[SallythePearl]

Salam aleikum wr wb. I am a revert as u see since 2007 hamdulillah. In 2008 i met my husband that was in Sweden as asyl seeker. His mum and dad and brother live here. I met him on muslima.com. We met just onec before we married. And in public place where we talked just about us and marriage. By that time i was living in Denmark. We married one week after our meeting. he was coming to denmark to visit me and stayed for the weekends. Than he went back to sweden to work. Than he broke his hand and couldnt work so he came to me and lived with me for some months. I got pregnant with our first kid within one month after that. When i was 4 months pregnant, he got catched and tooken to a place before he should go to his country. We decided that he have to leave Sweden without making problems so he will be able to come here again. Living in De I gave birth to our first son 3 months after that. Started to pack and moved to my parents in low in sweden with my son and my daughter from before my husband. We applyed for him coming here ad he did 3 months after my aplication. Than i got pregnant with our second boy. He started to change. Was abusing me verbaly. Started to hit me. His parents always blamed me. The time went i started to find haram sides on the computer, but always he blamed his brother that was living with us as well. I gave birth to our second son. We was waiting for appartment. Than 6 months ago we got it. Hamdulillah. Short after i found out am pregnant. Now in 15 week. Month ago i found out he looked on this sides again. This time he couldnt blame his brother. I asked him why he was doing this to learn things he said. I was broken. For me its like zina. now i find my self checking the computer everyday ... i think he got so clever that he surf in private mode. I have instaled a program to catch him but when he use this in private mode the program dosnt regist anything.
Our marriage is like that. I feel sick and tired of living like that. He sleeps til 9 or 10 a.m., go to shower, leave ... and than comes home to his mum at 5 or 6.p.m. sometimes later. My biggest son sleep by my mother in low, so i spend my time there from noon to evening when i take the little one to sleep. And he comes home around 10-12 p.m. to surf on internet in our bed. Sit there till 2-4 a.m. And so on everyday. He dosnt help with home stuff. cant sit with kids more than one hour. Always threaten me .... call me bad names. tells me i cant do anything. and he is tired of me when we argue. I told him that there is a way out of it ... and its the way he came in, in my life. Sometimes i just want to give up and move on. But than sometimes he is nice and i think of my kids. What to do.? i took him to an imam, he was listening and even said its his foult ... for just one hour later be in his old shoes. He even divorced me many times but than he tells me he made it in a huge anger and he couldnt control him self. I start to think that maybe that we doing haram staying together thats why its like it is between us.
he have changed his phone numbers last 2,5 year like 15 times. He delete his sms. Pls sisters am i the wrong here?.

[dAy2EWlg]

wa alaikum salaam sister May Allah make it easy for you Insha'Allah someone will advice you on what to do.

[inve.tment]

Waalaikum-salaam Sister,

I am very sorry to hear about your suffering...may Allah guide you to do what is best for you and your children.

Also may other sisters learn from your situation and be very careful of meeting 'brothers' on these marrige sites,and
going into marriages too quickly.There are many sad stories like yours.Again may Allah guide, and give you the strength
to do what you need to do.You and your children are in my duas.May Allah protect you and your children from harm.Ameen

[patuvammnogoo]

We pray for you sister, you will receive beneficial advice on here. Maybe some posters could give you the details of some local scholars or service that may be of some help

[klubneras]

:bism;


Sister recite the following Dua attached below often. May Allah solve your problems. Ameen.

[Battwenue]

in your post you say
"He even divorced me many times but than he tells me he made it in a huge anger and he couldnt control him self"
you need to elaborate on this. how many times has he divorced you?

[AnthonyKing]

Allah will improve your situation for what is best for you and your children.

He even divorced me many times but than he tells me he made it in a huge anger and he couldnt control him self. Anger is not an excuse. If he has said it three times, then divorce HAS taken effect. You should see an imam with him immediately and get this issue straightened out first and foremost.

[gusecrync]

Muslims in the West should make an organization to take care of the reverts so that they do not
become victims of the corrupted Muslims seeking Western passports or other worldly gains.

If they fail to do it , soon you will see a chain-reaction . Islam will lose it appeal to the frustrated Westerners. They will be attrated towards other fake religions such as Buddhism !!

