[zoolissentesy]

I dunno what is wrong with some. I banned some of my extended family from the house midway through a Sunday gathering for drinking my German beer as if it was poxy Presidente. They showed no respect for quality over quantity and proved this by helping themselves to my personal stash, for only ME, which to any normal minded moron is obvious as it Was kept in a mini fridge marked keep off. This made for a great argument mid afternoon years ago, but after that I get asked even if they can use the toilet. They plate my food up first before everyone else, whenever anyone goes shopping and I ask for something they bring me the receipt and exact change, and everyone visits the Colmado to buy beer before coming to a BBQ.
If you are going to live in the DR, surrounded by Dominican people then you have to start acting like one at certain levels and keep and eye on things or they will treat you as you are acting, like an outsider, so different rules apply (you don't want that). In other words, get tight with EVERYTHING.

[anenselog]

1) Just recently I was contacted by my sister-in-law saying she would like to throw me a baby shower....

2)My husbands niece told me she was pregnant and having a girl ...
3) My husbands mum and dad decided living in the country was too isolating and now they are in their mid seventies moving nearer all their children in the town of Higuey was better for them. We had a large spare room with en-suite at the time and it was offered to them which they gladly accepted....well the room was empty, not so much as a curtain pole was left in the room!! I called my husband and he laughed at me when I expressed my dismay, he said "Baby,No they didnt ask, but they are my parents, they dont have too"...
Is being white a good enough reason for people to do this, can we say "oh but they just dont know any better" and that be a good enough reason??

Here is what I'd like to know:
Have you TOLD YOUR husband that you don't appreciate this sort of things (after all it is HIS family doing it)?
If not, why not...If yes, what has he done about it?

Maybe you should ask him to tell HIS family that when they need something from you they should first ask him (to avoid misunderstandings) and that he would get back to them after he talks it over with you...

As for the baby shower incident where the guests took the gifts I had never heard anything like that...then again I am no expert in baby showers...the whole baby shower thing is actually an 'imported' tradition...don't think they were done a couple of decades or so ago...they even 'imported' the English name...

[wbondarmunw]

......hmm you paid for a party and got no presents lol.
Do they ever do anything nice for you - the novelty of being generous soon wears off I find

[zoolissentesy]

The baby shower was in your honor and yet you were asked to bring the food and drinks!

That is not the killer, I don't think in my life I heard of such disrespect as to bring someone gifts, show them to the recipient and then play swap shop And give them away with the other woman who's baby shower it is not, lol. That is ground breaking, even for DR.

Some people lead extremely weird lives seemingly contented

[MizzDaizzy]

At Christmas, do they ask you to pay for their gifts to you...............

B in Santiago

[zoolissentesy]

At Christmas, do they ask you to pay for their gifts to you...............

B in Santiago

Reminiscent of the days at a child when my parents would give me the money to go and buy their Xmas, birthday, mother and fathers day gifts. It's great if you are 9 years old, but...............

[Ervntewc]

All those things are pretty abusive, but the divvying up of the baby shower gifts is off the charts. What does Mr LJ say?!

[Zzvukttz]

The top and bottom of this is you need to speak up and tell them to stop this behaviour. Tell them you are not a charity, you have one child you are responsible for, you do not need to be mother goose to a bunch of adults also (this being mother comment really sets them down on the level, and gets the point across).

That is the response I would have given. But, I would go one step further. If they are going to act like children, then treat them like children. Next time, stand and supervise when someone takes something they should not be entitled to. And if they do, correct them, just as a parent would.

If they are doing it because they are uneducated, then be a friend and educate them. Do it firmly, but with kindness.

And to prevent it in the future, try to anticipate such behavior and say something prior in order to prevent the experience from happening.

Lindsey

[FoetAgerhot46]

A little something I always tell newly arrived expats, if you give them a hand, they'll have your arm. Prime example right here and it really sucks you have to go through this. You sound a lot like how I used to be, willing to help everyone, lend things to the neighbours, etc. Not anymore. Now it's, "Lo lamento, no tengo/puedo/quiero."

[MizzDaizzy]

And to prevent it in the future, try to anticipate such behavior and say something prior in order to prevent the experience from happening.

Lindsey

And if this doesn't work.......
May I suggest a Taser.................

