[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam's.

The Pious Wife

Marriage to her is one half of the deen,
The benefit Allah has put in her is yet to be seen.
She wears her hijab for her Lord, to please and obey,
She turns to Allah for salaah at least five times each day. She prays in the night and makes sure to awake you,
And sprinkles you with water if sleep should overtake you.
She protects her chastity with firmness because she does not desire,
To displease Allah and end up in the tormenting fire.
She asks the people who know when matters need to be rectified,
She is not blinded by self righteousness and foolish pride.
She is humble and kind to her husband as Allah has commanded,
Never leaving him alone, isolated, nor stranded.
She opens her mouth only to say what is best,
Not questioning her husband when he makes a request.
She takes care of herself and never ceases to try,
To beautify herself so to please his eye.
She is a pleasure Allah has given to us in this life,
Be thankful to Allaah alone for His blessing,

THE PIOUS WIFE.

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband

Prepared by Muhammad AlShareef.


1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.

3. Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.

4. If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives - radi Allahu 'anhunn. It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.

5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.

6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be; thank her!

7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.

8. Don't belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah - radi Allahu 'anha - was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.

9. Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would race his wife Aisha - radi Allahu 'anha - in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?

10. Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family." Try to be the best!

In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah - azza wa jall - to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta'ala knows best !!

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

NIKAH: WIFE'S OBLIGATIONS

by Ml I Khamisa for Al-Jamiat Magazine



Many prospective wives seem to have their hopes dashed after they enter into the contract of marriage. Once the honeymoon is over, suddenly things are not so rosy any more, and the reality of married life seems to be a far cry from the Haraam movies which many have been watching or the novels which end up with ‘and they lived happily ever after’. In a world where it has become fashionable to engage in immoral activities and illicit relationships, it is becoming increasingly difficult to convince people that marriage is an important component of a pure society.

What guidelines does the Shariáh give the wife to help cement the relationship between herself and her husband?

The Qurãn in Surah Shuáraa (v74), describes the prayer of the pious in the following manner: ‘Oh our lord! Grant us wives and offspring who will be the joy and comfort of our eyes.’ The explanation of the above verse is clearly illustrated in the beautiful words of Nabi (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) (as narrated by ibn Abbaas) ‘The best woman (wife) is the one whom, when you look at her she pleases you, when you command her she obeys you, when you are not in her presence she safeguards herself and your belongings.’

Today, the wife adorns herself for weddings and other social events, beautifying herself to attract the attention of everyone else besides the one who is most important in her life. The husband comes home tired from work, only to find his wife shabbily dressed, too glued to the drama on TV to even reply to the Salaam of her husband. Meal times and other household duties are dictated by the box. The children are sent away to their rooms with the words ‘Go to your room and read your Qurãn - or finish up your homework.’ These words, mind you, are not uttered because of some great concern for the child’s education; in fact it is only mentioned to get them out of the way.

Remember! Your children may not do what you ask them to do, but they very often do what they see you do. What kind of example are we setting for these impressionable young minds?

Unrealistic demands made by the wife do not help much to strengthen the marital bond. Being dictated by fashion and the way the people next door are living, the wife forces the husband to beg and borrow just to keep up with the Jones’s. ‘If your brother’s wife can have it, then why can’t I?’ ‘Well your sister has it in her house.’ Comparing ourselves with those who have more than us does not help to relieve tension between husband and wife. The words of Nabi (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) beautifully explain:

‘Look at those who have less than you, do not look at those who have more than you, (if you do so) then you are more likely to appreciate Allah’s favours upon you.’

If a man had to choose a wife according to the guidelines given by Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam), what kind of a person was he to look for? The Hadith states: ‘A woman is married for four (things); her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So choose (marry) the religious woman, otherwise you will be a loser.’

The most important quality of the wife is consciousness of her Islamic responsibilities. How Deeni conscious are you? How supportive are you of your husband when he is engaged in Deeni activities? Are you preventing him from serving humanity?

