[Niobaralegra]

...he claims he is doing it because it is the extreme measure he has to undergo to prevent him from the extreme fitna of chasing women (I know Islam provides a better solution, but I guess he is not as close to Allah than most members here and thus he needs some temporary means before that happens). Sorry if this offends some muslim sisters (who should be recognised as the upbringers and generators of mujahideen and 'ulama) because unfortunately I will agree with him when he says that even some muslim sisters indulge in trapping men and using them (so they are not excluded). I was wondering if this is okay because he also acknowledges that not all women (muslim or non-muslim) are like that, and he apologises for the judgemental generalisation and that he can't take any risk to assess each one. What should I say to him next time I approach him?
Jazakallahu khaiyrun
Salaam

[foonlesse]

Relationships are always risky, it is rare to find someone today who is willing to put their life into serving others...if one is like this you might get taken advantage of.

[wgX44EEn]

...he claims he is doing it because it is the extreme measure he has to undergo to prevent him from the extreme fitna of chasing women (I know Islam provides a better solution, but I guess he is not as close to Allah than most members here and thus he needs some temporary means before that happens). Sorry if this offends some muslim sisters (who should be recognised as the upbringers and generators of mujahideen and 'ulama) because unfortunately I will agree with him when he says that even some muslim sisters indulge in trapping men and using them (so they are not excluded). I was wondering if this is okay because he also acknowledges that not all women (muslim or non-muslim) are like that, and he apologises for the judgemental generalisation and that he can't take any risk to assess each one. What should I say to him next time I approach him?
Jazakallahu khaiyrun
Salaam

If your friends are free mixing and then blaming the sisters that they are trapping you ?

Say to him:

"You want to free mix and have a nice friendly free mix, where the sister will bow down to you ??? Not gonna happen. Sorry my friend, you are deluded.

How about not free mixing, and treating women as they should be. Takes time to do this, so might as well start today, on the correct foot.

Maybe then you will get a GENUINE sister ! And get married. Better to do this. Only honourable way. Everything else is just ego driven.

serves a guy right for being so weak, to be trapped by women, while you free mix.

You have proven your intention that you are not honorable, and you are surprised when you get trapped by dishonarable women ?? Behave honourably, and guess what, you will end up with an honourable woman.

At the end of the day, a mans rights over a woman are precisely the test of guardianship. In this case guardianship of the community. So you cant blame the woman in this situation, as she has no responsiblity of protection. And this is a protection issue. A woman responds to the protection given to her by a man. If he behaves dishounarably, then she in turn will slacken her morals too. Not the other way around"

Please reply to me, if anything you dont understand, or misunderstand, or if i have misunderstood the situation.
Salaam.

[Niobaralegra]

If your friends are free mixing and then blaming the sisters that they are trapping you ?

Say to him:

"You want to free mix and have a nice friendly free mix, where the sister will bow down to you ??? Not gonna happen. Sorry my friend, you are deluded.

How about not free mixing, and treating women as they should be. Takes time to do this, so might as well start today, on the correct foot.

Maybe then you will get a GENUINE sister ! And get married. Better to do this. Only honourable way. Everything else is just ego driven.

serves a guy right for being so weak, to be trapped by women, while you free mix.

You have proven your intention that you are not honorable, and you are surprised when you get trapped by dishonarable women ?? Behave honourably, and guess what, you will end up with an honourable woman.

At the end of the day, a mans rights over a woman are precisely the test of guardianship. In this case guardianship of the community. So you cant blame the woman in this situation, as she has no responsiblity of protection. And this is a protection issue. A woman responds to the protection given to her by a man. If he behaves dishounarably, then she in turn will slacken her morals too. Not the other way around"

Please reply to me, if anything you dont understand, or misunderstand, or if i have misunderstood the situation.
Salaam.

As far as I know him, he doesn't free mix. He just is constantly surrounded by them (ever been to Uni?). I think hiding away is impractical

[wgX44EEn]

As far as I know him, he doesn't free mix. He just is constantly surrounded by them (ever been to Uni?). I think hiding away is impractical

If he doesnt free mix, how are they going to trap him ?

Even outside of Uni, you will be surrounded by them. Yes i have been to Uni, yes its difficult, yes this is part of our test.

No one said hide away. Just be aloof. Learn more about the nature of woman. Stop objectifying them so much for starters.

Remove the mistaken misogyny, by understanding that women are spiritually superior, and we can learn from this to improve ourselves.