B in Santiago

[Aluback]

This, I am afraid, is not the culturally correct answer.
Dominicans do not like (to give or hear) a negative answer.
So, better tell them 'mañana' or 'voy a pensarlo'...
After a while they'll get the message.
They'll call you 'tacaña' but you can live with that, I suppose.


donP

Right Don,
Stalling is the way to go..... requests dry up after a while.

[85IbLcwQ]

"Do you laugh, cry or just get plain mad??"

You do all three at once...
I believe that the last paragraph from Givadogahome (post #21) is a sure fire way to soften the daily effect of banging your head against the wall of trying to understand life here.

Stand up in these situations, you will not be liked as the sun set's but at sunrise you will be better understood and in most cases more respected.

[cialviagra]

All of the problems that you had are more easily prevented than dealt with.

1.) "Ta bien que me quieren hacer un baby shower, pero yo no tengo dinero para poner la comida, disculpa"

2.) "Ya regale toda la ropa de la nina, perdon" Mentioning that you had something saved for the future was the mistake here.

3.) It was your husbands decision regarding his family and you gotta respect that.. I know I've made some extremely poor financial decisions regarding my parents but that's just the way it is, you gotta look back to when he was a kid and his parents had to make all kinds of sacrifices for him to be happy.

[Corporal White]

Been there for over 20 years. I just gave up. My spouses family no matter what you do for them they always wanted more. It was always something. I just learned to tune them out and let my spouse deal with. When they ask for something I always tell them they have to speak with him about it. And they know they won't get anywhere with him. When they cry about needing something I cry right along with them telling them what I need. I also never share with them when I will be traveling back to the US hence they can't put their "order in".

[nanyaHgoc]

1) Just recently I was contacted by my sister-in-law saying she would like to throw me a baby shower, but could i please bring the food and drink. I though that was a bit funny but the thought was there to do something nice for me and I of course said yes as they dont have alot of money. Anyway we went and passed a ok afternoon, most of those that where invited were family that i know quite well. I was actually quite surprised to receive presents from them, nothing grand but booties, blankets, socks and clothes most of all very sweet. At the end of the day all the women were sorting all the presents and putting them in different piles, they were then divided against all the women with small babies and they took them home!! I didnt so much as get a pair of socks!! Is this normal???

I had never before heard of a baby shower thrown for someone in which the other people are the ones who end up with the presents. That's really awful! I don't think you should have been appointed to bring all the food either.

Some people think that because you are in a better financial situation you should help them out on everything they need and that they are entitled to stuff that you MAY not need anymore.

You need to be more vocal! When you are not happy with a situation you've got let it show all over your face and also let them know! Being cool about it because you don't want to be rude or offend anyone won't get you anywhere.

Talk to your husband and tell him that you are not going to tolerate these types of things anymore.

[Cabinanteerip]

The baby shower was in your honor and yet you were asked to bring the food and drinks!

Paintedbird,what did you dislike about what I posted? I suggest you read the OP again!

[Pdarasenko]

gets too expensive over there. If I wanted to go to the beach near Santiago, I had to give my bfs dad $800 pesos to fill the tank, so that he could take us (including bring along a cousins and step sister who pays nada in exchange). Also buy roasted chicken which my bf had to buy $500 pesos of his own money because the money exchage office was closed at that time.... I didn't like that because I told my bf in Mexico where I have family, they take us to the beach (which is also 40 min drive) and THEY don't ask us for gas money!!! I think that the DR seems like a poorer country. But I really wanted to go since it's not everyday that I'm at the island, so I paid those $20. I wanted to go to the rio but didn't because I didn't want to pay.. NEway, had a blast at Costambar beach.

[Pdarasenko]

Paintedbird,what did you dislike about what I posted? I suggest you read the OP again!

I disliked that they took the presents for themselves at her baby shower!

[Cabinanteerip]

Okay,I see!

[nanyaHgoc]

I know what you mean and I know how you feel.A few weeks ago a few people I met when I moved
here in April,said to me,"We are going to take you out to this nice restaurant by the Malecon in SD."
I said to my self,wow,that is so nice of them.When We got there,everybody ordered,we ate and when
the waiter brought the bill,one of them told the waiter to give it to me,that I was going to pay!All of
them said they had no money.I ended up paying dinner for 7 plus myself.

I learned my lesson,when anybody says,Let's go here,or there I say no thanks!

Gee, that sucks! I bet they are looking forward to "taking you out" again.