The Qurãn in Surah Rum (v21) explains the purpose of marriage as a source of comfort for both partners. No one has married ‘Mr Perfect’ and no one is perfect! Are you making the environment in the home conducive to living in peace and harmony or does your husband feel that he rather be at work than at home with you?

What degree of obedience does the Shariáh command the wife to have for her husband? A Hadith of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) explains, ‘If I had to command anyone to prostrate to somebody, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband.’ However, if your husband commands you to do something against the Shariáh you do not have to obey him.

If the objectives of both husband and wife are to please Allah, the couple will find more common ground on which to build the relationship.

-by Ml I Khamisa

[PharmACT]

great advice. JazakAllah.

[traithJah]

brother Julaybib. definitely a good thread, tons to benefit from all these. May u too will be rewarded from all the good deeds caused by this effort of yours.

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

by Muhammad Chothia (Advice Of Shaykh Saleem Dhorat)

“At the time of marriage a person should have the following three intentions in mind:

1. I am practicing upon a Sunnah of the Prophet sallahu alayhi wasallam

2. Through this marriage, inshallah pious offspring will be born who will be assets to not only Muslims but humanity at large

3. I will be safeguarding myself from many sins which bring the displeasure of Allah”

Source*http://shaykh.wordpress.com/

P.s I humbly Request Your Duas.

[Eunatis]

Salaam's.

The Pious Wife

Marriage to her is one half of the deen,
The benefit Allah has put in her is yet to be seen.
She wears her hijab for her Lord, to please and obey,
She turns to Allah for salaah at least five times each day. She prays in the night and makes sure to awake you,
And sprinkles you with water if sleep should overtake you.
She protects her chastity with firmness because she does not desire,
To displease Allah and end up in the tormenting fire.
She asks the people who know when matters need to be rectified,
She is not blinded by self righteousness and foolish pride.
She is humble and kind to her husband as Allah has commanded,
Never leaving him alone, isolated, nor stranded.
She opens her mouth only to say what is best,
Not questioning her husband when he makes a request.
She takes care of herself and never ceases to try,
To beautify herself so to please his eye.
She is a pleasure Allah has given to us in this life,
Be thankful to Allaah alone for His blessing,

THE PIOUS WIFE.

Salaam,
JazakAllah. That was a really nice poem mashallah!
Wasalaam

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

Here is one about husbands.

The Pious Husband

Marriage to him is one half of the deen,
To please Allah (swt) is more than a dream.

He wears his beard for his Lord, to please and obey,
He turns to Allah (swt) for Salah at least five times a day.

He prays in the night and makes sure to wake you,
And strives during daylight to provide and protect you.

He lowers his gaze with firmness because he does not desire,
To displease Allah (swt) and face His just ire,

He asks advice from the ummah, and his wife too,
Before making decisions that he might later rue.

To his wife he is humble and always most kind,
Sharing his burdens with strength and clear mind.

He opens his mouth only to say what is best,
Weighing all options ‘fore denying a request.

He takes care of himself and family too
Knowing that Allah (swt) will see them through.

He is a pleasure from Allah (swt) above
Be thankful to Allah (swt) and His blessings through love.

[Eunatis]

Salaam.

Here is one about husbands.

The Pious Husband

Marriage to him is one half of the deen,
To please Allah (swt) is more than a dream.

He wears his beard for his Lord, to please and obey,
He turns to Allah (swt) for Salah at least five times a day.

He prays in the night and makes sure to wake you,
And strives during daylight to provide and protect you.

He lowers his gaze with firmness because he does not desire,
To displease Allah (swt) and face His just ire,

He asks advice from the ummah, and his wife too,
Before making decisions that he might later rue.

To his wife he is humble and always most kind,
Sharing his burdens with strength and clear mind.

He opens his mouth only to say what is best,
Weighing all options ‘fore denying a request.

He takes care of himself and family too
Knowing that Allah (swt) will see them through.

He is a pleasure from Allah (swt) above
Be thankful to Allah (swt) and His blessings through love.

Ah...mashallah that was a beautiful poem...would it be ok to email to friends? who is the poet?
wasalaam

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

Authors Unknown...I just came across both those poems on the net, when I was searching for material on marriage, for this particular thread.

