[Lymneterfeiff]

well. ive always been around here since the onion days but the worst thing that could ever happen in my life has happend. Im in a puddle of tears and feel so damn lost.


back in 2002 my wife devorced me and left me with a beautiful 1 yr and 3 yr old boys. they are my world. thru the years they now have badassed computers and we game togather every day. they both are straight a students and always have been .. now 9 and 12. never made a B on a report card. They are mty best friends. we play l4d n em all.. this whole time since devorce shes kept them on the weekends and Ive taken care of everything else. financially and all. school and all. ..



OMG


they came home tonight... after their weekend and told me.... they would like to live with thier mom for a while cause theyve never known her. I soooo understand them but guys... i cant live without them. i work on the weekends.. if they move with here ill never see em.. theyre mty best friends... best.. only... friends. theyre gone..... i have step kids... my two boys ive raised alone for years are gone.. what do i do... how do i go on. ive prayed n prayed but they wont be here tomorrow to get off the bus.. someone has to have a solution... either that or some good pills i can come and get from you. im so heartbroken.. ive never experienced anything like this. my children are gone.

[Lymneterfeiff]

im tryin so hard to hold it togather. i mean no more l4d.. dinners togather every night. signing homework. im sorry i need to keep this to myself. ./.. MOD just close this. im sorry.

[hotsaucemidl]

@ Sevndust

I gotta say i don´t really understand how you keep relating to your children as your "best friends", but why don´t you just tell them how you feel about it ?
Maybe you can persuade them into staying ?
What you don´t want right now are some pills, you need a clean head, you don´t want your kids seeing you as a messed up pos do you ?

btw, i know this is totaly off the topic right now and i guess critic is the last thing you need, but dude 9 and 12 ?? You let them play L4D at that age ???

[Lymneterfeiff]

@ Sevndust

I gotta say i don´t really understand how you keep relating to your children as your "best friends", but why don´t you just tell them how you feel about it ?
Maybe you can persuade them into staying ?
What you don´t want right now are some pills, you need a clean head, you don´t want your kids seeing you as a messed up pos do you ?

btw, i know this is totaly off the topic right now and i guess critic is the last thing you need, but dude 9 and 12 ?? You let them play L4D at that age ???

ya we use voice ... we also play sh and anything coop that we can. even just got started in guild wars togather. theyre GT kids in school. l4d makes the little one jump but we always play togather and get lots of laughs outta it. ima miss em so bad. just hearin em say school was just fine n nothin happened. they know how i feel but i know they love thier mother n i sure dont want it to be harder on em.

[hotsaucemidl]

I just can´t understand how someone can let their young children play those kinds of games, but hey your kids, your rules. Who am i to judge.
Anyways, i guess the whole situation really sucks. I wish there was something i, or tbh anyone here could say to make you feel better or somehow change the given.
I guess the only advice i can give you is just don´t do anything stupid.

[mplawssix]

i'd imagine no one here can give you advice on how to get this issue solved the way u want it.

if they really do want to get to know her as you said by staying with her, they might resent you for trying to interfere. you havent lost your kids, they're just curious. besides they're hardly going to game with their mother are they, you're not replaceable in their lives, i've noticed boys in general dont relate as well to their mothers as they do their fathers.

[slarceSelia]

Hang in there buddy. It's just their mom. That's how the kids see her. They don't see her as an ex-wife. It'll be fine.

Just relax and get out of the house. Don't play games. Go out with other friends. Talk. If it helps, just think of all the situations that people are in that are 10000000x worse than yours. Be thankful for what you have. Two healthy and smart kids who will always love you. [thumbup]

[hotsaucemidl]

Hang in there buddy. It's just their mom. That's how the kids see her. They don't see her as an ex-wife. It'll be fine.

Just relax and get out of the house. Don't play games. Go out with other friends. Talk. If it helps, just think of all the situations that people are in that are 10000000x worse than yours. Be thankful for what you have. Two healthy and smart kids who will always love you. [thumbup]

^^
This man speaks with the wisdom of Yoda himself.

For Master Yoda himself once said
"Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is" [yes]

[JacksHH]

It's hard at the moment, and you're feeling rejected and low - don't!
As has been said, they'll just be curious about their mother and be wanting to see what she's really like and you should let them - even tell them it's a good idea as, although you and her don't get on, it's not their problem.
They know they're loved by you and can rely on you to be a foundation as they start growing up in the world. Part of that world is your ex' and her family, like it or not.

TBH, I wouldn't be surprised if the experiment doesn't last very long, once she realises the time and expense involved and they realise the difference in the way the two households work.
I would say the best thing would be if the boys, in time, regard both houses as 'home' and are comfortable moving between them as they want.
They're young, but starting to feel their independence and the best thing you can do is supportt hem. Remember, it won't be long before they're chasing girls, going away to college, etc, so think of it as being a rehearsal.

[Lymneterfeiff]

It's hard at the moment, and you're feeling rejected and low - don't!
As has been said, they'll just be curious about their mother and be wanting to see what she's really like and you should let them - even tell them it's a good idea as, although you and her don't get on, it's not their problem.
They know they're loved by you and can rely on you to be a foundation as they start growing up in the world. Part of that world is your ex' and her family, like it or not.

TBH, I wouldn't be surprised if the experiment doesn't last very long, once she realises the time and expense involved and they realise the difference in the way the two households work.
I would say the best thing would be if the boys, in time, regard both houses as 'home' and are comfortable moving between them as they want.
They're young, but starting to feel their independence and the best thing you can do is supportt hem. Remember, it won't be long before they're chasing girls, going away to college, etc, so think of it as being a rehearsal.

ty guys

[Qvqnubpj]

don't do anything silly mate, last thing they want is their father not being there anymore.

look after your self,and I'm sure the kiddies will realize how cool it is living with the ole man.

