[geniusxs81]

About the general homeschooling and schooling of children in general.

I like to keep my posts short, so I will be as brief as I can.

I don't think there are many parents out there who have the ability to adequately home school their children in terms of both religious and secular/scientific subjects. e.g. How well do you know physics.

However, No matter how the child is educated one day he will grow up and "go out in to the world" and the parent won't be able to be there every time. If a child is doing everything you are saying while home schooled, it could be that rather than believing/understanding and accepting what you say, he's just complying, a form of peer pressure, go and find out what people can end up doing via COMPLIANCE. When he's older and "out there", he might just comply with other people around him and not have the ability or courage to speak up for himself. i'm not saying this is what will happen, but it is one example. In a kuffar country one needs to know their enemy (in this case those who want to take you away from the right path).

About "below satisfactory" levels of some children's education. We can argue about the reason for this all day, but the real solution is for the parent to supplement the normal school education rather than leaving it all to the school. These students unfortunately come from a "poor" background. Their parents are poor because of their lack of aspiration and ambition, because the state makes it very easy for them to just be lazy and get everything done for them virtually for free. that is why when asked about their unemployment they complain either of "no jobs" or the "foreigner" getting all the jobs. One needs to ask why the foreigners are able to get a job while the Nativly based and educated person can't. ( this is a whole different/ non-islamic topic about education)

Main point: islam doesn't stop anyone being successful in duniya aswell as in deen. The status of islam cannot be mantained in the kufr states by just minding your own business and sticking to deen, why would people be envious of Islam if muslims aren't successful in duniyah. Success in duniyah is a sign of Allah's blessing.

[geniusxs81]

Yes it does make a child forever indebted to his/her parents. This is not my personal opinion, this is what Islam dictates.

It is easy for us in our ivory towers and standing far from the situation, to say xyz, without providing any proof.

Who says you should DECIDE to hate or disrespect the parent because of the upbringing? What I am saying is emotions can't be created, you feel a certain way because of what's happened. If an adult was thrown away as a child, they wouldn't feel their biological parent is their parent, rather they would give that respect to their foster parents.

Respect is earned, everyone can pretend to show respect but Allah knows what's in the heart so you can't pretend infront of Allah.

[Doncarlito]

About the general homeschooling and schooling of children in general.

I like to keep my posts short, so I will be as brief as I can.

I don't think there are many parents out there who have the ability to adequately home school their children in terms of both religious and secular/scientific subjects. e.g. How well do you know physics.

However, No matter how the child is educated one day he will grow up and "go out in to the world" and the parent won't be able to be there every time. If a child is doing everything you are saying while home schooled, it could be that rather than believing/understanding and accepting what you say, he's just complying, a form of peer pressure, go and find out what people can end up doing via COMPLIANCE. When he's older and "out there", he might just comply with other people around him and not have the ability or courage to speak up for himself. i'm not saying this is what will happen, but it is one example. In a kuffar country one needs to know their enemy (in this case those who want to take you away from the right path).

About "below satisfactory" levels of some children's education. We can argue about the reason for this all day, but the real solution is for the parent to supplement the normal school education rather than leaving it all to the school. These students unfortunately come from a "poor" background. Their parents are poor because of their lack of aspiration and ambition, because the state makes it very easy for them to just be lazy and get everything done for them virtually for free. that is why when asked about their unemployment they complain either of "no jobs" or the "foreigner" getting all the jobs. One needs to ask why the foreigners are able to get a job while the Nativly based and educated person can't. ( this is a whole different/ non-islamic topic about education)

Main point: islam doesn't stop anyone being successful in duniya aswell as in deen. The status of islam cannot be mantained in the kufr states by just minding your own business and sticking to deen, why would people be envious of Islam if muslims aren't successful in duniyah. Success in duniyah is a sign of Allah's blessing.

Compliance is not removed by schooling a child in the public system and homeschooling is only deceptively a 'choice.' That said, at the very least, parents have some control and are able to carry out their duty to educate or provide as good an education as possible. As mentioned here, homeschoolers do score higher on achievement tests and are actually sought after by some major universities. That said, compliance and control are a given in any system - public or private (including the home). Also, there is a huge money-making industry built around homeschooling where you can 'customize' your child's learning with all sorts of curriculum and aids (including hiring tutors) - you don't necessarily have to now physics to ensure your child learns it from home. Also, many parents opt to homeshcool their children during the younger grades and send their children off to highschool or university feeling a little more confident about their child's ability to cope with pressures and most of those children are much better adjusted and less prone to the pressures around them. Insha'Allah, they are able to adjust just fine (if not better) and they are able to learn whatever it is they need to learn (including the more difficult subjects such as physics and pure math).