[evammaUselp]

As far as I know him, he doesn't free mix. He just is constantly surrounded by them (ever been to Uni?). I think hiding away is impractical

If I understood your question correctly. A person is trying to save his faith by remaining chaste by not having a pre-marital relationship but not by saying clearly that I am Muslim we dont keep girlfriends but rather by showing himself as a man with traits which will put others off. A misogynist trait is not a good one as our prophet and the sahaba's had great admiration, love and respect for the women. No one needs to adopt a bad trait to save the integrity of his faith especially one which will hurt the image of Islam in this age of ignorance. He should make it clear his love for the deen, Allah, the prophet - then no one would chase him as people who do such things are liberal or irreligious who are put off by religion. Ofcourse its highly doubtful that muslim girls would chase/trap him unless they are really corrupted in faith. If non-muslim girls do that then he should just act and behave Muslim around them. A non-muslim girl used to text me to come to social gatherings after I met her during work. I initially used to reply I am busy e.t.c. Then I texted her on a few occassions that I have to pray e.t.c. And slowly made her realize that I am 'too conservative' for her. In non-muslim minds, if you pray five times a day you could easily change their perspective from a 'hey he is just like us person' to one that you are an islamic fundamentalist lol. So just make your reverence and submission to Islam known to them. Its hard especially if girls you have just come to know and are shy to express your religious sentiments in an irreligious society especially one ignorant of islam. But its a tried and tested method. If he wants to avoid girls by being infamous about misogyny then he can hundred times better avoid girls chasing him by being infamous for practicing and standing on the principles of Islam.

[foonlesse]

TheEqualizer
No one said hide away. Just be aloof. Learn more about the nature of woman. Stop objectifying them so much for starters. How should one learn about the nature of women without mixing with them? What do you mean 'objectifying them'? They obviously are objects in the world, not just like chairs or books, but with human personalities and their complexity, is this what you mean? See them more than just as a thing?

Remove the mistaken misogyny, by understanding that women are spiritually superior, and we can learn from this to improve ourselves. How and in what way are they superior, do you mean they are more in touch with the emotions, more prone to humility and weakness, tears etc. than man?

[wgX44EEn]

How should one learn about the nature of women without mixing with them? What do you mean 'objectifying them'? They obviously are objects in the world, not just like chairs or books, but with human personalities and their complexity, is this what you mean? See them more than just as a thing?

He has a mother, a sister, an auntie, a niece, a grandmother ? Also through work and study you get to meet women and talk to them in public spheres.

How and in what way are they superior, do you mean they are more in touch with the emotions, more prone to humility and weakness, tears etc. than man? No, i mean they are spiritually superior, they have something we need, in the same way we have something they need in terms of protection and the rest.

[MadMark]

In the long run he will develop problems. He needs to get out of this mentality he has set himself in. It will only lead to more problems with relationships with the other women in his life and eventually his wife IF he ever overcomes it and gets married

He needs to learn to deal with that is prescribed in the Quran and Sunnah as the word of Allah swt and its there to protect us and that we are tested in this world with temptation. Not blame the other opposite gender for his shortcomings.

Our tests are hardly ever a ride in the park

[9V4i8xw1]

He just is constantly surrounded by them (ever been to Uni?). I think hiding away is impractical

Assalamu Alaikum brother

if you mean he is surrounded by them, as in at a lecture or walking down the corridor or on a bus maybe he cannot help this, but if he is seeking it out and is surrounded by the socially, talking to them, befriending them and staring at their beauty unnecessarily then he needs to stop it, because Allah has forbidden it.

If he needs women so much he should get married.

Many young women now are devils donkeys and he rides them like a motorbike, thus doing everything he tells them and this often includes dressing and behaving in the most sexually alluring way that they are able too. For men with lust they are a test, even those men who are unlikely every to committ zina are still tested through the temptation of the zina of the eyes if they live in a place where attractive women walk round semi naked in clothes that accentuate their sexual features. Don't let your friend (or yourself) fall into the traps that Iblees is setting for you as he only want to see you thrown into hellfire.

You may think hiding away is impractical, but social mixing with young women is not going to do you or your friend any real good, whatever you nafs are telling you now.