[Axxflcaj]

Yes the sister needs help. But its difficult to help with the details provided here and better to go to a trustable mediator or religious head nearby. The other sisters can also communicate with her in private and locate some nearby sister for her to get in touch.

Muslim communitys are supposed to elect a qadi and live under a structured format.

[SallythePearl]

Salam aleikum again. Thank you all. And ameen to the duaas.
Well hr divorced me at least 5-7 times. When i went to imam to talk to him about it he said i have to make duaa on his way and forgive him ... well i tryed but not when he try to hide still things from me. He also said that if he said the talaqs in extrem anger so it dosnt count.It akes me wonder why are men than given this power to play with their wifes and children. I dont want my boys to grow up like that. I want theme to treat their wifes good inshallah. And support theme in all cases. As well am scared of that my daughetr will fall for a guy like him, 'couse this is what she see as a male figure.
Sometimes i just get crazy when people take their culture and mix it with islam. I didnt convert couse of that. I didnt bring my culture with me either. When people mix culture with islam it aint islam anymore. :-(((((

[ticfarentibia]

My duas are with you sister, may Allah swt shower you and your family with his mercy and make your situation better. Ameen

[xFZ3k8Mw]

Muslims in the West should make an organization to take care of the reverts so that they do not
become victims of the corrupted Muslims seeking Western passports or other worldly gains.

If they fail to do it , soon you will see a chain-reaction . Islam will lose it appeal to the frustrated Westerners. They will be attrated towards other fake religions such as Buddhism !!

I agree with you, but let us not 'wait' for things to happen formally, if we know a revert, we should take care of them through all means possible.



Sister polishrevert, I feel so sad for you, you will definitely be in my Dua's, may Allah SWT have mercy on you and may He ease all of your troubles, its guys like your husband who dent the image of Islam, if you study Islam carefully, you'll discover amazing amazing things that Allah SWT has bestowed upon women.

Whatever happens, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ISLAM.
The problems with you have got nothing to do with Islam per se, they are actually the results of your husband not following Islam.

Look at what Allah SWT says...
A warning for men.

Jabir (radhiallaho anho) narrates that the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) also gave these instructions in his sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage. “Fear Allah regarding women; for you have taken them (in marriage) with the trust of Allah. (Mishtat)


This warning establishes the sanctity and inviolability of women's rights. In this teaching men have been cautioned that although they are guardians of women, they should not exercise this responsibility without concern and fear of accountability to Allah. They should be mindful that Allah is a witness between them and their wives and it is through His commandment and permission that women have been made lawful for them through marriage. Women are therefore in Allah's protection. If the husbands are cruel they are guilty of breaching their trust with Allah. How big an honour this is for women and how stern is the warning for their guardian husbands, that they should remember that women are in Allah's protection. (Ma 'Arif al-Hadith)

The wife is therefore entrusted to the man on a sacred pledge to which Allah is a party. Islam teaches that in this union the function of the woman is not only for the gratification of physical drives. On the contrary she is viewed as the most qualified partner of man in shaping the character of family and society for the realisation of the ultimate aims of human existence. Farewell advice for men.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallaho alaihi wasallam) has said: O people, your wives have a certain right over you and you have certain rights over them. Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers. (Tirmidhi)

Fair dealings and good behaviour is necessary towards everyone, but the Prophet (Sallallaho alaihi wasaliam) the mercy for all mankind, emphasised it especially towards women. Kindness to the wife, an aspect of faith.

A'isha, (radhialiaho anha) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families." (Tirmidhi)


Note: A'isha (radial ho anha), the Holy Prophet's wife, is one of the most famous women in Islamic history. She was gifted with an outstanding intelligence and memory and is considered to be one of the most reliable narrators of ahadith

[xFZ3k8Mw]

The Best men.

Abu Huraira (radhialiaho anho) reported Allah's messenger as saying, "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives " (Tirmidhi)


Behaving with women emphasised.

For the benefit of the believers who love and follow him, the Prophet Sallallaho alaihi wasallam) cited his own example to make these instructions more effective, he remarked:
The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. [Tirmidthi] Spending for wife's comfort.
It is narrated by Abu-Darda (radhiallaho anho) that the Prophet (sallallaho alaihi wasallam) instructed me: "Spend as much as possible upon your family. . . " (Kanz)

This is indeed a source of encouragement to spend for the comfort of women. The husband is also under an obligation to maintain his wife irrespective of whether she is rich or poor .