I suppose it would be okay to forward it, and may Allah bless the unknown authors..If it inspires people then I am sure that they will be rewarded by Allah.

[Eunatis]

Salaam,

A while ago I was reading a story…subhanallah it was a beautiful story. Not many people understand it though, but inshallah I’ll explain it.

There was this man who had been happily married with his wife for about (if I remember correctly) 54 yrs. Someone, feeling quite amazed and surprised at the length of this marriage, asked him, ‘How have you two stayed together for 54 yrs, what is your secret?’ The old man turned to his wife and said to her, ‘Ruth we are happily incompatible’. This is the end of the story.

Subhanallah this story incorporates all qualities one needs to attain success within the marriage. I have told many people this story and no one except this one revert sister got it and as soon as she figured what it meant she was like…‘oh wow, that’s so true’.

What does he mean by ‘happily incompatible’? What he meant was that when you find someone you will never find him/her to be 100% perfect, it’s impossible to find a perfect partner. Hence there will be some incompatibilities which will arise in your marriage. So success in marriage lies in how you deal with those incompatibilities and not just merely in trying to find the most compatible one. This man dealt with the incompatibilities using a constructive approach (i.e. through compromise, listening, understanding one another and etc) which led him to live in an incompatible and yet happy way.

The life of Khadija RA is truly an amazing one, which women (including myself) should try and follow. Her devotion as a wife to the Prophet SAW was truly amazing. One beautiful example: she would go to the cave Hira from her house (a two mile walk) in the depths of the night and then she would climb the cave Hira (a long climb), just to attend to the Prophet SAW and to see how he was doing. AND she was a 50yr old women!!! (I think if I remember correctly). MashAllah, can you imagine a 50 yr old lady climbing up a cave just to see how her husband is doing?!! Subhanallah! I remember reading about her a few years back and her story is truly a beautiful tear-rendering story.

May Allah give all sisters (including myself) the tawfeeq to emulate Khadija RA. Ameen.

Wasalaam

[Eunatis]

Salaam.

Authors Unknown...I just came across both those poems on the net, when I was searching for material on marriage, for this particular thread.

I suppose it would be okay to forward it, and may Allah bless the unknown authors..If it inspires people then I am sure that they will be rewarded by Allah.

Ok JazakAllah brother...Wasalaam

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

Alhamdulillah a beautiful example of Hazrat Khadija (RA) given by Sister Muslim Forever, in the above post.

Incidentally a sisters only event is taking place concerning the life of Hazrat Khadija (RA)...Lecture is delivered by Shaykh Abu Yusuf Riyadh Ul Haq (DB).

For those who cannot attend this event...the inspirational lecture held last year by
Shaykh Zahir Mahmood (Db) about the life of Hazrat Khadijah (RA) at the As-Suffa institute, has been uploaded on you-tube.

]The Mothers of The Believers Series: In The Footsteps of The Mother of The Believers Khadija رضى الله عنها
Al Kawthar Academy, Birmingham
110-114 Moseley Road Birmingham B12 0HG


Al Kawthar Academy, Birmingham
110-114 Moseley Road Birmingham B12 0HG


Sisters Only Event
2:30PM
24th February 2008


Insha'Allah, Shaykh Abu Yusuf Riyadh ul Haq will deliver a series of talks on 'The Mothers of The Believers', beginning with 'The Mother of The Believers Khadija رضى الله عنها'. These talks will not simply be an exposition of the chronological biographical details of The Mothers of The Believers rather, Shaykh Abu Yusuf Riyadh ul Haq will explore this topic from a unique angle, extracting morals and lessons from the lives of the noble wives of the Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه و سلم. These extracted morals and lessons will not be abstract, but will be applicable to the women of today (in this society) by following 'In The Footsteps of The Mothers of The Believers'
On Sunday 24th February 2008 Shaykh will deliver a talk entitled 'In The Footsteps of The Mother of The Believers Khadija رضى الله عنها' at the Al Kawthar Academy, Birmingham. This event is for sisters only and the talk will commence at 2:30PM.

