[Soadiassy]

seconding br. shuayb's opinion.

engage in ibadah, and don't let stress reduce your will power.

[mynaflzak]

Definitely. In fact I realized this reality later. At first I was fully determined to live a life like Sahaba (no particular occupation, no money saving, no eagerness for building house etc). But this is the society where it is asked first- What does the guy do? If he is pious or not- it is the second question. We listen the story of Mubarak , father of Abdullah Ibn Mubarak but do not make intention to practise in our own life.

yes indeed brother, i know exactly wht u mean.
say there is a man who is pious,a hafeez,a good, kind-hearted man, [though with one wife already hey its allowed :P ] who i would wish to marry- i wont be able to coz he is married, poor, not of my own whatever whatever...ARRRGH!!!! society makes life sooo difficult!!!

siiigh

[fkisjjdhh]

yes indeed brother, i know exactly wht u mean.
say there is a man who is pious,a hafeez,a good, kind-hearted man, [though with one wife already hey its allowed :P ] who i would wish to marry- i wont be able to coz he is married, poor, not of my own whatever whatever...ARRRGH!!!! society makes life sooo difficult!!!

siiigh

Reminds me of a bollywood movie... all bollywood movies have the same story.

[eduptultyt]

Bollywood is haram.

[IvJlNwum]

My advise would be this despite having no experience of marriage.

Studying medicine is a very tough task and will eat away many years of your life but in the end, you'll be able to reap the rewards. Of course, since your a Uni student, you're an adult and can get married at any time you wish. Parents (imo) should never dictate when and where their child should marry - that should be the individual's decision as long as he/she is a mature individual and capable of standing on his/her own two feet.

Since you are going to spend many years studying, it MAY make sense to get married to a person of your choice. You don't necessarily have to live with him until you finish education but you can still meet him and do whatever a married couple would do. After all, this is you life choice, not your parents.

In my eyes, marriage is one of the most beautiful things life has to offer and I personally cannot wait till I get married - of course to a woman I love and share similarities with. Only the couple knows when they are ready for marriage, so ultimately it's for you to decide - what are you most comfortable with?

I hope my post made sense because I have a habit of rattling on and not making sense sometimes.

[IvJlNwum]

Salam 'Aleykum,

Problem is in my society, if you don't save enough money in these hard economic conditions, no one will give me their daughter for marriage Am still 23 But This Sucks!!!

But must it be an arranged marriage? Tbh I know how you feel, as my culture is similar but thank God more and more people are breaking away from this culture. It also helps if there are people you can meet who don't depend on parents - or the other way around where parents don't dictate the every move of their child who is a grown adult.

[anxpuna]

yes indeed brother, i know exactly wht u mean.
say there is a man who is pious,a hafeez,a good, kind-hearted man, [though with one wife already hey its allowed :P ] who i would wish to marry- i wont be able to coz he is married, poor, not of my own whatever whatever...ARRRGH!!!! society makes life sooo difficult!!!

siiigh

Sigh... if every muslim family would have this mentality!

Ethnicity is an obligatory criterion to marry nowadays. When I told my mom- I wanna marry in another country, her eyebrows wrinkled in a such way that I didn't dare to prolong my talk. She would faint if I would express my another wish to marry a widow, I guess.

[anxpuna]

Bollywood is haram.

Not everyone is born-Buzurg. Many of us (especially me) possess a dark history.

[mynaflzak]

Sigh... if every muslim family would have this mentality!

Ethnicity is an obligatory criterion to marry nowadays. When I told my mom- I wanna marry in another country, her eyebrows wrinkled in a such way that I didn't dare to prolong my talk. She would faint if I would express my another wish to marry a widow, I guess.

lol my mummy's eyebrows wrinkled up when i expressed a desire that i would like to get married as a second wife she didnt faint as such but kept giving me funny looks [im laughing]

but if u think about it- good muslim men are of such a rarity that ul be lucky -no very VeRY lucky to find a single one... most are taken now... :/ and as usual society looks down on a a man with two or more wives- in fact they are mocked at and insulted and so on because they are assumed to have an inextinguishable s**drive and so on.. they mock them.
again marrying early is also frowned on by society- the girl is labelled as being a frisky,cheap ,easy-to-get,highly s*xed etc etc... its regarded almost a shame to marry early here where i am [in my social state or caste or whatevr]...