One last point: teachers are educated to teach classrooms of children; and a large part of their day is devoted to managing their student population (it takes a couple of hours to get through the same amount of work at home that it takes 6+ hours to do in a classroom, not to mention homework). It is indeed about teaching compliance and socializing, normalizing children - churning out adults able to comply and contribute to an established economic system where they work in similar ways. Homeschooling adds kick to the tapestry - homeschooled graduates are sought after because they are able to think differently and are able to come up with solutions outside-the-box. In a classroom, there is pressure on children grouped by age to do certain things by a set time. At home, the child is able to progress at the speed more in line with his/her abilities and level of maturity. The child can learn at their own pace. In classrooms, you will find teachers 'passing' a child into the next grade level (in younger grades) who isn't academically ready to progress - the consequence being: the child suffers in later grades from low academics and low self-esteem. Why? They can't have students clogging the system - they have a quota of students that are coming in through one door and need to ensure that many students exit out the other end (efficiency, easier on the system than on the student). Anyway... this can go on and on.

[L8fGLM4d]

It is easy for us in our ivory towers and standing far from the situation, to say xyz, without providing any proof.

Well you chose not to read the hadith I quoted in the last post.

Yes it does make a child forever indebted to his/her parents. This is not my personal opinion, this is what Islam dictates.

Which is the worst of Sins in Islam? Shirk, the only sin that Allah will not forgive without repenting. Even if ones parent is committing Shirk one does not have the right to cut relations with them. Only thing is one doesn't have to obey them if they order to go against Allah's Law. Other than that all the rights of the parents are intact.

Asma (radi Allahu anha) narrated: “My mother, who was a pagan, had come to see me in the days of the Messenger of Allah, so I sought the advice of the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) about her visit. I told him, ‘My mother has come to see me and she is outside Islam, shall I treat her kindly?’ He said, ‘Yes, treat your mother kindly.’” [Sahih Bukhari]

For explaination of the above hadith: http://dailyhadith.adaptivesolutions...ng-Parents.htm


Did you know that disobeying ones parents is a MAJOR SIN?

Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported:
The Prophet (PBUH) said, "(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false oath (intentionally)".
[Al-Bukhari].

Edit: If you want 'specific' proof that one should obey ones parents even if they are bad to their children,


Dutifulness to Parents, even if they are unjust

Ibn 'Abbas said, "If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him."
He was asked, "Even if they wrong him?"
"Even if they wrong him" he replied.

[Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari]

[Doncarlito]

Insha'Allah, one final thing about a misconception a lot of people seem to hold about homeschooling: they are not properly socialized. The opposite is often the case. Since they are not segregated by age, most homeschooled children are able to relate to and be around (as in, they know how to talk to, respect and care) around older and younger people; this isn't to say non-homeschooled children aren't able to. Since most homeschooled children are finished all of their academic work within a few hours, they have plenty of time to be kids, explore, learn whatever it is they are passionate about, play in the neighbourhood and... take part in group activities with other homeschoolers as well as various extra-curricular activities with classroom schooled children.

In short, homeschoolers are not lacking in social environment, are not isolated in a corner of the house, chained to their beds... they interact with others and probably do so in a more relaxed way without the pressure of pending homework etc. Homeschooling is a subject I could talk about for a long time but I just wanted to shed some light here, not so much to persuade you or anyone else to like homeschooling but to demystify it a bit and let those who know less about it consider some angles which aren't always apparent.

