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#1 |
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Assalamu aleikom
![]() I am your regular Muslim teenage girl,originally from Libanon, located in Sweden and 18 years of age. I was raised up in a conservative and strict family. I had no problems with it either. I cherished the family moments where we sat down and memorized the Quran or had a family prayer together. Heck even the hijab was OK. But then again, I was a child, not aware of what it all really was about. This year I turned 18. It marked the climax of what has been a turbulent couple of years for me. Suddenly, the cosy, loving yet religious family was exchanged by a totalitarian monster. My dad first and furmost. One day, a year ago or so, he called my name. He wanted to talk to me. He said that I by now was old enough to destroy the honour of my family. My whole life would by now depend on my modesty, he said. This occured, when I started to demand independency and some breathing space from my family. The pressure from my fam, to become a modest, homestaying girl and my ambitions as an independent woman had constant struggles and it climaxed a couple of months ago. I had this argument with my dad after I came home from my friends house (and she is almost my neighbour). He told me that I was a disgrace towards the family and that I was for him a "western stranger" and not his Muslim daughter. In his opinion, I was too free. Too free, I asked myself. My whole life was about going to school, keeping my grades up, staying away from boys and relationships and spend some time with my friends when I had the chance. And that was too free? And then, I started reading about the sexism of middle eastern cultures and the role of women in Islam. What I learned was shocking. I had this picture in my head, of the Quran being a book of wisdom and guidance, void of immorality and injustice. Prophet Muhammed was a barometer of perfection and moral values. That did not rhyme with the concepts of heritage and witness accouting in Islam. It was so sexist, so unjust. How could an Almighty God really be so hateful and discriminating towards one gender, I thought to myself. But even then I was fine. It was minor doubts, I thought. Everyone go through them, they'll eventually fade away. Then I learned about Muhammeds relationship with Aisha and it crumbled my world. The man I've been raised to love and respect, had a relationship with a 9 year old? My research went on and on and for every single day, I discovered immorality, injustice, violence in the religion I loved. I became ill. Very ill. I cut contact with all my friends. I barely talked to someone for weeks. I was isolated in my own room, trying to convince myself that Islam was the truth. I tried hard. I didn't want to lose my religion, I didn't want to dissapoint God, I didn't want to dissapoint my family. I cried for myself so much. Please, I am lost. I don't know what to do. I pray every day that I might be guided, but it feels there is no god there to answer. Please anyone, help me out. I am in a really dark place. |
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#2 |
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![]() ![]() It was very common it those times for women to get married as soon as they reach puberty. 8 years is the earliest age when girls reach puberty. The age bar for marriage was raised to 18-20 only around 60-70 years back. Before that traditionally girls were married off a very young age. This was the norm for 100s of years among all the societies in the world. There is a concise but detailed explaination of this in the following book. I have attached it. Please download and read it. ![]() Islam is truth, so don't doubt Allah the Almighty and his Rasool ![]() |
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#3 |
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![]() Beware of the 'propaganda warfare'. You can find this in many places, especially mainstream news sites and bulletin boards where you hardly can find alternatives news or opinions. Especially regarding Islam. But rest assure, ![]() Age of consent currently practiced in non-muslim countries; Bolivia - puberty Spain - 13 years old Mexico - They have local laws that legalized a sexual relationship which vary from the time of puberty up to 14 years old in some places. Japan - 13 years old The national age of consent in Japan is 13 as specified by the Japanese Penal Code Articles 176 and 177.However, prefectures can have ordinances that prohibit sexual activities with any minor under 18. in Connecticut Connecticut recognizes that minors who are at least 13 can consent to sexual activity if (and only if) there is less than a 3-year age difference. For example: A 13-year-old