Best Irish Joke 2006... - DiscussWorldIssues - Socio-Economic Religion and Political Uncensored Debate

**oxinsnepe** · 04-18-2007, 04:50 PM

Sent to me by a friend today...:
Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner .
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come

**PilotVertolet** · 04-18-2007, 05:54 PM

i heard that one in a bar a couple of years ago... but it went like this (this really happened, but im using your joke to make it more.. humm graphical):

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

and some drunk guy at the end of the bar said "I wanna toast too!, Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of YOUR wife!"

as you can imagine... the bloodbath begun...

**Sxedlawb** · 04-18-2007, 06:21 PM

i heard that one in a bar a couple of years ago... but it went like this (this really happened, but im using your joke to make it more.. humm graphical):

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

and some drunk guy at the end of the bar said "I wanna toast too!, Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of YOUR wife!"

as you can imagine... the bloodbath begun...

Now is that true or do I detect a touch of the Blarney?....!

Vedun* · 04-18-2007, 06:22 PM

Here's one from Billy Connolly but he tells it far better...not only about the Irish but they feature...

Two Englishmen, two Welshmen, two Scots and two Irish men get stranded on an island. A few years pass and the two Scots have set up a whisky distillery, the two Welshmen have set up a choir, the two Irishmen are still fighting on the beach and the two Englishmen are still waiting to be formally introduced...

Made me chuckle...

**datingcrew** · 04-18-2007, 06:24 PM

Now is that true or do I detect a touch of the Blarney?....!

what is the Blarney?

**yPuqQ248** · 04-18-2007, 06:40 PM

Mickey has a job interview in the city but can'tfind a parking spot.He has driven around the block several times but to no avail. This is the break he has been waiting for and is afraid that he will be late and lose the job. He says, "Dear God, give me a parking spot and I promise to give up whiskey and go to church every Sunday".
Miraculously a parking spot appears.
"Never mind God" says Mickey, "I found one."

**Saispapedlimi** · 04-19-2007, 04:10 PM

what is the Blarney?

From the "Blarney Stone" at Castle Blarney in Ireland. Legend has it that if you kiss the Blarney Stone, a feat which involves lying on your back and bending backward until you are face-to-face with the stone, that you will be blessed with the gift of flowing speech for the rest of your life. Of course, in this context, it means a touch of the bullS***, which is probably more to the point.

BTW, Crabbi, hilarious! I tried adding to your reputation but it keeps telling me I have to spread more around.....okay, I know who to give some to......hehe.

**phinno13** · 04-19-2007, 04:20 PM

From the "Blarney Stone" at Castle Blarney in Ireland. Legend has it that if you kiss the Blarney Stone, a feat which involves lying on your back and bending backward until you are face-to-face with the stone, that you will be blessed with the gift of flowing speech for the rest of your life. Of course, in this context, it means a touch of the bullS***, which is probably more to the point.

BTW, Crabbi, hilarious! I tried adding to your reputation but it keeps telling me I have to spread more around.....okay, I know who to give some to......hehe.

Perfect response Joe...

...and ... 'You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joekc6nlx again.'... now there's a coincidence...!

**carreraboyracer** · 04-19-2007, 04:39 PM

An Irishman, an Italian and a Jew went skydiving.
The Irishman went out first and, after a bit of a free fall, pulled his ripcord to open his chute. It deployed nicely and he began to float to earth.
The Italian jumped but when he pulled his ripcord, nothing happened. His emergency chute also failed to open and down like a rock he went.
The Jew jumped only to suffer the same fate as the Italian. Neither his primary nor his emergency chutes deployed and down like a rock he went.

The Irishman, seeing his mates pass him by, shucks off his harness saying "SO, IT'S A RACE IS IT?"

**HagsPusia** · 04-19-2007, 04:44 PM

Mickey has a job interview in the city but can'tfind a parking spot.He has driven around the block several times but to no avail. This is the break he has been waiting for and is afraid that he will be late and lose the job. He says, "Dear God, give me a parking spot and I promise to give up whiskey and go to church every Sunday".
Miraculously a parking spot appears.
"Never mind God" says Mickey, "I found one."

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Ignatz again.

Gold! Best Joke I heard all month!
ROFL

**wentscat** · 04-20-2007, 01:16 AM

Why do Scottsmen wear kilts ?

A sheep can hear a zipper being opened half a mile away

**UFJon** · 04-20-2007, 05:55 AM

A guy in Ireland told me one. He says "I've just invented diet Holy Communion."

I said, "Really?"