Please come yourselves and invite others for as the Holy Prophet, may peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Whomsoever guides towards a goodness, will get virtues equal to the one who performs that goodness.’ [Muslim]

[Eunatis]

Salaam,

JazakAllah brother Julaybib for letting us know about the event.

Does anyone know any good books/ lectures on marriage? Any books which you would recommend to those looking/considering to get married?

JazakAllah
Wasalaam

[Plokiikmol]

Salaam,



Ahh…. this reminds me of my Arabic teacher (Dr Surty- the one who appears on Peace TV). Basically every night before he goes to bed, he asks his wife for forgiveness. mashAllah he has a VERY soft and kind heart. My Arabic teacher and his wife are old now….I think they are in their 70’s. But subhanallah, mashAllah it seems like they are newly wed and this is no exaggeration! Lesson: A good marriage requires two good sincere forgivers.

Wasalaam

You can read this book "A gift to bride" written by MHA Majeed Islamic Book Service. It is recomended by me. It is good and you will know how to treat your husband, mother in law etc

[Eunatis]

Salaam,

You can read this book "A gift to bride" written by MHA Majeed Adam Publishers. It is recomended by me. It is good and you will know how to treat your husband, mother in law etc

Ok, JazakAllah brother

This is an excellent lecture by Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar called Choosing a spouse:

http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...ing_spouse.mp3

I highly recommend people listen to this talk prior to entering marriage!

Wasalaam

[Plokiikmol]

Salaam,



Ok, JazakAllah brother

This is an excellent lecture by Shaykh Husain Abdul Sattar called Choosing a spouse:

http://www.sacredlearning.org/audio/...ing_spouse.mp3

I highly recommend people listen to this talk prior to entering marriage!

Wasalaam

This is the book

http://www.darul-ishaat.co.uk/store/...&cat=17&page=1

Jazakallah Khair.

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

Tips for a Better Husband and Wife Relationship

Although many Muslims may right now be in failing marriages and on a fast track to divorce and its terrible consequences, there are many ways to put their marriage back on the right track if the husband and wife are sincere in their desire to reconcile. The following principles can be used by Muslims whose marriages are already in trouble or by Muslims who would like to avoid trouble in their marriage.

Examples of Negative
Relationship of Husband & Wife

Many Muslim husbands and wives treat each other like adversaries rather than partners. The husband feels that he is the boss, and whatever he says goes. The wife feels that she must squeeze everything she can out of her husband. Some wives never show their husband that they are satisfied with anything he does or buys for them in order to trick him into doing and buying more. They make him feel like a failure if he does not give them the lifestyle that their friends and families enjoy. Some husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them. Their wives have no voice or opinion in the family.


Marriage In The Eyes of Allah

It is very sad that this relationship which Allah (SWT) has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.

Allah (SWT) described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: '. . . He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . " (Holy Quran 30:21, Yusuf Ali Translation).

Do not be a Tyrant

Regardless of whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. We are taught to treat our wives well. The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) was reported to have said: 'The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives" (From Mishkat al-Masabih, No. 0278(R) Transmitted by Tirmidhi).

Be Partners in the Decision Making Process.


Follow the principle of 'Shura," and make decisions as a family. There will be much more harmony in the family when decisions are not imposed and everyone feels that they had some part in making them.

Never be Emotionally

Never be emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to your spouse. The Prophet (SAWS) never mistreated his wives. He is reported to have said: 'How could they beat their women in daytime as slaves and then sleep with them in the night?"

Be Careful of Your Words

Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation.

Show Affection


Show affection for your mate. Be kind, gentle, and loving.

Be Your Spouse's Friend

Show interest in your mate's life. Too often, we live in the same house but know nothing about each other's lives. It would be great if the husband and wife could work together for the same cause or on the same project. They could perhaps establish a husband/wife prison ministry, take care of orphans in their home, or lead an Islamic weekend class.

