[stastony]

AA my fellow Muslims.

I have a BIG dilemma and will welcome your opinions.

My elder sister was going to marry a revert brother. However they no longer have intention of marrying each other.

Anyway as my sister and I work in the same workplace for his mum as she is our boss. I used to do chaperone duty when they use to interact in the workplace. He respects me as a little sister as he has no siblings.

My parents want me to end all communication with him. The problem is if I were to walk away I know he'll inflict himself with harm and I fear he might commit suicide as his life has always been extremely hurtful and difficult.

Our friendship is strictly platonic we talk about Islam and life in general. I always ask Allah SWT to pardon me for my sins but if he were to take his life I'll never forgive myself.
So please I seek honest opinions of what I should do in this situation.

Jazkir Allah Khair

[uaodnabnjz]

I understand that you are in a very difficult position. It is not easy to carry out a separation when you feel that the other person will carry out an act that will harm them. If that person does that then you will transfer the guilt onto yourself.

I believe the fundamental concept that needs to be formed first is that everything happens due to divine decree. If suicide has been written in this brother's decree then it will happen regardless of what action you take. If you can understand this properly then the feeling of guilt that you feel would happen if the brother does something to himself should dissipate. The relationship that you have with this brother even though you state is strictly platonic is a concept that is not allowed in Islam. Your best course of action would be to make your reasons known to the brother as to why you are acting thus and not only because your sister is no longer getting married to him. Once this is done you should limit your contact with him as much as possible. I understand that it is difficult as you work together but you should limit your conversation to absolute minimum. If you respect Allah Ta'ala's law in as much as you can He will safeguard you.

Insha'Allah once you have done this make dua for the brother that Allah Ta'ala ease his difficulties.

I understand that it is very easy for me to say this to you behind a keyboard without having to undergo the feeling and emotions that you are going through but Insha'Allah if you act according to what will please Allah Ta'ala then He will be pleased with you.

In my own personal life I have seen many times that the initial step is the hardest to take. However, once you make the niyyah that the action you will take will be to please Allah Ta'ala and then you undertake the first step you find that all the misgivings you had before you took the step either diminishes or the result ends up in something good. It might not be immediately recognisable but insha'Allah with time you will see the benefits.

May Allah Ta'ala ease your difficulties and assuage the brother's pain and difficulties.

[bestbyV]

dont worry if the relationship is really platonic the chances of suicide may be a little less than you think..

[Qxsumehj]

cut off all contact with him, even if your sister was to marry him you still shouldn't have a relationship where you are close or talk unnecessarily

He didn't commit suicide over your sister breaking off engagement but he'll commit suicide over you not talking to him...sounds unlikely

[bestbyV]

He didn't commit suicide over your sister breaking off engagement but he'll commit suicide over you not talking to him...sounds unlikely

or not so platonic....

[SallyIsNice5]

I don't understand. Why would a person commit suicide if it truly is, as you say, a platonic relationship?

[bestbyV]

I don't understand. Why would a person commit suicide if it truly is, as you say, a platonic relationship?

...Yes my bro, you have posed just the right question...

[CGECngjA]

probably a troll. . .

[soajerwaradaY]

When you talk about islam with him , mention him Suicide is haraam and then bye bye

[bestbyV]

probably a troll. . .

....sadly this forum has been offering advice to such trolls in the past and they keep on coming...

[MicoSiru]

ASWW
What a bunch of advice! Insensitive! ...all of you ... where are you all from ?? ... shut up if you dont understand!!

[Eunatis]

ASWW
What a bunch of advice! Insensitive! ...all of you ... where are you all from ?? ... shut up if you dont understand!!

I agree, some of the responses here have been disgusting, "not so platonic" I shivered when I read this. If Muslims cant come to other Muslims for advice without being called names etc is it any wonder our confused children go to their non-Muslim friends for advice. At least they wont be so bloody insensitive. They drag them to hell while being nice and giving liberal modern advice and we call to heaven by calling people trolls and making fun of their question. No wonder we went from an Islamic state to the sorry state we are in now.

[CGECngjA]

I agree, some of the responses here have been disgusting, "not so platonic" I shivered when I read this. If Muslims cant come to other Muslims for advice without being called names etc is it any wonder our confused children go to their non-Muslim friends for advice. At least they wont be so bloody insensitive. They drag them to hell while being nice and giving liberal modern advice and we call to heaven by calling people trolls and making fun of their question. No wonder we went from an Islamic state to the sorry state we are in now.

