Why I've hardly been around
 

I used to post like a crazy person here, and I've slowly dropped off over the last few months. I'm sorry about that.

My husband and I were having a lot of financial troubles and things like that so we've since moved to his hometown and are currently rebuilding our lives. It's been almost two years since his affair, that honestly doesn't really come to mind like it did a year ago and two years ago obviously.

Our marriage is stronger than ever. It's just the rebuilding of the rest of our life together I want to be done with. I've finally found a job up here so we're doing a lot better than we were.

To those new members who are struggling: it takes time. Don't rush yourself to heal, don't push yourself to try to "forgive" them if you want to stay with them either. You go at your own pace and if they don't like that, then kick them to the curb. They didn't deserve you in the first place and if they're not willing to be patient, they DEFINITELY don't deserve you.

You heal the way you see fit. The most important rule of it all is to take care of yourself. Do what makes you happy, make sure you eat or if you're going overboard, don't drown your sorrows in food. Find hobbies you enjoy, exercise and just try not to think about the things that bother you. You will be surprised to find how much easier it is to deal with when you're busy with other things. Before you know it, it doesn't hurt anymore.

*****Big hugs****** to all of you, new and old members.

Angel

Your post is why I wanted to join this forum. It's been almost two months since my husband had an emotional affair with my best friend for about 7 weeks. My emotions are different than others. I don't feel angry, I do, however, get sad from time to time. More that I am disappointed that our marriage was in that much trouble (unknown to me, of course!) that he had to resort to an outside source. Disappointed in my BF to not know better. Disappointed that it will leave a scar on our marriage. My husband has been so remorseful and has made drastic changes in our communication to (hopefully) ensure he never strays again. It's not easy, but I must say, the past two days have been much better than the past two weeks! Hopefully, for now, I can focus on the positive. I love him, he loves me. He made a mistake, he is sorry, and we are both committed to making our marriage work. He loved me before, he THOUGHT he fell out of love, but once he let his gaurd down and let me back into his emotional world, he remembered who he truly loves... and it wasn't the BF! I remember one of the turning points. We were in the car for a 45 min drive, barely speaking to each other, stuck in traffic. We drove by the hospital where my son was born. I pointed to the hospital and my husband spoke about the night he was born. Then we drove by where my husband was in a serious accident (out of work for 6 months). We talked about how awful it was to go through all that, being broke and all. The stories just kept coming. I didn't say much. I let him talk. Slowly, I started to smile and I said to myself, "My husband is back. He is back."

So yes, there are times that the "questions" eat at me. I know every detail of the affair, but even so, I remember birthday parties together and wondered if something happened there. At some point I will ask. The hurt of losing my BF is a lot to handle, especially because my four God Children are her kids. (I hope to maneuver contact with them- somehow...sometime) The insecurities are difficult at times... I really am not ready to be alone for more than a couple of hours (luckily, our weekends are filled with family stuff!) I can hear a song and it gets difficult for me. (I no longer listen to Country- too many cheating songs!) I am feeling strong tonight, but that could drastically change tomorrow. My husband is prepared for those up and downs and is ready to remind me why I am still here with him. He is a good guy who made a bad decision. I don't feel like the battered housewife. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but at least I can say that yesterday and today were good days. Much better than the last two weeks.

Thank you for sharing your story. I need to hear these things. I need to know that it can be worked out- when two people agree. The affair has been a very lonely experience for me, relying on the one person who broke my trust, to help me through. He's been good so far. Hopefully he doesn't slack off! I also must admit, that just writing this stuff, makes me feel better. It helps me put life into perspective, even when times are tough.

Carrie

Glad to have you back and glad things are looking up for you.

Good advice and lovely post. Thank You and thanks to all on this site. If offers so many perspectives!

Welcome back, I am happy that the marriage is rebuilding at a good pace. Keep your chin up, and keep on working at your own pace. http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/smile.gif


http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/smile.gif Texas Tomcat http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/smile.gif

Hi Angel:

Good to see you on here again. Like you, i"ve not posted as much as I used to. I"ve been feeling a bit burnt out and incapable of adding value to the forum in this state.

We've certainly missed you and your post shows exactly why you are missed. I"m glad to hear about your employment. I have been thinking of you and I"m glad to get your update.

Great advice, especially about setting the pace. IT's up to the BS to do it...period. It's about their timeline -- and it's their decision to stay/go/reconcile/take a time out to consider options. whatever.

KitKat

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Thanks guys and gals, new and senior members! It's good to feel so welcomed here, that's why I love this place so much.

With my new shift change at work, mornings may leave time for me to try to post on a few threads here and there. I forgot how much it does help to get a third party perspective on things. Someone that can see between the lines of what you're posting. You guys all did it for me and I never went back into my marriage with my eyes closed. Believe me, they were open and still are.

Honestly, because of the advice I had received here two years ago, I had made plans to leave my husband eventually. Started saving money, things like that. Then somewhere along the recovery line the first year, I noticed he HAD actually changed.

I can't stress enough how my situation is not how everyone else's will end out. Some people never change, it's beyond them to do so. They think they're perfect. In the cheating world, I'm a minority.

I feel for everyone here, new and old members. We all have had the crap beaten out of us, out of our spirit and this place does wonders for repairing that. Mending the hurts and learning to move beyond it and become a better person. I'm a better person now than I ever was before my husband's affair. I feel like I learned so much about people, about myself, and about relationships in general. You look at life differently, sure, but maybe it's the way you're SUPPOSED to look at it.

Hopefully I can be around more often for you guys, I missed this place, and you all, so freaking much! lol

*hugs*
Angel

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