[RsQhyZyR]

From what you wrote, it sounds like your father is no longer around, and maybe that's where the problem lies.

Your mother is associating your Chinese Girlfriend with your Chinese Father (albeit all 1/4 of it).

She needs to get over the fact that not all Chinese people are gonna act like your father.

I think somehow she is venting her frustration on your father but directing it at your girlfriend.

She's probably not a "out and out racist", But she clearly has crossed the line and you need to resolve this now, before things go too far.

If you didn't live at home you could just "lay down the law" and tell her where to get off, But as it is living under her roof, she can make your l;ife uncomfortable if not unbearable.

Best thing to do is get out and get your own place, even if its a house share, its better than what your currently having to put up with.

I know they say "blood is thicker than water", But in a situation like this, where love is involved, the mother is usually the one to lose out, I'd stick by my wife every time.

I think almost everyone goes through something like this at one time or another, most parents can be intolerant of their son's/daughters choice of partner, But if your serious then you have to make them understand that their intolerance may some day drive you away, which someday could ultimately mean your children have little or no contact with their grand parents, So you have some choices to make, and some hard decisions.

[Precturge]

From what you wrote, it sounds like your father is no longer around, and maybe that's where the problem lies.

I talk to mad dad who is very tolerant and understanding… but that does not really help because my mum would just continue to bully my girlfriend anyway.

I think his dad is still around.

[RerRoktoido]

How about just giving your mom the silent treatment? Might work better than giving her ammo to respond with.

[arindiruppya]

From what you wrote, it sounds like your father is no longer around, and maybe that's where the problem lies.

Your mother is associating your Chinese Girlfriend with your Chinese Father (albeit all 1/4 of it).

She needs to get over the fact that not all Chinese people are gonna act like your father.

I think somehow she is venting her frustration on your father but directing it at your girlfriend.

She's probably not a "out and out racist", But she clearly has crossed the line and you need to resolve this now, before things go too far.

If you didn't live at home you could just "lay down the law" and tell her where to get off, But as it is living under her roof, she can make your l;ife uncomfortable if not unbearable.

Best thing to do is get out and get your own place, even if its a house share, its better than what your currently having to put up with.

I know they say "blood is thicker than water", But in a situation like this, where love is involved, the mother is usually the one to lose out, I'd stick by my wife every time.

I think almost everyone goes through something like this at one time or another, most parents can be intolerant of their son's/daughters choice of partner, But if your serious then you have to make them understand that their intolerance may some day drive you away, which someday could ultimately mean your children have little or no contact with their grand parents, So you have some choices to make, and some hard decisions.

Interesting take on it. Although my father is still around.

My father, although being 1/4 Chinese is about an Australian as they come (grew up in Darwin, and lived here in Aus all his life)... so I don't think my mum finds any frustration in the way he acts.

However, there may be some underlying frustration irking her as to why she married into a family with Asian origins, and is now taking them out on my girlfriend.

The hard part is she is incapable of accepting her as a human being... my girlfriend has done nothing wrong and always tried to be nice and sincere. And as I said earlier, she has been living in Australia for over 15 years now so it's not as if she is of a totally different mindset to anyone else.

I guess when it comes down to it I will probably have to end up chosing the girl over my mum. I don't think I could ever dump her and then bare to look at my mum knowing that she'd gotten in the way of someone whom I loved very much.

I suppose some folks face this kind of dilemma every day. It's just hard when you deal with it yourself.

[Blellurgews]

WOW!. I simply love the idea of these folks bashing their mom in these threads. And the sad truth is probably everyone that had a smart remark still lives with their mom. I mean if i was your dad and i seen you say that to your mom you find yourself on the floor beat down, simple you DO NOT disrespect your mom and or your family.

Moving on, here is the simply rules of life, you live with your mom still her house her rules. Simple yet straight to the point if you don't like it there you have two options pack up and move out and become a man or simply stay and live by her means. I'm not digging into you as i am not judging you, but the cussing and rambling in here is awful, cussing for one solves nothing. And if someone was cussing my wife out {mom} and i didn't say anything that would look bad on the husband as well.

I mean it is hard to live by others rules but that is what you choose and that is how you are living now. When you move out then you will have room to breathe and get a look at how they see things. You know like you said you did the talk and nothing worked, so i would just move and continue with your life and let it go.

You can always lead someone to the door, but it is their choice to go through it or stay.

