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[PemiaGefe]

In October 09 my Boyfriend who I've been seeing for years and live with admitted to sleeping with a friend of mine. Because this was very out of with character (or so I thought) we worked it out and got back into a good place in our relationship. THEN I find out that hes a subscriber to a website for people looking to hook up or send "dirty" photos to each other. Obviously this wasn't ok with me I confronted him about it and of course he had a million excuses for what had happened while in the process of trying to work things out i find out today he's been talking to some girl online sending inappropriate photos and receiving them from this girl. I broke up with him shortly after long story short I should have learn from the first incident that he was a loser.

[craditc]

I don't know. I really don't.

For the most part, I believe that the saying is accurate. My reasoning is that by the time someone is an adult, character can't be relearned. You can't imbue someone with character when they don't have any. If someone is dishonest, it doesn't matter how much counselling they get, the counselling can't imbue that person with a characterist that s/he doesn't possess. Period.

However..I do think that there are some people who do change. I believe change is possible. I'm sure that all of us have witnessed people who have made significant changes in their lives and their way of living. I have friends who seemed incapable of caring about the suffering of moralized 'others' (e.g. the homeless, etc) suddenly realize that these 'others' are HUMANS deserving of respect, compassion, dignity. So I know that people can change.


Do cheaters change? Well, sometimes I wonder if cheaters are a special subclass of people...maybe, for the most part, they are too narcisistic or selfish or whatever to be capable of change. Seriously - there may be folks that are incapable of change.


There are people on this forum that have decided to reconcile...which tells me that sometimes, change may be possible. Time well tell.

KitKat

[Mypepraipse]

When they start cheating while you are dating them, you get a pretty good idea of what's instore for you if you marry them or have a child with them.

I agree with Kit, there are some people who change. I used to be so hard line against second chances because I got burned giving them. A person can change bad ways IF THEY want to. But the majority don't change after they profess they will. As Kit said, only time will tell.

But in your case you probably made the right decision. Be careful with the next bf, so many cheaters out there, chances are you will run into another somewhere down the line.

[lE3l6Lgn]

Changing a person’s character and habits is possible. Look at recovering alcoholics and drug addicts, reformed criminals, people that change their life style and loose a lot of weight, control diabetes, blood pressure or other health conditions. The thing is that they have to have a strong desire to change, to get out, and to recover. They have to do it for themselves, not for their spouse, kids or friends.

They need to make that conscious decision to not be that way anymore. To not be the way they are. It’s not an easy choice and it takes a lot of will power and strength. The problem is that most cheaters don’t see it as a problem. They don’t decide to quit because they don’t want to be a cheater. They quit because they are afraid of losing their spouse, kids, friends, etc. Because of that they more often than not fail. They fall back into the same cycle of cheating and lying.

[PemiaGefe]

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[Zdfjpbth]

ABSOLUTELY! Once a cheater always a cheater.

I have this argument with the jackasses over at loveshack.

You aren't going to convince me that someone who likes the thrill and excitment of being with someone new, that they are just going to lose that desire completely.

Nobody is going to tell me that a person that desires that will be content with the same person for the rest of their lives after some sort of revelation.

dont think so

[PilotJargon]

i think people can change if they really truly want too, but with anything they have to first realize that there is a problem, but for the most part at least in my situation my husband twists so many stories to try and make them fit he's in denial probably more than i am, it's really pretty sick now that i think of it i swear it's as if he has washed faults away and don't remember or perhaps he cares not, obviously he feels better spinning a web of lies praying and hoping that i believe his b.s stories so we can continue to live in this fantasy world where he is the ideal husband and father and he should know that fairy tales are only for entertainment purposes, but like someone said above sometimes it takes for a person to hit rock bottom to want to change and in his case that's what its gonna take,

[Zdfjpbth]

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[Mypepraipse]

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[craditc]

SO true. Cheating is NOT a mistake. IT's a choice!

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[TerAlelmlor]

Its possible, so is winning the lottery with about the same percentage of a chance.
Yes, people with drug and alcohol problems are able to rehab, but when they fall off the wagon are you willing to continually be there to pick up the pieces?
Also I believe drug and alchohol problems are chemical problems in the brain, cheating is a problem with integrity and true abnormality in character and moralality.
Can they change, if only they totally changed in spirit, gave their life to christ and who knows, would they be telling the truth then?
The lie factor is so ingrained in them its hard to tell.
Of course if you are willing to stand by them and take their emotional abuse and manipulations over and over again, you could wait and see at the end of your life it they are able to change, but then, you have just wasted your own life waiting to find out.

[craditc]

Yes. I say this all the time -- cheating shows a lack of character and that is not something that can be learned. You have it or you don't.

But I do think that there are individuals who make terrible decisions and are remorseful. So I do think change is possible, but that it happens very rarely in light of the fact that 99% of cheaters lack the moral integrity required to be faithful (or to even want to be faithful)

KitKat

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