can consent to any 15-year-old. Connecticut also recognizes that minors under 13 are released from criminal liability as to consensual sexual activity if (and only if) there is less than a 2-year age difference. For example: A 12-year-old can consent to any 13-year old. South Korea - 13 years old The age of consent in South Korea is technically 13 but practically 19. According to section 305 of the Criminal Law of South Korea, it is a criminal offense to engage in any sexual act with a minor under the age of 13. Austria - 14 years old If these girls were old enough to be allowed to have sex, isn't it by rights then they are old enough to get married? To claim otherwise is just a hypocrisy. Furthermore the marriage between Aisha ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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#4 |
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Assalamu aleikom On one hand you are pushing for women freedom "oh women have no freedom I cant enjoy the happiness in (illicit) relationship with guys, live on my own, hang out with whoever I want" - you are saying all this - but then you are the first ones to criticize the marriage of Hazrat Aisha (ra), what kind of hypocrite thinking is this? We are saying women should have free rights but when a woman is exercising her free choice to marry and she is totally happy with it and even her guardians are happy with it we are criticising and pointing fingers? It doesnt make sense to me. |
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#6 |
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Asalaam
I understand how your family pressuring you may have got to you but don't let your emotional take over and affect your understanding of islam, you probably on the internet or on forums came across many hate sites or christian sites which many of us come across, don't expect answers to islam on these sites where many lies and misinterpretations are spread, you may have many questions that need answering and can be answered but don't let your emotional state take you away from islam, I am talking from experience. |
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#7 |
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I am your regular Muslim teenage girl,originally from Libanon, located in Sweden and 18 years of age. I was raised up in a conservative and strict family. I had no problems with it either. I cherished the family moments where we sat down and memorized the Quran or had a family prayer together. Heck even the hijab was OK. But then again, I was a child, not aware of what it all really was about. ![]() ![]() This year I turned 18. It marked the climax of what has been a turbulent couple of years for me. Suddenly, the cosy, loving yet religious family was exchanged by a totalitarian monster. My dad first and furmost. One day, a year ago or so, he called my name. He wanted to talk to me. He said that I by now was old enough to destroy the honour of my family. My whole life would by now depend on my modesty, he said. This occured, when I started to demand independency and some breathing space from my family. The pressure from my fam, to become a modest, homestaying girl and my ambitions as an independent woman had constant struggles and it climaxed a couple of months ago. I had this argument with my dad after I came home from my friends house (and she is almost my neighbour). He told me that I was a disgrace towards the family and that I was for him a "western stranger" and not his Muslim daughter. In his opinion, I was too free. Parents sometime try to 'package' their experience and the mistakes they did in a simple 'instructions'. Their over protective measures was to ensure that you didn't have to go through what they've experienced and to repeat the same mistakes as they did. Sometimes the 'packaging' was too 'simple' that without further explanations, that can be seen as a mere instruction to be taken as 'yes' or 'no'. As a human, we tend to verify ourselves what others relate to us as their experience. More over when we started gathering more information about life and our surroundings. We thought that our observations and data we collected from it were enough to help us in navigating this life. But we are wrong in many ways. Our 'bird's eye view' were not comprehensive enough and we'll make mistakes by thinking that our choices were right. This is where we should take a step back, and return to Quran and sunnah. Listen to the wisdom taught to us by our Beloved Prophet ![]() Try to allocate some time to discuss anything that concerns you in this forum. inshaAllah you'll find many other Muslims will try to help you out. And then, I started reading about the sexism of middle eastern cultures and the role of women in