[pitoufsd]

I need some advice.

I have a situation which is somewhat delicate and needs to be managed prudently.

I have a female student who is attractive and been practicing with me a few weeks. She is good fun, comes to the pub, tells jokes etc etc. And till now has been one of the 'boys' so to speak.

We have a new member of the group who plainly has a bit of a crush on this girl. You know the kind of thing - sly glances across the dojo; smiling at her when she says anything at all.

This girl is oblivious to it all but the rest of us can see it a mile off.

Question is? should we intercede? And if so, how?

Any advice appreciated 'cos I am out of my depth with this one

[SinncmxM]

C'mon..You can be honest here.
Your "New Member" is you, isn't it?



....and she's a he, eh?

It's ok...It happens I suppose.

[MyLeva]

Nope.

I know when you are as pretty as me you will appeal to both genders but on this occasion it is someone else to whom I refer.

[Franchise]

Nope.

I know when you are as pretty as me you will appeal to both genders but on this occasion it is someone else to whom I refer.

Why can't Steph figure it out? Oops...

[mincarlie.frymyer]

Is it interfering with the practice? If not, who cares? Personal issues are just that unless they interfere with the regular functioning of the dojo. And if the person has trouble focusing because their little crush, when teaching it is helpful to do any necessary talking while standing near the individual who can't pay attention. Proximity to the teacher generally reduces people's desire to pay attention to other things. Otherwise, the active parts of class should give the person plenty of other more pressing matters to pay attention to.

[gymnAnemoe]

It sounds harsh, but these things can cause problems. Speaking from personal experience (don't ask), a little gentle intervention will probably help ease the tension a bit. The last thing you want is things getting out of hand - in a close-knit dojo environment it could cause problems for more than just the two at the centre of this.

If you don't mind me asking, how old are the people involved?

Edit: Actually, reading nodachi's post - is it interfering with anyone's training? If not then it probably doesn't need as direct action as I suggested.

[EasyLOAD]

I agree with nodachi. As an extra incentive, if the attention wanders a quick rap on the noggin tends to refocus immediately!

[LOVEBoy]

I agree with Nodachi too.

And there can't really be all that much tension if the gal is oblivious.

The best policy regarding other people's love lives is always laissez-faire.

[Jffxljtw]

I reckon the girl knows. If its obvious to GUYS, then girls have noticed long before.

[Fksxneng]

I reckon the girl knows. If its obvious to GUYS, then girls have noticed long before.

And yet, she allows the poor lad to suffer...

Reason # 874 why Girls are EVIL!

[Cwvnyfsj]

Alison,

I give this girl a lift home and she said she had no idea that the guy likes her. Of course she could be fibbing.

[casinobonusese]

I'd be careful, it's likely the more you talk about it the more awkward it will be for the both of them and the more likely to interfere with practice. If the situation evolves and they end up having a thing for one another, then you can say "keep your feelings out of the dojo, while you're seeing each other and if you break up," although you probably already killed that by telling the girl he likes her. If the attraction remains one sided then it'll probably dissolve over time. I don't think it's any of our places to "forbid" feelings between people, even in the hallowed halls of the ultra traditional holy dojo.

[InsManKV]

Alison,

I give this girl a lift home and she said she had no idea that the guy likes her. Of course she could be fibbing.

You give her a ride home and you are trying to break up their developing(or not developing) love affair?

Something doesnt smell right here......

[rockboyzaza]

I think it's cute when young dojo mates get a crush on each other. I would just ignore it & let it develop or flop on its own. Good luck to them

[moopogyOvenny]

My Granny would say, "If you don't have any business of your own to mind you ought to get some."

Some good old fashioned razzing is ok though.

[arindiruppya]

I'm with Iggy - get some of your own buisness to kind, AND with Nodachi - leave them alone unless it interferes directly with practice or the atmosphere in the dojo. It takes two to tango, and if one or the other is not interested it will fix itself in short order. I hear that this sort of thing happens all the time, boys and girls being attracted to each other. God, what's next?!?!?

[Reftsheette]

what are you guys, nuns¿?? lol

satsumaruma, i think it ALL depends on how well you know this girl and how close you are to her...

if you consider her your friend and you guys have enough confidence with each other you should tell her that this guy has a crush on her, ask her if she is interested in him, and help her out if needed (and specially if she is too shy to plan something on her own). now, i think that's what friends do, support each other, even in this dating matters.

now... if you barely know her and consider her just another dojo mate, then as others have said before, you should just probably stay out of it and let them handle it themselves or you might end up like the nosey guy who doesn't mind his own bussiness...

[wonceinee]

wow, its amazing how love story posts can attract so much attention

another scenario could be that the girl just isnt interested
tims always trying to marry me off to other iaidoka, it gets somewhat annoying sometimesbut perhaps this is one of the tasks a dojo leader has to take upon themselves

[Proodustommor]

Well...No offense. Its good that you (satsumaruma) wants to do the best for your students. Its even greater that you want to hear OTHER peoples advice about it...But..I'm not sure you should have brought this out in the open. What if the two students find out bout this topic? I come from a small dojo, and should my sensei come here and ask what to do with his students lovelife..Well..I'd say he should have asked someone in private.

I mean no offense and I'm sorry if it ruffles anyones feathers, but I think it's inaproperiate to discuss this sort of thing openly unless you are totally anonymous (which you arent).

[IoninnyHaro]

Oh, as for the problem at hand...I dont think its really a problem. If the guy is a stalker-type that wont accept "no" for an answer then yes its a prob. If not, and they get together and later (perhaps) break up and are tense/emotional at practice...Well thats their problem unless it directly affects you, the other trainees or the Dojo. If it happens they will have to adapt if they want to continue training.

Final point: Watch and wait. As the other said, even if the girl doesn't know about this crush it wont be long before she do. Nothing beats good gossip.