19 and counting -

The only person you can trust to give you the truth is yourself, nobody else. Cheaters will lie and that's an absolute truth, they'll even concoct stories you would not think them capable of.

If you start trusting a cheater you're just opening yourself up to more hurt down the road.

Fooling herself
 

My wife of 19yrs is currently in school to become a nurse and she bartends full time besides being the mother of 4, ages 19 (in college also), 15,13, and 6. Alot on her plate right? Well, even with all of that going on she also found time to have a boyfriend for a few months b4 I found out about it. She claims she did this because she didn't feel like I cared or even loved her much anymore. She claimed that I wasn't supporting her or listening to her about her schooling or work but, he did. How do people fool themselves into excuses like these when the truth and facts of my support and caring/loving her can be shown easily when we actually talk about what was taking place at the time she carried on with him.

My husband did the same thing. I gave all of myself to him and he said he had an affair for the same reasons your wife used. If your like me you know you gave everything you could and it really hurts when they throw it back at you like it was garbage.
Your right , I don't know who they think their fooling. I guess that is what they do to justify themselves. I hurts so much when you give love but never recive it back from the one you love so much. I don't really know what to tell you because I am going thru the same thing right now. I will tell you this your not alone and if you need support this is a good place to let it all out and maybe find some encouraging words. Hang in there.

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And the plot thickens.....while talking with my wife about her previous boyfriend, I asked her if she missed the "good feelings" she had when she was around him. She replied "no, I don't miss those feelings I had then because I'm getting them from you now". She then went on to say "the only thing I miss from then is being able to shoot the **** with him, to talk with him about anything like I used to" WTF????!!!!! I have been in a pretty crappy mood since then! She doesn't say anything bad about this guy who lied to her, tried to have a relationship with her while coming between us, professed his love/feelings for her, and even though we found out via my sister this guy has tried to physically attack a woman and had to have my brother in law and another guy pull him away, my wife still considers him "A FRIEND"!!! If I say anything negative about this guy she will defend him to me. And now, she tells me she misses talking to him. She admits that if she were to talk to him on the phone if things went well they would probably flirt with each other, and the feelings of excitement would return and she would feel like meeting him in person. She further agrees that if she were to meet him in person that things "could" pick up again because "anything is possible". Now, I ask you, should I feel threatened by this? I do! But, she doesn't understand that because "she knows she wouldn't do anything with him ever again, there is no way she would let it happen" can we say "talking in circles"????

So why are you putting up with this crap? Seriously.

Pack her a bag and tell her to get the hell out.

You're having discussions with your wife about her affair as casual as if you were talking about picking up milk at the store.

You've got to grow a pair and give her consequences to her actions.

I'm not to the "boot her tail end out" point, and I really don't want to get there, yet. We have started to see a marriage counselor and are trying to work through this. To give her some credit, she did stop herself from letting it go too far. But, in the same respect if I hadn't stumbled into finding out about it who knows how far it would have gone with additional time on her side.

okay, my reaction is "and you believe her?"...

Seriously, without a polygraph you have no way of knowing if she "stopped herself" before going too far. Sigh. She has lied to you before, right? Then she can still be lying. And I know, I know, she sounds sooo convincing. And you want to believe her.

Tell her that you want to move on in your marriage and that you would like for her to take a polygraph so that you can restore the trust and faith to your marriage (they cost $300 and are a phone call away). Even she gives you even the slightest argument--well, you have your answer.
However, if she agrees, you still won't know anything until the test (my sTBX lied until he sat into the chair)....then I discovered that it was two at a time, more $ than I imagined, no protection at times and he was still looking at match.com and craigs list at least three nights a week. And this was the whole year he was telling me how so so sorry he was and how he would never hurt me again.

So...since she lies you have only your hopes and well, love is blind.

Get an STD check
Ask her to take a polygraph test
Get a therapist for yourself--wait with the marriage counseling
You might as well quit asking her about the other man since you can't believe what she tells you anyway.

Good luck...
SIS

Yes, I do believe her about stopping herself, but only because the night I found out the truth I stopped at the tavern she works at and when the boyfriend showed up I took him into the backroom and let him know she came clean. Then in a very unconfrontational way I asked him the same questions I had originally asked her that night and the answers did match. Why would I believe that? They never had a chance to get together and formulate a story to tell me. They never got a chance to see each other or talk to each other on the phone since I was there. Oh! Btw I really like this marriage counselor, she has already in our first meeting put the wife in her place on some of her BS. Now the wife knows that some of her excuses are as transparent as I have told her they are from the beginning.

So if you believe her then you have nothing to worry about---just ask her about the polygraph then and she'll be glad to take one. And then when you give her the list of questions that you might ask on the polygraph, she'll be glad to answer them all knowing that you may follow through on the polygraph.

Of course, you could just believe everything she tells you....life would be easier, I know.

LMAO....dude, seriously what the hell are you doing. I just read your other thread.

Your MC will not work because she is in the fog. she is full of crap and you are believing her. If it was my wife that other asshat would not only not been not the bar after you saw the tape, but he'd have a case of of Huber shoved up his ass

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