[Anakattawl]

why is it my husband wants me to wear no makeup not to wear nice clothes or look nice even for myself!!

[nuabuncarnigo]

why is it my husband wants me to wear no makeup not to wear nice clothes or look nice even for myself!!

Respected Sister,

Change your intention.

It’s part of Islam for you to beautify yourself for your husband and appear attractive for him. Your actions won’t change (i.e. you can put on makeup, nice clothes etc) but you will be hugely rewarded so make preparations for your husband tell him that you are doing this for him and Insha’Allah you will see the blessings of Allaah (SWT) in your life.

So looking nice for him means that you will look nice for yourself (obviously) and also get rewarded. Find out what he finds attractive and do that.

[Catieliecutty]

Maybe he thinks you are good to look at without makeup or 'nice clothes'.
Sometimes women over do their makeup and clothes and they look much better without.

why is it my husband wants me to wear no makeup not to wear nice clothes or look nice even for myself!!

[sallythetolly]

hmm I dont know what exactly is the problem but some men dont like their women wearing make-ups and so are some women who do not like makeup things. Perhaps your husband's taste is different and he likes his wife to be simple and elegant without all these make-ups. Allahu alam

[nuabuncarnigo]

hmm I dont know what exactly is the problem but some men dont like their women wearing make-ups and so are some women who do not like makeup things. Perhaps your husband's taste is different and he likes his wife to be simple and elegant without all these make-ups. Allahu alam

Coming from a family who are well versed in makeup and its intricacies some women actually don’t know how to use makeup, in fact the idea of many Asian women is try to lighten their skin tone by a few degrees and they consider that "beauty". Versus most Asian women have superb natural skin tone and try to adjust it is a travesty. And then they pileup on huge heavy Jewellary on top of it while Jewellery needs to be artistic, sophisticated and match the time of the day, skin tone, lighting conditions and occasion.

Having the most gold isn't the idea.

Same with dressing.

The idea of makeup application, Jewellary, dress coordination and how to carry themselves hasn’t touched many Muslim women, unfortunately.

Anyways...

[Anakattawl]

The thing is he knows what i was like before marriage why can't he accept me for what i am!!

[vulikox]

The thing is he knows what i was like before marriage why can't he accept me for what i am!!

sister,

I think you got it the other way around. No make up = natural beauty.

[nuabuncarnigo]

The thing is he knows what i was like before marriage why can't he accept me for what i am!!

Sister,

Because its called Ghayrah of a man! Perhaps he was attractive towards you (before marriage) and he realises that and he doesn’t want you to become centre of attention for other men.

Your most important consideration should be pleasure of Allah (SWT) and trying to get to paradise so let go of your likes/dislikes and get to paradise which is way bigger and better then his earth.

You can get agitated about it, focus on this world and wreck your chances

OR

Make Wudhu pray 2 Rakaat and have a dialogue with Allah (SWT) and say, “Ya Allah! You know what I like and desire but I sacrifice my desires for your pleasure and desire nothing but reward from you in the hereafter and I sacrifice my desires and my pleasures on your commandment of trying to please my husband and I realise the temporary nature of my life and I sacrifice the temporary life of this world over permanent blessings of paradise.”

[Anakattawl]

I understand, however why marry me in the first place if he wants to change me and they way i look, i dont wear heavy makeup or dress inappropriately but he wants me to cover my face and what not but this is not ISLAM!!!

[sallythetolly]

The thing is he knows what i was like before marriage why can't he accept me for what i am!!

Well most of the women just get adopted to the taste of men after marriage I think because after marriage a husband becomes a main person in a women's life and her life sort of moves around him. Some get adopted easily and some get used to it over a time and some just tolerate each other. Before marriage, I dont think men and women even talk much lest discuss these things, right? So he might not be thinking the way you are. I know it could be difficult for you to adopt to his taste but then after all we use our looks more to please the husband. So it is better we bring some changes in us that is liked by our men. Let Allah SWT help us all. Ameen
The thought of pleasing Allah SWT through this might help you to adopt easily to his taste inshaaAllah. Allahu alam

[sallythetolly]

I understand, however why marry me in the first place if he wants to change me and they way i look, i dont wear heavy makeup or dress inappropriately but he wants me to cover my face and what not but this is not ISLAM!!!

