[thighikergove]

This is a thread which I planned on making many months ago, but I have kept putting it off and delaying it. But now, I am forcing myself to sit and type, because I just don’t know what to do anymore. Before I mention my situation, I would just like to apologise in advance for the length of this post, but I ask you all to read it, because I seriously need some help and advice.

I know that some of you have read and posted in the other thread that I made a few years ago on Whispers and Doubts. Alhumdulillah, a few months after that, the doubts and anxiety stopped and for about a year and a half I was doing ok Alhumdulillah. The problem has started since the beginning of the year and it has just been getting worse every single day.

Right now, I have found myself to be stuck in a terrible routine, where everything is starting to fall apart, slowly but surely. I have problems with wudu, prayer, reading the Qur’an, dhikr, my own thoughts, sleeping and waking, and recently, I am starting to get some issues with my studying as well.

To illustrate my problem in enough detail, I need to go through each aspect on its own.

Wudu
Before this all started, it would take me 5 minutes to complete wudu and it would last me for many hours, so that I didn’t need to keep on making wudu for each prayer. Now, it’s completely different. It can take me up to 20 minutes to make wudu, and on some days, it can even reach 30 minutes. When making wudu, I’ll get thoughts telling me that I have only gargled twice or washed my face once, so I will do the whole thing again, even though I know that I have done everything correctly, but I will still doubt it. I use so much water, which I know is sinful, but I just can’t stop. My clothes are nearly always wet, and I use so many towels in one day too. Not only this, but as soon as I start praying I’ll think that my wudu is broke, even though it hasn’t, so I will go back and do my wudu again. Another problem I have is that because I use so much water, which makes my clothes wet, I nearly always sneeze after I come out of the bathroom, after I sneeze I think that my wudu has broken, so I will go back and repeat again, which makes it even worse, because I will sneeze more. Also, I have to do my wudu before each prayer, no longer does it last me for 2 or 3 prayers.

Prayer
The same problem with increased time occurs when I am praying too. Previously, to give you an example, Dhuhr and Esha would take me about 15-20 minutes, now it can take up to 45 minutes. I honestly feel no goodness inside me when I pray. It’s like I’m a robot, I just say the words, perform the actions and that’s it and it really really frustrates me. I have so many problems in prayer; it’s hard for me to remember them all. One of them relates to the fact that I live on a very busy road, with buses going up and down. I pray in my bedroom, which faces the main road, so for example, I will start praying, a bus will drive by and I will get a thought saying that if I don’t start my prayer again, the bus will crash and it will all be my fault. I know this sounds crazy, but it is what I really think and I’ll just try to ignore it, but then I will think; what if it really does crash? The same thing happens if I see an ordinary person on the road, or if a family member goes down the stairs. I repeat my prayer because I will think that if I don’t, something terrible will happen. Another issue is that I just cannot concentrate when I pray, I want to but I can’t. I’m so worried that my wudu will break that I don’t focus on Allah. I think about absolutely everything except for Him. And I’m just fed up of it now. I don’t know how much longer this can last. In all my life, I don’t think I have ever prayed properly, I can’t even remember when I last prayed Fajr on time. This is such a huge problem because for the last two years I have tried to make up all the prayers that I missed when I was younger. At the start of this year I was about halfway through as I had made up 360 or so prayers, but now, I am only on 410 or something like that, because for the past few months I have not been performing my make up prayers, simply because it would take me even longer to pray, and I would be making wudu more and more times each day. I can’t concentrate in any prayer, so I read the absolute minimum.

Reading the Qur’an, Dhikr, etc.
This year at university, there was the option for us to study Arabic, so me and my friends chose it, and as most of us come from a Pakistani/Bengali background, we have been bought up to pronounce the Arabic letters in the wrong way. Slowly, we understood our mistakes and learnt the correct way to pronounce the letters, which really helped when I would read the Qur’an because I would read the Suras better than I used to. Now though, this has become really extreme. Just to give you an example, ever since I started praying, I was told that it was good to read Surah Yasin after Fajr, so this is what I have always done. Previously, it would take me around 5 minutes to read it. But since the start of the year, this has risen to 30 minutes and it is so stressful that I usually burst into tears after it has finished. The problem is that I will read an ayah and then repeat it again and again and again, because I think that I have read it incorrectly, even though I know that I haven’t. I will even repeat Audhubillah and Bismillah over and over. One time, it took me 9 whole minutes just to read one small ayah of Surah Yasin. By the end of it, my throat and jaw hurt so much that I just start crying not only from the physical pain, but the mental and spiritual anguish too. This is even starting to affect me if I read the Qur’an or any other Islamic book in English too. I will re-read a verse because I will think that I didn’t concentrate properly the first time around. Not only this, if I come across a Prophet’s name, I will read the whole verse/paragraph again to make sure that I have said “Peace be upon him” although I know I did say it the first time I read the name. This has become so terrible that I don’t even read the Qur’an any more. Before it was a daily thing, I would read Surah Yasin after Fajr and before I went to sleep, I would read a page or so of the Qur’an in Arabic and English. Now it has all gone, because it causes so much stress and tension for me.

