[flowersnewacq]

spending maximum of my time in office and on tours within the city to select various locations... Most of the time, I have to eat outside food, though I was warned not to eat outside food by the doctor.. Many times I felt it would be good if I had my wife somewhere near our office, so that I could go and eat when ever I am hungry.. But my mom would never agree for us to stay separately in the city and after all I am the only one staying with her. If we left she would be completely alone..I know that i can hire a good cook, but i dont trust outsider.

Edit: I don't mean of only cooking food, she can also work with me and when I am at office, she will be like a guard () to me, where I have to meet many no. of girls for various reasons.

Will it be a valid reason for me to do a second marriage...I am seriously thinking about it.. Nothing is important than good emaan and health. السلام عليكم

Dear Brother Not Known,

You sent me your thread link on email to read it a few days ago. I read it today. I just want to say somethings here. Although I can say it to you in private but I can't resist making it public. I registered here just to say this

The purpose of your thread is one of the following:

1) You are looking for a wife on SF

2) You want to create some activity on SF

3) "Mazay Lena" (You just want to enjoy people's comments)

............

Khair, if you are serious just do mashwara with 1-2 people for Barakat. No need to ask Shaikh or Maulana's or anyone else cause it very simple that their mashwaras will always be based on their own understanding of Ta'ddud e Azwaaj. They will always discourage you in the context of hikmah. They will never consider your own needs. They will always see it as evil. They will make you feel bad for even thinking of a second wife. Some of the comments on your closed thread are very sad.

Nobody knows your situation, nobody knows what you are going through. Eveyrone gives general advices. People will do everything to stop you from getting another wife.

Just do an experiment. Go and consult any Shaikh. He won't even ask you why you need to marry, do you really need to marry, etc etc. He'll just stop you saying that When a Sunnah creates problems, it should be left. He won't tell you that we ourselves have problems with Sunnah and to correct it we should practice the sunnah. He will try his best to stop you without asking for your needs.

No need to ask anyone, just go and do it. But if you face problems in your life later on, face them with the belief that this world is a jail for Momineen and a prisoner is bound to face hardships in jail.

In short, if your wife is understanding and your mum allows you (even though you don't need her permission but still you need to make her happy), then just do it....

والسلام

Taliban

P.S: Don't tell the 2nd that you are bringing her to cook food for you :P

[PetraCromlich]

Moulana masha'Allah nice to have you back on SF.

Moulana a question I have is, is cooking food her responsibility or is he responsible for providing her cooked food?

[PetraCromlich]

The brothers reason for getting 2nd wife is so that he has someone cook lunch for him.

What I want to know is (1) is cooking food the wifes responsibility?

[eXC3Kvnn]

السلام عليكم

The purpose of your thread is one of the following:

1) You are looking for a wife on SF

2) You want to create some activity on SF

Welcome back.. so finally I was able to drag you back on SF

1. One of the brothers asked me to post in sensitive QA about finding wife and some moderators may help. But I didn't post, if I was looking for some one only on SF.. then I would have definitely posted there.

2. Its to good to have some activity.. since many are complaining about how boring SF has become.. though i never felt SF was boring..


Khair, if you are serious just do mashwara with 1-2 people for Barakat. No need to ask Shaikh or Maulana's or anyone else cause it very simple that their mashwaras will always be based on their own understanding of Ta'ddud e Azwaaj. They will always discourage you in the context of hikmah. They will never consider your own needs. They will always see it as evil. They will make you feel bad for even thinking of a second wife. Some of the comments on your closed thread are very sad.

Nobody knows your situation, nobody knows what you are going through. Eveyrone gives general advices. People will do everything to stop you from getting another wife.

Just do an experiment. Go and consult any Shaikh. He won't even ask you why you need to marry, do you really need to marry, etc etc. He'll just stop you saying that When a Sunnah creates problems, it should be left. He won't tell you that we ourselves have problems with Sunnah and to correct it we should practice the sunnah. He will try his best to stop you without asking for your needs.

No need to ask anyone, just go and do it. But if you face problems in your life later on, face them with the belief that this world is a jail for Momineen and a prisoner is bound to face hardships in jail.

In short, if your wife is understanding and your mum allows you (even though you don't need her permission but still you need to make her happy), then just do it....

والسلام

Taliban

P.S: Don't tell the 2nd that you are bringing her to cook food for you :P

[eXC3Kvnn]

.....

Sorry...

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...l=1#post725545

[Anykeylo]

The brothers reason for getting 2nd wife is so that he has someone cook lunch for him.

