[leflyCode]

Regardless of what party your loyalties may lay, left, right, or center,

Pretty much all doubts are gone at this point.

[snislarne]

Damned network restrictions.
What's the link about?

[KLIMOV25gyi]

Damned network restrictions.
What's the link about?

It's about the American people getting reamed by the biggest criminal that ever held office.
Normally I don't post a lot of "political-stuff", but this is just too much.

As Mr. Smithers once said, "You've crossed the line between ordinary, everyday villany into cartoonish SUPER-villainy."

And I consider myself a moderate.

[OgrGlgHu]

So do you agree that Al Gore actually won the election and George Dubbya stole it off him (with the help of Bro Jeb)?

If so, it must be time for this oldie-but-goodie...

************************

Notice of Revocation of Independence
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today, 8th November, 2000.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchal duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new Prime Minister (for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders, that is the Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will inform Microsoft on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You will stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nannies). We are
hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
7. You will conform with British and world practice on the following topics within the times specified:
a) Dates expressed numerically will either be of the form DD/MM/YYYY or YYYY/MM/DD, with immediate effect.
For example, any of the following ways of expressing 8th November, 2000 will be acceptable:
8/11/2000 08/11/2000 2000/11/08 8 xi 2000 8th November, 2000
The month-day-year format (for example, expressing 8th November, 2000 as 11/8/00) causes confusion and will no longer be tolerated. When expressing dates long-hand, you will use ordinal numbers. For example, you would not say "8 November", so you will no longer write it as such.
b) The practice of using a temperature scale based on the freezing point of sea-water as 0 and the blood temperature of a healthy chicken as 100 will cease with effect from 01/01/2001. The rest of the world has been using a more modern system based on 0 and 100 representing the freezing and boiling points of water respectively for years now and it's high time you caught up. For the 97.85% of you who are unaware that there
is a 'rest of the world', the scale you will change to is called Celsius (or Centigrade). You may like to know that Germany, one of whose citizens devised your old scale, was one of the first countries to abandon it.
c) Other weights and measures will eventually become metric, but in the mean time, you are required to stop short-changing customers with your own smaller units of capacity and weight, with immediate effect. We refer,
of course, to your quart, gallon and ton. The correct units that will be used are:
1 quart = 40 fluid ounces (not 32)
1 gallon = 8 pints or 4 proper quarts (not small ones)
1 ton = 2240 pounds (not 2000)
d) In common with over 90% of the rest of the world, you will use standard 'A' series paper sizes, the commonest of which is A4. Your 'US letter' size is too short and too wide - please note this is not a personal comment. This will take effect fom 01/01/2001. We will require Microsoft to change templates for its 'Office' software to default to A4 paper size and, of course, 'proper' English as the default language, by that date.
e) As from 01/01/2001, you will use the internationally-accepted practice of terminating your website and email addresses with a country code. You were allocated one (.us) when these things were internationally agreed. The 'dot-com' address is reserved to signify an international company, not a two-men-and-a-dog outfit in a garage somewhere in California.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you a German car, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
The editor of CNN News has been copied with this directive and is required to televise it to ensure its transmission to all citizens.
Thank you for your co-operation.
HRH
******************

[gundos]

So do you agree that Al Gore actually won the election and George Dubbya stole it off him (with the help of Bro Jeb)?

What I agree with, is that for the most part we're a nation of well-meaning, usually good natured, and generous morons.

Before I get flamed for that statement, we have to ask ourselves:

How did we as a people, let this happen to America?

Hence the comment.

[lXvtm0ox]

Ah democracy, so nice in theory, so ... unpredictable in practice.

[Grainiary]

1. If our football players played rugby(without the pads of course) you wouldn't have rugby players anymore.
2. Since when did the Britts start speaking english?
3. We can't learn "God save the queen" because we couldn't learn our own national anthem.
4. Who the hell doesn't write their dates like that?
5. I'll agree on the aluminium thing
6. While I'm not a big fan of American cinema, I've never made it past the first couple of minutes of a British film. You guys just settle for what we give you.
7. American cars are pieces of crap, but we can't trust anyone else to make a truck.
8. To celebrate "Indecisive Day" we will send you everyone that voted for Bush. Do whatever you like with them.
9. British "humor" killed JFK.

