[spamkillerf]

This is a very, very, very long thread so bare with me...I thank you in advance for just reading it and attempting to help me.

So, my problem had started near the beginning of high school [ grade 9 ]. Both my parents were heavily influencing me to become an Engineer due to my dad being an Engineer. Though, looking at his work i never really wanted to be an Engineer...I just never had a love for it. But at the time, they kept saying you'll be an "Engineer when you grow up"as a joke and what not...I never really took it seriously.

As i finished grade 10, i had decent marks (I had an 87% in math, 85% in science, and mid 80's in all my other courses). However, going into grade 11 (This is where university looks at marks) i had gotten a bad mark in my first math test. That and along with me slacking off, my parents then moved me to a private school so i can fast track all my core courses (courses universities would look at) in that one year. So really, i'd finish my grade 11 and 12 courses in that one year...And not do any electives. I protested and what not, but at the end of the day they forced me once more.

So i did what they told me, got high marks, and now grade 12 came along. I had an option to go to public school and finish my electives as well as 2 needed courses (calculus and physics). I warned my parents...I told them that the private school they sent me was too easy compared to everyone else. Hence, i chose to go to public school to really see the level of difficulty. As expected i got a 77% in calculus, and 64% in physics. My parents then blamed me for not trying hard enough, saying that the private school was not at fault. Even though i can swear by Allah's name that the private school was much, much easier.

Anyhow, things went wrong and due to my calculus mark being low i never got into any of the programs i applied to (Engineering, and business)...Even though my overall average was pretty good [ 89%]. So my dad did a last minute call, and somehow gave me the opportunity to get into an Engineering program at a university...But i'd need to re-do 2 courses over the summer prior to entering.

So until now, my parents had spent over $10 000 in my education. So, ofcourse, entering university they expected high marks in Engineering...However, due to them making me fast track all the needed courses, the last time i even looked at those courses was over 1.5 years ago...I did not remember anything. This obviously made things difficult leading to bad marks in my first semester. That and i never liked what i was doing. I mean, i really hated going to class everyday.

They constantly screamed at me saying how i screwed up with the high school marks, they invested so much in me and i didn't pull through. And i told them, that i was thankful for the money spent but

1) The marks were way too easy to get.
2) I really did try in high school for calculus (For physics i did slack off due to me assuming i'd get into business...Therefore not needing physics)

I then went up to them and told them to please stop making decisions for me. All my life they've always chosen what i should do...And it ended me up in a profession i hated. I then told them i'd like to go to business (A well known business school). And with my repeated marks, and if i get a job [I've already had 3 interviews [2 said they'd hire me], i should be able to get in. And if not, i can still transfer to another business school (not as good in ranking, but still able to get a high overall mark which could put me into law). They argued with me, saying i wouldn't be able to do it, that i'm lazy, i won't get a job and what not.

Now, i don't blame them for assuming that due to my past but i was determined...i had finally convinced them to let me drop out, get a job, and re-apply to the business school and other programs. Then now, only after a few days, they're forcing me to go into another program in January...Putting me in a tight position to once again to go into something i don't want to.

Now, becuase of me wanting to switch a lot of arguements have come becuase of this...From both sides. My mother saying if this family breaks it'll be becuase of me {They're saying i just want to defy them and not take advice}..And my father saying that he can't take the stress and will have to divorce to focus on his own needs {He lost his job the summer before going to university}.

Now, i understand where i'm wrong, but they always assume i'm wrong. It's really hard to type the whole situation on a thread, and i'm just really fustrated and said. It's clear my parents dislike me a lot, they always argue with me, they're at a point where its their way or i'm on the streets...All becuase i don't want to do what they want.

I'm very fustrated and need help, i understand not everything i write here is clear, but i'd like a third opinion.

[Squeernemergo]

bro.

Well i wanted to become a computer engineer when i was young. My mother wanted me to become a doctor. Well i kinda refused in the beginning, but i caved in eventually. I didn't make a big deal out of it. Alhamdulillah now I am a doctor, but i like this profession. Bottomline on the long run we are capable of change. If you sacrifice your likes for your parents, Allah will reward you. There will be Barakah in your life. Parents argue with us because they love us and want us to be perfect. Sometimes they kinda overdo it, lol, but the intention is all good.