[mpxricyNimb]

@ Brother Saqi Ali

Saying "I don't agree" to what Brother amr 123 has posted amounts to saying no to Hadith and Brother Sadiq Ali needs to be warned . Even on the bbasis of common sense one must be good to ones parents whatever their behaviour.
Friends, success lies in in being factual, practical and just. Isn’t it a fact that we are Muslims (Alhamdullilah)? Yes, we are Muslims.Being a Muslim means that we have surrendered to Allah and His Prophet Muhammad (Sallalahu alayhi wasalam) in all matters. Yes, surrender in all matters. It is our belief that Islam is the (only) best Diin. If it is our belief then we have to follow what Allah and His Prophet (Sallalahu alayhi wasalam) has laid down in Quraan and Sunnah. These are facts; this is just and practical for all Muslims.
In this light I would like to clarify that a Muslim has rights and duties .A Muslim has duties towards Allah, himself, his family ( his /her parents and children included),fellow Muslims. neighbours, relatives, the poor, the needy etc.
I would like to discuss what we mean by saying that a Muslim has duties towards himself. A human being has a body and a soul. It is possible for a human being to be extremely careless about his body, for example , and keep it as dirty as a pig. It is possible to keep the body as clean as that of a Muslim.
I say ‘as clean as a Muslim’ on the basis of fact. No social system in the animal kingdom prescribes as much physical cleanliness as Islam. There is hardly any possibility of bodily uncleanliness for a Muslim. A Muslim has to keep his body clean in all respects and he is taught how to keep each part of his/her body clean- nails, teeth, pubic/armpit hair, nostrils, private parts, inner parts of ears, throat etc. There is not a single part of the body about which there are not unambiguous instructions in Quran and Sunnah. The daily five time Wudhu (including five time miswaak) and other prescribed activities for cleanliness make a Muslim an emblem of cleanliness physically.
Then there is the spiritual cleanliness. Nobody can be as purified spiritually as a Muslim.(By Muslim I don’t mean a person who is Muslim simply in name but who follows Quran and Sunnah in earnest in all matters and in totality). One of the most important spiritual duties of a Muslim is to follow Allah and His Prophet in all matters and in totality.
Getting back to the topic, the fact is that we are Muslims (Alhamdulillah) and as Muslims it is prescribed that children should e good to parents and parents should e good to children. It is not laid down in Quran and/or in Sunnah that a Muslim should be good to parents and/or children if they are good and should not be good to them if they are bad. What Quraan and Sunnah ordains is that parents are responsible for the well being and upbringing of their children and that children must be good to their parents.
Brother Sadiq Ali needs to rethink about his statement:
“just because you biologically produce a child doesn't make the child forever indebted to you, Allah gives life not humans.’’
A child is indebted to his parents for having biologically produced him/her. Where and what would one be if ones parents do not marry and reproduce? What about the pain ,suffering and the trouble a mothers suffers for a long period of 9 months? What about ones breast feeding by a mother? Who would feed a human child if he is just delivered and left to his/her fate? What about the protection from heat, cold, rats ,cats, dogs and what not? Even the young ones of the wildest possible animals lick their parents out of love and attachment.
The system of human reproduction is an Illahi system and being obedient, dutiful and faithful towards ones parents is a duty prescribed by Islam. Good or bad one has to be and must be good to ones parents, similarly parents are responsible for taking care of their children, whatever their behaviour.
For the sake of brevity I would take of the matter of home - schooling separately.
Wa ma alyna illal balagh .

[qCGfQR9T]

Janab Masoodi Sahab we are anxiously waiting for you here.

[Evsltkzl]

Maybe some hadiths describing the responsibilities of parents to their children would be appropriate in this thread. I can only recall the gist of a few, unfortunately.

Something about kids being like white cloth and its is the parents who colour it until the kids become Muslim or Jew, and I get the impression that it heavily emphasized the responsibility of the parents.

Some other example emphasizes the importance of halal food. One time Rasulullah noticed a boy, and he said "Ibn Shubhah!" I forget the exact explanation. Either the parents ate something doubtful before conceiving, or they had fed him something doubtful.

Others more knowledgeable than me will provide the exact wordings and other hadiths.

Islam does weigh heavily on the parents' rights, but as they say, with great power comes great responsibilities!

[new-nickname-zanovo]

2 – The children’s rights.

Allaah has given children rights over their parents just as the parents have rights over their children.

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: “Allaah has called them abraar (righteous) because they honoured (barru) their fathers and children. Just as your father has rights over you, so too your child has rights over you.

Al-Adab al-Mufrad, 94.

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, according to a hadeeth narrated by ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar, “… and your child has rights over you.” Muslim, 1159.

The child’s rights over their children include some that come even before the child is born, for example:

1 – Choosing a righteous wife to be a righteous mother.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Marry the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466).