Islam. What I learned was shocking. I had this picture in my head, of the Quran being a book of wisdom and guidance, void of immorality and injustice. Prophet Muhammed was a barometer of perfection and moral values. That did not rhyme with the concepts of heritage and witness accouting in Islam. It was so sexist, so unjust. How could an Almighty God really be so hateful and discriminating towards one gender, I thought to myself. But even then I was fine. It was minor doubts, I thought. Everyone go through them, they'll eventually fade away. Then I learned about Muhammeds relationship with Aisha and it crumbled my world. The man I've been raised to love and respect, had a relationship with a 9 year old? My research went on and on and for every single day, I discovered immorality, injustice, violence in the religion I loved. ![]() Critic will often paint tribalism culture as Islamic teachings. But since you're a Muslim yourself, inshaAllah you know better of what is cultural and what is true Islamic teaching. First point - The character of the Prophet ![]() All of the slanders against the Prophet ![]() Second point - science Science as you know is based on observation. Meaning that all the data you gather to make your hypothesis is heavily influenced by the scope of your observation equipments. As an example of that, in the last 100 years, everyone agreed that there's no speed greater than speed of light. But now new equipments proved that those speed of light 'law' isn't true as there are other elements that could travel faster than light. And since we know that science framework itself is a moving target, then it's impossible for us to accept science as the absolute truth. Also, it's impossible for us to conclude that we can derive our findings from our observations about the absoluteness of the science framework within our lifetime. Hence, we shouldn't take science as our reference in validating faith and value system. Another aspect about science that we should be aware of is the disciplines of science itself. Some sciences are known as speculative sciences (credit goes to brother Usama2 for highlighting this). Example of these are anthropology, psychology, paleotology and paleoanthropology. These sciences are most often not reproducible in labs and most often data pattern taken from a set of samples within some controlled variables are used to derive any hypothesis. But the hypothesis is way too incomplete to present anything truly conclusive. Example, the previous studies in the last 20 years on vitamin consumptions concluded that the vitamin intakes help to prevent some diseases, yet that was refuted in a study which was published in a medical journal just 2-3 months back. Evolution is also one of the 'speculative science' branches. So what's the best way to safeguard our eeman and at the same time to earn success in this life? There's a very good analysis regarding to what actions should we take during this time from surah kahf. You may google 'the secret of surah kahf' and download the kahf.pdf. From the pdf, the four stories within the surah are as the following; The people of the Cave - Trial of religion. The owner of the Two Gardens - Trial of wealth and children. Musa and Khidr - Trial of knowledge. Dhulqarnayn - Trial of authority. And approximately at the middle of the surah, there's a story about iblis Quran Kahf :50 'Behold! We said to the angels, "Bow down to Adam": They bowed down except Iblis. He was one of the Jinns, and he broke the Command of his Lord. Will ye then take him and his progeny as protectors rather than Me? And they are enemies to you! Evil would be the exchange for the wrong-doers!' And some advise given to help with the above mentioned trials are as the following; Trial of religion -> get good companions. Trial of wealth -> knowing the reality of life (do not be obsessed with this temporary life). Trial of knowledge -> be humble. Trial of authority -> sincerity in doing the 'amanah'. As per sexism claims, that also have been refuted many times. Lastly, don't be depressed about what you 'read' in your school or from newspapers. Double check the 'stories' you've read from other sources too. And you're welcome at anytime to ask any question here. |
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#8 |
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sister rainbow, today there is alot of anti islamic propoganda against islam creating mass level confusion among people including muslims. trying to portray islam as violent, mysogynistic, backwards ect.. put it this way they are trying to potray islam which is everything positive as everything negative. and you should not go to anti islamic websites. islam is paradise and in here you will find eradication of violence and true love for women.
