[actrisski]

My wife and I are expecting our first child this October and so this question goes out for all you guys who have been in this boat before....

We only have practice once or twice a week, and I don't think I'm going to be able to go to class at all for at least the first two months... (not getting enough sleep and then all the other intangibles of having a newborn in the house)...

My question is -- assuming that everything with the birth goes well and the baby is healthy, does anyone have an idea of how long it will take before I can reasonably expect to get back to class?
I'm sure there are probably a lot of "it depends" type of answers, but I really have no idea what to expect.

I'm also guessing that travelling will be completely out of the picture.. so, I'm figuring I don't know when I'll be able to get to a 4.dan shinsa next year...

Thanks for any responses...

[estelle]

...
My question is -- assuming that everything with the birth goes well and the baby is healthy, does anyone have an idea of how long it will take before I can reasonably expect to get back to class?
I'm sure there are probably a lot of "it depends" type of answers, but I really have no idea what to expect.

I'm also guessing that travelling will be completely out of the picture.. so, I'm figuring I don't know when I'll be able to get to a 4.dan shinsa next year...

Thanks for any responses...

Everybody, including your wife, needs time for themselves. For me, going to class, door to door, is a 2 hour proposition. It wouldn't pay to be alive if I couldn't find 4 hours a week for myself. As someone who is 20+ years older than you, I can only tell you that life is a journey. You get one chance at it. Not practicing is not an option unless it takes an enormous time consumption. Both your wife and child will be better served with a happy (unresentful) husband/father.

[risyGreeple]

i don't remember.. my second son was born on may of 2004, and i started kendo with tki on july of 2004.. so two months. then again, i stopped piping after my wife was with my first born, and didn't pick it up again till last few months.. that's almost 7 yrs. hmm.. i stopped brewing beer even before that, and i'm banned from brewing beer again at my house.. so.. that's even worse. but having a kid is well worth missing out on other things. enjoy by the way, if you have something that you need to buy, buy it now. after the kid is born, all the money goes into buying diapers.

pete

[sStevenRitziI]

Your doctor called.
The ultrasound came in.
Congrats.

[hechicxxrr]

Cant really reply as my youngest is 23 and i only started Iaido 5 years ago.

One of teh guys in our club had his first which was bon in a July sop coudl not atten dteh big summer seminar, our sensei from Jaopan isd coming over again thsi year and my friends 2nd child is due in July so he will miss it again, (me thinks this is well planned )

David

[ebookinfo]

Rogers, first off.. congratulations!

Now on to the question... this will depend on you, your wife, and how much time you can make. I personally didn't have much trouble making time for myself when either of my two kids were born, but I also let my wife have 'time off' so she could do stuff and I would hold down the fort (so to speak). It's something you need to talk to your wife about and come up with a plan. If she realizes that kendo is important to you I'm pretty sure she will understand. The thing is you will have a lot less leisure time so you will be on the go more. It is important she knows you are willing to take care of stuff and perhaps clean more around the house, cook, change diapers, etc so she has time to do something for herself as well.
I wouldn't say travelling is completely off, but once again it is something you need to plan ahead for. Life does not end when you have kids, but it does become more complicated and more hectic at times.

[shashaffff]

Most of the people in our dojo have been back at class within a couple of weeks, myself included. I think so long as you're holding up your end of the deal otherwise, getting away for a couple of hours once a week is not a problem unless your wife/the baby is ill or if she just doesn't want you to leave. It's a real personal thing, though. Some people have had kids and essentially dropped off the face of the earth. My view is it comes down to priorities - you've got room for your job, your family and maybe one other thing - if kendo is second to some other hobby, it will get short shrift.

[giturbewan]

ok, thanks for the replies...

those are pretty thoughtful and give me some hope...

Neil -- I was just thinking yesterday about exactly what you mention...
job-family-and_________ ....
Thank God kendo is my ONLY "hobby" ..... because for sure, I know I would have to give up something else.

[hechicxxrr]

Congratulations!

I don't have a lot of experience with this, since my son is only 2 weeks old today. But, for what it's worth, I was out of practice for one week, which includes the night my wife labored. I probably would have taken off a second week, but we had family in town to help, and so it wasn't necessary. I'm planning to continue to go to practice twice a week, but I have a generous parental leave policy at work and so I am not working on the weekday I go to evening practice. If it weren't for that, I would probably be going just once a week, on a weekend. The issue for me isn't the 3 hours of time -- it is the fact that my wife wouldn't get any breaks all day, then all evening, and then I am so tired after I get home from practice that it is hard for me to wake up before my wife when baby needs something in the middle of the night. I am hoping that we will settle into a rhythm by the time my leave runs out and I have to start working full-time again.