[Alexeric]

Yeah, doping up is only going to hurt chances to get them back down the line. Kids are like that from what I've seen, they want to see the other side, I know it's a big loss... but they are still your children.

[sabbixsweraco]

I'm with Gordo on this one. Let them find out who their mother is. They have a right to have a relationship with their mum as they do with you.

Sounds like dads house is more fun, so they might not be gone for long.

[Qvqnubpj]

shes also probably had an easy life for the last 8 years because you've dealt with and supported them through their toddler and pre primary school days and she probably doesn't fully understand (or care) the gravity of what you've done...

Kinda wrong really you lay down all the ground work and then she (possibly) plants an Idea in the children's minds that they want to be with mummy

will you still have to support them financially when she starts looking after them ?

that's one thing I'd be a bit dubious about tbh, her stealing your kids away and your left to support them with **** all access to them due to your work and other commitments.

also correct me if I'm wrong but the courts decided that you were the best parent for the children to be supported long term didnt they ?

or was this a mutual agreement.

this reply is all presumptions so please if its not relevant or boarding on the side of paranoia please disregard.

it takes a strong man to up bring two children pretty much on your own and for that you have my deepest respect as its usually the woman who takes the lead in this and the dad usually just pops round or has them on the weekends.

[chelviweeme]

@ Sevndust

I gotta say i don´t really understand how you keep relating to your children as your "best friends", but why don´t you just tell them how you feel about it ?
Maybe you can persuade them into staying ?
What you don´t want right now are some pills, you need a clean head, you don´t want your kids seeing you as a messed up pos do you ?

btw, i know this is totaly off the topic right now and i guess critic is the last thing you need, but dude 9 and 12 ?? You let them play L4D at that age ???

My father and I have a lil bro and big bro relationship... I honestly woudlnt have it any other way. Why dont you tell the kids they could like with their mom over the summer. The entire summer vacation that way they can spend time with her better and then have them come back for school?

Why not convince the kids to go during the summer for a full vacation

[Liaiskelile]

^^
This man speaks with the wisdom of Yoda himself.

For Master Yoda himself once said
"Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is" [yes]

Yep, the darkside is strong, but good shall prevail.

[Lymneterfeiff]

My father and I have a lil bro and big bro relationship... I honestly woudlnt have it any other way. Why dont you tell the kids they could like with their mom over the summer. The entire summer vacation that way they can spend time with her better and then have them come back for school?

Why not convince the kids to go during the summer for a full vacation

Thank you guys for your advice. I am going to do what you said shervin. My wife and I thought that was a very good idea. again guys ty for your posts. this was killer to me. they boys woke up at 5 this mornin to tell us they changed their minds. whew

[WepKeyday]

My father and I have a lil bro and big bro relationship... I honestly woudlnt have it any other way.

From what age? I mean I take it you aren't 12 right now. I only ask because we had a friend when we were about 18. I remember going over to his place we thought it was cool because he used first name to refer to his dad, his dad was a dope dealer and they were friends. So one of us said to him it must be cool having a dad like that and he said no not really I have plenty of friends, it's easy to make friends what I would have liked was a dad.

[Lunims]

You have full custody?

It ain't worth it to them, I know from experience! Especially sense they do not know their mom at all. The 12yr old has full right to do so, but the 9yr old can not make this decision yet, this of coarse is if you guys did everything legally.


What I would do, if you have full custody is let them stay with her for like a month or two during the summer or something. Then let them decide what they wanna do. Don't let them do it cold turkey.
You have to know that their mother has been talking them into them asking you to do this. It sucks that she is using the kids. You may want to do all go to dinner and discuss this. See what the kids really feel with both of you there. I was always used as a middle man to get what either parent wanted, I am taking a pretty good strong guess that the mother is doing the same thing.


If they do go over to her house, and stay there most of the time, and you get the weekends, DO NOT LET THEM TAKE ANYTHING FROM YOUR HOUSE TO HER HOUSE.
Games, computers, cell phones, gameboy, board games, toys, etc. Only allow them to take their hygiene products, school material and cloths.

[Lymneterfeiff]

You have full custody?

It ain't worth it to them, I know from experience! Especially sense they do not know their mom at all. The 12yr old has full right to do so, but the 9yr old can not make this decision yet, this of coarse is if you guys did everything legally.


What I would do, if you have full custody is let them stay with her for like a month or two during the summer or something. Then let them decide what they wanna do. Don't let them do it cold turkey.
You have to know that their mother has been talking them into them asking you to do this. It sucks that she is using the kids. You may want to do all go to dinner and discuss this. See what the kids really feel with both of you there. I was always used as a middle man to get what either parent wanted, I am taking a pretty good strong guess that the mother is doing the same thing.


If they do go over to her house, and stay there most of the time, and you get the weekends, DO NOT LET THEM TAKE ANYTHING FROM YOUR HOUSE TO HER HOUSE.
Games, computers, cell phones, gameboy, board games, toys, etc. Only allow them to take their hygiene products, school material and cloths.

I was 22 when she left. i had to give her alamony just to get joint custody of the boys. she wanted the money. i am self employeed and only work on the weekends so I keep them mon thru fri and she keeps them on the weekends. I am now remarried and my boys both now in 3rd and 6th grade have never brought home a B. What chances do I have in losing them if I just say f it and take her to court. she is remarried and has another child of her own as well. her husband is a great guy and makes good money. the boys changed their minds and decided to stay with me during the week but i know this isnt going to be the last i hear of it cause im sure shes killin em about it every weekend. should i thank god for the time i get and leave it or should i go to court and get some of this on paper so this cant happen again? I know you guys aint lawyers but I know your not stupid either.