Sleeping and Waking
All this has had a horrible effect on my overall routine. As I said before, everything is starting to fall apart. My whole life I had a good, healthy routine as regards to sleep Alhumdulillah. I would sleep early, no later than 10.30 and wake up early at 7 or 8. It’s not that love sleep, I just made sure that I went to sleep and woke up on time, the earlier the better. Now with all these issues with my religion, my sleeping and waking routine has just been destroyed. Because I can’t concentrate in prayer, I try to delay it as much as I can. The worst one is Esha. Over the past few months, I have been reading it later and later. First, it was at 11.00, then 11.30. Now I pray Esha past midnight. I go to sleep near 1 in the morning, Fajr is at 4, inevitably I will miss Fajr because I’m not getting enough sleep, and instead of waking up early, I wake up at 9 and 10, which is alien to me. A year ago, if I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 10, I would be in tears all day, now I can’t cry anymore because I am stuck in this bad routine and I can’t get out of it. I pray Esha late, which means I will miss Fajr, I pray Fajr late and this impacts on the rest of my day. Because of the lack of sleep, I have black bags under my eyes, I am breaking out in spots and rashes, the skin on my hands and face gets so dry, I just eat junk all day because I am so tired and lethargic. I have to read lots of books over the summer to prepare for next year Insha’Allah and I keep on procrastinating and delaying it. I’m putting weight on and most important of all, I am losing Allah and I miss Him so much.

I don’t know how to get out of this. I feel completely stuck. Every day I check the Whispers and Doubts thread and I see so many members joining and asking for help. I feel like replying, but I don’t know, I just can’t because I feel completely hopeless and useless. I would like to apologise to all the brothers and sisters who have posted there, because I feel like I have let them all down.

I just want to go back to how I used to be. I pray that one day I can Insha’Allah.

Please can you keep me in your prayers?
Thank you so much.

[mymnduccete]

Salaam sister, is it ok if I try to answer some of your questions? May Allah make things easy for you. I see you follow the hanafi madhab, will you accept bahishti zawar as a reference? i believe knowledge is the key to your problem inshAllah. I will try to help as best I can bi ithnillah if thats ok?

p.s. regarding your issues with routines, junk food, sleep etc, I experience exactly the same thing so perhpas hearing about someone else with similar experiences might make you feel better? I desperately want to eat healthy foods and wake up early. It makes getting to university on time very difficult because i find it hard to wake up early and i cant help craving highly sugary or fatty foods like cakes and pizzas. It ruins my life to be honest. Im sure whatever you have, I also have.

sister I really symphathise with what you are going through and inshAllah I will try to help you and try to do some research for you and inshAllah we will get to the bottom of it, I will try to give you the best possible advice that I can inshAllah if thats ok with you?

[thighikergove]

Salaam sister, is it ok if I try to answer some of your questions? May Allah make things easy for you. I see you follow the hanafi madhab, will you accept bahishti zawar as a reference? i believe knowledge is the key to your problem inshAllah. I will try to help as best I can bi ithnillah if thats ok?

Walaikum Salaam Brother.

Jazak'Allah for your reply. Brother, thank you, any help/advice/references would be greatly appreciated.

I pray to Allah to bless you and keep you safe in this world and the next Insha'Allah.

[mymnduccete]

Walaikum Salaam Brother.

Jazak'Allah for your reply. Brother, thank you, any help/advice/references would be greatly appreciated.

