[tinamasak]

Thanks for the input. Reading your responses makes me wonder why I'm still with my CW.

KitKat: I had issues with CW pre affair, so when it happened my instinctive & immediate reaction was to end the marriage. So your response is really helpful. You really loved him & still have no regrets about ending it.

I had a bit of a meltdown the other night. She asked what I wanted for my birthday in a few weeks time. You may remember that my birthday last year was one of the occasions she screwed the OM. So it's nearly been a year, my birthday looming & I really became down. I showed no anger towards her, was just sad. She initially accepted that, & was supportive. Then the next day she started getting cranky about it. Like I'm somehow wrong for making her feel bad.Not much remorse the way I see it. It's almost a year to Dday and it's really hit me hard. I know it has to end. Just so damn hard.

Thoughts are with Breemood.

[bashansasasasa]

Hi Kraft:

Yes. You got it exactly right: It`s so damn hard. When I formally ended the relationship, I wasn't ready for it to be over. Another poster (SIS) described her process as one where she PULLED herself away from her ex. That fits my situation also. I was literally PULLING myself away from him. And every pull hurt...and, at the same time, every pull (though painful) was a victory.

I"m not sure what you will ultimately do, Kraft. There's no one answer. It's just very important that you honour yourself. YOu can't live in a situation of perpetual pain. Given that your wife cheated on you on your birthday, she should understand the tremendous pain your birthday signifies - the day is so tarnished. She should understand and, further, feel its tarnish personally and painfully.

I"m thinking of you,

KitKat

[juyrett]

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[tinamasak]

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[tinamasak]

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[Mearticbaibre]

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[tinamasak]

I know the question "Can a marriage successfully survive infidelity?" has been covered a lot on this forum. There seems to be some cases of it but generally not much evidence confirming it.

I thought I'd ask this from another perspective:

Those of you who have left your CS,whether immediately or after much consideration, do any of you have any doubts about the decision? Minor doubts, major doubts or full blown regret. Or is it a case of "OMG, why didn't I do it sooner!!!"

[Markdogas]

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[bashansasasasa]

Kraft. I was married 14 years. I adored my husband. I mean...ADORED him. Not only did I love him, but I felt such tenderness for him. I wished him only the best and worked hard at our relationship.

I was in love with him the day he went for groceries and I discovered (thanks to the internet) that I didn't know him at all. That was terrible...this knowledge that I did not know him intimately. In an instant, he became a stranger. My marriage became an illusion. The last 5 years, the period of time he'd been cheating, became a lie.

HE walked in with his groceries and I said: "Who the feck is [insert name of prostitute]?"

And I felt like I'd been hit in the gut. I"d never felt that much pain...and I kicked him out that day. It almost ruined me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And the pain..it got worse before it got better (but it did get better, folks!!). And soon after that D-day, I would discover that the depth of his betrayal was more than I ever could have imagined possible. He makes Tiger Woods look like good husband.

To answer your questions.

Yes, I did think: WHY didn't I leave him sooner? I thought this because, in hindsight, I could see that when I had been sick...his withdrawal was not a coping mechanism...it was abandonment. Maybe I was too sick to see it. I don't know. But I sometimes think I purposely did not see what I was not well enough to handle. I wish I had looked closer. It was only 4 months into my wellness that I did look. I didn't like the answer.

Do I regret kicking him out? NO. Not at all. But I am still filled with a type of sadness. I still miss who I THOUGHT he was. And I still mourn the life I had worked so hard to build that won't happen.

Do I ever have doubts? NO. Just anxiety over this life I have that I don't always know how to live. I wasn't prepared for it (like all of you..I didn't develop the skill set to deal with this).

But I am doing so much better now than I was when I first discovered the infidelity and I know my future is going to be fantastic. It's been about 1.5 years and I have a pretty rockin life. There is still a sadness that I feel, but my life is better without him. I know that.

KitKat

[brulpcoersero]

Def why did I not kick him out sooner, I wasted years on a hopeless person.