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Ghani al-Dahlawi said: Choose from among women those who are religiously committed and righteous, and who are of good descent, for if a woman is of illegitimate descent, this bad characteristic may be passed to her children. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a Mushrikah; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik”

[al-Noor 24:3]

Rather Islam recommends compatibility for the purpose of harmony and to avoid a person being shamed if he marries into a family that is not compatible.

Sharh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 1/141

Rights after the child is born:

1 – It is Sunnah to do tahneek for the child when he is born:

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The son of Abu Talhah was sick. Abu Talhah went out and the child died, and when Abu Talhah returned he said, “What happened to my son?” Umm Sulaym (his wife) said, ‘He is quieter than he was.” Then she brought him his dinner and he ate, then he had marital relations with her, and when he finished she said, “They buried the child.” The following morning, Abu Talhah went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him what had happened. He said, “Did you have marital relations last night?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “O Allaah, bless them.” She later gave birth to a boy. Abu Talhah said to me, “Keep him until I bring him to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” He brought him to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I sent some dates with him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took him and said, “Is there anything with him?” They said, “Yes, some dates.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took some and chewed it, then he took some from his mouth and put it in the child’s mouth (tahneek), and named him ‘Abd-Allaah.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5153; Muslim, 2144

Al-Nawawi said:

The scholars are agreed that it is mustahabb to do tahneek with dates for the child when he is born; if that is not possible then to use some similar kind of sweet. The dates should be chewed until they become soft enough to be swallowed, then the child’s mouth should be opened and a little of the dates put in his mouth.

Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim, 14/122-123

2 – The child should be given a good name, such as ‘Abd-Allaah or ‘Abd al-Rahmaan.

It was narrated from Naafi’ that Ibn ‘Umar said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most beloved of your names to Allaah are ‘Abd-Allaah and ‘Abd al-Rahmaan.”

(Narrated by Muslim, 2132)

It is mustahabb to give the child a Prophet’s name:

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A child was born to me last night and I called him by the name of my father Ibraaheem.”

Narrated by Muslim, 2315

It is mustahabb to name the child on the seventh day, but there is nothing wrong with naming him on the day of his birth, because of the hadeeth quoted above.

It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every child is in pledge for his ‘aqeeqah which should be slaughtered for him on the seventh day, his head should be shaved and he should be named.

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2838; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4541

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

The purpose of naming is to define the thing named, because if there is something whose name is unknown it is difficult to refer to it. So it is permissible to name him (the child) on the day he is born, and it is permissible to delay the naming until the third day, or until the day of the ‘aqeeqah, or before or after that. The matter is broad in scope.”

Tuhfat al-Mawlood, p. 111

3 – It is Sunnah to shave the child’s head on the seventh day and to give the weight of the hair in silver in charity.

It was narrated that ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) slaughtered a sheep as the ‘aqeeqah for al-Hasan, and he said, “O Faatimah, shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver in charity.” So she weighed it and its weight was a dirham or part of a dirham.

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1519; classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1226.

4 – It is mustahabb for the father to do the ‘aqeeqah, as stated in the hadeeth quoted above, “Every child is in pledge for his ‘aqeeqah.”

Two sheep should be sacrificed for a boy and one for a girl.

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded them (to sacrifice) two similar sheep for a boy and one for a girl.

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1513; Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1221; Abu Dawood, 2834; al-Nasaa’i, 4212; Ibn Maajah, 3163

5 – Circumcision

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The fitrah is five things, or five things are part of the fitrah: circumcision, shaving the pubic hairs, plucking the armpit hairs, clipping the nails and trimming the moustache.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5550; Muslim, 257

The child’s rights with regard to education and upbringing:

It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The ruler who is in charge of people is a shepherd and is responsible for them. The man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for them. The woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and child and is responsible for them. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2416; Muslim, 1829.

So parents must take care of teaching their children the duties of Islam and other virtues that are recommended in sharee’ah, and worldly matters that they need in order to live a decent life in this world.

