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Assalamu Alaykum,

1. I am useless husband that finds it difficult to apologise and maintain my wife.
2. I read a few Salah and my ego provokes me to think I am religious; the result being I look at the faults of others and think to myself, how disgraceful is such and such a person.
3. I aspire to be like the ulama only to know if I become like them, I will think myself as superior to the masses
4. My negative outlook and general despondency bdue to OCD causes me to be neglectful of my religious duties.
5. I am easily offended, yet I find it difficult to accept criticism. Such a contradiction epitomises my whole life
6. I have thought ill of certain shaykhs and questioned their religiousity, especially when they have failed to respond to me.
7. The days are passing by in loneliness, isolation and emptiness.
8. I, 'nuoodhoobillah' have expectations of Allah like one has expectations of other humans, i.e. favours have to be done to me if I fulfil my part of the obligation. I have therefore forgotten that I am the creation and that he is the creator. I am so spiritually ill that I give up performing Salah when I do not see the fruits of it coming in to my life.
9. I consider myself intelligent and this has led to pride.
10. I lack social skills, which means I come across as being arrogant.
11. I wish for a shaykh to hold my hand on a daily basis and force me on to the right path. Since no shaykh will do this, I become despondent.
12. I am easily tempted by and fall in to sin due to my despondency, which I acknowledge is no excuse.
13. I feel no incentive to wake up in the morning because my confidence is shot to pieces.
14. Laziness has enshrouded me to the extent that I think, what's the point.
15. I think the world is a selfish place. People assist to a point, but then they get on with their own lives.
16. I am my own harshest critic, yet I do not currently have the ability to change myself.
17. No shaykh will touch such an unpredictable character with a barge pole.
18. I sit all day and play games on my phone. This is a combination of laziness, despondency and demotivation.
19. I often think that such and such person needs to be taught a lesson
20. I merrily oscillate from the sublime to the ridiculous. I will, for example, practice wuqoofe qalbi for a day and then the next day I am totally oblivious of my creator.
21. When a test comes my way, I often fail because I rebel by going off track and thinking, what's the point, it is too difficult.
22. If I die in this state I am going straight to hell. I have this misconceived and utterly foolosh notion that hell cannnot be any worse than what I am experiencing now.

I hope somebody pious here will make duas for me and by virtue of this inshallah, Allah will change me to become a saint of my time without pride.

[Qualarrizab]

Wassalaam. May ALLAH TA'AALA make it easy for your wife (and 4 u).
Ameen.

Throw away your cellphone, get a shaikh, shake-up yourself and don't publisize your fault's on an internet forum.

Narrated Abu Huraira: "I heard Allah's Apostle (saw) saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people).

[hopertveyk]

Wa 'alaykum al-salam,

Brother, remember we all sin but who are the best of sinners? Those who repent and try their utmost to change their ways and live life with righteous deeds.

No Sufi Shaykh nor any pious one can make you righteous. Hidayah [guidance] comes from our Lord.

Brother, do not underestimate the Mercy of Allah. Increase your good company brother as this has an effect on one's spiritual well-being. To understand this better, for example, there is one person that reads five times daily salah but he has friends that smoke and do immoral deeds such as going to the nightclub and swearing etc. Sooner or later, he will incorporate certain modes of conduct or behaviour of theirs due to being in their company and having an effect on the way of thinking. Then you will see this person also missing salah and may [Allah forbid], turn like them. Even if he doesn't turn exactly like them, incorporating their bad morals will definitely cause much spiritual harm.

Brother lets go from one by one here:

1) Do you find difficulty in apologizing to your wife when you commit a mistake? What do you mean by maintaining her? It is too vague.

Maybe try appreciating what she does for you, no matter how little or how much - each deed of hers is precious for you - because she is your wife. Example - ''Honey, I really appreciate you cooking for me today, it tastes very good.'' or buy her a rose one day and surprise her with her and tell her how much you love her.

2) This is a common problem and a common plot of the shaytan to make the one who prays fall into arrogance. You can solve it this way - Salah is the basic requirement of our deen. Even if I may pray, I may have certain qualities that Allah may not like but those who do not pray might have certain qualities that Allah prefers. Thus, I pray to Allah to guide all of us and we should adopt the Sunnah in daily life etc. Our own faults should be enough for us to stop looking in faults of others.

3) Being a scholar or not, every Muslim should not feel himself or herself above anyone just because of their ''status'' in society or so. Think - I may have many faults that Allah has veiled from people. I thank Allah for that and may He increase me in goodness.

Recite this du'aa in your supplications brother:

اللَّهُمَّ أَعِنِّيْ عَلَى ذِكْرِكَ وَشُكْرِكَ وَحُسْنِ عِبَادَتِكَ
Allahumma a’inni ‘ala dhikrika wa shukrika wa husni ‘ibadatika

''O Allah! Assist me in remembering You, in thanking You, and in worshipping You in the best of manners.''

4) Are you medically diagnosed with OCD?

5) To handle criticism, this article may help you:
http://muslimmatters.org/2012/02/13/...and-criticism/

Trust me I am not good with criticism either; it is hard for me as well.

6) Respond to you via e-mail? That is no criteria brother for judging their piety because they may be busy or it may take them little time to get their memory refreshed. When you have responsibilities or that you've learned a lot, at times it is not easy to remember everything they learned within few seconds. This is human nature, insha'Allah. Have good thoughts of them - They are the ones with knowledge. We must respect knowledge of this deen by respecting its scholars as their efforts to preserve knowledge is very noble.

7) How come? You have a wife - there should be enough to keep you busy here! What about your friends? Are they busy brother?

8) Allah doesn't need us to worship Him. But since we have duties and tests in our life, the Salah is for our benefit - by it we can attain closeness to Allah. Remember, Allah is independent but everything else is dependent on Him for everything - from clothing till food till forgiveness and much more. It may be a certain thing be harmful to us - yet unknowingly - we like it. And it may be a thing good for us - yet unknowingly, we detest it.

We have been created to worship Him, sure, but on top of that, He has given us so much blessings that we live in our home with comfort and peace etc.

9) Thank Allah for any good thing in you. Whatever good is from Allah. After every intelligent, there is someone more intelligent. I thank Allah for the qualities He has laced in me. I will utilize them to benefit the people around me and myself and try to please Allah through them.

10) There are many good books for this and if you have questions just ask the scholars. Remember nothing will be the most heaviest on the scale except our good deeds and good character.

It takes time and experience to attain good character.

The following lecture may be good:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HreJe...feature=relmfu

It has 3 parts so you can search on the right side.

I hope these 10 points suffice for now.

Here are few links to benefit in the meantime:

Supplication: The Power of Dua - Mufti Menk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up9M5HG1M-0

In Pursuit of Happiness- Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6UBrNir4DY

Islamic Manners by Shaykh 'Abdul Fattah Abu Ghuddah:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/7146977/Is...ah-Abu-Ghuddah

I'll try to post other links later, insha'Allah, as I have to take leave now.

Wassalam.