Important Thing To Know About Chuck Norris - DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate

**poulaMahmah** · 05-25-2006, 05:32 PM

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks an d unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya!".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law" and "Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

It as once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy sh*t! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".

Chuck Norris endorses the journal of *limpsharp. And no one else. Ever.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Cheers Michael

**nintenda** · 05-25-2006, 05:49 PM

ok i am so tired of all this chuck norris crap. dude whats so funny about chuck norris i mean hes just another guy tring to make a living.

**aaaaaaahabbbby** · 05-25-2006, 09:13 PM

Careful... don't let Norris-sensei hear you say that! You could get a round-house kick to the face!

**KahiroSamo** · 05-25-2006, 10:12 PM

Excellent.....

**royarnekara** · 05-25-2006, 10:26 PM

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

It must be late at night, cause even though all the other ones made me kinda roll my eyes, this one cracked me UP! I'm laughing even now posting this. Heh.

**MpbY5dkR** · 05-26-2006, 12:27 AM

I still laugh my arse off at these, keep em coming!

**Seisyvose** · 05-26-2006, 12:45 AM

Chuck Norris finished the 24hrs of Le Mans in 15 minutes
Chuck Norris is the 8th colour of the Rainbow.
Chuck Norris has travelled to Mars, there is no life in Mars. These events are connected

**ATTILAGLIC** · 05-26-2006, 01:36 AM

Chuck Norris has travelled to Mars, there is no life in Mars. These events are connected

Fantastic...

**Grzqbmhy** · 05-26-2006, 03:42 AM

roflmao ;D That's all I can say ;D rofl rofl rofl XD XD XD

**xrumerang** · 05-27-2006, 06:15 PM

I never understood the whole Chuck Norris thing....o.O But this post is funny none the less. XD

**LypeReexy** · 05-28-2006, 02:22 AM

very funny shit !! still crackes me up

**Trercakaressy** · 05-29-2006, 10:14 AM

Chuck Norris is just a dead internet meme. You guys are way behind the times if you're not talking about George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the Mens Wearhouse. I gaurentee it.

**Hokimjers** · 05-30-2006, 02:19 AM

Woah woah woah, guys i dont know where the source of all this chuck noris stuff is coming from but its all wrong, It wasnt chuck noris who did all that stuff, thats just a rip off of the feats that Komoto-san has achieved.
The americans cant get anything original.
Check it out theres even a komoto-san fansite

http://komoto-love.blogspot.com

**stuntduood** · 05-31-2006, 04:33 AM

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA *deep inhalation* AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAAAAAAA*cough,splutter * hehehe ! Oh deary me, sorry about that but that is pretty much verbatim my reaction to the initial post. Who woulda thought a Chuck Norris posting could have been so damn funny? By the way, I know I'm going to die a fiery death for this but (bearing in mind I have only recently started kendo) who is Komoto-san?

**Babposa** · 05-31-2006, 04:40 AM

Chuck Norris is a great man.
http://www.addictinggames.com/chuckn...creninjas.html
Have you played this?

**maxuilg** · 05-31-2006, 04:56 AM

Chuck Norris is a great man.
http://www.addictinggames.com/chuckn...creninjas.html
Have you played this?

Oh. My. God! Now that rules!

**dmitrynts** · 06-07-2006, 09:15 PM

My friend is so funny. Today, (Or rather yesterday, since it's technically the 7th now that it's past midnight.) he told me, "The Antichrist was revealed today. Fortunately, he revealed himself to Chuck Norris first."

**Breilopmil** · 06-08-2006, 06:00 PM

well it was fun seeing Bruce Lee whip him in "way of the Dragon" or I believe it was released as "return of the dragon" in the US

**TodeImmabbedo** · 06-29-2006, 03:08 AM

All I've Gotta Say!

**Pataacculakp** · 06-29-2006, 04:53 AM

All I've Gotta Say!