The man should start by teaching them the most important things, then the next most important. So he starts by teaching them correct ‘aqeedah, free from shirk and bid’ah. Then he teaches them the acts of worship, especially prayer. Then he teaches them and trains them in good manners and characteristics, and everything that is good.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And (remember) when Luqmaan said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allaah. Verily, joining others in worship with Allaah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed”

[Luqmaan 31:13]

It was narrated from ‘Abd al-Malik ibn al-Rabee’ ibn Sabrah from his father that his grandfather said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach the child to pray when he is seven years old, and smack him if he does not pray when he is ten.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 407; Abu Dawood, 494. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4025

It was narrated that al-Rubayyi’ bint Mu’awwidh said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent word on the morning of Ashoora’ to the areas where the Ansaar lived (on the outskirts of Madeenah), saying: Whoever did not fast this morning, let him not eat for the rest of the day, and whoever started fasting this morning, let him complete his fast. She said: We used to observe this fast after that, and we used to make our children fast and make them toys of wool; if one of them cried for food we would give him that toy until it was time to break the fast.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1859; Muslim, 1136

It was narrated that al-Saa’ib ibn Yazeed said: I was taken for Hajj with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when I was seven years old.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1759

Training in good manners and characteristics:

Every father and mother should train their children in praiseworthy characteristics and good manners, whether towards Allaah, His Prophet the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), towards their Qur’aan and ummah, and with everyone whom they know and who has rights over them. They should not behave badly with those whom they mix with, their neighbours or their friends.

Al-Nawawi said:

The father must discipline his child and teach him what he needs to know of religious duties. This teaching is obligatory upon the father and all those in charge of children before the child reaches the age of adolescence. This was stated by al-Shaafa’i and his companions. Al-Shaafa’i and his companions said: This teaching is also obligatory upon the mother, if there is no father, because it is part of the child’s upbringing and they have a share of that and the wages for this teaching may be taken from the child’s own wealth. If the child has no wealth then the one who is obliged to spend on him may spend on his education, because it is one of the things that he needs. And Allaah knows best.

Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Saheeh Muslim, 8/44

The father should bring them up with good manners in all things, eating, drinking, dressing, sleeping, going out of the house, entering the house, riding in vehicles, etc, and in all their affairs. He should instill in them the attributes of a good man, such as love of sacrifice, putting others first, helping others, chivalry and generosity. He should keep them away from evil characteristics such as cowardice, stinginess, lack of chivalry, lack of ambition, etc.

Al-Manaawi said:

“Just as your parents have rights over you, so too your child has rights over you, rather many rights, such as teaching them the individual obligations, teaching them Islamic manners, giving them gifts equally, whether that is a gift, a waqf, or other gift. If preference is shown with no reason, that is regarded as invalid by some of the scholars and as makrooh by others.

Fayd al-Qadeer, 2/574

He must also protect his sons and daughters from everything that may bring them close to the Fire. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”

[al-Tahreem 66:6]

al-Qurtubi said:

al-Hasan commented on this verse by saying, Command them and forbid them. One of the scholars said: (The phrase) Ward off (or protect) yourselves includes children, because the child is part of him, as it says in the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “…nor on yourselves, if you eat from your houses…” [al-Noor 24:61], where the various relatives are not mentioned individually. So he should teach him what is halaal and what is haraam, and make him avoid sin, and teach him other rulings.

Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 18/194-195.

Spending:

This is one of the father’s obligations towards his children; it is not permissible for him to fall short in that or to neglect this matter, rather he is obliged to do this duty in the fullest sense.

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man if he neglects those on whom he is obliged to spend.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1692; classed as sahan by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4481.

Another of the greatest rights is to give the child a good upbringing and take good care of him or her – especially in the case of girls. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged this righteous deed.

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah the wife of the Prophet (S) said: A woman came to me with two daughters and asked me for food, and I could not find anything except one date which I gave to her. She shared it between her two daughters, then she got up and went out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came in and I told him what had happened. He said: “Whoever is in charge of any of these girls and treats them well, they will be a shield for him against the Fire.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5649; Muslim, 2629

Another important matter which is one of the rights of children to which attention must be paid, is treating children fairly. This right was referred to by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the saheeh hadeeth: “Fear Allaah and treat your children fairly.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2447; Muslim, 1623). It is not permissible to show preference to females over males, just as it is not permissible to show preference to males over females. If the father makes this mistake and shows preference to some of his children over others, and does not treat them fairly, this will lead to many evils, such as:

The harm that befalls the father himself, for the children whom he denies or deprives will grow up to hate him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to this in the hadeeth narrated by Muslim (1623) when he said to the father of al-Nu’maan, “Would you like them to honour you equally?” He said, “Yes.” In other words, if you want them all to honour you equally, then be fair in giving gifts to them.