I pray to Allah to bless you and keep you safe in this world and the next Insha'Allah.

wa alaykum salaam sister, ameen. I have added some additional words to the post so please reread. Also its very important to let me know if bahishti zawar is an absolute authority in the deen for you as I would like to quote it to help you on some issues inshAllah but its very important that I know that if I quote from the book you will accept what it says due to being a hanafi manual and you being hanafi

[thighikergove]

wa alaykum salaam sister, ameen. I have added some additional words to the post so please reread. Also its very important to let me know if bahishti zawar is an absolute authority in the deen for you as I would like to quote it to help you on some issues inshAllah but its very important that I know that if I quote from the book you will accept what it says due to being a hanafi manual and you being hanafi

Brother, thanks for your posts. I'm grateful for the time you re giving up to help. Yeah, I think it's all connected. When you're tired and have no energy, you don't eat the right foods, which doesn't help the situtation, especially when you are a student. I pray for all of us who have this same problem Insha'Allah.

I have a copy of the Bahishti Zewar somewhere in the house. I do accept what it says, but haven't read it for a long time. Brother to to make it easier for you, you could just give me the references and Insha'Allah I will check it. I don't want to burden you or anybody else.

Thank you for yor help. Jazak'Allah.

[mymnduccete]

ill start with some of my advice to some of your problems inshAllah.

firstly some of them sound like whisperings of shaytaan, designed to make you think you are doing a good thing by repreaying etc when in reality he is harming you with these constant whiserings. in the sharia it is impossible for you repraying salaah that you have done to be linked with some catasrophe happening to anyone. i will post more in depth on the issues that are related to whispering (waswas) later inshallah.

firstly though, i believe you need to study the fiqh of wudhu and salaah.

in bahishti zawar it says on page 45:

1. Once the four fard acts of wudhu are carried out, wudhu will be regarded as complete, irrespective of whether one intended to make wudhu or not.

the four acts of wudhu are 1. To wash the face once 2,To wash the hands up to the elbows once 3.to run your hands over at least one quarter of the head once 4. to wash both feet up to the ankles once

it also says even if you jump in a bath and these four parts of your body become wet, even if you did not intend wudhu you are still in a state of wudhu now. as long as those four body parts are wet in any way shape or form, you are in a state of wudhu whether you intended or not.

my point is that being in a state of wudhu is very easy, a lot of what you was, such as your throat, isnt even a condition for being in wudhu, its a sunnah for additional reward. So I want you to do this for me sister, and make a pormise you will do this.

Make your wudhu, and then get up and leave the wash area and do not remake wudhu. this is the best way to defeat the shaytaan who is attacking you during your wudhu. when you get up and walk out, you win inshAllah


on page 49 it goes through the things which will nullify your wudhu. Sneazing is not on there, so feel 100% confident that if you sneeze, your wudhu is still valid. unless something from your hanafi fiqh book states that a particular thing breaks your wudhu, then assume that it WILL NOT break your wudhu. only things from your fiqh book will break your wudhu sneazing isnt on there. so please do not remake wudhu unless there is a clear valid shariah reason why your wudhu broke. please study the 5 pillars, in order to ensure you know what the shariah says, and dont let the shaytaan make things up about sneezes and whatnot. when your mind knows that something doesnt break your wudhu, do not remake the wudhu even if you feel inclined to do so. use knowledge of shariah as your weapon against shaytaan inshAllah

[mymnduccete]

Brother, thanks for your posts. I'm grateful for the time you re giving up to help. Yeah, I think it's all connected. When you're tired and have no energy, you don't eat the right foods, which doesn't help the situtation, especially when you are a student. I pray for all of us who have this same problem Insha'Allah.

I have a copy of the Bahishti Zewar somewhere in the house. I do accept what it says, but haven't read it for a long time. Brother to to make it easier for you, you could just give me the references and Insha'Allah I will check it. I don't want to burden you or anybody else.