Good Day

[arindiruppya]

WOW!. I simply love the idea of these folks bashing their mom in these threads. And the sad truth is probably everyone that had a smart remark still lives with their mom. I mean if i was your dad and i seen you say that to your mom you find yourself on the floor beat down, simple you DO NOT disrespect your mom and or your family.

Moving on, here is the simply rules of life, you live with your mom still her house her rules. Simple yet straight to the point if you don't like it there you have two options pack up and move out and become a man or simply stay and live by her means. I'm not digging into you as i am not judging you, but the cussing and rambling in here is awful, cussing for one solves nothing. And if someone was cussing my wife out {mom} and i didn't say anything that would look bad on the husband as well.

I mean it is hard to live by others rules but that is what you choose and that is how you are living now. When you move out then you will have room to breathe and get a look at how they see things. You know like you said you did the talk and nothing worked, so i would just move and continue with your life and let it go.

You can always lead someone to the door, but it is their choice to go through it or stay.

Good Day

I think you are missing the point. The baltant disrespect is not being aimed at my mum... it is my mum who is dishing it out to my girlfriend.

I have hardly thrown any punches (metaphorically speaking of course)... and while I cannot speak for others in this thread I can tell you that it was never my intent to disrespect my parents.

While it is fair enough to say that under you parents roof you live by their rules, there are extreme circumstances that are an exception to this blatant acceptance of such 'rules'. I mean; could you honestly say that the rules are fair when your beutiful, intelligent and well adjusted girlfriend get's called an "insignificant $2 w**re" by your mum just becuase she happens to be Asian!?

I face such insults every day, from a mother who has no respect or shows any courtesy towards someone I love. Especially seeing as if she were a different nationality she would most likely apporach her very differently. I would hardly call my protest "cussing" or "rambling", nor would I say the same for anyone else's resposne in this thread becuase the majority of reponses have given me their opinions on the sutation, which is what I asked for in the first place.

I know where you're coming from, but given the circumstances it's not as simply black and white as that. I care about my parents... my mum in particular but let's face the facts, she trumps me on disrespect any day, and while the stubborness of her character may be something you think I need to put up with, the extent of her attitude is something nobody would agree with... it's downright disgusting.

[Blellurgews]

No, i didn't miss the point. But those fellows talking about slandering their mom with words etc has no morals what-so-ever. Arguing never solves anything period.

Moving on also could it be she feels your girlfriend is causing you to spend less time with your mom? And feels if maybe she drives her off you will be more dependant to her? As most moms feel like that once you get a good girlfriend they feel they are not needed anymore.

Plus the fact it is hard to look in from the outside and really give a 1:1 opinion on the view could more to the story , etc. But good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Good Day

[actioliGalm]

No, i didn't miss the point. But those fellows talking about slandering their mom with words etc has no morals what-so-ever. Arguing never solves anything period.

Thats a pretty far-fetched statement...When my mother spouts some bullcrap I always call her out on it..doesn't mean I don't have morals...

[Blellurgews]

Thats a pretty far-fetched statement...When my mother spouts some bullcrap I always call her out on it..doesn't mean I don't have morals...

Think about what you are saying, when you live with someone it is their house , their rules. If you don't like it move out then argue it is a simple answer to a simple question of what was said about tell your mom to @#$% off and to STFU comments nothing more nothing less.

If that is how you treat women then that is probably why you are alone on the internet in here arguing that what i said is wrong. For the simple matter if you think slandering you mom is right, why not just say jump on your mom and beat her up and that will fit into what you are saying also.

I'm not saying her in his business is right, i was saying they way they are saying to take care of it is wrong period. Like i said it is hard to jump the boat on a one sided story. Could be a lot more to it, but i don't care about that just some people's morals are messed up!


Good Day

[actioliGalm]

Think about what you are saying, when you live with someone it is their house , their rules. If you don't like it move out then argue it is a simple answer to a simple question of what was said about tell your mom to @#$% off and to STFU comments nothing more nothing less.

If that is how you treat women then that is probably why you are alone on the internet in here arguing that what i said is wrong. For the simple matter if you think slandering you mom is right, why not just say jump on your mom and beat her up and that will fit into what you are saying also.

I'm not saying her in his business is right, i was saying they way they are saying to take care of it is wrong period. Like i said it is hard to jump the boat on a one sided story. Could be a lot more to it, but i don't care about that just some people's morals are messed up!