QUESTION Is it ok to attend or host mixed gatherings? Here in US in Indo-Pak community one is social outcast if one does not attend or host dinner parties. Usually in restuarant, hotel or person's home. Most times mans is on one side of room, ladys on other, but can see each other.If lady wears hijaab? Is it true that if a Muslim invites you, you cannot refuse? How can we be sure food is halaal? Can we ask? PLEASE HELP!
Answer 8596

May 10, 2003


It is not permissible to accept any invitation in which the laws of Shari?ah are violated. Mixed gathering is strictly prohibited.

It is rather unfortunate that sin and evil has become so rife nowadays that people don't even regard sin as sin anymore and how true are the words of our beloved Rasul (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam), 'A time will dawn upon man that Zina (adultery) will become so widespread that the most pious man in this world will be that person who witnesses two people doing evil on the street pavement. This person would go up to them and say to them that go and do your action behind a tree, he will not stop them from the evil rather he would tell them that instead of doing it in front of everybody, go and do your actions behind a tree. The person who tells them this will be the most pious person. Today, we are presently experiencing the above adultery is being done openly, everywhere without any prohibition or obstruction.' (Islahi Khutubaat, Mufti Taqi Usmani vol.7 pg.32)

In an Aayat of the noble Qur'aan, Allah Ta'ala commands the believers, 'Say (O' Muhammad) unto the believers lower your gazes and protect your private parts. That is more pure for you. Verily, Allah is all informed of what you are doing.' (Surah Nur). Evil glances is to look at any Ghayr Mahram especially with desire or to attain pleasure whether the person is alive or it is a picture. Both situations are totally Haraam. The greatest hindrance for the reformation and purification of the innerself is the sin of evil glances. Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) explained in a Hadith, 'Evil glances is a poisonous arrow from the arrows of Iblees.' (Majmauz Zawaaid vol.8 pg.63)

In another Hadith, Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) mentioned, 'The Zina of the eyes is in evil glances and Zina of the ears is by listening (to evil) and Zina of the tongue speaking (about evil) and Zina of the hands is in touching (forbidden) and Zina of feet is in walking (towards evil) and the heart desires and hopes (in evil) and thereafter the private parts accepts that (acts upon it) or rejects it.' (Mishkaat pg.20)

Therefore, according to Shari'ah, to look, speak, listen, etc. to any Ghayr Mahram except at the time of necessity is Haraam and impermissible. In an Aayat of the noble Qur'aan, Allah Ta'ala says, 'And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen. That is purer for your hearts and their hearts.' Although the reason for revelation is a specific incident and the wives of Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) are specifically mentioned but this is general for the entire Ummah, i.e. if the woman wants to get something from the men, e.g. utensils, clothing, etc. thus, she not come in front of him, rather ask for it from behind a veil. (Ma'aariful Qur'aan vol.7 pg.200; Idaaratul Ma'aarif)

In another Aayat, Allah Ta'ala says, 'And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves, like that at the time of ignorance.' (Surah Ahzaab 33 vol.33). Therefore, the command unto women is to stay at home and only come out at the time of a necessity which is sanctioned by the Shari'ah, should a need arise, total Shar'ee Hijaab should be adhered to.

By a person fighting his Nafs and saving himself from sinning, he will attain the sweetness of Imaan. Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'A thought comes into a person to cast evil glances and who is that person who doesn't get these thoughts and his heart is also encouraging him to just take a look! But he fears Allah and saves himself by not casting an evil glance. This will cause a great burden but Allah Ta'ala will grant such sweetness of Imaan that he won't even consider looking in future.' (Ahmad vol.5 pg.264)

It is, therefore, imperative that awareness should be created regarding the importance and laws of Shari'ah especially with regards to Hijaab and intermingling of the sexes, which is a root cause of many problems facing the society today. A general ruling of interaction between males and females cannot be given. It is restricted only according to need and necessity acceptable in the Shari?ah.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah


_________________________________

Question

I m going to get engaged with a grl whom my parents & her parents knows very well. but as being a very close friend of her & being with her for the last one & half year we have had a very good relations together.we quite ... give hug & go out for shopping & parties...

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

It is Haraam (prohibited) to have any relation with a strange woman with whom you have not made Nikah. Your fear Allah and abstain from this sin immediately. Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said "the eyes commit Zina, and the Zina of the eyes are to look at a strange woman". Therefore, you should consult with your parents and possible consider Nikah to her if you fear you would not be able to contain yourself.