sister shaitan is bothering you right now.oyu need to defeat shaitan. if you read two tasbeehs 1. the prayer of hazrat Yunas peace upon him 100 times daily ( in a state of wudhu): La ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kunto min azzaalemeen 2nd. read lahola wala koowata illah billah hil aleeyal azeem 500 times daily also read tafsir of quran. a really good tafsir is al jalalayn by hazrat imam suyuti r.a your problems should go away. sister u need to avoid thinking too much. also ask god to give you ability to stay steadfast in islam till the day you die |
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#9 |
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Bismillah
My late grandmother was married at the age of 12. She raised 6 children who are teacher, pharamacist, Musician, businessmen and women. My grandfather was Teacher and was jihadi (this is in 60s) and was poet. The reason I am saying these things unlike people in the west, people matured early and grew up first. The idea of teenager is an invention of 60s. So projecting ones relative understanding of maturity on the people of the past and other culture is dissinjenious and simply disshonest. Ummul Mominin Ayesha (RAD) was a female scholar and today even a 20 year old male and female can't fathom basics of life and behave that of a spoilt child. I find the western relative mode of acceptablity stinks of hypocrisy. What was unacceptable few years, today it is deemed to acceptable. Illigitimate relation is not frowned upon but celebrated. Same goes for the notion of modesty. As for your father. Him being conservative is not true. No concern father would would be so complacent and then suddenly expact his daughter to behave in a manner contrary to the social setting. But his reaction is expected as he doesn't know what to do as you are now considered an adult in his eyes. Anyway, since you are an arab, you ought appreciate the beauty of arabic of Quran and as such realised the devine nature of revelation and the verse about Ayesh (RAD) was revealed. Rasuallah (SAW) being prophet is bound by revelation. Islam is here for all situation and as such it deals with every possible halal eventualities. So i see no problem with this at all just as I don't see any problem with poygomous relation provided it is done following due process. The reason you have all this so called doubt because, your connection with Allah, the most beneficient, the most Sublime is being tested. Focus on your relation with Allah and turn to him in earnest with humility and sincerety and seek protection from the wisper of the cursed one. Increase in your nawafil prayer and ask for a suitable pious husbend from now on as well. Listen to some of these lectures as it will clear some of the missconception. http://www.akacademy.eu/media/audio Allahualam Allahualam |
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#10 |
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![]() I understand your situation and the emotions you go through, which are quite normal in the contemporary world. Please judge us by our intentions, you might not like some views or replies here. But do understand that if the people here did not care for you, they wouldn't have written posts with such great length. Take the best posts with you and contemplate on them. If you have any questions, then please come back we will try to help you. Currently I'm an uni student and my last exam is starting in a few hours, so I'm out of time to give a detailed reply. When I come back tonight ![]() I went through the same situation. Even more important is to study the Deen in depth, which every Muslim should do. Only then you'll grasp the Cosmos of Islam and every element within this Cosmos is carefuly defined and integrated into the structure of our society. Islam is still that which you thought of it to be and even more but you need to study. ![]() if you want to make this journey. Please bear with me. Your brother in Faith, ![]() (94:5) Indeed, there is ease with hardship. (94:6) Most certainly, there is ease with hardship. |
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#11 |
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![]() You cannot judge Islam by your own morality, rather, your own morality should be in accordance to the criterion of right and wrong given to us by God ![]() You see, if a religion is proven beyond all doubt to be correct and from the Creator, then everything about that religion is also correct, perfect and free from flaws and if we have any objection to any aspect of it, it is because we are imperfect, not the religion Check out this site for a boost in your imaan, ![]() http://www.theinimitablequran.com/ ![]() |
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#12 |
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1. Are there any evidence suggesting that Islam is true beyond any doubt? 2. Even if it was true, wouldn't it be a bit too far stretched to follow the religion no matter what? Imagine if God told you to kill your mum? I wouldnt do it, even though i would be disobeing god. I feel like sometimes you should follow your own moral values, but still love Allah and his messenger. but yet again it seems you cant believe in God and still follow your own values it feels like I cant make sense out of anything ![]() |
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#13 |
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#14 |
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I partly agree. If Islam is proven, beyond any doubt that it is absolutely true than the only true thing to do for me is to follow every single piece of it. I get that. I have two probs with it tho. kill mother - does anything like that is in quran/hadith what evil.... |
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#15 |
