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Assalamu Alaykum,

1. I am useless husband that finds it difficult to apologise and maintain my wife.
2. I read a few Salah and my ego provokes me to think I am religious; the result being I look at the faults of others and think to myself, how disgraceful is such and such a person.
3. I aspire to be like the ulama only to know if I become like them, I will think myself as superior to the masses
4. My negative outlook and general despondency bdue to OCD causes me to be neglectful of my religious duties.
5. I am easily offended, yet I find it difficult to accept criticism. Such a contradiction epitomises my whole life
6. I have thought ill of certain shaykhs and questioned their religiousity, especially when they have failed to respond to me.
7. The days are passing by in loneliness, isolation and emptiness.
8. I, 'nuoodhoobillah' have expectations of Allah like one has expectations of other humans, i.e. favours have to be done to me if I fulfil my part of the obligation. I have therefore forgotten that I am the creation and that he is the creator. I am so spiritually ill that I give up performing Salah when I do not see the fruits of it coming in to my life.
9. I consider myself intelligent and this has led to pride.
10. I lack social skills, which means I come across as being arrogant.
11. I wish for a shaykh to hold my hand on a daily basis and force me on to the right path. Since no shaykh will do this, I become despondent.
12. I am easily tempted by and fall in to sin due to my despondency, which I acknowledge is no excuse.
13. I feel no incentive to wake up in the morning because my confidence is shot to pieces.
14. Laziness has enshrouded me to the extent that I think, what's the point.
15. I think the world is a selfish place. People assist to a point, but then they get on with their own lives.
16. I am my own harshest critic, yet I do not currently have the ability to change myself.
17. No shaykh will touch such an unpredictable character with a barge pole.
18. I sit all day and play games on my phone. This is a combination of laziness, despondency and demotivation.
19. I often think that such and such person needs to be taught a lesson
20. I merrily oscillate from the sublime to the ridiculous. I will, for example, practice wuqoofe qalbi for a day and then the next day I am totally oblivious of my creator.
21. When a test comes my way, I often fail because I rebel by going off track and thinking, what's the point, it is too difficult.
22. If I die in this state I am going straight to hell. I have this misconceived and utterly foolosh notion that hell cannnot be any worse than what I am experiencing now.

I hope somebody pious here will make duas for me and by virtue of this inshallah, Allah will change me to become a saint of my time without pride.