What I want to know is (1) is cooking food the wifes responsibility?

nope it isn't...he should just marry 4 wife's and cook for them all and since he has a delivery business he should use that to deliver them all food in all the separate city's he has to work in

then maybe one day his wife's will join SF and we can all have a chance to say "mashaAllah what a good husband" for a change!

[steevytraunse]

.

wassalam
even though i never experienced what a marriage is all about but IF my advise counts then
bhai y dont you hire your 1st wife as your employee & solve your problem.
tell your mother the reason for this that u need to protect your eeman.

[buIf6yoW]

bro women are women and not our slaves. we should be glad that they do for us what they already do and not take advantage.
you dont want to tell everyone on the forum everything but you want advice. imagine i went to a lawyer and said '' iv killed someone but i dont want you to know the circumstances but i want you to represent me in court'', yep its ludacris.

personally i think people find it difficult to take you seriously therefore they stereotype you as someone who wants an excuse to marry again. why dont you work with what youv got, make shukr and re-think your schedule. theres so many people living in the same duniya as you that have similar circumstances and work them out without remarrying for the sake of something that is not even binding upon a woman.

i might sound a little harsh but its not my intention.

[Aztegjpl]

Br. not known can you plz un-quote my post. Except for the first 18 words in it nothing else was meant.

[karaburatoreror]

I think you should consider what UmHasan and Quraatulain have said in the thread that you had made. Since you have the means to hire a trusted cook, that should be fine. Make your mother understand.

Theoretically you are right though, but it is up to you.

[Adamdjeffe]

if the brother wants to get married so that someone can cook for him then why stop him?

as long as he makes an agreement with his wife that she will cook for him and he fulfills all her material and emotional needs in return then what is wrong with that?

many wives are more than happy to cook for their husbands eventhough they do not have to as they respect the husband and are grateful to the husband for providing them shelter, food, clothing and attending to their other needs.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE marries with some level of selfishness, some more than others, some less than others. most women would not marry a homeless man who lives on the streets and has no job. they would want to marry a man who can provide a home, who has a job so he can provide neccesities and luxuries. so why cant a man marry a woman for HIS own needs? if the brother has a need to marry someone for home cooked food then how can there be anything wrong in that? all he has to do when finding a wife is to tell her what he wants her to do and if she agrees to that then where is the problem?

[eXC3Kvnn]

nope it isn't...he should just marry 4 wife's and cook for them all and since he has a delivery business he should use that to deliver them all food in all the separate city's he has to work in

then maybe one day his wife's will join SF and we can all have a chance to say "mashaAllah what a good husband" for a change!

I work only in once city.. If I had to leave the city,. by now I used to be in USA/UK/Saudi/Dubai and what not...

I believe in "Stay home.. cool and fresh"\

And more over Madam.. I think you are attacking me personally in your first line. That's not the only business I have, got few others as well

[eXC3Kvnn]

ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE marries with some level of selfishness, some more than others, some less than others. most women would not marry a homeless man who lives on the streets and has no job. they would want to marry a man who can provide a home, who has a job so he can provide neccesities and luxuries. so why cant a man marry a woman for HIS own needs? if the brother has a need to marry someone for home cooked food then how can there be anything wrong in that? all he has to do when finding a wife is to tell her what he wants her to do and if she agrees to that then where is the problem?

100% correct bro..

[bixlewlyimila]

The only problem that would arise is whether you can divide your nights equally between your wives.

[Wluwsdtn]

if the brother wants to get married so that someone can cook for him then why stop him?

as long as he makes an agreement with his wife that she will cook for him and he fulfills all her material and emotional needs in return then what is wrong with that?

many wives are more than happy to cook for their husbands eventhough they do not have to as they respect the husband and are grateful to the husband for providing them shelter, food, clothing and attending to their other needs.

ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE marries with some level of selfishness, some more than others, some less than others. most women would not marry a homeless man who lives on the streets and has no job. they would want to marry a man who can provide a home, who has a job so he can provide neccesities and luxuries. so why cant a man marry a woman for HIS own needs? if the brother has a need to marry someone for home cooked food then how can there be anything wrong in that? all he has to do when finding a wife is to tell her what he wants her to do and if she agrees to that then where is the problem?