And Allah knows best

Wassalam

Muhammed Zakariyya Desai,

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah

[Niobaralegra]

Assalamu Alaikum brother

if you mean he is surrounded by them, as in at a lecture or walking down the corridor or on a bus maybe he cannot help this

Wa alaiykumus salaam
If I know him correctly, then I can say that he does not like being around even old women or small girls as he does not trust his own nafs. So yes, I presume he's going through one of those where you're in lecture and someone tries to attract your attention because she thinks you are challenging her by ignoring her. I can probably relate :P. In such a case, can he be misogynist so that he is repulsed by them rather than fall for the attraction (you can probably imagine his fear to commit zina)?

[dexterljohnthefinanceguy]

"Lowering the gaze" is one of the most apt advice that can be given to him because it covers many things. If he is "surrounded" by women, then he should, as mentioned before, act aloof and ignore them. If they try to engage in conversation, either ignore them or shut down the conversation by giving close-ended short answers. This will give them the impression that he is not interested in them and they won't bother him, . Acting out against them is not something that is allowed in Islam since it would put them off from the deen and can also be taxing to a normal person's psyche, where their adopted personality (in this case, misogyny) becomes the norm.

[CHEAPPoem]

Remove the mistaken misogyny, by understanding that women are spiritually superior, and we can learn from this to improve ourselves.

In what way are they most certainly spititually superior? Any reference to an Islamic text? No, a contemporary da'i won't do. . .

***

How should one learn about the nature of women without mixing with them?

You've got to be joking! Since when did that justify free-mixing? Yes, one can interact with females under certain conditions, but 'learning about the nature of women' can never be a shar'i justification for the haram.

[CHEAPPoem]

btw, i was at a uni open day recently, and it was shocking the way some people dressed... many men foolishly interpret this as an invitation for a relationship, but more often than not, females dress up more for self-esteem, attention etc and not for the reasons men are interested in them. just remember this, and don't delude yourself into thinking women want you.

[9V4i8xw1]

Wa alaiykumus salaam
If I know him correctly, then I can say that he does not like being around even old women or small girls as he does not trust his own nafs. So yes, I presume he's going through one of those where you're in lecture and someone tries to attract your attention because she thinks you are challenging her by ignoring her. I can probably relate :P. In such a case, can he be misogynist so that he is repulsed by them rather than fall for the attraction (you can probably imagine his fear to commit zina)?

brother women are mostly jewels from Allah and no one should hate them or they will do them injustice when they come into their life,

but if your friend fears zina he should perhaps remember that around every four weeks foul smelling clots and drips of blood fall out of even the most beautiful young women and when no one is looking most of them remove disgusting green things from their noses with their sweet little fingers and a surprising number of them then put these disgusting treasures from their nasal mines into their sweet little mouths

not only do those beautiful young woman at the university have a beautiful outside that you can see, but they also have disgusting insides with guts that contain foul smelling digestive fluids and partially digested food and foul gases and stools in their bowels,

the beautiful young women who flirt with different boys and do what they will when no one will find out (or even do it in the view of others), may appear lovely on the outside, but if you could see the soul of this type of girl they would mostly likely look like nasty warty wrinkled old ghouls, angry and evil, full of negative emotions. With vanity, greed, lust, hate and jealousy dominating them, only waiting for the right situation before they would betray or harm you, replace you with a new chump then laugh at you and belittle you. they care not for you if they would lead you into hell, but the world is like a soft cushion that hides these things, wrapping pain and fire up in sweet outsides, like a rotten apple that looks great on the outside, but inside is full of decay, pus and maggots.

also your friend should know that the girls who commit zina at college often secretly have many sexual partners, these too have had many sexual partners and thus (although they appear clean and beautiful) these apparently sweet girls often become infested with various sexually transmitted diseases, even the incurable killer HIV/AIDS, and many of these girls hide the symptoms of these infections, knowing that they will not get what they want if they reveal the truth. Such girls often carry gonorrhea (which causes foul smelling puss to ooze from the private parts and makes people infertile), syphilis (which is often symptomless, but if left untreated can lead to madness and eventual death), genital warts of various types (they can give you these even if theirs are not visible or internal), chlamydia (which can lead to infertility and various unpleasant other secondary problems),Hepatitis which can ruin your liver and slowly kill you if not treated in time, as well Herpes, HPV and of course CRABS, which are little mites that infest your privates and spread like wildfire. And if your friend should engage in zina with these girls at university not only could he become a victim of the nasty plagues that are spread around by it, but he could also accidentally spread several of these to his poor innocent family members via different routes including the bathroom and bedclothes etc.

(and a girl at college who is tempted towards zina may also remember these things about the boys towards whom she is tempted)