Thank you for yor help. Jazak'Allah.

no problem inshAllah. I agree its all connected, we need to get to the bottom of it inshAllah, as I need help on this also so we can combine efforts on the issue of sleep, laziness, junk food cravings etc. but try to seperate these from deen issues as they should be dealt with seperately. i believe its a medical issue but i could be wrong. i think if you load your body up with junk it will affect your energy levels as you need lots of vitamins, minerals, fibre etc and you only need small levels of fatty rubbish and sugar so naturally when you become addicted to tasty food it messes with your body big time. That could be the reason but inshAllah we'll get to the bottom of it. its a test from Allah and as long as your patience, its best we first get to the bottom of the deeni issues as in Jannah inshAllah you will not have the problems of tiredness, healthy eating etc, so lets ensure we both get to jannah inshALlah and taht is more priority to the food, sleep issues which are restricted to dunya

[mymnduccete]

btw dont worry about burdening, inshAllah Allah will repay me on the yawmil quiyama for every second i spend trying to help you and every letter i type so its in my own best interst to help you get through this as much as possible inshAllah

[BipiewExifese]

I'm here copying the same words which I wrote in the last thread.
I had this same problem and that includes ALLAH ( means who is the creator of Allah(s.w.t)) Sister you should say to yourself in boldness that YES I DO BELIEVE BLINDLY NEVER MATTER WHETHER IT EXIST OR NOT!
Try overlooking, if its come again and again and be busy in your life. Try spend your time with family and friends.
www.shariahboard.net is not working properly otherwise I would have shown you my questions (as same as yours) and how mufti sahab replied it.

Me too have this same problem, but alhumdulillah its gone now. Waswasah used to come in all worships including wuzu,ghusl,Paki/Napaki etc.
I wrote my situation to Hazrath Mufti Nawal-ur-rahmaan Sahab, he said me just do everything once (wuzu, ghusl, namaz) and don't care to it plus also apply oil to head in night. I just acted upon Mufti sahab's mashwara like avoiding the doubts. I used to do Sajda suhu daily in almost every salah, but when I acted upon mufti sahab's maswara. Its fine alhumdulillah. Slowly slowly everything vanished. It is your Imaan/fikr which is making you think its not valid its not valid on the other hand Shaytaan is giving you smooth dose of this Imaan. SO be bold.

After every salah read Last two surahs of Quran (1-3 times).
Sister, if possible consult psychologist and take medicines

[Kitdowstyhodo]

Sister,

Please don't feel hopeless and useless. You're not alone.

I know someone very close to me who suffered from the exact same problems you did. And, it got worse as time passed. The person would spend hours & hours in the bathroom repeating wudhu & then , hours trying to pray & in between of the prayers would go to remake wudhu. And, even after praying, they'd make up all the prayers again because they thought tthey hadn't offered prayers properly. It would seriously mess up the person's entire routine. Sometimes, there was no time left to do anything else.

Not only did it cause extreme distress to that person , but also to all the people living with that person.

You'll need to seek professional help, sister. Please do not delay. From experience, I can say it will escalate if you do not do anything about it now. The person I know got so fed up with everything that first this person stopped reading the Qur'an and then stoped praying altogether. It was many years ago, so I don't remember how this person was cured, but they had consulted many psychologists & aamils. There was one amal they had to do for a period of a few months after which the situation improved Alahmdulillah(it wasn't anything hectic like reading something, it was applying oil which had something read over it or something ) .

This is a not normal case of Waswas..it is more than that.

Please don't fret too much sister. InshaAllah, you will be okay in no time.

[Kafuuil]

Sister.

Things that helped me control the waswaas i experienced.

1. Suratul Fathiha, 3 Quls, Ayatul Kursi.
2. The book whispering of the Shaytaan by Moulana Yunus Patel (rah) : http://yunuspatel.co.za/books-whisperingsofshaitaan.php
3. Specific Ayahs of the Quran called manzil: http://www.mediafire.com/?vcm1uzjem1gh3zr

First read the book, its a small one. It will make you understand the phenomenon. Then recite the Surahs i mentioned. Do not underestimate its effectiveness, they are very effective. And recite the Ayahs of Manzil often. They are specific for these kind of Troubles from Shaytaan.

P.s. Also stop giving shelter and food to the Shaytaan.
1. Never eat without saying Bismillah. If you do not say Bismillah then the food we eat becomes the food of the Shaytaan. If you forgot to say it in the beginning then say 'Bismillahi Awwalahu wa Akhirahu'. Its mentioned in the Hadith that the Shaytaan will vomit whatever it ate.

2. Whenever you enter your home say Auzhubillah and Bismilllah. If possible recite Ayatul Khursi while entering. This will keep Shaytaan away from our Homes.

3. Whenever you enter toilet say 'Allahumma inni auzhubika minal Khubsi wal Khabaaisi' before entering. Meaning : Allah protect me from male and female Jinn.

