[Slonopotam845]

Hello Brothers and Sisters

I am posting on this forum in the hope of getting some peace of mind and clarification.

I work with a Muslim (male) and we have to talk together about work related matters. We work together well however I notice that when we are talking face to face, he breaks eye contact and stares at my hair or over my shoulder at the wall (whilst still talking to me). This makes me very feel awkward. At first I thought there was something wrong with my head or that he had a problem with his eyes! Now when we talk I feel I cannot look at him directly in the eye for very long without feeling that I am making him uncomfortable and then I feel awkward again and I break eye contact first because if I don’t then I feel I am doing something wrong and I don't like that feeling at all.

Is this what is meant by lowering your gaze? I need to understand what is happening here as I am not a Muslim and I have great respect for this person.

[Michaelnewerb]

Hello Brothers and Sisters

I am posting on this forum in the hope of getting some peace of mind and clarification.

I work with a Muslim (male) and we have to talk together about work related matters. We work together well however I notice that when we are talking face to face, he breaks eye contact and stares at my hair or over my shoulder at the wall (whilst still talking to me). This makes me very feel awkward. At first I thought there was something wrong with my head or that he had a problem with his eyes! Now when we talk I feel I cannot look at him directly in the eye for very long without feeling that I am making him uncomfortable and then I feel awkward again and I break eye contact first because if I don’t then I feel I am doing something wrong and I don't like that feeling at all.

Is this what is meant by lowering your gaze? I need to understand what is happening here as I am not a Muslim and I have great respect for this person.

First of all become a Muslim then I will answer your question:

You must say and believe:
Ash hadu an La ilaha illa Allahu Wa ash hadu ana Muhammadan Abduhu wa Rasooluhu

I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and Prophet Muhammad is his Slave and Messenger.

[hs6KnlcW]

First of all become a Muslim then I will answer your question:

Chill out brother, you cannot enforce something on somebody.

Is this what is meant by lowering your gaze? I need to understand what is happening here as I am not a Muslim and I have great respect for this person.

Yes, it is. It is an order from Allah (s.w.t) to lower our gaze and not to look at women (other than those whom seeing is permissible). The brother might be a practising muslim and trying to implement the order of Allah (s.w.t) in his life.
InshaÁllah, knowledgeable brothers will throw some more light on this issue... plz be patient.

[zuhraliyana]

Chill out brother, you cannot enforce something on somebody.

Brother why you are discouraging Dawah?

[tickerinet]

Brother why you are discouraging Dawah?

i am not disouraging.
There are some etiquettes of giving dawah. Instead of resorting to such means, you could have explained her the beauty of islam in this situtation. Did'nt Allah (s.w.t) explain in Quran as to how one should present dawah.

Khair, please avoid derailing this thread. If you can answer her question with hikmah, then please do. Plz do not answer to this post as it will further deviate the discussion.

[muBXvWIC]

AOA!
you are right my brother we should satisfy the person asking the questions wether he/she is muslim or not.we should preach the Islam with great wisdom because your irresponsible behaviour may discourage any non muslim who is intrested in Islam teachings.

[cepAceryTem]

With respect to the Q

Is the brother practising? It could well be he is protecting your gazes as you correctly suspect.

Also, everyone has different level of eye contact. Some people are generally comfortable with it, others find it awkward, irrespective of protecting gazes or not. So with these you find they will look away most of the times when conversing. Im male, and sometimes when conversing with other males in the line of work, they will not make eye contact. I tend to respond by having eye contact but breaking off more than often.

[WertyNtont]

Sister
You should see it as a sign of respect for you.
We generally lower our gaze out of humility and respect. Your work collegue may be trying to do just that. by lowering his gaze or attampt to look away is his way of showing respect to women. I knew one sister when she used to speak she used to the ceiling - later on I found out this is her normal way of speaking and nothing to do with lowering gaze!!
You shouldn't deemed it as offensive and wouldn't worry how you interact with him as long as it is respectful. It is good that you sought guidance here.
Hope you find this site to be beneficial.
Allahulam

[Brewpralgar]

With respect to the Q

Is the brother practising? It could well be he is protecting your gazes as you correctly suspect.

Also, everyone has different level of eye contact. Some people are generally comfortable with it, others find it awkward, irrespective of protecting gazes or not. So with these you find they will look away most of the times when conversing. Im male, and sometimes when conversing with other males in the line of work, they will not make eye contact. I tend to respond by having eye contact but breaking off more than often.

Yes he is practising and I thank you for your reply.

[corkBrobe]

Yes he is practising and I thank you for your reply.

Welcome to the forums sister, hope your doubt have been cleared. If you have more questions regarding Islam and Muslims, please do ask.

[251EPyso]

Sister you have seen a sample of Islam. Many times our western brothers and sisters take it as an insult when we refuse eye contact but I hope you realize it that it is respect and not disrespect that is encouraging us to behave the way we do. This incident is from the department of Modesty in religion. It is part of Islamic thought process that Modesty has pure good in it. I cordially invite you to Islam.

[clitlyphype]

I have a question.

Why is it that Indians tend to stare at people? On many occasions I've found myself being stared at by indians, in a scrutinising way. Usually when a westerner is staring at some one they will look away when the person realises that the other person is staring at them. With indians they don't do this, they keep staring.

