[Sydneyfonzi]

Assalamu alaikum.
My wife never wore hijab in her life, I told her that she should & I would prefer her to.
So, she put it on & wore it for a few days, then said I feel uncomfortable? Since this she has stopped praying all together, she won't watch lectures because it makes her feel bad about not wearing hijab etc...
I have tried so hard to encourage her, she went out and bought all new clothes which I was very happy with but doesn't wear them or hijab..
What do I do? I feel bad & cannot bring myself to force her to wear it as its just not me to do this... I try talking to her but she just says I'm not ready? I don't feel somfortable around the people at my kids school? None of it makes sense and just seems like excuses?
Please help me? What should I do?

[duminyricky]

Go for khurooj with your wife..
n make sure you are doing taleem everyday in ur home..

[IACJdKfU]

brother, in my opinion asking someone to wear hijab usually doesn't work without a strong understanding of islam. So, just concentrate on bringing deen in her life, like brother suggested, with taleem etc..hijab will automatically follow inshaAllah.

[Sydneyfonzi]

brother, in my opinion asking someone to wear hijab usually doesn't work without a strong understanding of islam. So, just concentrate on bringing deen in her life, like brother suggested, with taleem etc..hijab will automatically follow inshaAllah.

Walaikum salaam sister. She was born in a muslim country, was brought up by Muslim parents and understands the meaning of hijab and her understanding of Islam is quite good too.

[Paybeskf]

Assalamu alaikum.
My wife never wore hijab in her life, I told her that she should & I would prefer her to.
So, she put it on & wore it for a few days, then said I feel uncomfortable? Since this she has stopped praying all together, she won't watch lectures because it makes her feel bad about not wearing hijab etc...
I have tried so hard to encourage her, she went out and bought all new clothes which I was very happy with but doesn't wear them or hijab..
What do I do? I feel bad & cannot bring myself to force her to wear it as its just not me to do this... I try talking to her but she just says I'm not ready? I don't feel somfortable around the people at my kids school? None of it makes sense and just seems like excuses?
Please help me? What should I do?

Please don't pressure or force her but encourage her nicely. Find a good group of sisters who are practicing for her to befriend and be around. Positive company have an effect on people. Continue to make dua for her guidance.

Do you have friends whose wives are in hijab/niqab? Maybe you can invite them over to your home or encourage her to meet with them,spend time with them etc..

I have a non muslim friend whose married to a Muslim man for a few years and she's not reverted to Islam as yet. When I met her I was the first Muslim she ever conversed with . In the few months I have known her , her perception to Islam have changed very much. She told me she was not interested in Islam at all and her husband would tell her stuff only when she ask.He's never pressured her or force her as he wants her to accept Islam on her own. Since meeting me and getting exposed to other Muslim sisters she's actually at the door and considering entering
( reverting to Islam) . She asked me for a Hijab, I never once brought up the Hijab issue..... this is just one example I've seen and experienced where sisters show interest just by being around good company.....

We all need a spiritual boost and either we create that environment in our homes or attend places where we can get that spiritual uplift.

May Allah make it easy for you and you wife and grant us all hidayah aameen

[chadnezzrr]

Start ta'lim
Dua
Sadqah
If there's any tabligh done among the women over there @ melbourne, find out, and send her over there, but be cautious < this may take time, so start the first 3 and do it with isteqaamatt & full on yakheen. Both very important.

[joOEMcheapSOFTWARE]

I know how you feel brother. Sometimes it gets so difficult when your family is like this. Make dua for her especially during tahajjud. May Allah give all of us Hidaya.

[MP+4]

Okay I understand that you guys were brought up in the whole tableeghi movement but some of us are not all that familiar with tableegis so please calm down with all this jargon you're throwing about.

[metrocartockasur]

Okay I understand that you guys were brought up in the whole tableeghi movement but some of us have only got to know about tableeghis very recently, so please calm down with all this jargon you're throwing about.

what all jargon sis?

[Opislossy]

what all jargon sis?

Jargon means unintelligible language. Or uncivilized language.

[metrocartockasur]

Jargon means unintelligible language. Or uncivilized language.

yeah, basically i was asking ''what all jargon?''

meaning: what unintelligible/uncivilized talk people must stop throwing around here..? since are the answers seem good.

[Opislossy]

yeah, basically i was asking ''what all jargon?''

meaning: what unintelligible/uncivilized talk people must stop throwing around here..? since are the answers seem good.

Okay. Sister idil sud answer. As I cannot find any jargon here.

[LsrSRVxR]

Assalaamu'alaikum,

I think the 'jargon' the sis may have been referring to may have been br pluto's post? Not everyone on the forum will be familiar with terms like istiqamat, yakheen etc.

I would personally suggest talking with your wife generally about the seerah. In this way she won't be pressured at all as it doesn't directly link to the issue of hijab, however inshaAllah over time as you both increase in your love for the prophet (saw), she may naturally want to follow his example and learn more about his wives and inshaAllah this will be a sure step in helping her understand hijab better and think about adopting it for herself.

Also, it takes a lot of willpower to stand out and be different, especially when living in areas with few muslims (I'm speaking from years of personal experience). It may be easier for your wife if she also knows others are going through similar things, for example trying to find other muslim sisters in the area.

