[Hammaduersnes]

I get multiple feelings about people from West. Sometimes, I think foreigners behave far better than most when travelling. In general they seem to far more polite and aware than people in my region. But then there is this fear of what they carry under their outward self --- the desire to control & exploit and detachment. Personally, I have not experienced it yet. The people I have met till now, have been generally always very nice. Of course, behaviour of thai people is special. I thought maybe they behave politely because that is the personality they want to be known by - not because the other person is good or bad. Whether that is true or not I do not know - but I have come believe in that attitude!!

[WebDocMan]

Quote[/b] ]If you learn to lose the judgmental attitude up you will understand Thais better, and you will have a happier life in Thailand and at home. Puritanical attitudes are not part of the Thai culture.

If this is so I feel very disappointed. Perhaps I am just naive, but I thought ethics played a part?

We all like to have fun, but hopefully harmless fun, OK it is wrong to judge people, it stems too much from 'I', but one doesn't need a puritanical outlook to be offended by the actions of the 'party people' I was alluding to.. Not only their physical but mental actions - They have absolutely no respect for other beings (I have read some of their boasts on a less respectable forum). If this is acceptable in any culture, surely there is something amiss?

I have a friend who lives in Pattaya and her comment on the 'party people' ....... "I hate it"

Sorry if I am missing the point, I am trying to learn.. struggling but trying

[shieclulaweew]

Quote[/b] ]If this is so I feel very disappointed. Perhaps I am just naive, but I thought ethics played a part?

Don't worry Glen, and no need to be disappointed. I assure you, Thais do have a strong sense of ethics and a moral compass. However, the typical Western visitor will sense little of this, if any at all. The reasons are cultural differences; how Thais express disapproval is very different from the way it is done in the West.

Western culture values frankness: it teaches us that in-the-face criticisms, loud and harsh remarks are a quick and effective way of pointing out and solving problems.

Thai culture, on the other hand, values subtlety. Saving face is of critical importance. Therefore, you will almost never hear Thais criticising each other, or the typical Western behaviour. Many Westerners mistaken this for all-inclusive tolerance and indifference, but nothing's further from the truth.

It takes a great deal of emotional sensitivity to feel the disapproval of your Thai peers. You need to see beyond the usual facade of polite smiles, read between the lines and understand body language. For them, this is the natural way; they were exposed to this since they were born. Those of us Westerners who truly want to fit into Thai culture will have to learn it, sometimes the hard way.

Quote[/b] ]I am trying to learn.. struggling but trying

Welcome to the club!

However, it is not mandatory, and my American friends don't understand why I do it. From childhood they were exposed to the "don't care what others think/say about you" attitude. It is a good defense mechanism in the West: sensitivity does no good in a culture where one is bombarded with harsh criticisms every day. Though when they find themselves in Thai culture, it's another matter. It must be difficult to instill empathy into such a deeply ingrained mentality. Like a rhinoceros amongst butterflies, really: with its thick skin it will never sense whether that light touch on its back was from a butterfly, or from bird droppings.

Quote[/b] ]If this is acceptable in any culture, surely there is something amiss?

Nothing's amiss, everything's fine over here, in the Land of Smiles.

Quote[/b] ]I have a friend who lives in Pattaya and her comment on the 'party people' ....... "I hate it"

Same here: my Thai family is highly critical of them - but this is expressed only amongst us, family members. Face-to-face, on the street, one would only see polite smiles. Don't be fooled!

[Crilosajsamq]

Quote[/b] (delawang @ Sep. 14 2004,09:56)]You are entitled to your own opinion and your own ethics. It is hard to stop judging other people and still maintain your own values. In some ways, being judgmental does not come from too much "I", it comes from not enough "I"

Yes, I agree Delawang, too many people are overly concerned with other opinion's they actually forget who they are. On one extreme you have the arrogant jerks who report to NOBODY. As well as the opposite, the people who are simply 'plastic', always trying to conform to everybody's standards of acceptance.

All the way in the middle are the majority who try to do a little of both and have enough respect for themselves to be themselves. Before anyone is offended, I am talking of nobody on this board, I just mean people in general.

To sum up the topic, yes it is ok for farang to wai. As mentioned as long as you wai people of an equal or greater age. In general and in public age is the concern to consider when you wai someone. If you get a strange look from a Thai, it is simply due to the fact that they are impressed that a farang understands how to show the utmost respect to individuals 'their way'. They surely are not giving you a strange look because it is inappropriate.

The only way to get that look is by doing it to children, or to the crazy guy walking down the steet talking to himself while punching his invisible enemies. But if you do wai that guy I will be sure to wai back to you

[megatrendsZ]

I guess to wai is the way then, even though i feel kind of akward doing so. Yet i know it will be appreciated so thats all good, gotta start practicing then!

[Crilosajsamq]

Kansai indeed welcome to the wonderful forums!! You'll have to forgive Delawang for the above statement. Ya see Delawang has this friend Paul_Au, but they have not been talking so Delawang has to talk to someone about toilets. lol

Stick around the forums we usually aren't like this

[beenBinybelia]

As a farang with a thai wife, I intitally thought that I could avoid "waiing" under the guise that I am a foreigner and therefore it wouldn't be expected of me. I was wrong. As it turns out, I've found that it is absolutely expected for me to wai my wife's parents and my wife's parents' friends. Frankly, that is it; a nod of the head or shaking hands is sufficient for everyone else, including my wife's friends.

[TimoDass]

Quote[/b] ]The only way to get that look is by doing it to children

I learned this rule long before I first went to Thailand. The last couple of times I was in Phattlung I met a little girl named Boom, Who often hangs out at my girl friend's parent's house. Boom is 9 years old. Boom took a strong liking to me and it wasn't long before a bond formed between us. When Boom addressed me she'd call me P'Doug. When we went to the market she would hold my hand to keep from being seprated from the group. If you had seen us you would wounder if I was her father. When Boom would Wai, I would think to myself "All the respect this child shows me and I can't even acknowledge it by returning the jesture." How does one show apprication to a child with out if turning heads?

[Allorneadesee]

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. But then, of course you need to know what the Romans do and why they do it.

[22CreessGah]

Being polite in Thailand

[FailiaFelay]

Quote[/b] (Frightend_Farang @ Sep. 14 2004,12:50)]How does one show apprication to a child with out if turning heads?

Just smile and nod. If you want to show a little more respect back, you can bow slightly too! It is not unknown for a Thai person to wai back to a child/teenager. If you feel it is right then just do it. But, don't initiate the wai!