Good Day

Haha I can't tell if you are joking or not.

I like the part where you take what I say and totally change it around to something I never said. I also enjoy where you admit to not looking at all sides of the issue and judge my morals based upon that!

Relating back to the topic, his mother is being disrespectful to his girlfriend who has done nothing wrong. He shouldn't have to move out simply because he doesn't like her racism.

[stastony]

Haha I can't tell if you are joking or not.

I like the part where you take what I say and totally change it around to something I never said. I also enjoy where you admit to not looking at all sides of the issue and judge my morals based upon that!

He's all sorts of worked up too. I mean, he is vehemently anti-argument...but he advocates the following: " I mean if i was your dad and i seen you say that to your mom you find yourself on the floor beat down, simple you DO NOT disrespect your mom and or your family."

I suppose arguments don't solve anything, but beat-downs do

[Nikitka]

Killer Klown - I suspect you're still in outer space (yeah, seen that movie too)
So if, when you were going out with your, then, girlfriend and your mother continually referred to her as "that cheap prostitute", you wouldn't say anything to her about her attitude? That appears to be what you're saying, and I believe you'd be wrong to let her continue to do so.
However, I would have held some support for your condemning the STFU comments except SHE would appear to be the one instigating it and, in my book, turnaround is fair play.
As for telling the OP to just leave as it's the mother's house, so it's her rules, you're forgetting the very basis of a civilised person is how they treat others, that it is her house does not excuse her actions, PERIOD! It also doesn't say much for you that you'd be prepared to see another person abused like that, let alone someone you're supposed to feel strongly for.

OP, I don't know your circumstances but it would seem your only real option is to look for other accommodation, if you're still a student or on a low income, you may have to look for a cheap flat. If you get on that well with your lady's parents, perhaps they have a spare room.
Another thing you may wish to consider is that your mother is not showing very motherly support - most would at least make some effort to support their children in their relationships.
While I think of it, is it just this girl your mother is abusing? Have you had other girlfriends that your mother actually liked?

[Blellurgews]

He's all sorts of worked up too. I mean, he is vehemently anti-argument...but he advocates the following: " I mean if i was your dad and i seen you say that to your mom you find yourself on the floor beat down, simple you DO NOT disrespect your mom and or your family."

I suppose arguments don't solve anything, but beat-downs do

Wow! you are funny. My point if you can't understand i will break it down for you. Or perhaps make a example with you. So you think it is okay for a person to talk down to his mom right? And you would probably let someone dog your old lady and not say anything wouldnt you? You strike me as that type of person when you post in here.

If you was a man you wouldn't let anyone disrespect a women, you wife, girlfriend, sister whoever. . You folks are all about attack mom in here is pretty weak to start with.

I could argue with you all night and probably never make you see the point. As you probably think it is cool to talk down on folks and what not. And be highly disrespectful to women in front of your buddies.

I guess every culture has a different judgement on morals here, it is sad though you all want to attack the hand that raised you and feed you all these years. But to each his own, good luck with life.

His best thing to do would be move out from mom, as he is 22 and really needs his onw place where him and his girlfriend can be happy. As it seems everyone in the household can't get along and a place of his own will do him well and solve all the issues at hand.


Good Day

[Nikitka]

Wow! you are funny. My point if you can't understand i will break it down for you. Or perhaps make a example with you. So you think it is okay for a person to talk down to his mom right? And you would probably let someone dog your old lady and not say anything wouldnt you? You strike me as that type of person when you post in here.

If you was a man you wouldn't let anyone disrespect a women, you wife, girlfriend, sister whoever. . You folks are all about attack mom in here is pretty weak to start with.

So, which paragraph is it, huh? If you had the brains to understand the situation, it's his MOTHER that is the one who is being abusive and he is starting to respond to it. FFS, THINK before posting!

His best thing to do would be move out from mom, as he is 22 and really needs his onw place where him and his girlfriend can be happy. As it seems everyone in the household can't get along and a place of his own will do him well and solve all the issues at hand.

Got to agree with the first part, if it is at all feasible - however, I would remind you that in many cultures it's common for 'children' to live with their parents until they marry - even after in many cases.
It would seem the only person who can't 'get on' in the household is the mother - perhaps SHE should move out?

Good Day

Ah, whatever ...

[Blellurgews]

Ah, whatever ...

Okay last post for me one more retard with a pc and internet. I simply was defending the talk about them saying they shouldn't say $%^& you or STFU to his mom. As i didn't say anything about him defending himself or his girlfriend against his mom.