Except that don't couch this in religious term as though its a God ordained duty for a women to be his 2nd wife to cook his midday meal or that its a God ordained duty for his 1st wife to be happy and tolerable about such a husband. Unfortunately that is the idea being promoted indirectly, that a "good" muslimah would be quite submissive and ready to be a midday cooker wife for this poor little chubby bubu guy who can't control his desires in his office time, while the not so strong muslimahs have to be soaped and scrubed and brought into agreement to be midday cooker wife and a similar behaviour should be supposedly expected from his 1st wife to be a perfect muslimah.

[Wluwsdtn]

Or let me put this way and personalize the issue:

How many of you in here are ready to give your daughters for marriage as a 2nd wife in a case exactly like this?

[Adamdjeffe]

Except that don't couch this in religious term as though its a God ordained duty for a women to be his 2nd wife to cook his midday meal

no one has.

or that its a God ordained duty for his 1st wife to be happy and tolerable about such a husband.

what 'such a husband'?

a husband who decides to exercise his Allah given right to get a second wife?

Unfortunately that is the idea being promoted indirectly,

where? quote the post.

that a "good" muslimah would be quite submissive and ready to be a midday cooker wife

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3272, narrated Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

for this poor little chubby bubu guy

why are you being abusive

who can't control his desires in his office time,

why are you slandering a muslim?

while the not so strong muslimahs have to be soaped and scrubed and brought into agreement to be midday cooker wife

soaped and scrubbed? what are you talking about? if the brother says to a potential bride that he would like her to cook for him and she agrees then where is the problem?

and a similar behaviour should be supposedly expected from his 1st wife to be a perfect muslimah.

you want your wife to be an imperfect muslimah? would anyone, male or female, would not want their spouses to be perfect muslim/muslimah?

[Adamdjeffe]

Or let me put this way and personalize the issue:

How many of you in here are ready to give your daughters for marriage as a 2nd wife in a case exactly like this?

probably not many. but then again there are people who do give their daughters as 2nd/3rd/4th wives.

why do you have a problem with something that was practiced by the Prophet and the sahaba (rd)?

[eXC3Kvnn]

I am well aware of controlling desires and follow the commands of Allah... that is the reason I married at at the age of 24 and now I am 26

Anyway here is my todays schedule.. hope many of you will get what I am talking about.
got up at 8.30 am

drank a glass of water, ate one egg + cup of milk

took breakfast and lunch with me (as i cant do breakfast so early)

went to office at 10 am

then got busy with work..

breakfast + lunch at 2.15 pm (the actual lunch is as is)

planning to do lunch at 5.30 pm but got no chance

though of doing lunch after magrib, but no chance

then decided to go home...at 7 pm

got some urgent meeting and then i was there in office till 9 PM

got another call from some other office, went there and came back to home at 10.30 pm

had lunch (or dinner ) and now again there is schedule of meeting at 12 am with some person and expecting to close the meeting by 1 am (the meeting is cancelled ) I could have easily ate some snacks or anything outside.. but i don't eat.. that is the problem usually with my food.

usually i am out from 9.30 am to 9.30 pm.. so what is wrong if I have an another wife with me in this time ? who can look after my eating timings and food.

[Wluwsdtn]

probably not many. but then again there are people who do give their daughters as 2nd/3rd/4th wives.

why do you have a problem with something that was practiced by the Prophet and the sahaba (rd)?

The question was to personalise it and not give answers on others behalf. If your reluctant it shows there are issues behind your suppport. The sunnah teaches us that imaan is not complete until a person would want for his brother what he wants for himself. If you wouldn't want your own daughter in such a situation, then wishing it upon the daughters of others is problematic.

I do not see anyone either religious or jahil who would give his daughter to be someones midday cooker 2nd wife. Unless if the person was such a religious blessing and a relationship with him would in anycase have spiritual significance in establishing geneological connection. The only person otherwise who would be subject to agree would be the people of poverty who are forced into giving their daughter, as in the case of gulf Arab frauds preying on poor young women in foreign countries as we see in plenty of cases, because these poor people are not knowledgable and sharp enough to recognise or poverty has forced them to it.

And before ascribing it to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

1) note that it was a custom even before the prophet
2) slavery was also a custom, so you should infact support it today and promote slavery as per your criteria
3) do clarify if you have any basis to think that they had the intention of marrying multiple women to merely cook their midday meals.

And when you quote the hadith of tirmidhi, its like quoting hadith on obedience to parents and apply it in forcing women to get married or using it to pressure women to get married to someone irreligious. I.e your misplacing the hadith and intending by it what was not intended in the text. And it is indeed contridictory as the sunnah is to choose a partner based on his/her religious piety or else be ruined. While what is being promoted here is to choose a partner based on who would be ready to be a midday cooker wife.