Importantly, are you also standing out and being strong in your Muslim identity? Often when women see brothers who do not keep the beard or make an effort to wear a hat or sunnah clothing (when appropriate) then it may feel very one-sided that it seems like only women have to wear such an obvious public label of Islam. Of course every person should try to focus on their deen for themselves purely for the sake of Allah, but it may be easier for your wife if you are going through a similar journey together, rather than you just asking her to do it on her own.

Wallahu A'lam

[Sydneyfonzi]

Walaikum salaam.
Thanks you all so much for your replies. But I need everyone to understand I'm a new Muslim & don't understand any of the terms used in this thread at all?
I feel very embarrassed to write this as you all have taken your time to help me & I don't have the knowledge to understand what anyone is saying??
Please don't think I'm a waste of time, im not the type of person who just sits back and waits for knowledge to come to me, I do try very hard to gain knowledge & mashallah my knowledge is growing day by day.
I am learning Arabic and have one Arabic class for an hour each day, I have stopped watching television & listening to music and these times are now spent watching lectures, reading & studying Quran.
So please inshallah be patient with me..
Jazakallah khair.

[Garry Richardson]

Bismillah Al-Rehman Al-Raheem

Assalam-Alaikum:

Brother, please, please do not ever feel embarrassed about not knowing something or seeking knowledge. For myself, I still do not know many things and feel like a newborn baby sometimes uncovering some facet which I did not have the senses or knowledge to understand previously. So, please be patient with yourself, Brother. And may Allah bless you in that.

Also, Brother, you have been given good advice here in this thread with regards to your wife. The most important thing in my experience is to make your home a peaceful and welcoming culture of learning because the first thing to do is always to attach the hearts to Allah and then Insha-Allah everything will follow from that from His blessing and mercy as He wills. Insha-Allah, Brother, Allah will enable both you and your wife to grow in faith together.

Also, Brother, I don't know if you noticed this, but I think your own last post answered as to what your approach should be with regards to your wife. In your post, you urged others to patience with you simply because you did not understand a few words of others. But, Brother, would your wife not love even more to have you, her husband and helper, be patient with her?

Brother, Masha-Allah, Allah has inspired you to put good and fruitful practices into place in your life, but have patience with yourself because you will never know everything. I know I don't know anything. And have patience with others in your life like your wife because Allah loves for people to be patient with others because that shows good character and manners and then Allah will Insha-Allah bless you in what you want of your wife for the sake of Allah.

If I have said anything that is good and true, it is from Allah, and anything other than that is my own mistake.

[Sydneyfonzi]

Thank you sister, very true what you said.
I will keep it in mind, jazakallah khair.

[duminyricky]

Walaikum salaam.
Thanks you all so much for your replies. But I need everyone to understand I'm a new Muslim & don't understand any of the terms used in this thread at all?
I feel very embarrassed to write this as you all have taken your time to help me & I don't have the knowledge to understand what anyone is saying??
Please don't think I'm a waste of time, im not the type of person who just sits back and waits for knowledge to come to me, I do try very hard to gain knowledge & mashallah my knowledge is growing day by day.
I am learning Arabic and have one Arabic class for an hour each day, I have stopped watching television & listening to music and these times are now spent watching lectures, reading & studying Quran.
So please inshallah be patient with me..
Jazakallah khair.

Sorry brother if u didnt understand what was meant. Actually these are very typical n common in work of dawah. Apologies. I would to suggest u few things.

1) Get a book called "Fazail e amaal" (Virtues of deeds) by Hazrat shaykh zakariya (r.a). Fix a time n start reading it for 5-10mins, no lectures, no sermons, just read the book everyday with steadfastness and faith in Allah,IA you will see the conditions changing.
2)As i said above dont give her two many lectures or naseehats as they sometime bug u, so treat her with love and try to keep some books of deen for women in home (like something related to hijab,chasity etc) but dont tell her to read. Let her willinly approach them.
3)See if the work of tableegh is going in ur nearby masjid.spend time with them n ask them when do they have any taleem etc for women and try to send her there.
4)Dua and sadaqa as brother pluto said, they are the best we can do.



If anything else comes to my mind, will post.

[metrocartockasur]

Let me add a few precious cents to this thread. I think women generally DO NOT like sermons given specifically to them by their knowledgeable husbands. Especially if they're young! alot of people on this forum advise others to start doing "ta'leem" at home when they have have a problem with their wives. I don't know how this can work. Is the guy supposed to take a kitaab, sit on the couch and start reading loud? even if he does... Is the wife going to sit down and listen him? rather play the CD's (lectures) of other scholars/aalims in the house/car etc. And listen to them yourself, that way your wife insha-Allah will also get to hear them and in all probability it will have a greater effect on her than her husbands sermons.

[lidersontop]

Let me add a few precious cents to this thread. I think women generally DO NOT like sermons given specifically to them by their knowledgeable husbands. Especially if they're young! alot of people on this forum advise others to start doing "ta'leem" at home when they have have a problem with their wives. I don't know how this can work. Is the guy supposed to take a kitaab, sit on the couch and start reading loud? even if he does... Is the wife going to sit down and listen him? rather play the CD's (lectures) of other scholars/aalims in the house/car etc. And listen to them yourself, that way your wife insha-Allah will also get to hear them and in all probability it will have a greater effect on her than her husbands sermons.

believe it sister,it really works!

[metrocartockasur]

believe it sister,it really works!

okay then, thats great!