[nintenda]

thanks for the replies on this...

i smoothly broached this subject with the wife yesterday while we were lounging in the pool and she says SHE expects me to be back in class somewhere between 2 and 4 weeks after the baby arrives, so...
of course, we'll have to just play it by ear and see how it turns out, but so far, this is good news...

...i actually used Old Warrior's line about a "happy father is a good father"... i think it might have scored some points...

[Lån-Penge]

...i actually used Old Warrior's line about a "happy father is a good father"... i think it might have scored some points...

A final word on this topic. Post partum depression is a real occurrance. Be sensitive and make sure you address your wife's concerns that she and your child come first. Rather than announce your intention to go to practice I would ask "Would you miss me for a few hours...". Then, pick up some flowers or her favorite sweet treat on the way home.

I may have terrible kumdo, but I have been around.

[retrahdggd]

just remember kendo will always be there,
your children are only small for a short while, cherish it while you can cos it wont last there will be a time when they dont need you anymore (just got to that bit myself )

[TZtrDuso]

Congratulation daddy... I guess conclusion is balancing your life style. Once you have your baby, you will have more responsibility to share. As long as you do your responsibility + hugs to your wife + I love you baby X100/day + more chores.. + change diaper... and you can do Kendo...

But I am sure all such thing will make you worthwhile once you hold your baby in your arm....

[fedelwet]

Rather than announce your intention to go to practice I would ask "Would you miss me for a few hours...". Then, pick up some flowers or her favorite sweet treat on the way home.

Already a step ahead of you, brother...

[Kimaamighed]

just remember kendo will always be there,
your children are only small for a short while, cherish it while you can cos it wont last there will be a time when they dont need you anymore (just got to that bit myself )

thanks for the reminder!

[monologue]

When my grandson was born i told my sensei in Japan and he asked when i was ordering the shinken for him. Get them while they are young.

[herbalviagra]

oh..fyi... we're having a girl...

at least for NOW, the wife has forbidden her to start kendo...
but we'll see...

[Chooriwrocafn]

I'm sure there are probably a lot of "it depends" type of answers, ...

One of the biggest "it depends" is whether you have family or friends around to help. We didn't, and had two very colicky kids that took over a year each before we ever got a straight 4-hour block of sleep.

When I returned to work, I was working about 70 hours a week and my wife didn't have any help during the day. The late afternoon and evenings were/are usually the hardest time with the kids, so evening kendo practice definitely got put on the back-burner then. (Wish we had asa-geiko.)

You guys that went back after 2 weeks make me feel a little p%$$y-whipped...but honestly, I hardly spend as much time with my kids as I'd like to, and that first year, they change so much so quickly. As ghostdancer already said, kendo will still be there when you return, your kids won't be young for very long.

Need to hang out with them while I can before they become snotty, too-cool-for-dad teenagers.

-Michael

[QwOpHGyZ]

First - congratulations!

No matter what anyone here says now, when you finally behold your new daughter, you may feel completely different. This is one of those profoundly-changing-your-perspective events.

Without getting into details, I recently had to attend to a family medical emergency involving my dad, and the experience really made me examine my priorities. I've conlcluded (this will be blasphemy on this forum) that I've been taking kendo way too seriously and that there are more important things, things which are more "core" to who I am, than kendo.

Remember - you will have a life time to practice kendo. Your daughter will be an infant (or 1-year old, or 2-years old, or 3-years old, or have a first day of preschool, or want to have your around, or ...) only once.

Well - didn't mean to get too sappy, but again, congratulations and do what works for you.

[rhiniddibiarmr]

Without getting into details, I recently had to attend to a family medical emergency involving my dad, and the experience really made me examine my priorities. I've conlcluded (this will be blasphemy on this forum) that I've been taking kendo way too seriously and that there are more important things, things which are more "core" to who I am, than kendo.

On a number of occasions it has crossed my mind that some posters are way too serious about kendo. But, living a healthy lifestyle, finding an activity to do with your sons and being committed to self improvement, are all likely to be some of your core values. I have found that I just need to lighten up on my religious attendance. My kendo isn't going to get better or worse if I go to one more class or miss one more class, here and there.