Stick strongly to the above mentioned Sunnah. You will experience drastic changes . Also make sincere Dua to Allah, He is the Most Merciful.

[mymnduccete]

Sister also, what is teh reason for you staying up late at night?

I have an addiction to the internet and waste hours on the internet debating in forums.

I have no self control. Same goes for food.

So what I do, is Im taking the plug for the router to someone else for safe keeping so I have no access to teh internet and Im blocking internet from my phone inshAllah so that I can get to bed early without distraction.

If something distracts you and prevents you from sleeping straight after isha, you need to take care of that inshAllah

[niemamczasu]

The only way to get rid of your waswasa is to just IGNORE them. Even if you might have done something wrong, think that the devil is just whispering you.

[mrPronmaker]

Assalam alaykum,

I have noticed that students with this afflictiom have it more intensely during their breaks because they temporarily lose what structure they had in their lives.

I believe that you have a clinical case of OCD. In the short run, you need to see a psychiatrist and get on some meds because of the intensity of your symptoms. Please do that.

You know that Allah SWT is in control of the universe. Whether the bus crashes is His Divine Decree. He knows we are imperfect and I believe He makes allowances for that. You should do your wudu and salat one time only without repeating them. If you understand a passage in what you are reading, studying, or reciting, move on to the next. Put the results of the matter in the hands of Allah. Remember that Allah is the Forgiver and He wants our Deen to be easy.

Wassalam

[Charryith]

السلام عليكم

سورة المؤمنون 97-98
رب أعوذ بك من همزات الشياطين
وأعوذ بك رب أن يحضرون

[Domovoy]

As-salamu alaikum

Sister, your case sounds quite extreme. I am sorry. May God help you and provide you with a solution.

My simple is advice is that you try to do things as fast as possible. Do wudu as fast as possible and pray as fast as possible. I don't mean that you rush it but you do things at a fast pace. Put a time limit on yourself. Learn to relax. There are some people who need to learn to be more careful and cautious. But you are the opposite. You need to be a lot more care-free.

The Messenger believeth in what hath been revealed to him from his Lord, as do the men of faith. Each one (of them) believeth in Allah, His angels, His books, and His messengers. "We make no distinction (they say) between one and another of His messengers." And they say: "We hear, and we obey: (We seek) Thy forgiveness, our Lord, and to Thee is the end of all journeys."

On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns. (Pray "Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error; our Lord! Lay not on us a burden Like that which Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art our Protector; Help us against those who stand against faith." (the last two verses of surat al-Baqarah)

""Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget". Take the following to heart and God will forgive you.

Like it was suggested by someone else, consider professional help and don't be ashamed of it.

Take care.

[11Woxsepmoomo]

I too went through this phase when I was 14. It took me 20 minutes to pray, I would also repeat wudu, and when reciting Qur'an I sometimes recited the same verse 4-5 times because I wasn't satisfied of the tajweed.

So you're not alone here; in fact a lot of us had the same problem

The good news: we become hyper-aware and increase knowledge of fiqh.

[beenBinybelia]

before u read this i would like to say that im sorry if anything i say seems disrespectfull or rude or seems like i just dont know what im talking about.


for whudu and quran/prayer.

this reminds me of both my sis.

in bangladesh, i have a sister who has the same prob as u, she takes 30 mins to du wudu and is slowly giving up trying, i told her to just do the obligatory but she doesnt really listen, my older brother (who i beleive is older then me and her)

said to do it with pure concentration to remeber that whudu is for ur own good not to burden u, it calms u down it brings peace to u and many other things.

quran, my brother does not touch the quran because he does the same thing REPEATING

again, the quran is not meant to burden u, it is made to help u and feal better about one self, do not repeat urself, just keep going read fast but not so fast that u will change the pronunciation.

alwyas rember to understand what ur reading. this is very important alot of us read the quran and dont under stand, this is very good but we can take it one step forward, read the traslation ask questions etc...

try to understand what surras mean ul find it very benifical,

im gueesing uver read the whole quran alteast once right? so read the translation, dont tell me u cant read english :P lol

respex from the bottom of my heart

saeed

[thighikergove]

Thank you for all of your replies and advice. I really appreciate it, and I don't want to ignore it, so Insha'Allah I am going to try my best to implement it.

