[Vomephems]

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $4.00 apiece on those
> little bottles of Evian water?
> Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool?
> >
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that
> one enjoys it?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 4. There are three religious truths:
> a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
> Christian faith.
> c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 5. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland
> called Holes?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 6. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
>
> 7. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just
stale
> bread to begin with?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
> who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
>
> * ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 9. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 10. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
> follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
> deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
> depressed?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*! ~*~*~*~*
>
> 11. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 12. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 13. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald
men?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 14. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
> lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ...they're cramming
> for their final exam.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
> spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Japanese mothers use?
> toothpicks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> 16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
> are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while
> they deliver the mail?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 17. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
> are the others here for?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 19. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
> zigzag?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 20. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> ?
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
> 21. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put
> the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells!
> "THEIRS"?
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


cheers Michael

[GohJHM9k]

I like 1, 4, and 14 the most.

[molaunterbizone]

18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

That's true. When I was really young (3-4 years old), I'd observe my dad driving, and he'd throw a swear word out the window every minute or so. Then one day in pre-school, we had a "traffic game" where everyone sat in those little classic children's pedal cars. I really knew of no other way to play this game than to do as my dad did; I pushed aggressively through the traffic flow of little kids in their peddle cars, honked my horn, and screamed stuff like "get out of the ****ing way, you ****ing *******!"

Needless to say, it was my final day in that pre-school.

[Corryikilelet]

That's true. When I was really young (3-4 years old), I'd observe my dad driving, and he'd throw a swear word out the window every minute or so. Then one day in pre-school, we had a "traffic game" where everyone sat in those little classic children's pedal cars. I really knew of no other way to play this game than to do as my dad did; I pushed aggressively through the traffic flow of little kids in their peddle cars, honked my horn, and screamed stuff like "get out of the ****ing way, you ****ing *******!"

Needless to say, it was my final day in that pre-school.

Isn't there a thread floating around called children see children do?

Anyway very ammusing to read.

[Kristoferson]

> 9. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

I think it should be pronounced oneteen and also twelve should be replaced by twoteen

[lopaayd]

or why in the USA people drive on a Parkway,
and park in their driveway.

Oxymorons
- Marital bliss
- Safe sex

and I agreee with whoever said "light beer is neither"

[Gedominew]

Why do we nail down the lids on coffins?

[WaydayNef]

Why do we nail down the lids on coffins?

At least we don't have to cement them in... the nails are to keep the army of zombies from eating our brains... DUH!

[teewHettive]

the brits will get this one

what makes people who repair shoes so good at cutting keys ?

[VyacheslaV]

How does the snow plow driver get to work?






That is all.