would feel and react if my boyfriend did this to me.

I will be PISSED/IRATE/FURIOUS/UPSET....(you get the picture Pissed to the point where I would just call off the trip. If he wants to do something like that, he better have an A* reason.

Some of the possible reasons that you guys came up with I thought were valid for consideration but do not come close to being A*. The orthodox dating process as I see it is this:

Step 1: Date various people (non-exclusive dating)
Status: Friends
Step 2: Date one person you feel is compatible after elimination (exclusive dating)
Status: Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Casual)
Step 3: After a period of exclusive dating, meeting the parents
Status: Boyfriend/Girlfriend (Serious)
Step 4: Proposal
Status: Fiance
Step 5: Marriage
Status: Spouse
Step 6: After prolong marriage, cheagting husband and nagging wife
Status: Divorced

(Step 6 is purely just for laughs )

Blonde18, I classify her as being in Step 3. You may say that dating is serious business in Thailand. Well, I believe that they are in the serious stage of their "business". Why would anyone want to introduce/meet parents when they are not even serious about each other. Moreover, Blonde18 is coming all the way from a foreign land to meet his parents, I think this itself speaks volumes for their seriousness.

Next, it is not just Thai culture or American culture or any culture for that matter. Claiming to be something while actually being something else amounts to LYING. Maybe it is a pet peeve of mine but lying/dishonesty is a big big sin in my book. It doesn't matter whether you're in Thailand or America, France or China, Africa or Australia, you just shouldn't lie.

Blonde18, I really can't tell you what to do, but this is what I would do. I would ask him for an explanation of why he needs to lie about the relationship. As he details one explanation after another, I would just counter them with valid arguments. For eg. he says dating is a serious thing in Thailand, then you say so you're not serious about me? He says no that's not it, I just don't want my parents to be surprised. You say, what do you mean surprised, you mean you haven't even told your parents you're seeing me for 2 YEARS now. He says, no dear, just that I haven't found the appropriate time to tell them yet, you say, well, I found it for you. This trip would be the perfect time. Basically don't put up with it if you're not comfortable with it. A relationship is a two way street. If he is going to discomfort you, ask for a good valid reason that you're comfortable with.

Well, these are my thoughts. Hope they are useful.

[snova]

Blonde18 has been with the same guy for two years and he has not mentioned her to his parents, why? Perhaps his parents do not want their son to marry a non-Thai. That's why he would not introduce her to his parents as his girlfriend because he does not want to go against his parents' wishes. Especially if the Thai parents are rich and members of hi-so in Thailand. They would want their grandchildren to be 100% Thai. I would not be surprised that if the boyfriend had a choice, he would leave Blonde18 at home and go to Thailand alone without her. Sorry for being so harsh, but it's reality. I have seen similar situations before.

[Muramoursuard]

Honestly, I would have a hard time not being offended if I were in your situation. When I first went to Thailand to meet My G/F's friends and family I was introduced to everyone as her b/f. Maybe it is different for the opposite gender, but I strongly doubt it. If he really cares how you feel he should not hide his love for you from his family and friends at home. I would let it go this time, but I would not want this to go on the next time around. As Mike said, the Thais are genrally accepting people, you should have no problem being accepted regardless of your relationship status. Good Luck.

[Gometesstem]

From High Point NC??

I can understand your viewpoint being in America, there is quite a gay community in Thailand you would not be discriminated as much against there as you are in NC I asure you of that. There are no rednecks in Bkk lol

Paul is a bit off base in regards to respecting the culture quite often, no offense Paul but you can't deny that at one point or another you have offended everyone here.

I don't view it so much as traditions being shoved down a throat though. I mean you still remove your shoes prior to entering a home? You wash your hands before you grab the rice? You refer to your elders as luung? This is simply another part of the culture the way I see it, and I am American.
I understand about Europe, I agree. But we that is the Western wolrd, quite different from any Eastern country as you well know. She is likely planning a long term relationship, I would not do something to offend my future in-laws before we are even married. But after the wedding have at it girl lol!

In either case it is nice to see we have new members who show the respect to have an adult conversation, and maybe even consider it a debate, without flaming another for no reason.

[Gometesstem]

Jake I modified your post, for those who like to manually put the quote in, goes like this

Code Sample [quote]The text that you are quoting[/quote][/QUOTE]
Appears like this when posting:

Quote[/b] ]The text that you are quoting

At the end of the quote be sure you 'close' the code Code Sample [/quote][/QUOTE]
Otherwise it will appear like this (which is what I edited in your post) :
[quote The text that you are quoting quote]

Also note please, if you would like the user name and time posted it is nearly as easy :
Code Sample [quote=Stacker, Oct. 22 2004,00:37]I Hope this helps[/quote][/QUOTE]
And it will look like this:

Quote[/b] (Stacker @ Oct. 22 2004,00:37)]I Hope this helps

Just trying to be helpful sir

[daasayse]

Well Stacker, that is why I am a Thai-american who will not be taking a trip to Thailand anytime soon. *lol*

Maybe it is just me, but telling somebody to conceal who they are to have a good time doesn't settle well. This matter hits close to home.

My family has always expected me to be quiet about my sexual orientation; they do not want me telling other Thais. This really offended me because it isn't like I go around shouting on the top of my lungs what I am anyway.

However, I am not going to hide a boyfriend of mine, if I ever have one, or deny who I am if a Thai person asks. I am not going to deny it just to please my parents. I really hate traditions that people try to shove down your throat just to make everybody happy.

I would love to go to Thailand, but as of right now I am not going to change who I am just to please everybody and be respectful. It is true when you go to different countries, there are just things you don't do.. but I am not a wild person anyway and when I travel to Europe, nobody has a problem with me.

At first I thought I was thinking from just an American perspective, but I am glad that you understand Paul_au.

[Gometesstem]

My brother in-law is from High Point

[EscaCsamas]

Really, people. It is not up to you to pass judgement on these people.

And who are you to try change Thai culture?

Thailand has to move into the 21st century? Why? Because you said so?

I for one hope Thailand never change. The culture and the people are marvellous the way they are.

We have our way of doing things, they have theirs. It is not up to anyone here to say what is right or wrong, how things should and should not be.

I know I come off with a cheeky tone here, and I tried to tone it down, but I feel my points are still valid.