He says, "I'm gonna call it 'I can't believe it's not Jesus.'"

**Vokbeelllicky** · 04-20-2007, 05:58 AM

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course", comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland", replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Course", replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"

"Dublin", comes the reply.

"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."

"Of course", replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

**Katrinsitter** · 04-20-2007, 06:16 AM

Why do Scottsmen wear kilts ?

A sheep can hear a zipper being opened half a mile away

Give Spendius a geography lesson someone!

And the sheep jokes are the province of the Welsh!

**lesso73** · 04-20-2007, 08:29 AM

Do welsh also wear kilts ?

Do you even know why it's called a kilt ? People who called it a skirt got kilt...

"a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipe, but doesn't"

**Karensmith** · 04-20-2007, 09:07 AM

Do welsh also wear kilts ?

Do you even know why it's called a kilt ? People who called it a skirt got kilt...

"a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipe, but doesn't"

Welsh and Scots are not Irish (the clue's in the thread title) although all three are Celts, as are Bretons and Manx people.

As for how the kilt got it's name - you may be right! A Scotsman would certainly stick his sgian dubh in you if you called it a skirt!

**pissmanvd** · 04-20-2007, 09:08 AM

Do welsh also wear kilts ?

They use wellies, allegedly.

**CowextetleSix** · 04-20-2007, 09:18 AM

Irish, Welsh, Scotts are all OK to me, we share the same disdain for the Brits... I might even prefer Scottsmen, for their famous horseriding skills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCW5poYRsLI

**derty** · 04-20-2007, 10:02 AM

Irish, Welsh, Scotts are all OK to me, we share the same disdain for the Brits... I might even prefer Scottsmen, for their famous horseriding skills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCW5poYRsLI

Hehe! I think you'll find that Irish (northern), Welsh and Scots ARE Brits! You still need that geography lesson. Next you'll be telling me that Belgians aren't French!

Nice to see that Monty Python sketch again.