Those who are not generous with their wives should take heed of this advice. Please read this.
All this is to only let you know what Islam says regarding women.
Tablighis on the forum who are near to sister's place, can you PLEASE give daawah to her husband? I have personally seen people change for the good once they have spent time in khurooj, so I urge you, PLEASE.

[xFZ3k8Mw]

Sister polishrevert, please read these dua's, they are from the Glorious Quran.
1. Read both of them & follow the instructions given.
2. But you should read them with total belief, of-course never leave Salah if you want to make these dua's to work.
3. Give charity (Sadaqah), doesn't matter how much, but give and give it frequently.


I'm really frustrated that I can't do anything for you and esp. for reverts like you who end up in these sad things, other than this.
Allah SWT knows everything thats happening, so I urge you turn towards him like never before.

[inve.tment]

The sister may already be divorced...she said her husband pronounced divorce on her 5-7 times!!! The sister needs to see a qualified scholar immediately!!!

[xFZ3k8Mw]

The sister may already be divorced...she said her husband pronounced divorce on her 5-7 times!!! The sister needs to see a qualified scholar immediately!!!

Yes, may be, but yet along with seeing the scholar, I still suggest brothers here to give daawah to the sis's husband...

[AnthonyKing]

Salam aleikum again. Thank you all. And ameen to the duaas.
Well hr divorced me at least 5-7 times. When i went to imam to talk to him about it he said i have to make duaa on his way and forgive him ... well i tryed but not when he try to hide still things from me. He also said that if he said the talaqs in extrem anger so it dosnt count.It akes me wonder why are men than given this power to play with their wifes and children. I dont want my boys to grow up like that. I want theme to treat their wifes good inshallah. And support theme in all cases. As well am scared of that my daughetr will fall for a guy like him, 'couse this is what she see as a male figure.
Sometimes i just get crazy when people take their culture and mix it with islam. I didnt convert couse of that. I didnt bring my culture with me either. When people mix culture with islam it aint islam anymore. :-(((((

He is wrong when he says "it doesn't count". If your husband said talaq to you, regardless of whether he was angry or happy, it still counts. So men are not given the power to play with their wives and children - they cannot "take back" utterances of talaq. You've been misinformed.

[sydramySweame]

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi t3ala wabarakatuhu sister,

In Islam there are a few things if said even in anger take place, and one of them is Talaq,
If a guy gives his wife talaq/divorce and may it be in anger it still take place, and as u say
he has already said it 5-7 times, thats way over the limit, The limit is 3! After that staying with
the husband is haram, You really need to contact a qualified alim/scholar immedietly,
The imam that you talked to that said you should forgive him is wrong, please contact a scholar and tell him
what words your husband used to give you the divorce and how many times.

may ALLAH t3ala solve all your worries, may he shower his mercy and blessings upon you, may he fill your
life here and in the hereafter with happiness, aameen!

Remember ALLAH t3ala only gives problems to those who
he loves, its a test, be patient, and stay close to ALLAH t3ala, keep asking him, turning to him, and dont let the
wrongdoings of these so called muslims turn you away from Islam, please dont, Islam is not what muslims are representing
these days, Our examples are the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam and his companions, so dont let todays muslims
fill your heart with hatred for Islam. may ALLAH t3ala guide us all, and make us his true beilivers, not seasonal muslims only by name.

keep reading this dua: Hasbiyallahu wa naimal wakeel.

You are in my duas inshaALLAH t3ala.

[SallythePearl]

again thanx a lot to all of u. i was thinking that the divorce count, specially if he told me last time you are divorced for the last time. i will not stay in haram relastionship. and have to look back for the imam in our mosque so he explane him this.
today he as well was after me telling me bad things. I cant stand it anymore. What his fam told me was that i will stay forever alone couse no men will want a women with 4 kids. But u know what am not scared anymore of that. Prefer to be alone until i die than this cold treatment and fake learning of islam.

[SallythePearl]

u know what he even told me? that i have to be happy he married me.