[teentodiefows]

I have known that CH mother cheated on her husband, I now suspect that he also cheated on her because I exposed my CH to my father-inlaw just recently and his response was that I was not the only woman to be hurt. So I now believe that both CH's parents were cheats and therefore I have zero respect for them and blame them for some degree for him also choosing to cheat.

FIL tore strips off me when I told him about his son joing dating sites and sex with OW, and my CH did not defend me or stop his father's tirade against me. FIL told me not to disrespect my CH in front of his grandchildren, wtf? He also told me to respect his wife. Pity my CH couldnt stand up to his father when all this was going on. FIL also tried to find fault with my siblings by saying that they were at loggerheads on my wedding day. Isnt a woman's wedding day supposed to be the happiest day of her life and is this why he chose to say something false about my family that he noticed on that day? I realise also that my inlaws dont know if I have brothers or sisters.

Anyway, it is their 50th wedd anniversary next month and as I dislike them now with a passion I dont want to go. In fact I want them out of my life completely. Fancy trying to find fault with my family when I exposed his cheating son to him. He should have directed his abuse towards his son and the damage that he has caused to me and his family instead of trying to blame me (oh yes, he said that maybe I didnt give CH what he wanted, my response that CH wanted variety in his women, not just me). He also said that I have a problem. This is coming from a 75yo secret-keeping stubborn hoarder. He should back off and realise his life is almost over and that we are not living in the 1950s nor does he still have control over everyone in his family. He even made a comment that my eldest child no longer seemed very happy, no doubt blaming me for that too, not realising that the turmoil hIS cheating son has created in our family.

OK back to the anniversary, I dont want to go because I hate them, but I dont know how to get out of it. Any thoughts?

[teentodiefows]

Just an update re me. I have still been lurking on this site even though I stopped posting. I felt as though I had outstayed my welcome here with my indecisiveness about staying or leaving CH and my updates of not knowing what to do, and that it was tearing me apart that I wanted so badly to tell the in-laws, I didnt expect the response that I got when I told them. The lack of empathy and the blame placed on me and the MIL not believing what I was saying. Well at least I have told them and I have that off my chest but now because of their reaction I hate them even more.

I joined another site dealing with marriage difficulties and after sitting on that site all day one day I came to realise that it was full of fake posts and fake replies. It just dawned on me the similarities of the wording and phrasing of the posts that it was all made up. I dont know how many real people there are on that site but once I realised I felt so let-down and disappointed that I still had no-one to turn to.

I am seeing a new counsellor to try and help me through this minefield, anyway, thanks for reading.

[SAUNDERSAN]

Hi Rosella,

Kind of in the same boat with the in-law. Though I have decided to leave her because of all the continuous lying and absolutely no admittance despite of all the proof.

If you have your evidence, why not try showing it to your in-laws?

[tevyrefficy]

Hi Rosella, good to see you back! You will never outstay your welcome. Your story is very similar to mine (unremorseful CS that won't leave) and you gave me a lot of strength by sharing it.

I've given up on my CW, but she won't go. So it's just a loveless sharing arrangement ATM. I really think it's wearing me down though. We have our first appointment with a psychologist on Friday. I hope to come to a conclusion from that.

Your FIL sounds like a typical irrational narcissistic pig. You don't need that in your life. Make a statement and don't attend. The truth will come out about your CH and any decent person would understand.

[preptarra]

Hi Rosella - it's good to have you posting. I remember you and your story so well. You should never feel shame -- when we give you advice, it's because we care. And I truly understand the indecisiveness you've experienced. You didn't expect to deal with this mess and it's a hard mess to deal with.

In terms of the anniversary. hmmm. Well...my vote: if you don't want to go, then you don't go. period. Your in-laws do not support your wellness. If you go, it's not as if some magic will happen and you'll suddenly be embraced into the family. They don't have your back - your efforts towards them are futile. So I see NO downside risk in not going. They already dislike you - they'll continue to dislike you whether you go or not. So don't go. Like yourself - do what's best for you. You don't want to go so don't go. There is NO value added for you when you put out energy towards a relationship and see no investment on your return. In fact, there is a downside risk ... you get burnt out.

KitKat