Why should his mom move out when it is her house, that was a logic question. Lets see you live with your parents, you have a issue with them, now they should move out.

And yes i bet some folks would live with their mom and have no rent, lights, or food bill and blow their money as they please. But there is a little thing called LIFE........

Also i am done here, as this thread has went in the wrong direction and i will let it go. So now post all you want too.

To the original poster: I hope you get everything sorted a new place to live and have a wonderful family. Everyone can change it just takes time and determination and someone to help them along with a good nudge here and there.


Good Day

[stastony]

Wow! you are funny. My point if you can't understand i will break it down for you. Or perhaps make a example with you. So you think it is okay for a person to talk down to his mom right? And you would probably let someone dog your old lady and not say anything wouldnt you? You strike me as that type of person when you post in here.

If you was a man you wouldn't let anyone disrespect a women, you wife, girlfriend, sister whoever. . You folks are all about attack mom in here is pretty weak to start with.

I could argue with you all night and probably never make you see the point. As you probably think it is cool to talk down on folks and what not. And be highly disrespectful to women in front of your buddies.

I guess every culture has a different judgement on morals here, it is sad though you all want to attack the hand that raised you and feed you all these years. But to each his own, good luck with life.

If you actually read my replies, I didn't suggest to the OP to disrespect his mother.

Also, I am a person who does not like to disrespect a person without cause, man OR woman. I don't treat people nicer or worse by their virtue of having a penis or a *****.

Seriously though; can you not see that a mother as abusive (not in the physical sense) as Cubase's mom certainly isn't right? In fact, being a mother and acting in such a way towards her son and his loved one makes it ALL the more wrong.

This is probably going to go nowhere so I'll leave it here while I'm still calm.

[Biradallo]

If you actually read my replies, I didn't suggest to the OP to disrespect his mother.

Also, I am a person who does not like to disrespect a person without cause, man OR woman. I don't treat people nicer or worse by their virtue of having a penis or a *****.

Seriously though; can you not see that a mother as abusive (not in the physical sense) as Cubase's mom certainly isn't right? In fact, being a mother and acting in such a way towards her son and his loved one makes it ALL the more wrong.

This is probably going to go nowhere so I'll leave it here while I'm still calm.

Good rebuttal ( someone posted this for me yesterday gave me this warm fuzzy feeling so I thought I'll return that favor when the opportunity arises never thought it would be this quick ).

You're right to btw [thumbup]

[Crilosajsamq]

It's so true.


White guys CAN get Chinese girls.

Chinese guys CAN'T get white girls.


Bah....[thumbdown]

[arindiruppya]

I appreciate your concern Killer K, and your perspective. And whilst I don't agree, it is an interesting point of view none the less.

To answer your statement where you mentioned that perhaps my mother is feeling threatened by this girl becuase I am spending so much time with her and becoming more distant with my mum, I can tell you that any distance between my mother and I have been of her doing.

I have always been able to talk to my mum about pretty much anything... and even with past girlfriends (all anglosaxons I might add) there was no problem with our relationship as mother and son.

However, since day one of me dating my current girlfriend she has developed this real nasty streak of blatant intolerance... and I am not avoiding my mother becuase I choose to focus more on my girlfriend. I am choosing to avoid my mother becuase of the way she chose to act towards my girlfriend. She acted in a way that no "best friend" should act (and quite frankly no friend would put up with). I avoid her only becuase spending time with my girlfriend is the only time I am really free from her terrible behaviour.

It's really sad how such a situation was sparked, where my solice is sought only in the bitter dissapointment of another.

And, despite being 22 and still living at home, I still have a life. I am dating someome I love, I have a decent job, and have plans for the future. As far as I am concerned I'm already out the door and heading towards being a sucessful person... I've just been looking for a financially viable and geographicaly practical time to do it... after all, as much as I would've loved to have satyed and taken care of my folks, it's obvious it's not going to work. I never disrespected my folks, and actually gave them the benefit of the doubt when I announced I was dating my current girlfriend. But its plainly obvious that my mum has no respect for my feelings... I think that gains me the right to protest.

Thanks to the rest of you for your support on the topic, I really appreaciate everyones responses!

[Reatclaplen]

I wouldn't accept behaviour like that from my mother, show your girlfriend the loyalty she deserves and leave if thats what its going to take!