Basically this is a temporary life, whatever we plan things will go only according to Allahs plan. The trick is to be satisfied with what we have. Engg/doctor/business etc it doesn't matter, all it matters is that it has to be Halal. Satisfaction with ones work is a myth. There are pros and cons in all profession. But don't underestimate our flexibility. May Allah make it easy for you. Ameen.

[spamkillerf]

I would have been fine with Engineering but my marks were horrible due to the fast tracking, the school i previously went too being too easy, and not having a love for it anymore.

[Squeernemergo]

I would have been fine with Engineering but my marks were horrible due to the fast tracking, the school i previously went too being too easy, and not having a love for it anymore.

Don't leave your hope. Trust in Allah. Things are a bit tuff at times. I too had this problem of loosing confidence in the end. But its a bad habit. You will succeed .

the following duas will help:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbReg0wD_GM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-zGvu_JCvw

[Fiipolera]

I would have been fine with Engineering but my marks were horrible due to the fast tracking, the school i previously went too being too easy, and not having a love for it anymore.

Hey Yaseen,

What do YOU want to do?

That is what matters. Be something great, something revolutionary. You cannot do this by sullenly accepting your parents wishes.

Follow your dreams, and everything else will follow.

It may sound trite, but that doesn't make it any less true. Talk to your parents - that's my advice.

All the best brother.

[spamkillerf]

Hey Yaseen,

What do YOU want to do?

That is what matters. Be something great, something revolutionary. You cannot do this by sullenly accepting your parents wishes.

Follow your dreams, and everything else will follow.

It may sound trite, but that doesn't make it any less true. Talk to your parents - that's my advice.

All the best brother.

i did talk to my parents, if i do what i want...I'd need to live on my own..My parents said they won't support me..Getting a full time job, paying rent and food...I wouldn't be able to make enough for university..

[Squeernemergo]

Hey Yaseen,

What do YOU want to do?

That is what matters. Be something great, something revolutionary. You cannot do this by sullenly accepting your parents wishes.

Follow your dreams, and everything else will follow.

Thats the stupidest advice I ever heard. Mate stop misleading others. Revolutionary.... my FOOT. Iblees followed his dreams and was the first revolutionary look where it landed him, in the pits of HellFire.

[Allbrunette]

It's clear my parents dislike me a lot WHAT????

Where do I begin? Your parents are awesome - I wish I had the the things your parents provided for you growing up. Let me tell you what I had at your age. I took Shahadah at 16, 10th grade, rather than my parents being happy that my adoption of Islam caused me to refuse drugs, girls, and crime - they completely flipped out and their entire existance was focused on my din. They could care less if I went to college or even graduated high school. They never encouraged me to do anything except to accept Jesus as my lord and savior.

Because of this, I have had a realitivley hard time reciving a higher education in my adult life. Because of my parents total lack of involvment in my school - I never even tried to get good grades, I had no intention of going to college, I was just trying to graduate and magicly become rich. My parents flat out told me they were not "wasting" a dime to put me through college because I was Muslim. They ended up kicking me out at 17 before I had even graduated, so I had to keep a full time job and put myself through school. At 19 I decided I needed to have more than a high school diploma, but I couldnt afford a large university. So I enrolled in Comminity college. I eventually moved on to a University, but because I could only go part time or less, it took me nearly 10 years to get a 4 year degree. Then I got the degree and couldnt find a job - couldnt go to my parents for help because I still believed La Ilaha IlAllah, Muhamadur Rasoolullah .

So forgive me if Im shocked to hear that you think your parents dont like a lot. I dont throw $10,000 at a person I dont like very much.

Your parents want the best for you, and maybe they are being a little too hard on you forcing you to be an engineer, but I think you could go do something else and they would still be happy with you, and love you no matter what.

I understand that this is stressful on you, and because its the biggest stress in your life, it seems pretty big. But just imagine if your parents truly didnt like you a lot. First, your parents would not have cared one way or the other what grades you got in high school. Second, your Dad would have taken that private school money he spent on you and bought himself a sweet Porsche. Third, your parents would have taken all the money they set aside for your college, and used it as a down payment on a beach house.

I am 30 now, and I have 4 year old son. I have started a college fund for him, and so far, it is worth about $6000. I am involved in his school, I sit with him every day and help him with his reading, I teach him Arabic now so that its not as hard for him to learn when hes older. and as he grows, insha-Allah, I will be involved in his school and encourage him to go to school, and I will pay for it. If I didnt care, I would take that $6000 and buy myself the Ducati Monster 1100 evo I eant so freaking bad.