Another evil consequence is the children hating one another, and stoking the flames of hatred and enmity between them.

And Allaah knows best.


Source: http://*************/en/ref/20064


not sure why the link got ****. it's from islam QA website. Is it not good?

[new-nickname-zanovo]

http://www.sunnipath.com/Library/Articles/AR00000201.aspx#CHILDREN'S RIGHTS ON

[new-nickname-zanovo]

Slight disagreement, but staying on topic i'm not sure I agree with home schooling.

If you come to a kuffar country or born there, you should look at giving your children the ability to face their kuffar neighbours. If children are home schooled how will they know how to deal with certain situations they might come up against when in a kuffar country.

Obviously i don't know the full situation the sister is in, nor the country but I talk of home schooling generally, especially for muslim children in the west. Conventional school not only teaches subject matter but about things like teamwork which are practical skills which are needed when e.g. the child goes on to university.

I believe as long as the parents give the child "unconditional love", the child will never do anything that they know will hurt their parents. I know people who kept off ciggarates/drugs not because if their parents find out they will get beaten black and blue but because if they find out the mother will probably not eat for a week out of sadness and cry herself silly.

You can disagree. My husband did disagree with me at first place when I decide to homeschool my kids. My eldest daughter finish her primary school , in school. Me myself used to go to school, but back in Malaysia and I did my homeschool from age 13 in secondary education. Now we living in UK and for your information, my kids face kuffar neighbour brilliantly. Where we live, is all non muslin English. Alhamdulillah, not just my boys had friend over most of the time after school time and weekend, but sometimes his friend also sleep over!! This non muslim English friend.

Teamwork? Alhamdulillah as we homeschool, kids are not just stay among team with their age group, but they also learn to work with different age group as we are in REAL life.

Alhamdulillah there are 150 thousand kids are homeschool in UK alone and I would say about 80% at least are non muslim. My kids friend all wish they can be homeschool.

Bless with the situation now, we had so many things in the internet. My daughter is on online school and she had many non muslim friends and they live all over the world. Some in Thailand, some in US, some scattered around in UK and etc. My youngest went to Karate club in local community centre. They went library club and etc. Alhamdulillah with homeschool, we able to pick and choose the best we parents think for them and suitable for them and we can help to control what they are into. Unfortunately in school, school cannot control who's in it. But, with outside activity, even in youth club, kids are in control environment, because most of the club will not take kids who they cannot cope and they had a right to do that. So, less distraction in term of influence. Alhamdulillah kids also can learn more and quicker as they had one to one attention and the lesson can be done very quick and we can get on with other things. I would say it is very balance especially with for us , muslim. Boys be able to join friday prayer every Friday. We be able to balance and plan out curriculum and Islamic studies and quran reading very well and on top of that kids can learn REAL life of doing chores as we had wanted or not work as a team. As if they go to school, we always think they come back home and tired, therefore they need a space. But, as we are at home, we need to coorporate and they learn how to cope in between study ans real life. Alhamdulillah.

Just for your information I had kids age 16, 14, 12 and 9. As this topic is about bringing up kids, I think homeschool just fit in to be discuss as well. I am not oppose everybody into it. Yes, we can say not everybody can, but with all sort of technology these day, homeschool is very much possible. One thing I think parents think they can't, because they think they cannot control their kids. For me, if we cannot control our kids, it will be worst when they go to school. And for me, whatever reason people can bring up, socialization and etc, deen is what important for my kids. With that in the intention, Insya Allah , Allah bring the best out of it.

Socialization is just a bad point. Because unfortunately school kids only mix with their own peer. But, homeschool kids had to learn to socialize with all sort of age and background. These has give them more opportunity to cope with live better in their future when they are out and about. Fortunately we live in REAL surrounding and normal everyday routine when kids finish school. As when they finish school, they live in real world, they had to learn to sort out the house chores, going shopping, helping others around the house, deal with things outside the home. These is what most of homeschool kids are doing. Alhamdulillah.

I would say, control your kids is a need. We live not for duniya only. And if we strive for deen, Insya Allah, Allah help our duniya needs. Especially with kids now a days..fitnah is everywhere.. if we don't guard them, how we we expect others to do that on our behalf. We the one who is responsible and will be ask for what amanah that Allah had given us.