Show Appreciation

Show appreciation for what your spouse does for the family. Never make your husband feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family. The Prophet (SAWS) was reported to have said: 'On the Day of Judgment, God will not look upon the woman who has been ungrateful to her husband." (where is this hadith found) Show your wife that you appreciate her. If she takes care of the house and the children, don't take it for granted. It is hard work, and no one likes to feel unappreciated.

Work Together in the House

The Prophet (SAWS) is known to have helped his wives in the house. And if the Prophet (SAWS) was not above doing housework, modern Muslim husbands shouldn't feel that they are.

Communication is Important

Communication, Communication, Communication! This is the big word in counseling. And it should be. Husbands and wives need to talk to each other. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until an explosion occurs.

Forget Past Problems

Don't bring up past problems once they have been solved.

Live Simply

Don't be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. The 'rizq" is from Allah (SWT). In order to develop the quality of contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more. Thank Allah (SWT) for the many blessings in your life.

Give Your Spouse Time Alone

If your mate doesn't want to be with you all the time, it doesn't mean he or she doesn't love you. People need to be alone for various reasons. Sometimes they want to read, to think about their problems, or just to relax. Don't make them feel that they are committing a sin.

Admit Your Mistakes

When you make a mistake, admit it. When your mate makes a mistake, excuse him or her easily. If possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.

Physical Relationship is Important

Be available to your mate sexually, and don't let your sexual relationship be characterized by selfishness. The Prophet (SAWS) was reported to have said: 'It is not appropriate that you fall upon your wives like a beast but you must send a message of love beforehand."

Have Meals Together

Try to eat together as a family when possible. Show the cook and the dishwasher, whether it is the husband or the wife, appreciation for his or her efforts. The Prophet (SAWS) did not complain about food that was put before him.

Be Mindful of Your discussion Topics

Never discuss with others things about your marriage that your spouse wouldn't like you to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their mate's physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.

Many of us treat our spouses in ways that we would never treat others. With others, we try to be polite, kind, and patient. With our spouses, we often do not show these courtesies. Of course, we are usually with our spouses at our worst times --- when we are tired and frustrated after a hard day. After a bad day at the office, husbands usually come home angry and on edge. The wife has probably also had a hard day with the children and the housework. Wives and husbands should discuss this potential time bomb so that if they are short-tempered with each other during these times, they will understand the reasons rather than automatically thinking that their spouse no longer loves them.

Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work. Following these principles should help any marriage to improve. The essence of them all can be summed up in one sentence: Always treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. If you follow this rule, your marriage will have a much greater chance for success. If you discard this rule, failure is just around the corner.

By Ibrahim Bowers

[Eunatis]

Mufti Taqi Usmani narrates, ‘Sometimes, in order to train us, my Shaykh Dr. Abdul-Hayy Arifee used to comment,

‘We have been married for fifty-five years, however, Alhamdulillah, I have never talked harshly (to my wife).’

Moreover, even his respected wife often commented,

‘He never ordered me to do anything …for example, ‘fetch me some water…or do this.’ I used to undertake all the tasks for him with enthusiasm and regarded it as my good fortune and honour…..nevertheless, throughout our life together he never once ordered me to do anything.’
(p148, Statement of the Akabir)

Taken from: Ashraf’s Blessings of Marriage

[gogoleanylinkfo]

Salaam.

Once the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) was sitting in a room with Aisha and fixing his shoes.
It was very warm, and Aisha looked to his blessed forehead and noticed that there were beads of sweat on it. She became overwhelmed by the majesty of that sight. She was staring at him long enough for him to notice.
He said, "What's the matter?"
She replied, "If Abu Bukair Al Huthali, the poet, saw you, he would know that his poem was written for you."
The Prophet (sallaAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) asked, "What did he say?"
She replied, "Abu Bukair said that if you looked to the majesty of the moon, it twinkles and lights up the world for everybody to see."
So the Prophet (salla Allahu 'alaihi wa sallam) got up, walked to Aisha, kissed her between the eyes, and said, "Wallahi ya Aisha, you are like that to me and more."

[ Narrated in Dala el Al Nubuwa ]

Originally Posted By Brother seeker of truth., May allah reward him abundantly