Im not trying to be harsh, but youve got understand that you got it good man, you got it so good, and you need to thank Allah for providing you with parents who do truly care and love you want good for you in this world and the next, because sometimes when a searvant is ungrateful to Allah, Allah takes the world from that searvant so the searvant will turn back to Allah.

[Fiipolera]

i did talk to my parents, if i do what i want...I'd need to live on my own..My parents said they won't support me..Getting a full time job, paying rent and food...I wouldn't be able to make enough for university..

Then perhaps it would be better to take brother amr123's advice.

For what it's worth, I went through a similar thing. Some more advice: It's no use talking to your parents about how much you don't want to do engineering, or how fast tracking made it more difficult or whatever. It is far more useful and persuasive to talk to them about how passionate you are in whatever it is you want to do, and what you want to achieve etc. etc.

Hope this helps.

[spamkillerf]

WHAT????

Where do I begin? Your parents are awesome - I wish I had the the things your parents provided for you growing up. Let me tell you what I had at your age. I took Shahadah at 16, 10th grade, rather than my parents being happy that my adoption of Islam caused me to refuse drugs, girls, and crime - they completely flipped out and their entire existance was focused on my din. They could care less if I went to college or even graduated high school. They never encouraged me to do anything except to accept Jesus as my lord and savior.

Because of this, I have had a realitivley hard time reciving a higher education in my adult life. Because of my parents total lack of involvment in my school - I never even tried to get good grades, I had no intention of going to college, I was just trying to graduate and magicly become rich. My parents flat out told me they were not "wasting" a dime to put me through college because I was Muslim. They ended up kicking me out at 17 before I had even graduated, so I had to keep a full time job and put myself through school. At 19 I decided I needed to have more than a high school diploma, but I couldnt afford a large university. So I enrolled in Comminity college. I eventually moved on to a University, but because I could only go part time or less, it took me nearly 10 years to get a 4 year degree. Then I got the degree and couldnt find a job - couldnt go to my parents for help because I still believed La Ilaha IlAllah, Muhamadur Rasoolullah .

So forgive me if Im shocked to hear that you think your parents dont like a lot. I dont throw $10,000 at a person I dont like very much.

Your parents want the best for you, and maybe they are being a little too hard on you forcing you to be an engineer, but I think you could go do something else and they would still be happy with you, and love you no matter what.

I understand that this is stressful on you, and because its the biggest stress in your life, it seems pretty big. But just imagine if your parents truly didnt like you a lot. First, your parents would not have cared one way or the other what grades you got in high school. Second, your Dad would have taken that private school money he spent on you and bought himself a sweet Porsche. Third, your parents would have taken all the money they set aside for your college, and used it as a down payment on a beach house.

I am 30 now, and I have 4 year old son. I have started a college fund for him, and so far, it is worth about $6000. I am involved in his school, I sit with him every day and help him with his reading, I teach him Arabic now so that its not as hard for him to learn when hes older. and as he grows, insha-Allah, I will be involved in his school and encourage him to go to school, and I will pay for it. If I didnt care, I would take that $6000 and buy myself the Ducati Monster 1100 evo I eant so freaking bad.

Im not trying to be harsh, but youve got understand that you got it good man, you got it so good, and you need to thank Allah for providing you with parents who do truly care and love you want good for you in this world and the next, because sometimes when a searvant is ungrateful to Allah, Allah takes the world from that searvant so the searvant will turn back to Allah.

my parents dislike me now...Due to me wanting to go against them (I'm not saying they disliked me before. And trust me when i say i'm not a biased person who throws away his bounties. I'm aware of all the things my parents sacrificed...But i want to know if pursuing what i want is wrong)...Dislike or very very very disappointed in me...To a point where they hate being around me.

[Squeernemergo]

my parents dislike me now...Due to me wanting to go against them...Dislike or very very very disappointed in me...To a point where they hate being around me.

Thats only temporary bro. Its just like we getting angry with our car when it doesnt start. But it doesn't mean we don't like it.

Sorry i had to compare you with a car. lol. Relax bro. Recite some Quran, make Dua to Allah. He is the only one with solutions to our problems.

[Fiipolera]

Thats the stupidest advice I ever heard. Mate stop misleading others. Revolutionary.... my FOOT. Iblees followed his dreams and was the first revolutionary look where it landed him, in the pits of HellFire.