Class dude,

05-25-2006, 05:32 PM	#1
poulaMahmah Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 478 Senior Member	Important Thing To Know About Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks an d unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya!". Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law" and "Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. It as once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris." Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy sht! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". Chuck Norris endorses the journal of limpsharp. And no one else. Ever. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f**k down. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris. Cheers Michael Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-25-2006, 05:49 PM	#2
nintenda Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 621 Senior Member	ok i am so tired of all this chuck norris crap. dude whats so funny about chuck norris i mean hes just another guy tring to make a living. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-25-2006, 09:13 PM	#3
aaaaaaahabbbby Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 359 Senior Member	Careful... don't let Norris-sensei hear you say that! You could get a round-house kick to the face! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-25-2006, 10:12 PM	#4
KahiroSamo Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 461 Senior Member	Excellent..... Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-25-2006, 10:26 PM	#5
royarnekara Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 541 Senior Member	Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. It must be late at night, cause even though all the other ones made me kinda roll my eyes, this one cracked me UP! I'm laughing even now posting this. Heh. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-26-2006, 12:27 AM	#6
MpbY5dkR Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 403 Senior Member	I still laugh my arse off at these, keep em coming! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-26-2006, 12:45 AM	#7
Seisyvose Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 436 Senior Member	Chuck Norris finished the 24hrs of Le Mans in 15 minutes Chuck Norris is the 8th colour of the Rainbow. Chuck Norris has travelled to Mars, there is no life in Mars. These events are connected Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-26-2006, 01:36 AM	#8
ATTILAGLIC Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 551 Senior Member	Chuck Norris has travelled to Mars, there is no life in Mars. These events are connected Fantastic... Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-26-2006, 03:42 AM	#9
Grzqbmhy Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 401 Senior Member	roflmao ;D That's all I can say ;D rofl rofl rofl XD XD XD Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-27-2006, 06:15 PM	#10
xrumerang Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 425 Senior Member	I never understood the whole Chuck Norris thing....o.O But this post is funny none the less. XD Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-28-2006, 02:22 AM	#11
LypeReexy Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 562 Senior Member	very funny shit !! still crackes me up Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-29-2006, 10:14 AM	#12
Trercakaressy Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 490 Senior Member	Chuck Norris is just a dead internet meme. You guys are way behind the times if you're not talking about George Zimmer, founder and CEO of the Mens Wearhouse. I gaurentee it. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-30-2006, 02:19 AM	#13
Hokimjers Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 378 Senior Member	Woah woah woah, guys i dont know where the source of all this chuck noris stuff is coming from but its all wrong, It wasnt chuck noris who did all that stuff, thats just a rip off of the feats that Komoto-san has achieved. The americans cant get anything original. Check it out theres even a komoto-san fansite http://komoto-love.blogspot.com Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-31-2006, 04:33 AM	#14
stuntduood Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 435 Senior Member	HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA deep inhalation AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAAAAAAAcough,splutter hehehe ! Oh deary me, sorry about that but that is pretty much verbatim my reaction to the initial post. Who woulda thought a Chuck Norris posting could have been so damn funny? By the way, I know I'm going to die a fiery death for this but (bearing in mind I have only recently started kendo) who is Komoto-san? Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

05-31-2006, 04:40 AM	#15
Babposa Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 441 Senior Member	Chuck Norris is a great man. http://www.addictinggames.com/chuckn...creninjas.html Have you played this? Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

05-31-2006, 04:56 AM	#16
maxuilg Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 499 Senior Member	Chuck Norris is a great man. http://www.addictinggames.com/chuckn...creninjas.html Have you played this? Oh. My. God! Now that rules! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

06-07-2006, 09:15 PM	#17
dmitrynts Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 448 Senior Member	My friend is so funny. Today, (Or rather yesterday, since it's technically the 7th now that it's past midnight.) he told me, "The Antichrist was revealed today. Fortunately, he revealed himself to Chuck Norris first." Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

06-08-2006, 06:00 PM	#18
Breilopmil Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 409 Senior Member	well it was fun seeing Bruce Lee whip him in "way of the Dragon" or I believe it was released as "return of the dragon" in the US Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

06-29-2006, 03:08 AM	#19
TodeImmabbedo Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 487 Senior Member	All I've Gotta Say! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

06-29-2006, 04:53 AM	#20
Pataacculakp Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 463 Senior Member	All I've Gotta Say! Class dude, Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote