[TeksPaisimi]

Hi all,I'm back to practising meditation on a regular basis,and reading books on Buddhism which has helped me alot.However!I am struggling at the moment with reality.It occurred to me that people either live in the past or future,and that its best to practice bringing your attention back to the present moment.

I am becoming better at doing this,but there's a problem.Sometimes I don't actually like being "present"because it makes me face reality,and at the moment,reality is'nt a very good place for me to be.I have to make a huge life changing decision soon,and I'm having difficulty doing that because it throws up all kinds of emotions,some positive and some negative,and its actually stopping me moving forward because I don't want to face it,but I have to.

So how am I going to get around this in a confident fearless way?Or am I expecting too much?I would really appreciate your thoughts!Thankyou.

[idobestbuyonlinepp]

Hi There Jacaranda

I'm no great expert, just someone also struggling with challenging circumstances in a Buddhist way. I find it most useful in very trying circumstances just to focus on physical feelings. Rather than focussing on the story, or the facts of the situation, I just focus on the strongest physical sensation I have - for me this is often a tension in my stomach, but sometimes elsewhere.

Simply being with the physical feelings seems to make space, and often the general feeling of tension/anxiety about the situation subsides. It has also been suggested to me by a Theravadan Monk that continual 'awareness' practice focusing on part of the body, rather than mental objects, can be beneficial. He suggested to just keep bringing awareness back to the hands or feet rather than some other "present".

Just my thoughts.

Best wishes
Cal

[NudiJuicervich]

So how am I going to get around this in a confident fearless way?

hi Jacaranda

as you have not provided very much detail, i can only respond:

in dhamma, our decisions & actions are generally 'necessities'. therefore, i can only suggest to focus on the necessity of your decision

kind regards

element

[Elisabetxxx]

Hello Jacarand,

I am struggling at the moment with reality.

You are not alone in this; why do you think so many blindly chase satisfaction through materialism?

its best to practice bringing your attention back to the present moment.

I agree that this is important practice. In doing so, one comes to see how their mind drifts away from the present moment. In seeing this, one gains the wisdom necessary to stay in the present moment.

Note: Before you read the rest of my post, I want you to know that I am not very well-read on Buddhism. I will share with you some of what I've discovered through my experiences though, with the hope that it helps you through your experiences.

Sometimes I don't actually like being "present"because it makes me face reality,and at the moment,reality is'nt a very good place for me to be. I have to make a huge life changing decision soon,and I'm having difficulty doing that because it throws up all kinds of emotions,some positive and some negative,and its actually stopping me moving forward because I don't want to face it,but I have to.

It is okay that you feel these negative emotions. I know that this doesn't always seem to be the case, as the emotions can seem overwhelming at times. But it's okay to feel this way. I believe that it is important to accept the emotions that you feel as they arise in the mind. Instead of wishing that you didn't feel a certain way, it is better in my opinion to accept that you feel this way, and, this is key, realize that the emotion that you feel will pass. Don't they all? Even if the emotion were to arise again in the mind at a later time, one can find comfort in knowing that it will again pass.

So how am I going to get around this in a confident fearless way?Or am I expecting too much?

I'm not sure what you mean by "expecting too much." There is no healthy way of getting around your emotions. One must experience their emotions. The key to dealing with emotions is simply acceptance. I know this doesn't always seem simple, but in realizing that emotions fade just as they arise, one can accept how they feel with confidence that they will not always feel this way. Feelings are impermanent.

If overcoming negative emotions in general is what you are expecting, than you are not expecting too much. Through acceptance one can learn to do just that. It takes patience, but it is definitely doable. But it is important to realize that overcoming negative emotions does not mean that negative emotions never arise in the mind. It means that one realizes what emotions really are, and can effectively overcome them as they arise. Thankfully the Buddha left behind a path to follow, so we don't have to wander blindly.

Hope this helps,
Nathan

[priceyicey]

Thankyou for the replies,and I think after reading them I do have a better understanding of dealing with emotions.I guess lately I've let my emotions take over.I was out walking the other day and felt so stressed I was hyperventilating!Thats never happened before.Sometimes its been hard for me lately to accept the negative side of my emotions.I'm usually a bright and bubbly person,and I really dislike feeling so stressed.I know once I've made this life changing decision,the stress will subside somewhat,its just getting through the worse bit I'm finding it hard to deal with.Thanks again!

[EliteFranceska]

Hi Jacaranda- I also have trouble being present because I don't like reality. I'm not even facing any big decisions, I just struggle with all the pain I see around me and feel. It is simply easier to retreat into my daydreams. However, I've come to realize that this actually makes things worse; the only way to make our reality better is to recognize our suffering, embrace it, then let it go. As we are taught, everything is temporary and will pass. (And of course I realize this is often difficult to accept in the moment of suffering.)

Something that helps me is to take a minute and focus on one of my senses when I start to feel overwhelmed. The other day I was walking my dog and realized I was getting caught up in a flood of negative emotions; I concentrated on the feel of her leash in my hand and the gentle tugging through my arm and shoulder. Other times I have stopped to feel the wind on my face; the sound of a bird chirping; whatever is readily available. This helps me come back to the present, and also opens my senses to the beautiful things that are there. This in turn helps me get through the bigger, uglier things around me. Hopefully it can do the same for you.

[Ikrleprl]

Not being in tune with reality makes us incapable of making the right decisions. So things in our life can go out of control every quickly if we are always trying not to be in touch with reality. I mean the way we are existing is already not in touch with reality/absolute truth, compound that with a sense of not wanting to be in touch with the truth I think is a recipe for disaster. If one does not control one's mind, one's mind will run wild like a bull elephant.

[grinaJanoDant]

Thankyou all for sharing your thoughts with me.It makes absolute sense,that facing reality,although sometimes painful is always kinder in the long run.Yes I think I need to refocus when panic sets in and have a look around me,and what I'm doing at the time.So thanks again,such kind people out there,I really appreciate your thoughts and suggestions!

[Kingerix]

Hello Jacaranda,

You said: "Sometimes I don't actually like being "present"because it makes me face reality,and at the moment,reality is'nt a very good place for me to be"

From my understanding, if you truely are in the present moment, then it would be impossible that you like/dislike reality. The mind/the self/the ego needs "time" to operate, and the mind cannot think or judge reality if its truely in the present moment. In the present moment, everything is neutral/natural.

For example, if you watch the sunset, then you tell yourself: "the sunset is so beautiful" the time you start to judge the sunset, it became already past. If your are in the present moment, then there is no time to think!!! there will always be a new visitor (a new moment) and you will become merely an observer.

You cannot think in the present moment, its just impossible, try it . Consequently, freedom can only be found in the present moment.

Time=ego/delusion.

Regards,
Bundokji

[replicamuse]

I was out walking the other day and felt so stressed I was hyperventilating

Yes I think I need to refocus when panic sets in and have a look around me,and what I'm doing at the time

Hi Jacaranda,

When you notice a lot of stress/panic is arising, it can also be helpful to gently place your awareness with breathing and to say mentally "Letting go" or " relaaax" with the outbreath....also maybe to do something that you find physically relaxing, because the body can become very tense too.

Keep practice very simple .:hug:



.

[Imampaictjg]

Thankyou Bundokji,and yes it makes absolute sense!

Thankyou also Aloka-D,will definately try your suggestion.I definately have to get my head around all this,stress levels have risen too much of late,and I really don't like feeling that way.

Thanks again everyone,I love this forum!

[Daruhuw]

The trouble with reality is that you're stuck with it.

You can try and tune out from it but reality is still there and you only create more Dukkha for yourself by trying to avoid it.

It takes time and bringing yourself back over and over again before one realises that there is no point trying to avoid it.

It's best to embrace it, whether pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral, instead of trying to avoid it fully engage with it in an open accepting way. This is how we free ourselves from creating Dukkha.

[Aleenkagirlla]

Thanks Goofaholix,I am back to meditating twice daily now,and reality seems kinder! I lapsed a while ago in my practice,and consequently started to feel quite stressed(I have alot going on in life right now).I am also back to re focussing on mindfulness which is proving beneficial!Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[kHy87gPC]

As a practicing Buddhist, I welcome 'difficult situations' that challenge my intellects and emotions. Why? because each situation is a chance for me to practice. I can use each situation and my response to the situation to judge myself. Did I improve? Did I regress? What do I need to work on? Why did I react the way I did?

Yes, sometimes I screwed up and paid the price and had to clean up a lot of mess. But as I truly faced my situations and learn to resolve them with Dharma, I found that difficult situations become fewer and less difficult.

In my view, difficult situations are gifts to practicing Buddhists, because without them, you will never know where you are on your path and don't know what you need to work on. And I look forward to them.

[RafaelYV]

Thats a really nice way of looking at it Yuan!Thankyou for sharing your thoughts!

[vipdumpp]

Hi Jacaranda
I believe sonetimes when it comes to this very stuff we might need a poet to speak for us.


So you mustn’t be frightened…if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you?

Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.

In you…so much is happening now; you must be patient like someone who is sick, and confident like someone who is recovering; for perhaps you are both. And more: you are also the doctor, who has to watch over himself. But in every sickness there are many days when the doctor can do nothing but wait. And that is what you, insofar as you are your own doctor, must now do, more than anything else.
From Letters To A Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

Or in a bit mindfulness sense (primordial state), your fear is like the cold breeze that will be vanised in the vast air by itself.

Hope this helps.
Cheers!