[mynaflzak]

I hope my post made sense because I have a habit of rattling on and not making sense sometimes.

it does make sense.. im trying to make my parents see the sense too maybe it would work after an year or so in uni... time flies nowadays anyway... and i agree with u on the beauty of marriage.. its something iv been looking forward to in life for since i was-well tiny-

[DzjwMKo5]

unfortunately marriage is not an option here, my parents wouldnt agree..i will have to follow brother Murad h's method

Narrated 'Abdullah (razi) We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

You need to find ways to convince your parents for marriage & make dua for same,as the above saying was for sahaba (razi),whose imaan & modesty in comparison to us is those of drop of water to water of ocean.We are living in a world of fitna where modesty are overtaken by obscenity.You can marry to male from medical background who can assist you & convince your parents with this.

[mynaflzak]

Narrated 'Abdullah (razi) We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

You need to find ways to convince your parents for marriage & make dua for same,as the above saying was for sahaba (razi),whose imaan & modesty in comparison to us is those of drop of water to water of ocean.We are living in a world of fitna where modesty are overtaken by obscenity.You can marry to male from medical background who can assist you & convince your parents with this.

i will put these ideas to my dad and see what he says..
thank u all soo much for the advice...

[Soadiassy]

again marrying early is also frowned on by society- the girl is labelled as being a frisky,cheap ,easy-to-get,highly s*xed etc etc... its regarded almost a shame to marry early here where i am [in my social state or caste or whatevr].. Islamically, this is a very ignorant attitude indeed.

[tsovimnpb]

As salaamu alaaikum

Im a student still, about to start medical college soon InshaAllah. I have a terrible weakness which im afraid i find very difficult to control.
I find that i NEED the company of a male. its not an entirely physical need- but one which extends emotionally and mentally...iv had this problem for a long time and i want to avoid this problem. honestly speaking- i have had relationships in the past when i didnt know islam properly and fear of retribution wasn't in my heart.
InshaAllah now things are different and im tryin to find a way to curb these strange strong desires.

im doubly afraid because ill be living alone in a foreign country soon to study medicine.i wanted to get married before i go but since im about to start an extremely vigorous educational venture- my parents do not want me to marry early as they fear that ii may mess up my studies.

so what do i do now? im very troubled at heart and i dont know what to do.
please help me.

jazaakallah khair

Make istikharrah and put your best interest directly in the hands of Allah swt, all turmoil gone.

[Hmntezmb]

jazaakallah khair

[anxpuna]

i will put these ideas to my dad and see what he says..
thank u all soo much for the advice...

Lol. I'm imagining what her father will think if she says about marriage. It's a taboo among muslims that, expressing the wish of marriage to the guardians is a shameless practice. But Shariah always suggests for protecting oneself by marriage. Even a woman can send her proposal to the man for marrying her.

[mynaflzak]

Lol. I'm imagining what her father will think if she says about marriage. It's a taboo among muslims that, expressing the wish of marriage to the guardians is a shameless practice. But Shariah always suggests for protecting oneself by marriage. Even a woman can send her proposal to the man for marrying her.

ugh this is getting more complicated :/ aaagh!!! well ill stay low fer now and spend time doing zikr and stuff and then later ask MUMMY- there that sounds safer :P

[tsovimnpb]

Lol. I'm imagining what her father will think if she says about marriage. It's a taboo among muslims that, expressing the wish of marriage to the guardians is a shameless practice. But Shariah always suggests for protecting oneself by marriage. Even a woman can send her proposal to the man for marrying her.

If Allah swt decrees it then maybe her dad will suddenly approach her about it wallahu alam.

[tsovimnpb]

ugh this is getting more complicated :/ aaagh!!! well ill stay low fer now and spend time doing zikr and stuff and then later ask MUMMY- there that sounds safer :P

I told you make istikharrah about getting married or not. Mummy Daddy and the Milkman, these are just middle-men, the decision doesnt come from them.

[mynaflzak]

I told you make istikharrah about getting married or not. Mummy Daddy and the Milkman, these are just middle-men, the decision doesnt come from them.

righty'o brother.. im tryna learn how to do that particular salat at the moment actually...i got the adress of a site on a different thread of mine posted the day i joined recently. so soon soon