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#16 |
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Salaam sis, sorry to hear the difficultues your going through, may Allah make things easy for you
The 9 year old you mentioned happens to be one of teh greatest scholars islam has ever seen, not to mention one of their greatest and most honoured, so Im sure our mother ayesha radiyaAllahu anha is ok and doesnt need peoples sympathy when the almighty creator of the universe has even affirmed that he is pleased with her, how many of us can say that? If you only see negative things, it sounds like you have been reading anti islamic websites. I went through this stage, those sites gave me doubt about my deen as they bobarded me with any contraversial thing they could find and give it the most negative spin they could. After reading the hadeeths on my own, I realised they would take one hadeeth, out of a whole chapter, for example on jihad, or stoning. So they would make islam look bad. But, as i read through teh hadeeths myself, i saw so much beauty. we live in an age where some givernments are spending millions on research into islam to produce websites and propaganda to make teh result you are epxerieningm, they try to make us doubt our deen, but it only makes the sincere stronger in their deen, and i truely believe this. i am western born and bred and accepted islam at 24. im educated, doing a degree in electronic engienering, so noone can say i was duped. i didnt get into it through marriage. i took shahada for no reason except for how beautiful our deen is. i realise the attitudes of some of the elders can be off putting but we are the next geenration and inshAllah we will make the changes to make the deen beautiful to our next generation inshAllah. Be patient, ask Alah for gudiance, and be around muslims and read islamic literature and inshAllah imaan will setle in your heart. Islam isnt restrictive and your parents shouldnt be treating you how you described and this should be a wakeup callto muslims on how they need to treat their women. islam gives good rights to women and i really believe that, and the best of believers are kind to their women, so let us try to implement this inshallah. contraversial issues only harden our hearts and destory our imaan so i dont get too involved personally and prefer to focus on the heart warming things |
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#17 |
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regarding your question, yes, if religion told us to kill our children we should do it if we are certain god said this, this is logical. This can be seen in teh example of propeht ibrahim who sacrificed his child on gods command. but thankfully, Allah has ordered no such things, all we are required to do is be good to people, worship god, show good morality, islam is truely beautiful but its up to us if we choose to live its beauty. when you come togetehr after a day of fasting and brek fast together, have your edi celebrations, go on umrah, these are the beautiful things alhamdulillah. if our deen centres around controversies then it will harm our hearts and imaan and i experienced this myself for sure
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#18 |
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Salaam sis, sorry to hear the difficultues your going through, may Allah make things easy for you ![]() Beautiful post. ![]() |
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#19 |
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I am afraid to talk with a local imam or scholar about this, because I am afraid he would shout at me. I also want to keep this a secret, because I've heard people who've been killed because they made public that they doubted religion.
That's why I am seeking help online. I also posted many questions to an online-imam, on one of the Q&A-sites. I am also considering to discuss this with my mum, but I don't wanna dissapoint her making this known to her. I also want it to be clear that I didnt chose to doubt or question Islam. I always loved my religion. The doubt and the questions just pop up in my head and I cant be in peace with myself before I really try to settle this. |
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#20 |
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inshAllah you can discuss it online but please try to attend various islamic events so you can feel and see the beauty of islam as this i very important, when we negelect this, our hearts harden and our iman sinks. InshAllah when you attend beautiful gatherings and activities it will help your iman. On top of this you can make your queries online where its easier and more anonomous to discuss inshAllah and im sure people can help you here inshAllah. They have some online scholars and people who have been through where you are and can advise you and also provide teh antidote the anti islamic articles you read before inshAllah which never bring about any beenfit, just give you aheadache for a few days till you read the response, and realised how did this even present a problem to you in teh first place and isnt a very strong arguement against islam.
Just remember this is the war on islam and tehre are people with an agenda trying to give us doubts about islam and tehy have vast amounts of resources to help them, but this deen is our deen and inshAllah we wont give it up to replace it with sexually transmitted diseases and many shocking things. I grew up in teh west and believe me there is some truely shocking things in this society that I wont list for fear of coming accross as vulgar but trust me, once you grew up in their so called secualr democracy utopia you realised its a complete sham |
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