I'm not disagreeing with your advice brother. I have been through a similar thing (as I'm sure we all have) and I gave him the advice that worked for me.

Are you serious bringing Iblees into this? We're talking about a person torn between what his parents want him to do and what he wants to do. It's not a decision between hell-fire and salvation, don't be ridiculous.

Anyway, as I said, I didn't disagree with what you said, just gave my own advice that worked for me.

[Fiipolera]

Where do I begin? Your parents are awesome - I wish I had the the things your parents provided for you growing up. Let me tell you what I had at your age. I took Shahadah at 16, 10th grade, rather than my parents being happy that my adoption of Islam caused me to refuse drugs, girls, and crime - they completely flipped out and their entire existance was focused on my din. They could care less if I went to college or even graduated high school. They never encouraged me to do anything except to accept Jesus as my lord and savior.

Great story and good advice. Thanks for sharing. Hope everything is going well now.

[Allbrunette]

my parents dislike me now...Due to me wanting to go against them (I'm not saying they disliked me before. And trust me when i say i'm not a biased person who throws away his bounties. I'm aware of all the things my parents sacrificed...But i want to know if pursuing what i want is wrong)...Dislike or very very very disappointed in me...To a point where they hate being around me.

What do you want? You havent really made that clear in this thread, have you made it clear to your parents?

oh, and btw, I dont think you are the only one to blame, sometimes parents can be stubborn, but I think you can work it out with them, please them by doing something succesful, while doing what you want as well.

[spamkillerf]

What do you want? You havent really made that clear in this thread, have you made it clear to your parents?

oh, and btw, I dont think you are the only one to blame, sometimes parents can be stubborn, but I think you can work it out with them, please them by doing something succesful, while doing what you want as well.

Well my original plan was to drop out for this year, work full time (to pay them back, pay my phone bill, and pay off first semester next year) and re-apply for business. They first agreed after a lot of argueing but are now saying i can't do that. They said i can apply to whatever i want in January...But i''m trying to explain to them that the ivey business school does not accept in January...Thus, i'd be put in a not so good program...Which COULD get me into law...But if i don't get into law...What am i left with? I need to be able to make a living...

[Squeernemergo]

Well my original plan was to drop out for this year, work full time (to pay them back, pay my phone bill, and pay off first semester next year) and re-apply for business. They first agreed after a lot of argueing but are now saying i can't do that. They said i can apply to whatever i want in January...But i''m trying to explain to them that the ivey business school does not accept in January...Thus, i'd be put in a not so good program...Which COULD get me into law...But if i don't get into law...What am i left with? I need to be able to make a living...

Ok so you don't have to join engg. Thats good, since you didn't like it. So now the problem is joining in January.
Make Dua to Allah that your parents will understand and talk to them calmly. They will understand .

[spamkillerf]

Ok so you don't have to join engg. Thats good, since you didn't like it. So now the problem is joining in January.
Make Dua to Allah that your parents will understand and talk to them calmly. They will understand .

i've made dua...And i'm not trying to shut down all your ideas...But they said today that its the January option, or i live on my own. I've made dua, and i have my trust in Allah... But i have no clue what the correct thing to do is...

edit: And i really do strongly beleive my parents decision is the incorrect one...

[Squeernemergo]

i've made dua...And i'm not trying to shut down all your ideas...But they said today that its the January option, or i live on my own. I've made dua, and i have my trust in Allah... But i have no clue what the correct thing to do is...

Well if they are angry at the moment, don't speak about this matter now. Let them calm down, then talk to them in the best manner. That will have more effect, they will comprehend the situation more wisely.

P.s. I too had the habit of talking important matters with parents when they are angry. It never worked. lol. And i never learn.

[spamkillerf]

Well if they are angry at the moment, don't speak about this matter now. Let them calm down, then talk to them in the best manner. That will have more effect, they will comprehend the situation more wisely.

But which route should i take? Which seems to be the most logical and islamically correct?

[Squeernemergo]

But which route should i take? Which seems to be the most logical and islamically correct?

I shall say the route you shouldn't take, never become a rebel and ditch your parents and go away from home, which is extreme.

I m sure you don't have the above in mind, but in the fit of anger we do some dumb stuff.

As for the career part. Let things calm down a bit. Try to talk to your parents what your plans are. If they completely disagree just do what they say. If you have your parents duas you will have barakah in your life, no doubt. Even the small things in your life will satisfy your huge needs.