Is it true that Nice Guys are not admired by women in general?
 

I read an article recently where they stated that Muslim women were expressing similar opinions to non Muslims that they dislike nice dependable guys and were more attracted to the so called 'bad boys', because of the excitement they might provide?

There has been an increase in the population of Nice Guys in the west in the past few decades, they tend to be nerdy and not very social and they are 'feminised' in some ways because they lack masculine type qualities of strength, confidence, independence etc. And women are put off by them, they prefer the Bad Boy who might show some confidence and is challenging.

Don't know specifically about that but i've seen a new trend in my community where "so called practising girls" (hint hint)http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...n_rolleyes.gif are opting to marry non-bearded/non-practising brothers, and if it was a one off or a few i would not think much of it but its becoming a normal trend and its really worrying me.

I've even thought of writing to some (places) to tell them of this, it makes my heart bleed that people are choosing partners which will influence or determine their lifestyle but they are not looking at how their partners they choose and the lifestyle that is adopted could or will determine their akhirat!

Alkhabeethatu lilkhabeetheena waalkhabeethoona lilkhabeethati waalttayyibatu lilttayyibeena waalttayyiboona lilttayyibati olaika mubarraoona mimma yaqooloona lahum maghfiratun warizqun kareemun



24:26 Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.

There's a incident of one of our elders in regards to this ayaat, i think it was Molana Ashraf Ali Thanvi (ra), where a women wrote to him complaining that she practises her deen but her husband does'nt, so does this mean that she is impure?

Molana replied that the meaning is not that, but rather it is that pure women deserve pure men, and impure women deserve impure men, and not that this is the case in reality

If someone can relate the whole incident i would be gratefull

yes its true for many women irrespective of religion. There have been many instances of English women getting beaten up by their drug dealing/ alcohlic, etc partners and husbands and still going back to them. This has baffled social workers and police for years. It's almost always a daily occurance. Similarly there have been examples of Muslim girls getting married to pious guys (in some cases Ulama) but giving it up to run away with a drug dealer.

They've got a term for this 'condition' too, doesn't come to mind right now. Wierd huh?!


Wal khabee saatoo lil khabeeseen.....(ayat of the quran) is of this meaning.


I'm not generalising here, don't all attack me sisters.
Men do it too. Many guys get marries to reallly nice and near perfect girls but they leave them for other loose women
...........

So guys should still grow their beards and be good Muslims but they also need to be independent, strong, confident and challenging....I am sure the male sahaba were gentle with their women but they were also masculine and warrior like.

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The basic instinct of a woman is to look for “Security and good future” and it takes a lot of Eemaan for her to curb her instinct and make a decision based on Sunnah.

What do our Sisters see in the communities?

1. They see failed marriages between practising couples.
2. They see domestic abuse.
3. They see uneducated, lazy and immature practising Muslim brothers.
4. They also see practising Muslim brothers who are less educated then them!

Look around the communities and compare what the Muslimahs are doing to what the Muslims are doing. We have serious cause for concern.

To give you an idea there are was a practising Muslim Sister and her family was looking for a match. I personally know the family and the character. She comes from a very good noble, practising family and She has post-graduate education and was also working.

I was speaking to a Maulana and he recommended a brother (immigrant from Pakistan) working as a plumber with no steady work simply because “He was Bay’t to a Shaykh....”

There was NO WAY the family was even going to entertain the idea so I didn’t even convey the message. This Maulana is older than me an vastly more knowledgeable so I didn’t even reply. He didn’t care what the family was or the girl (simply recommended this brother)...So if this Sister chooses someone (who in her mind is more suitable) where’s the blame?

So Muslimahs are not entirely to blame on this issue.

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in british society its definitely true, and very strange

They see failed marriages between practising couples.
They see domestic abuse.
They see uneducated, lazy and immature practising Muslim brothers.
They also see practising Muslim brothers who are less educated then them! I see over-educated but fairly 'dumb' muslim women. I am not against secular education for women but when they get this education and they are incapable of knowing what a marriage entails, the role and duties of the wife and the husband...we are onto a problem. A Muslim man wants a supportive wife, an intelligent wife, one who knows how to be positive, to avoid idle gossip and to be inwardly happy, someone who encourages the husband...they work as a team, raising future generations of good Muslims...knowing exactly what their mission is.

http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/salam.gif Brother,

Think of matters from the psyche of a woman rather then from a man's perspective and there are reasons for what is happening.

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wait a second, why hasnt anyone pointed out that women seeking non practicing men is due to people not following madhabs, come on guys, thats a no brainer!!!..http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...icon_smile.gif

x 10

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SubhanAllah ! ... colonel sahab is hitting the nail on the head here ...

They see uneducated, lazy and immature practising Muslim brothers.
They also see practising Muslim brothers who are less educated then them! I call it the malang syndrome. It's the rise of the islamic 'man child' if there is such a thing !
Praticsing beothers are increasingly having this pseudo waliullah attitude where they don't expect to work for a living anymore.
I would love to rant on above but i believe that's off topic.

One question that comes to mind regarding this rishta example ... wouldn't kufo come in here ?

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Are we talking beards here ... or the whole package ?
Just trying to see the connection here ...

lol

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Let me try explaining another way.

There are many examples where the guys have preferred a pretty Muslimah (based on her looks) and ignored a practising Muslimah (because she wasn’t as physically attractive) and people simply dismiss this as “Men being Men”.

Vast majority of men will marry a pretty “non-practising” Muslimah with the hope that she will start practising and that’s the honest truth.

So if Muslimahs ignore practising men based on (their inbuilt criteria which is generally financial security and secure future) why are they to blame?

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http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...lies/salam.gif Brother,

Then you are a biased individual as I know plenty of Non-Salafi Sisters married to Salafees and treated well and are perfectly happy and may Allah (SWT) keep them happy (Ameen).

Thats just ridicolous!

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or maybe its the lamadhabists fault

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depends what you guys mean by "Practising Muslimahs" some girls just come from practising families where it is the norm to pray and wear hijaab and so they go along with it but don't reflect much on the deen
There are others who have deen in their heart and they will love the sunnah so will want to marry someone with a beard etc

As for nice guys...then yes its true i think women prefer the Umar RadiAllahu anhu type characters http://www.discussworldissues.com/fo...s/icon_lol.gif

My niece is married to a Salafi and perfectly happy for almost 12 years. I am married to a salafi with no issues.

thats my situation actually but alhamdulillah marrying a good family has a lot of merit