Sister, in these days of fitna, uncovering the face even without make-ups is not good, the way some men gaze at women. Normally no men of ghayra will like other men to look at his woman's face like that. Being a man he knows better the situation outside and perhaps that is why he is instructing. inshaaAllah you will be rewarded for being obedient to him. Allahu alam.

PS: I know it is easy to advise but then everyone have to struggle one way or the other to adjust to new things but then when we remember Allah SWT more and try to do for His sake, we can get over things with some struggle against the nafs inshaaAllah. Let Allah SWT bless your marriage. Ameen

[Anakattawl]

Islam is about equality and my husband should do what i want too why do i have to vhange everything. He is not the boss!!

[sallythetolly]

Islam is about equality and my husband should do what i want too why do i have to vhange everything. He is not the boss!!

Well Allah SWT is our boss and Allah SWT has made the men ameer. He SWT in His infinite wisdom has alloted some jobs to men and women. In certain things, men excel and in certain things, women excel. Allah SWT has made the men door to jannah for women. If he is pleased, Allah SWT is pleased with us and if he is displeased, then we are earning Allah's displeasure. As long as the husband doesnt instruct us to go against the commands of Allah SWT, he deserves the right to be obeyed and so are the parents. As wives, we should try our best to work out the marriage and that is the wise thing to do. inshaaAllah when we do it for sake of Allah SWT and please Him, we will dedinitely be rewarded in both the worlds inshaaAllah.
Allahu alam

[Catieliecutty]

Nothing works if it has two bosses, no company or government. One has to be the leader. Yes the husband needs to be wise, understanding and compromising but he also needs to be dicisive. You need to work together to work out your differences calmly and in adult fashion. If he did not warn you before your marriage that he may want you to wear the hijab after marriage then he has made a mistake...he should have said this. If you mention this to him he should be willing to come to a middle ground assuming that you both want to be together. Otherwise some things are just deal breakers, when no one is willing to compromise.

I heard Muslims get married to prevent their partners from committing sins. You help your husband and he helps you and you go through life protecting each other and supporting each other, insha-Allah you raise happy, well rounded and good Muslim children in a peaceful home. Say Asalamu Alaykum to each other, smile, and be willing to step down hopefully you will be happy. (I know some men can be abusive, controlling etc. insha-Allah this is not your hubby).

Islam is about equality and my husband should do what i want too why do i have to vhange everything. He is not the boss!!

[Anakattawl]

unfortunetaly we can not have children.

[tinamasak]

my husband should do what i want too

you are islamically correct on that one.

[Anakattawl]

Women in british society who are muslim are becoming more independent so why should a man rule a woman that is pure wrong..

[WenPyclenoWex]

I'm sorry to hear that Pakistani-lady.
Depending on which one of you has the problem maybe you could consider a sperm or egg donor?
Also have you thought of adoption?

[jstizzle]

Coming from a family who are well versed in makeup and its intricacies some women actually don’t know how to use makeup, in fact the idea of many Asian women is try to lighten their skin tone by a few degrees and they consider that "beauty". Versus most Asian women have superb natural skin tone and try to adjust it is a travesty. And then they pileup on huge heavy Jewellary on top of it while Jewellery needs to be artistic, sophisticated and match the time of the day, skin tone, lighting conditions and occasion.

Having the most gold isn't the idea.

Same with dressing.

The idea of makeup application, Jewellary, dress coordination and how to carry themselves hasn’t touched many Muslim women, unfortunately.

Anyways...

[Anakattawl]

I'm sorry to hear that Pakistani-lady.
Depending on which one of you has the problem maybe you could consider a sperm or egg donor?
Also have you thought of adoption?

its my husband who has the problem --- we dont want to adopt we have decided to just stay together forever and live life to the maximum.