[Zptmsemk]

I just finished a conversation with our old priest, asking us if we had made any further moves towards Chrismation. The truth is we have...sort of. Our current spiritual father (a monk at the New Skete monastery where we attend services every week as we live in Cambridge now) is kind of hands-off ish when it comes to us. I guess no real direction is a symptom of the catechumenate in a lot of places. Anyway. We're working on saying prayers together when we can, reading the Bible, and just living out the Faith every day.

Fr. Christopher asked if we had considered being Chrismated at our old church when we come back for Pascha. The idea is really intimidating for a couple of reasons: are we rushing, will my parents be able to make the baptism of our little girl, and what about this whole confession thing?

I'm really nervous about that last part. I don't really get it: how, what, when, etc. How does one prepare? I'm full of nervous anticipation.

[dolaBeetCeage]

Caleb,

Go back as far in your life as you can remember. Think of every "sinful" (Different people sin differently) act and thought you have committed your entire life. Write it all down. Expect to spend a couple of hours with your priest. If you forget something during your life confession, you can always mention it the next confession.

For the sake of the service, don't wait until the actual ceremony to make your confession. Get with Fr. ahead of time. There are places in the service the priest can pull away and do a confession, but you will get more out of it if you are not rushed.

There are numerous places on the internet on how to prepare. Fast, pray, be introspective, read the preconfession prayers. We are all still nervous every single time.

Paul

[Worseacar]

Beloved Caleb,

For me, that first confession was an enormous hurdle. I even put off Chrismation at Pascha at the last minute (Holy Thursday) because I could not see how, or steel myself, to do it. Then there is the fact that my Confessor's opinion of me is very important to me, and I knew that I would be surprising him, even though I knew that God wouldn't be a bit surprised. I'm lucky that my Parish Priest, Confessor and Spiritual Father are all one and same. I'm unlucky that my Parish Priest, Confessor and Spiritual Father are all one and same. :-) You'll get the jist of that I'm sure. He is also my best friend (apart from my wife), which made it even worse.

The fact is that truly your confessor will not be surprised at all the murder, fornication, wife beating and the other terrible things that you've done. He knows, better than you do, what human beings are really like. In the end I managed it, but it took me another two weeks of agonising over my list (do make a list, and read from it, then burn it) before I said to him, "let's do it."

And then the upside: The sins are still there, but between me and them there is a veil. They are both still my sins, and not my sins at the same time. They can no longer stop me approaching Him. Now my confession is different, Father and I work on the things that are stopping me today from being closer to God, all the old millstones have been lifted away.

The worst thing now is when I commit one of the old ones again. And I do, so will you. Confessing that is worst of all.

But it is worth remembering that the Receiving of our Lord takes away our sins, and until you can do that you cannot fully approach Him. And until you have said "come", He will not approach you. This is that great mystery of God's gift of free will. We walk with Him because we want to.

I apologise for baring my soul on the forum, but it's important to understand that this is hard for every convert, at least for the first few thousand times...

Love, and Prayers,

Richard.

[Obenuearema]

Very good post Richard. I am sure that will be of encouragement to many facing their first confession. I know I can relate to it as someone who not only has acted professionally (as in the entertainment industry) but has had to take the 'mask' off in confession.

[Ettiominiw]

But how does it happen? I get the abstraction and wonderful reality of the forgiveness granted by Christ and realized in confession. But what does an actual flesh and blood confession look like? I'm not asking you to tell me what you confess, but can you tell someone who has zero context for it what it looks like?

[maxfreemann]

Caleb,

For me first confession was like this. I phoned Father and said I wanted to confess. He said come at 3 o'clock. I turned up. We went into the chapel (he has a chapel in his attic). We stood beside the Cross, I faced it. Father said some prayers, not long, maybe 2 minutes, I can't remember them. I then read, yes read, my list of sins - good point this you will be too nervous to do any remembering - which took quite a while, maybe 10 minutes. I had added a general confession to the end of my list, I think it was from St John of Kronstadt. because I was scared of missing something important. Father asked if there was anything else I wanted to say. I said "no". Then he said to kneel down, and he placed his stole (epitracheon?) over my head, and said the absolution. I cried a bit. Then I stood up, he said "well done brother" and hugged and kissed me, which was welcome, I can tell you. Then he left me to pray until I wanted to leave.

I don't have any idea if this is typical, I suspect that every case is different, but I don't presume to think that I'm an exceptional sinner.

My experience now is that Father just listens, he sometimes asks a question or two, he knows what my problems are. I think he comes prepared with useful suggestions, but they might just occur to him as the Spirit leads. It is not like an interrogation, he is only there as a witness and an advisor. We don't confess to the priest, we confess to Our Lord, the priest is there to help us get it out.

He doesn't do confessions during the Liturgy, like some places, but just about any other time. Once we were working on some hanging new icons, I said "could I confess when we finished", he said, "let's do it now", got out the Epitracheon, and we did it just as we were, before the icons we had just hung. I'd like to say it gets easier, but it doesn't.

Love,
Richard.