This is extremely rude and can be even considered as aggressive in europe.

I don't mean all indians do it, perhaps its something common to the peasants.

[Vodonaeva]

I have a question.

Why is it that Indians tend to stare at people? On many occasions I've found myself being stared at by indians, in a scrutinising way. Usually when a westerner is staring at some one they will look away when the person realises that the other person is staring at them. With indians they don't do this, they keep staring.

This is extremely rude and can be even considered as aggressive in europe.

I don't mean all indians do it, perhaps its something common to the peasants.

Ah! That is a different topic. We like curiosities. We can not really believe that homo sapiens can be that colourless.

I know it does not help and it might be rude also but ....

[Koayrbzh]

Ah! That is a different topic. We like curiosities. We can not really believe that homo sapiens can be that colourless.

I know it does not help and it might be rude also but ....

Other people don't do it. They might look, but the way indians do it is like they want to kill you.

I'm not that white either, I'm a quarter Indian myself.

[yharmon6614]

I dont think its ALL indians who do this. It may just be a couincidence that the ones you have come across do this. So dont worry about it.

and sister who asked the question.. yes it is pretty much a sign of respect for u.. mash'Allah .. not many people do this in this day and age. an

I have a question.

Why is it that Indians tend to stare at people? On many occasions I've found myself being stared at by indians, in a scrutinising way. Usually when a westerner is staring at some one they will look away when the person realises that the other person is staring at them. With indians they don't do this, they keep staring.

This is extremely rude and can be even considered as aggressive in europe.

I don't mean all indians do it, perhaps its something common to the peasants.

[RussellPG]

I dont think its ALL indians who do this. It may just be a couincidence that the ones you have come across do this. So dont worry about it.

and sister who asked the question.. yes it is pretty much a sign of respect for u.. mash'Allah .. not many people do this in this day and age. an

I said in the post itself, that I don't think it's all indians.

It isn't a coincidence either. I've travelled a lot and everywhere when there are the poor dark skinned type of indians, they lack manners in this regard. Ive never encountered another race doing it.

[remstaling]

Hello Brothers and Sisters

I am posting on this forum in the hope of getting some peace of mind and clarification.

I work with a Muslim (male) and we have to talk together about work related matters. We work together well however I notice that when we are talking face to face, he breaks eye contact and stares at my hair or over my shoulder at the wall (whilst still talking to me). This makes me very feel awkward. At first I thought there was something wrong with my head or that he had a problem with his eyes! Now when we talk I feel I cannot look at him directly in the eye for very long without feeling that I am making him uncomfortable and then I feel awkward again and I break eye contact first because if I don’t then I feel I am doing something wrong and I don't like that feeling at all.

Is this what is meant by lowering your gaze? I need to understand what is happening here as I am not a Muslim and I have great respect for this person.

Muslim men and Women are commanded by Allah (God) to lower their gazes. It is a sign of modesty, and your colleague may be doing it out of respect for you.

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze” (Qur'an 24:30)
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze" (Qur'an 24:31)

[DoctorWeryDolt]

Sister you have seen a sample of Islam. Many times our western brothers and sisters take it as an insult when we refuse eye contact but I hope you realize it that it is respect and not disrespect that is encouraging us to behave the way we do. This incident is from the department of Modesty in religion. It is part of Islamic thought process that Modesty has pure good in it. I cordially invite you to Islam.

Since posting here in February and receiving your replies I was curious to learn more. I have been reading about Islam each day to increase my knowledge about a religion I can honestly say I knew very little about.

I can tell you now that I feel more like a Muslim than I ever did a Christian. I also feel a lot more contented and happier in myself. I know it is just a start but I am now dressing modestly.

To think that all of this happened because a Muslim work colleague doesn’t gaze directly at me when we converse and I asked the question why on SF and got such a beautiful answer that it affected me so deeply.

[kSmica]

Since posting here in February and receiving your replies I was curious to learn more. I have been reading about Islam each day to increase my knowledge about a religion I can honestly say I knew very little about.

I can tell you now that I feel more like a Muslim than I ever did a Christian. I also feel a lot more contented and happier in myself. I know it is just a start but I am now dressing modestly.

To think that all of this happened because a Muslim work colleague doesn’t gaze directly at me when we converse and I asked the question why on SF and got such a beautiful answer that it affected me so deeply.

Thats great! Keep it up sister, and I promise you it will change your life for the better.

If you have any other questions, there are a lot of qualified scholars on this forum to answer them.

[Metalhead]

Hello Brothers and Sisters

I am posting on this forum in the hope of getting some peace of mind and clarification.

I work with a Muslim (male) and we have to talk together about work related matters. We work together well however I notice that when we are talking face to face, he breaks eye contact and stares at my hair or over my shoulder at the wall (whilst still talking to me). This makes me very feel awkward. At first I thought there was something wrong with my head or that he had a problem with his eyes! Now when we talk I feel I cannot look at him directly in the eye for very long without feeling that I am making him uncomfortable and then I feel awkward again and I break eye contact first because if I don’t then I feel I am doing something wrong and I don't like that feeling at all.

Is this what is meant by lowering your gaze? I need to understand what is happening here as I am not a Muslim and I have great respect for this person.

Yes, you are right. Out of respect for your chastity and your femininity he is not looking you in the eye or he only looks minimally at you.