[AssinHT]

Hi Lucy,

There have been two months since someone posted here but I only found your topic today.

All the others have explained more than well the beliefs of our faith in this matter and I'm not sure I have to add anything new but your story "touched" a sensitive area inside me.

Even though I am a Christian Orthodox almost since I was born, certain issues of my religion were clarified only recently. I too wasn't sure why sex before marriage is a sin but after is a bless. Listening to my spiritual father's speeches I came to understand that it is all about the relationship. We relate to each other and we relate to God. Certainly there is love in the couple before marriage (and your quest to better understand your partner proves it). As God's children we are all able to love and be loved, to create relationships of emotional depth with each other. We are "built" this way. What the ceremony of marriage does is to transform this natural relation into a supernatural one. This can only be done by Lord's blessing.

When I say relationship I mean it both spiritually and physically. So I think it isn't really about sex being right or wrong. It is about being an instinctive action or a holy one. It is about wanting God's blessing for all the aspects of your life, for the relationship with another person and the sacred union with him.

And if your relation is good as it is, imagine how perfect it will be when He takes it under His protection..

Panayota

[Larisochka]

Hi Lucy,

There have been two months since someone posted here but I only found your topic today.

All the others have explained more than well the beliefs of our faith in this matter and I'm not sure I have to add anything new but your story "touched" a sensitive area inside me.

Even though I am a Christian Orthodox almost since I was born, certain issues of my religion were clarified only recently. I too wasn't sure why sex before marriage is a sin but after is a bless. Listening to my spiritual father's speeches I came to understand that it is all about the relationship. We relate to each other and we relate to God. Certainly there is love in the couple before marriage (and your quest to better understand your partner proves it). As God's children we are all able to love and be loved, to create relationships of emotional depth with each other. We are "built" this way. What the ceremony of marriage does is to transform this natural relation into a supernatural one. This can only be done by Lord's blessing.

When I say relationship I mean it both spiritually and physically. So I think it isn't really about sex being right or wrong. It is about being an instinctive action or a holy one. It is about wanting God's blessing for all the aspects of your life, for the relationship with another person and the sacred union with him.

And if your relation is good as it is, imagine how perfect it will be when He takes it under His protection..

Panayota

Thanks, that was interesting to read. Btw, I always find myself coming to discussions late - nice of you to comment!

[hrotedk]

Hello all, Happy Chrismas!

I wanted to update a previous question - I know there is a better thread somewhere, but I couldn't find it.

I'd appreciate some opinions and - if possible - some help as to how traditions came about. My partner and I have (finally) set a date for our wedding, but since it is a long time in advance (nine months), his priest wants to perform a betrothal. What does this entail, does anyone know?

Thanks all!

[Queuerriptota]

This may help you understand what happens in the ceremony. Please understand, once betrothed, it is not like an engagement you can just break off. You are committed for life as if you were married. The only way to get out of a betrothal is to go before the church "court" and see if they will anull the betrothal. It is not as simple as giving the ring back. Betrothals as with St. Joseph and Mary are a state of matrimony not equaled to in the PC world. Joseph was going to "put her away privately". He was not married to her yet, only betrothed, but you can see even then there was a legal procedure to folllow.

I am not suggesting you two are not committed to then become married and this will last your whole lives and beyond, but just to be sober going into this that you can't get into a fight and break it off either.

Paul

[Peter Hill]

There is a very recent short thread on wedding rings that might be helpful. Here is an excerpt of my post to that thread which pertains to the betrothal service:

The ring is the token of betrothal - rings are exchanged in the betrothal service. Though these days the betrothal service is prepended to the wedding service (the crowning) and they are done together, it is the betrothal (with the exchange of rings) that is in fact the "engagement" to marry (although that engagement is unbreakable without good cause and requires a Church divorce to dissolve it.) So technically, rings have nothing to do with Orthodox marriage - only with Orthodox betrothal. The betrothal rings are what we usually think of as the wedding rings in western parlance and the big diamond/fancy engagement ring is completely out of the picture. The rubrics of the betrothal in the Russian Church suggest that the groom's ring is gold while the brides is silver, however, there is no requirement for this difference.

In the betrothal service the rings are brought to the priest ahead of time and he blesses them. At the time of the betrothal, the priest takes the rings and places the groom's ring on the bride's finger and the bride's ring on the groom's finger. Then the best man/father of the bride/godfather or some other significant person (not the priest usually) changes the rings three times so that the groom's ring ends up on the groom's finger and the bride's ring on the bride's finger. In the context of the service the right hand is used, however afterward the bride and groom can shift the rings to the left if that is the cultural norm in the country where they live.