[saopinax]

You must spread etc..... bloody hell!

Nice one! But I thought a reply was in order:

2. Since when did the Britts start speaking english?

I suppose since we English started speaking it. Amazingly we invented English and immediately passed it onto the Brits who seem to speak it quite well, considering.

3. We can't learn "God save the queen" because we couldn't learn our own national anthem.

Well, most people here don't know God Save the Queen except for that bit! At least your anthem doesn't sound like a funeral dirge.

4. Who the hell doesn't write their dates like that?

The rest of the world?

5. I'll agree on the aluminium thing.

6. While I'm not a big fan of American cinema, I've never made it past the first couple of minutes of a British film. You guys just settle for what we give you.

There are some good ones. 4 Weddings and a Funeral for instance. You must have seen the arty farty ones that some of the intelligentsia watch and then spout total bollocks about them. "Oh Jasper, wasn't that so good. The way he tranposed the plight of the Oohmegoolies tribe into a suburb of the east end of London and juxtaposed it with the state of Iraq was sooooo darling". "Yeth, Euphemia, he'th thuch a darling director." You just want to cuddle them by the throat! Was that the ones you saw?

7. American cars are pieces of crap, but we can't trust anyone else to make a truck.

Your trucks are way toooooooo big for our roads. And ours come mainly from Germany and France as do our cars.

8. To celebrate "Indecisive Day" we will send you everyone that voted for Bush. Do whatever you like with them.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! We forgive you everything. Just don't send those people - even if there aren't many of them.

9. British "humor" killed JFK.

But you found Fawlty Towers, Monty Python and Mr Bean funny! Perhaps he died laughing.

[Kamepherype]

You must spread etc..... bloody hell!

Nice one! But I thought a reply was in order:

Originally Posted by samurai80 View Post
2. Since when did the Britts start speaking english?

I suppose since we English started speaking it. Amazingly we invented English and immediately passed it onto the Brits who seem to speak it quite well, considering.

I think the West Germanic tribes, Romans, Normans, and the Northern Neiderlanders might disagree that English was strictly a sole invention of the English.

3. We can't learn "God save the queen" because we couldn't learn our own national anthem.

Well, most people here don't know God Save the Queen except for that bit! At least your anthem doesn't sound like a funeral dirge.

Well, since the American anthem was written by a British lord as a drinking song, that makes sense I suppose.


4. Who the hell doesn't write their dates like that?

The rest of the world?

Careful! When Britons start talking about things which encompass the "rest of the world" it makes me nervous. The track record simply isn't all that gleeful.

5. I'll agree on the aluminium thing.

6. While I'm not a big fan of American cinema, I've never made it past the first couple of minutes of a British film. You guys just settle for what we give you.

There are some good ones. 4 Weddings and a Funeral for instance.
Fruity Chick Flick.

You must have seen the arty farty ones that some of the intelligentsia watch and then spout total bollocks about them. "Oh Jasper, wasn't that so good. The way he tranposed the plight of the Oohmegoolies tribe into a suburb of the east end of London and juxtaposed it with the state of Iraq was sooooo darling". "Yeth, Euphemia, he'th thuch a darling director." You just want to cuddle them by the throat! Was that the ones you saw?

Was that last bit English?


7. American cars are pieces of crap, but we can't trust anyone else to make a truck.

Your trucks are way toooooooo big for our roads. And ours come mainly from Germany and France as do our cars.

And therein lies the problem.

8. To celebrate "Indecisive Day" we will send you everyone that voted for Bush. Do whatever you like with them.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! We forgive you everything. Just don't send those people - even if there aren't many of them.

Yes, quite right. Indeed we forgot, England already has their share of those.

9. British "humor" killed JFK.

But you found Fawlty Towers, Monty Python and Mr Bean funny! Perhaps he died laughing.

We only watch those shows when we are trying to impress people.
Look! Everyone! I'm watching the BBC! I'm cultured I tell you!

[FjFHQLJQ]

All good responses, but I noticed the issue in #1 got dodged.