Oh come on! Do you sincerely believe that he did nothing when his proposal was rejected, yet he'd commit suicide [!!!] if some woman stopped speaking to him? Overdramatic much?

The OP has got 2 choices in front of her: to maintain such a relationship or to cut it off. Clearly one is in accordance with the shari'ah and the other is not. And yes, the 'non-Muslim advice' may be pleasing to the ears, but it won't be so pleasing in the hereafter.

[SallyIsNice5]

I agree, some of the responses here have been disgusting, "not so platonic" I shivered when I read this. If Muslims cant come to other Muslims for advice without being called names etc is it any wonder our confused children go to their non-Muslim friends for advice. At least they wont be so bloody insensitive. They drag them to hell while being nice and giving liberal modern advice and we call to heaven by calling people trolls and making fun of their question. No wonder we went from an Islamic state to the sorry state we are in now.

If the OP is a genuine person with a problem, then the view that it is platonic is only in her head. It is not an accusation towards her; she merely has a misunderstanding. If she believes the guy would get suicidal, then that means that the relationship is NOT platonic - at least to him.

Plus, platonic relationships are still not allowed in Islam.

[Eunatis]

Oh come on! Do you sincerely believe that he did nothing when his proposal was rejected, yet he'd commit suicide [!!!] if some woman stopped speaking to him? Overdramatic much?

The OP has got 2 choices in front of her: to maintain such a relationship or to cut it off. Clearly one is in accordance with the shari'ah and the other is not. And yes, the 'non-Muslim advice' may be pleasing to the ears, but it won't be so pleasing in the hereafter.

He is wrong in talking to the sister I agree with that yes. Its not only the loss of a sexual partner that makes people commit suicide, drugs, alcohol, depression which could be as a result of multiple rejections in whatever way. The guy has just lost a marriage proposal, he is about to lose a very close friend so actually suicide isnt that hard to believe. Should this even be something that should happen of course not, ideally the sister and brother should never have had such a platonic relationship. If they hadn't this issue would never have arisen but hey-ho that's life no point in saying what if, all we can do is look for solutions.

It's not an issue that someone just stops talking to me hence I commit suicide. If the person I talk to breakfast, lunch and dinner at uni stops talking to me fair enough I wont mind much. If my sister/mother stops talking to me that's a different matter. The latter are much much more closer to me. Similarly from the sisters description the brother and sister seem to very close to each other so if she stops speaking to him it is possible he may commit suicide. Most people would probably deal with it but not everyone is the same and we are trusting the sisters judgement here on his mental state.

While the vast majority of people would move on, you do get the over-emotional/easily attached/those who have suffered many rejections etc etc who may contemplate suicide in such occasions. Forgive the adjectives, I don't mean to insult the brother but I am trying to show how some people may react and why they may react in such a way.

So now we have established that suicide is an option to some, however bizarre it may sound to you or me, we need to provide solutions. And even then, if you dont think he will commit suicide give proper advice and tell the sister to stop contact with him as you do not think he will commit suicide. Personally, I don't think the fear of suicide is reasonable in many cases and often we exaggerate the effect we think our actions will have. Hence my own personal advice would be to the sister to stop contact. But while I don't think the brother will commit suicide, I don't use abusive language at the sister or make fun of her, rather I give my reasons for why I don't believe the brother will commit suicide and hence why I think she should stop contact.

"The OP has got 2 choices in front of her: to maintain such a relationship or to cut it off. Clearly one is in accordance with the shari'ah and the other is not."

No-one is disagreeing there. But there is a method to calling people to the shariah. She clearly knows which is in accordance, her issue is her fear the brother will commit suicide. Address that fear and address it in the proper manner.

"And yes, the 'non-Muslim advice' may be pleasing to the ears, but it won't be so pleasing in the hereafter."

Exactly, so stop being harsh with those people who seek Muslim advice. Stop calling them names, stop poking fun out of their questions, however basic they may be (not to mean the sisters was basic, talking general here). Its difficult enough to battle against your nafs and shaytaan when your full of desire, its even harder when you ask Muslims for advice and they poke fun at you for asking for advice. Be gentle when giving advice to anyone. I've talked quite a bit there, maybe a bit too much but too often I see this sort of thing happening when someone asks something and everyone pounces on them. Muslims need other Muslims around them, but if those Muslims will have that sort of attitude then they will go elsewhere and that will be the path to hell in the hereafter as you so implied. But we should keep in mind we were the ones who had the opportunity to guide them but turned them away with our harsh tongues, and that for us, to quote your own words: "wont be so pleasing in the hereafter"

[Eunatis]

If the OP is a genuine person with a problem, then the view that it is platonic is only in her head. It is not an accusation towards her; she merely has a misunderstanding. If she believes the guy would get suicidal, then that means that the relationship is NOT platonic - at least to him.