**Eujacwta** · 04-20-2007, 10:14 AM

i feel the love guys

04-18-2007, 04:50 PM	#1
oxinsnepe Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 489 Senior Member	Best Irish Joke 2006... Sent to me by a friend today...: *Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006* *John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"* *That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!* *He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"* *John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."* *"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.* *The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner .* *The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."* She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-18-2007, 05:54 PM	#2
PilotVertolet Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 408 Senior Member	i heard that one in a bar a couple of years ago... but it went like this (this really happened, but im using your joke to make it more.. humm graphical): John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! and some drunk guy at the end of the bar said "I wanna toast too!, Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of YOUR wife!" as you can imagine... the bloodbath begun... Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-18-2007, 06:21 PM	#3
Sxedlawb Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 401 Senior Member	i heard that one in a bar a couple of years ago... but it went like this (this really happened, but im using your joke to make it more.. humm graphical): John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! and some drunk guy at the end of the bar said "I wanna toast too!, Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of YOUR wife!" as you can imagine... the bloodbath begun... Now is that true or do I detect a touch of the Blarney?....! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-18-2007, 06:22 PM	#4
Vedun* Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 461 Senior Member	Here's one from Billy Connolly but he tells it far better...not only about the Irish but they feature... Two Englishmen, two Welshmen, two Scots and two Irish men get stranded on an island. A few years pass and the two Scots have set up a whisky distillery, the two Welshmen have set up a choir, the two Irishmen are still fighting on the beach and the two Englishmen are still waiting to be formally introduced... Made me chuckle... Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-18-2007, 06:24 PM	#5
datingcrew Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 380 Senior Member	Now is that true or do I detect a touch of the Blarney?....! what is the Blarney? Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-18-2007, 06:40 PM	#6
yPuqQ248 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 431 Senior Member	Mickey has a job interview in the city but can'tfind a parking spot.He has driven around the block several times but to no avail. This is the break he has been waiting for and is afraid that he will be late and lose the job. He says, "Dear God, give me a parking spot and I promise to give up whiskey and go to church every Sunday". Miraculously a parking spot appears. "Never mind God" says Mickey, "I found one." Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-19-2007, 04:10 PM	#7
Saispapedlimi Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 522 Senior Member	what is the Blarney? From the "Blarney Stone" at Castle Blarney in Ireland. Legend has it that if you kiss the Blarney Stone, a feat which involves lying on your back and bending backward until you are face-to-face with the stone, that you will be blessed with the gift of flowing speech for the rest of your life. Of course, in this context, it means a touch of the bullS***, which is probably more to the point. BTW, Crabbi, hilarious! I tried adding to your reputation but it keeps telling me I have to spread more around.....okay, I know who to give some to......hehe. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-19-2007, 04:20 PM	#8
phinno13 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 560 Senior Member	From the "Blarney Stone" at Castle Blarney in Ireland. Legend has it that if you kiss the Blarney Stone, a feat which involves lying on your back and bending backward until you are face-to-face with the stone, that you will be blessed with the gift of flowing speech for the rest of your life. Of course, in this context, it means a touch of the bullS***, which is probably more to the point. BTW, Crabbi, hilarious! I tried adding to your reputation but it keeps telling me I have to spread more around.....okay, I know who to give some to......hehe. Perfect response Joe... ...and ... 'You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to joekc6nlx again.'... now there's a coincidence...! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-19-2007, 04:39 PM	#9
carreraboyracer Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 418 Senior Member	An Irishman, an Italian and a Jew went skydiving. The Irishman went out first and, after a bit of a free fall, pulled his ripcord to open his chute. It deployed nicely and he began to float to earth. The Italian jumped but when he pulled his ripcord, nothing happened. His emergency chute also failed to open and down like a rock he went. The Jew jumped only to suffer the same fate as the Italian. Neither his primary nor his emergency chutes deployed and down like a rock he went. The Irishman, seeing his mates pass him by, shucks off his harness saying "SO, IT'S A RACE IS IT?" Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-19-2007, 04:44 PM	#10
HagsPusia Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 474 Senior Member	Mickey has a job interview in the city but can'tfind a parking spot.He has driven around the block several times but to no avail. This is the break he has been waiting for and is afraid that he will be late and lose the job. He says, "Dear God, give me a parking spot and I promise to give up whiskey and go to church every Sunday". Miraculously a parking spot appears. "Never mind God" says Mickey, "I found one." You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Ignatz again. Gold! Best Joke I heard all month! ROFL Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-20-2007, 01:16 AM	#11
wentscat Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 471 Senior Member	Why do Scottsmen wear kilts ? A sheep can hear a zipper being opened half a mile away Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-20-2007, 05:55 AM	#12
UFJon Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 502 Senior Member	A guy in Ireland told me one. He says "I've just invented diet Holy Communion." I said, "Really?" He says, "I'm gonna call it 'I can't believe it's not Jesus.'" Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-20-2007, 05:58 AM	#13
Vokbeelllicky Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 603 Senior Member	A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course", comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland", replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course", replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin", comes the reply. "I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course", replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's", replies the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?", he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again." Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-20-2007, 06:16 AM	#14
Katrinsitter Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 403 Senior Member	Why do Scottsmen wear kilts ? A sheep can hear a zipper being opened half a mile away Give Spendius a geography lesson someone! And the sheep jokes are the province of the Welsh! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-20-2007, 08:29 AM	#15
lesso73 Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 435 Senior Member	Do welsh also wear kilts ? Do you even know why it's called a kilt ? People who called it a skirt got kilt... "a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipe, but doesn't" Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-20-2007, 09:07 AM	#16
Karensmith Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 573 Senior Member	Do welsh also wear kilts ? Do you even know why it's called a kilt ? People who called it a skirt got kilt... "a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipe, but doesn't" Welsh and Scots are not Irish (the clue's in the thread title) although all three are Celts, as are Bretons and Manx people. As for how the kilt got it's name - you may be right! A Scotsman would certainly stick his sgian dubh in you if you called it a skirt! Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-20-2007, 09:08 AM	#17
pissmanvd Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 455 Senior Member	Do welsh also wear kilts ? They use wellies, allegedly. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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04-20-2007, 09:18 AM	#18
CowextetleSix Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 473 Senior Member	Irish, Welsh, Scotts are all OK to me, we share the same disdain for the Brits... I might even prefer Scottsmen, for their famous horseriding skills http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCW5poYRsLI Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-20-2007, 10:02 AM	#19
derty Join Date Oct 2005 Posts 647 Senior Member	Irish, Welsh, Scotts are all OK to me, we share the same disdain for the Brits... I might even prefer Scottsmen, for their famous horseriding skills http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCW5poYRsLI Hehe! I think you'll find that Irish (northern), Welsh and Scots ARE Brits! You still need that geography lesson. Next you'll be telling me that Belgians aren't French! Nice to see that Monty Python sketch again. Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
	Quote

04-20-2007, 10:14 AM	#20
Eujacwta Join Date Nov 2005 Posts 439 Senior Member	i feel the love guys Share Share this post on Digg Del.icio.us Technorati Twitter
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