[Lyikmcmb]

All good responses, but I noticed the issue in #1 got dodged.

Wasn't really sure what that meant. Do you mean the American footballers would kick the excrement out of the rugby players? It would be interesting to see a clash of the two are they are all mad sods (I speak as an ex-rugby player!).

[highattainlet]

I know I can't give you rep (all out of it for Kenzan) so a reply to the reply is in order:

Originally Posted by samurai80 View Post
2. Since when did the Britts start speaking english?

I suppose since we English started speaking it. Amazingly we invented English and immediately passed it onto the Brits who seem to speak it quite well, considering.

I think the West Germanic tribes, Romans, Normans, and the Northern Neiderlanders might disagree that English was strictly a sole invention of the English.

The West Germanic tribes and the Northern Dutch I agree with. The Romans - no way. English is NOT based on Latin. And the Normans added their French (despite the fact that they were Vikings) later on. Which is why we have so many words essentially meaning the same thing beef and cow, begin and commence, etc.

3. We can't learn "God save the queen" because we couldn't learn our own national anthem.

Well, most people here don't know God Save the Queen except for that bit! At least your anthem doesn't sound like a funeral dirge.

Well, since the American anthem was written by a British lord as a drinking song, that makes sense I suppose.

Thash a good one! Hic!


4. Who the hell doesn't write their dates like that?

The rest of the world?

Careful! When Britons start talking about things which encompass the "rest of the world" it makes me nervous. The track record simply isn't all that gleeful.

For us the rest of the world starts at Calais! But I suppose the "Year of the Rat", etc. does cause a few problems.

5. I'll agree on the aluminium thing.

6. While I'm not a big fan of American cinema, I've never made it past the first couple of minutes of a British film. You guys just settle for what we give you.

There are some good ones. 4 Weddings and a Funeral for instance.
Fruity Chick Flick.

Fruity chick flick! No way! It's f***ing great as Hugh Grant might say. Full of wit, pathos, double entendre and general Englishness.

You must have seen the arty farty ones that some of the intelligentsia watch and then spout total bollocks about them. "Oh Jasper, wasn't that so good. The way he tranposed the plight of the Oohmegoolies tribe into a suburb of the east end of London and juxtaposed it with the state of Iraq was sooooo darling". "Yeth, Euphemia, he'th thuch a darling director." You just want to cuddle them by the throat! Was that the ones you saw?

Was that last bit English?

Oh, yes! Real, proper English like what is spoken on these shores, don't you know old chap, old bean. Pass the port, there's a good fellow.


7. American cars are pieces of crap, but we can't trust anyone else to make a truck.

Your trucks are way toooooooo big for our roads. And ours come mainly from Germany and France as do our cars.

And therein lies the problem.

Only the French could make something called the 2CV and call it a car. German cars are good, but exceedingly expensive. Vorsprung durch technik as they say.

8. To celebrate "Indecisive Day" we will send you everyone that voted for Bush. Do whatever you like with them.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! We forgive you everything. Just don't send those people - even if there aren't many of them.

Yes, quite right. Indeed we forgot, England already has their share of those.

Damn! You know about them.

9. British "humor" killed JFK.

But you found Fawlty Towers, Monty Python and Mr Bean funny! Perhaps he died laughing.

We only watch those shows when we are trying to impress people.
Look! Everyone! I'm watching the BBC! I'm cultured I tell you!

Well, yes. If you watch the BBC you are!

[Konidurase]

The West Germanic tribes and the Northern Dutch I agree with. The Romans - no way. English is NOT based on Latin. And the Normans added their French (despite the fact that they were Vikings) later on. Which is why we have so many words essentially meaning the same thing beef and cow, begin and commence, etc.

Yes, of course. There is absolutely no correlation or roots between Latin and English.
None whatsoever.

One little-bitty question though: Are you high?

There are some good ones. 4 Weddings and a Funeral for instance.
Fruity Chick Flick.

Fruity chick flick! No way! It's f***ing great as Hugh Grant might say. Full of wit, pathos, double entendre and general Englishness.

It's two full hours of Hugh Grant's charmingly befuddled enormous Horse-Teeth I tell you.

Was that last bit English?