Plus, platonic relationships are still not allowed in Islam.

I agree, my issue isnt about platonic or not or whether its allowed in islam or not, my issue is the way in which some advice have been given, or rather not given and have just been name calling.

[uaodnabnjz]

I fully agree with brother tafweed. Some of the 'advice' given has been quite insensitive and misplaced. The sister is obviously struggling emotionally and to adopt such a 'sledgehammer' approach in this situation is inappropriate.

16:125 Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance.

This should especially be the case when the person who is asking for advice is a Muslim.

[AngegepeM]

He is wrong in talking to the sister I agree with that yes. Its not only the loss of a sexual partner that makes people commit suicide, drugs, alcohol, depression which could be as a result of multiple rejections in whatever way. The guy has just lost a marriage proposal, he is about to lose a very close friend so actually suicide isnt that hard to believe. Should this even be something that should happen of course not, ideally the sister and brother should never have had such a platonic relationship. If they hadn't this issue would never have arisen but hey-ho that's life no point in saying what if, all we can do is look for solutions.

It's not an issue that someone just stops talking to me hence I commit suicide. If the person I talk to breakfast, lunch and dinner at uni stops talking to me fair enough I wont mind much. If my sister/mother stops talking to me that's a different matter. The latter are much much more closer to me. Similarly from the sisters description the brother and sister seem to very close to each other so if she stops speaking to him it is possible he may commit suicide. Most people would probably deal with it but not everyone is the same and we are trusting the sisters judgement here on his mental state.

While the vast majority of people would move on, you do get the over-emotional/easily attached/those who have suffered many rejections etc etc who may contemplate suicide in such occasions. Forgive the adjectives, I don't mean to insult the brother but I am trying to show how some people may react and why they may react in such a way.

So now we have established that suicide is an option to some, however bizarre it may sound to you or me, we need to provide solutions. And even then, if you dont think he will commit suicide give proper advice and tell the sister to stop contact with him as you do not think he will commit suicide. Personally, I don't think the fear of suicide is reasonable in many cases and often we exaggerate the effect we think our actions will have. Hence my own personal advice would be to the sister to stop contact. But while I don't think the brother will commit suicide, I don't use abusive language at the sister or make fun of her, rather I give my reasons for why I don't believe the brother will commit suicide and hence why I think she should stop contact.

"The OP has got 2 choices in front of her: to maintain such a relationship or to cut it off. Clearly one is in accordance with the shari'ah and the other is not."

No-one is disagreeing there. But there is a method to calling people to the shariah. She clearly knows which is in accordance, her issue is her fear the brother will commit suicide. Address that fear and address it in the proper manner.

"And yes, the 'non-Muslim advice' may be pleasing to the ears, but it won't be so pleasing in the hereafter."

Exactly, so stop being harsh with those people who seek Muslim advice. Stop calling them names, stop poking fun out of their questions, however basic they may be (not to mean the sisters was basic, talking general here). Its difficult enough to battle against your nafs and shaytaan when your full of desire, its even harder when you ask Muslims for advice and they poke fun at you for asking for advice. Be gentle when giving advice to anyone. I've talked quite a bit there, maybe a bit too much but too often I see this sort of thing happening when someone asks something and everyone pounces on them. Muslims need other Muslims around them, but if those Muslims will have that sort of attitude then they will go elsewhere and that will be the path to hell in the hereafter as you so implied. But we should keep in mind we were the ones who had the opportunity to guide them but turned them away with our harsh tongues, and that for us, to quote your own words: "wont be so pleasing in the hereafter"

This.

Well put.

[stastony]

probably a troll. . .

I am no troll. this is a very SERIOUS ISSUE for me so your lack of knowledge somewhat insults me.

[stastony]

Brother May Allah reward you for your good advice it's upsetting to know Muslims on this forum can be so insensitive.

Muslims on this forum should be thankful to Allah that they don't even suffer 1% of what he has endured throughout his life.

And to answer all the judgmental condescending Muslims who did nothing but to incite hurt I say Fear Allah if you are truthful.

Once again Br Jazkir Allah Khair we need more people like you.