Brother Dawud: Jazak'Allah for the references from the Behishti Zewar. I haven't read it for a long, long time so I have forgotten most of the points, Alhumdulillah it really helps a lot to know that I shouldn't be putting myself under so much pressure in wudu. I have the same problem as you with regards to staying up late. I just find any excuse, so I will waste time on the net, researching stupid things. It's almost as if I do this subconsciously, I try to delay prayer as much as possible because I don't want to go through the stressful process of making wudu and praying. You are absolutlely right when you said that you have to get rid of the things that distract you, so Insha'Allah I am telling my sister to change the password on the PC, so that I only go on it when I really need to do some work, not just to waste my time.

Brother شعيب‎ محمد : Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through the same situation too. Insha'Allah things will get better for all of us. I perform sajda sahw in almost every prayer too, just in case I forgot something. It's horrible. I'm worried about going to the doctor and taking medicines, because of the side effects. My mum used to take Prozac for her Depression, and she was sick all the time. I don't want to go through that.

Sister Bubbles: Thanks so much for replying. Yeah, this situtation impacts on every aspect of my life. Honestly, I feel like I'm falling apart and I have nothing left. I'm happy that the person you know is better now Alhumdulillah. I'm just anxious about going to the Doctors, because I don't know....sometimes I think the religious/spiritual way is the only way to cure these types of things.

Brother Azhar: Thank you for your advice. Insha'Allah I will follow it straightaway. I first read the book by Maulana Yunus Patel (R.A) two years ago, after I made my first thread, and honestly it really did calm me down a lot Alhumdulillah so Insha'Allah I will read it again. Thank you for all the Sunnahs that you mentioned, they are small but powerful and Insha'Allah they will help me out.

Brother Ansari: I agree, the only way to stop the thoughts is to ignore them. I find it so hard though, even though I know it is the voice of Shaytan.

Brother saeed_bakr: I have noticed that this gets worse when I'm on a break from studying, so I'm really worried about the next couple of months. I understand that everything is under the control of Allah, including the bus. With regards to reading the Qur'an, I will read a verse than I will go back to it, because I will think that I didn't pronounce a letter/word correctly, I have lost all my enjoyment of reading the Qur'an in both Arabic and English.

Brother E-M: Jazak'Allah for posting those verses. Lots of Suras have helped me out during this, but the problem is that I can't read them for myself, I have to listen to videos of them on YouTube or something like that.

Brother Younes: Thanks a lot for your post. Yeah I need to put a time on things, like I used to do, where wudu used to take me 5 minutes and no longer. I would love to go back to those days, Insha'Allah hopefully I can. Thank you for the verses you quoted too. Jazak'Allah.

Brother Aseatic: I'm glad to hear that you got yourself out of this Alhumdulillah. Yeah, I think that should be the long term solution for me Insha'Allah, to gain more knowledge of the Fiqh of wudu and prayer.

Brother chaid: Please don't worry, your reply is far from disrespectful or rude. Alhumdulillah, it helped a lot, so thanks. I really feel for your sister and brother, I pray to Allah to make things easy for all the Muslims who are going through this Insha'Allah. I have read the Qur'an in English, after all the problems with reading it in Arabic, I switched to English, but I have noticed that the same problems are starting to creep in in English too. I don't know how to stop it.

I would like to say thanks to all of you who replied. I'm touched by your kindness and support. I pray to Allah to bless all of you in this world and the next Insha'Allah.

Walaikum Salaam.

[BipiewExifese]

Brother شعيب‎ محمد : Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through the same situation too. Insha'Allah things will get better for all of us. I perform sajda sahw in almost every prayer too, just in case I forgot something. It's horrible. I'm worried about going to the doctor and taking medicines, because of the side effects. My mum used to take Prozac for her Depression, and she was sick all the time. I don't want to go through that.

Walaikum Salaam.

Sister, It is not possible that a person whoever (whether he/she is very sinner or not) that he do mistake in his/her salah that too in every salah. Its wasawis of Shaytaan. If you still have this problem then my opinion for you is just overlook it and continue your without Sijda suhu. In actual, you have not made any mistake but its your mind (wasawis) which is telling you to do Sijdah Suhu. And this apply to all your amals.

JUST DO IT ONCE AND CONTINUE YOUR AMALS WHATEVER IT COMES TO YOUR MIND JUST DON'T CARE.