Oh, yes! Real, proper English like what is spoken on these shores, don't you know old chap, old bean. Pass the port, there's a good fellow.

Indeed, Old Flippety Gibbet!

Only the French could make something called the 2CV and call it a car. German cars are good, but exceedingly expensive. Vorsprung durch technik as they say.


farfegnugen and Le Car.
Enough said.


We only watch those shows when we are trying to impress people.
Look! Everyone! I'm watching the BBC! I'm cultured I tell you!

Well, yes. If you watch the BBC you are!


Your crushing grip of logic on this one makes me shiver with rage.

[AromeWahmaron]

The West Germanic tribes and the Northern Dutch I agree with. The Romans - no way. English is NOT based on Latin. And the Normans added their French (despite the fact that they were Vikings) later on. Which is why we have so many words essentially meaning the same thing beef and cow, begin and commence, etc.

Yes, of course. There is absolutely no correlation or roots between Latin and English.
None whatsoever.

One little-bitty question though: Are you high?

Trust me (I'm a salesman) there really is no correlation between Latin and English beyond about 50 commonly used words and a whole lot of recently added scientific terms. French, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese (The ROMANce languages) is another matter totally. English appeared around the 6th/7th AD, way after the Romans had left. Honestly, English is no way based upon Latin. It's Germanic in origin. However, it has changed a bit since Alfred the Great!

Mind you, if the Romans hadn't invaded Britain we would all be speaking Welsh (or at least some form of Celtic). And wouldn't this forum be different!

[saumemeva]

I beg to differ, sir.

From: http://www.m-w.com/help/faq/history.htm

The history of English is conventionally, if perhaps too neatly, divided into three periods usually called Old English (or Anglo-Saxon), Middle English, and Modern English. The earliest period begins with the migration of certain Germanic tribes from the continent to Britain in the fifth century A.D., though no records of their language survive from before the seventh century, and it continues until the end of the eleventh century or a bit later. By that time Latin, Old Norse (the language of the Viking invaders), and especially the Anglo-Norman French of the dominant class after the Norman Conquest in 1066 had begun to have a substantial impact on the lexicon, and the well-developed inflectional system that typifies the grammar of Old English had begun to break down.

It really doesn't matter much of course, since in about twenty years time, we'll all be speaking Mandarin Chinese.

[jokiruss]

Ooh yay, a battle of the online encyclopdias, just what this thread needs!

[Ccddfergt]

Ooh yay, a battle of the online encyclopdias, just what this thread needs!

*Someone* needs to get laid.












Badly.

[Lenny Hensley]

*Someone* needs to get laid.

Badly.

I'm working on it! But I'd prefer to get laid well.

[adarmaSen]

I beg to differ, sir.

From: http://www.m-w.com/help/faq/history.htm

The history of English is conventionally, if perhaps too neatly, divided into three periods usually called Old English (or Anglo-Saxon), Middle English, and Modern English. The earliest period begins with the migration of certain Germanic tribes from the continent to Britain in the fifth century A.D., though no records of their language survive from before the seventh century, and it continues until the end of the eleventh century or a bit later. By that time Latin, Old Norse (the language of the Viking invaders), and especially the Anglo-Norman French of the dominant class after the Norman Conquest in 1066 had begun to have a substantial impact on the lexicon, and the well-developed inflectional system that typifies the grammar of Old English had begun to break down.

It really doesn't matter much of course, since in about twenty years time, we'll all be speaking Mandarin Chinese.

Essentially correct, except for the Latin bit, The French stuff came and added to the English language so you could say that Latin came in via the French language. English has an amazing capacity to absorb other languages although Manadarin Chinese may present some difficulties. It'll be interesting to see how English changes in a century or so.

Think I'm going to concentrate on getting laid now. That's far more attractive than talking about the semantics of the English language (and so's she!).

[benderkoz]

As governor of Texas, George W. BUsh signed 152 death warrants for the execution of prisoners. Among them were juveniles and mentally retarded people. Apparently he didn't think that execution in those cases was "excessive" like the 30 months given to Cheney pal Libby.

While the actions of politicians rarely, if ever, give rise to any emoton in me, in this case I feel ashamed.