I thanks to sunniforum as when I first doing research and not yet decide to homeschool, I had stumble into sunniforum and many post here about homeschool and upbringing kids has help me make my decision which I never ever will regret. Financially is hard especially as we are in the west. School had fund from LEA about 3000-5000 a year from tax payer. And as we pay lots of tax, sending kids to school in one way to get out tax spend on our kids. But, as we are homeschool, after tax, what ever we got we had to spend on our kids education on our own. But, Allah give barakah, Insya Allah. It is sad for me to see, there are many many and many non muslim kids homeschool because they think school give bad influence for their kids rather than good. This si also one reason I keep asking my self before, if non muslim willing to homeschool their kids because they scared of the influence and bad environment, how about us muslim? We should strive more into our kids upbringing.

[qCGfQR9T]

A child is a child. It is not wise to talk about his or her rights and duties. If a child is told about his or her rights he or she has no idea about its meaning and implications and ways to get them. If a child is told about his or her duties he or she has no idea about its meaning and implications and shall not recognize the import that these have to be delivered.

On the other hand it makes perfect sense to talk about duties of parents, family members and society in general about their duties towards children.

I hope we adopt Islamic ways to this and every issue of our life. May Allah(SWT) make it easy for us to do that. In particular I find those events in the west very disturbing where a boy gets his father picked by the police because latter reprimanded the former.

[new-nickname-zanovo]

A child is a child. It is not wise to talk about his or her rights and duties. If a child is told about his or her rights he or she has no idea about its meaning and implications and ways to get them. If a child is told about his or her duties he or she has no idea about its meaning and implications and shall not recognize the import that these have to be delivered.

I'm not sure if you have your own child or how old are they. But, a child need to be told about their duty and about parents duty as well , so these can help both work better in term of upbringing and family matters. A child at some point do understand the meaning and implications of this. Every time I discuss with my kids about my role as a mother, my duty as a parents and their duty as a child, the do understand clearly about it. Of course the explanation had to parallel with the level and age of the child. But, we cannot assume the child has no idea about the meaning and implication. when I talk about what they can and they cannot, I talk about why I do this and that, which is not from me as a mother, but from Allah swt. If I don't bother about how Allah swt will ask me in the day of judgement, I will not spend my time, energy and money and time for them as I did. or I will not told them what they can do or not. But, I need to as this is a command from Allah swt.

Of course children right is equal to parents duties. They are both same meaning. Children have a right for food, shelter, clothes, education, good upbringing and this is also parents duties to provide. I cannot see they can be any different. But, by talking about children right and not parents duties, at least it will not just be ME, ME and ME. But, others.

[qCGfQR9T]

I'm not sure if you have your own child or how old are they. But, a child need to be told about their duty and about parents duty as well , so these can help both work better in term of upbringing and family matters. A child at some point do understand the meaning and implications of this. Every time I discuss with my kids about my role as a mother, my duty as a parents and their duty as a child, the do understand clearly about it. Of course the explanation had to parallel with the level and age of the child. But, we cannot assume the child has no idea about the meaning and implication. when I talk about what they can and they cannot, I talk about why I do this and that, which is not from me as a mother, but from Allah swt. If I don't bother about how Allah swt will ask me in the day of judgement, I will not spend my time, energy and money and time for them as I did. or I will not told them what they can do or not. But, I need to as this is a command from Allah swt.

Of course children right is equal to parents duties. They are both same meaning. Children have a right for food, shelter, clothes, education, good upbringing and this is also parents duties to provide. I cannot see they can be any different. But, by talking about children right and not parents duties, at least it will not just be ME, ME and ME. But, others.

I missed to add that I have not read the other posts. When the thread appeared I had the reaction that I have outlined above but then I thought that may be the thread will not be very active so why energize it.
So my post above is just on the title of the thread and is not a rejoinder to any one in particular.

[new-nickname-zanovo]

I missed to add that I have not read the other posts. When the thread appeared I had the reaction that I have outlined above but then I thought that may be the thread will not be very active so why energize it.
So my post above is just on the title of the thread and is not a rejoinder to any one in particular.

Sorry, I never thought that you are replying my post but the post title generally. And I just reply to your post to share some insight I thought about me as a parents. Sometimes a different topic can get into different way of thinking. Which is why by talking about children right, we will think more about the right the kids should have from us rather than if we talk about parents duties, it will always come back to what our kids need to do for us.